The Days After I Died
by Xx Epic Emo Kitty xX
Summary: December 3rd was the night I killed myself. Then why did I wake up the next morning?
1. Chapter 1

_The snow was light, the slightest touch and it would disappear into nothing, just like me. I was so fragile and breakable, maybe that is why I ended up here. The snowflakes landed on my long eyelashes as I looked down from the high building of Ouran High School. It was cold...It was December after all. Today was the 3rd...The time? Around 11 p.m. No one was in sight, they were huddled up in their warms homes with their families. I was here on top of my High school._

 _About to kill myself._

* * *

"Hara, get up! It's time for breakfast." My mother called from the kitchen. My eyes fluttered open, my body heavy. I rose out of bed, passing by my mirror. Long black hair went down my back, it was a mess but none the less, straight. My brown eyes were tired, black circles under them from not sleeping well. I sat there in front of the glass and began to put on some makeup; Mother would be mad if people saw ' _her'_ daughter a mess. After I brushed my hair and put on my yellow uniform, I walked into the kitchen. Mother was standing there, making eggs and toast.

"Finally, you are up." My younger sister spoke, looking at her sickening bright yellow phone. She was taller than me, had short brown hair and green eyes; like my father who had the same features. I remained silent, sitting down across from her. Mother gave my sister hers first, her smile was bright. "Thank you, mom!" She gave her a kiss on the cheek. My Mother had black hair in a pony-tail and black eyes.

She was beautiful for someone who had two kids, she didn't look a day over 30.

Mother smiled, "Eat as much as you want, sweetie." Her eyes then landed on me, all happiness gone. "Here you go, Hara." She sat my plate down.

a single piece of toast.

Unlike my sister's, who had eggs, bacon and two pieces of bread smothered in butter. "I've noticed you have gotten bigger and you need to watch your weight. You must stay skinny if you want anyone to like you." Her words were like little blades. I kept quiet.

"Yea Hara, you do want a boyfriend someday don't you?" My sister spat, her mouth full of breakfast.

A boyfriend? Hell, I just wanted a friend at the moment. My hand subconsciously went to my stomach, feeling the slight pudge I had, it made me feel sick. Mother was right, I was getting big.

Mother joined in, "Oh, A boyfriend would be nice! How old are you now? 18? Surely, there must be someone you like? I don't want people thinking my daughter has something wrong with her to make boys not like her." Boys...I had no interest. I could barely take care of myself, why would I want to care about someone else?

"Speaking about boys, another one confessed to me yesterday!" My little sister, Seika, cheered.

My Mother's face lit up, "Oh really?! That's my baby girl, making people fall for you, left and right." She hugged her tightly.

My sister was beautiful...My complete opposite. She was social, everyone loved her. Good at sports and even cooking. All I had was my grades...Mother says I have to have good grades; she doesn't want people to think she has a foolish daughter... Seika looked at her watch, her eyes widened.

"Time to go! See you later, mom!" She rushed out the door, leaving me behind. I slowly got up, leaving my toast behind.

Mother began to talk to herself, not caring I was in the room. "Why must I have a daughter who is so slow?"

I walked past her and out the door.

* * *

It was my 3rd-hour class, I was in the front row, near the window. My eyes were somewhere else, away from the math on the board. I always pay attention, I had to make good grades. Not today... My mind was...Not here. I paid attention to my classmates instead. The group of girls behind me, gossiping.

"Did you hear? There is a new host!"

"Yea, he is super cute."

"We should go, after school and see him."

"I heard one of the girls say his name was Haruhi."

The Host Club..I've never been there before. I wonder what it is like? I don't see how girls can actually like sitting and talk to boys for hours.

I bet they don't even remember your face once you leave.

"Hara, can you answer this problem?" The teacher called on me. I stood up, all eyes on me. I was used to be called on. No one in the class had enough respect for the teacher to listen. So to save himself some embarrassment, he always called me. With ease I answered, luckily, it was something we learned last week. "Good! Perfect like always." I sat back down, hearing my name escape the girl's lips.

"She thinks she is so smart."

"Little miss perfect."

"No wonder no one likes her."

"She should _just die._ "

The bell rung, the girls forgetting me as they ran out. I remained in my seat, looking at my hands. They were smooth and pale; like they've never met a day of hard work. This was true. All I did was study and do what Mother demanded.

Everything was silent, I didn't hear the teacher call my name. "Hara?" Why do I feel cold?

I feel so numb...

"Hara?" I need to feel...I can't continue like this. "Hara!"

I looked up, "huh?"

The teacher gave me worried eyes, "Are you okay?"

"Yes," I put on a fake smile. I got up, "thank you for your concern." I walked out without another word.

As soon as I stepped out, I ran to the bathroom. I slammed the stall door behind me, I pulled back my sleeve; my arm was covered in scars, deep and light. I couldn't feel anything. I need to feel like I'm still alive! I pulled a box cutter out from the side of my panties. I don't wanna be like this...

My hand was shaking, the blade was shiny and stained with blood.

I...I need this.

I placed the blade on my skin, cutting deep into my arm. Immediately, blood began to come out, drops landing on the tile floor. My body began to feel lighter, each drop of blood that escaped me felt like heaven.

"So, did you hear the news?"

I panicked, covering my mouth so my breath wasn't heard. As fast as I could, I grabbed toilet paper, dabbing my bleeding arm.

"No, what is it?"

Please, don't find me... My cutting was a secret, no one knew about it. If they found out...If Mother found out. My face grew pale...I'm as good as dead.

"There is a new Host member, we should go see him."

The Host Club again? What is so special about that club? One of the girls entered the stall next to me, my heart was pounding in my ears. My pulse was racing a mile a minute. My mouth felt like cotton as I tried my best to stay silent. I pulled my sleeve down, covering my scars. I need to leave. Once the girl finished, they left the bathroom. A sigh of relief escaped my lips, thank god... Right when I was about to leave the stall, another person entered. I was frozen in place.

It was one of the girls from my class, "So what are we going to do about Hara?" Oh no..."I'm tired of her being on top of the class."

"Same, we should cut her hair. She needs to look ugly." My hair... I liked it long. Mother said I should cut it short.

Boys like it short.

However, I know the real reason; she wants me to be like Seika.

"How about we cut her face?" One of them laughed, "No one would care about her if she had an ugly scar."

I grabbed my arms. I already have ugly scars. If anyone knew... I don't know... I accidentally backed up into the wall, causing it to make a thumping noise. Oh god... One of the girls peeked through a crack in the stall door.

"Speak of the devil." They surrounded my stall, "come out little Hara, we wanna play with you."

I looked away from the door, my heart going crazy with fear. What do I do?! Someone, please! They busted it open, three of them looking at me with pure hatred, yet they were smiling.

One of the girls pulled out a pair of scissors, "I was gonna cut my friends hair today but it looks like you need it more!" She laughed.

No, please...I grabbed my hair protectively. They got closer, pinning me against the wall. My box cutter was behind my back, my knuckles turning white from gripping it so tightly. They were laughing like hyenas about to kill their prey. I don't want this..!

She went for my hair and I snapped, "Don't touch me!"

In a split second, the girl screamed in pain as I cut her hand. I wanted to scream. Red blood dripped from her wound like water. It was deep. Her friends grabbed her, to see if she was okay. I didn't waist a moment and pushed past them.

I ran out of the bathroom, everyone looking at me with surprise. I ran until I was close to my next class...I was sweating, my face lacking all color. It looked like I had seen a murder.

Suddenly, a hand was on my shoulder. I jumped back with a gasp. "Hara, are you okay?" It was just Nitsuo, my 4th-hour teacher... He had pulled back brown hair and calming black eyes. He was at least in his late 20's. He was someone the girls admired in the school. Since he was single and always knew what to say to everyone.

Including me.

"Y-Yes..." I stuttered, my body was shaking. What will they do..? What is going to happen to me?! What have I done?! Two gentle hands squeezed my shoulders, making me look at him; tears threatening to spill. He looked concerned, a frown on his face.

He spoke calmly, "What is wrong? You can tell me?" My mouth wanted to open, I wanted to desperately tell him what I have heard, what _I had done_ but I couldn't. I was speechless."Hara-"

The voice of the principal range out, making my heart drop.

"Hara Figumitsu, come to the office immediately." He did not sound happy. Nitsuo patted my head, not helping me at all.

"Go see what it is, it will be okay. Come talk to me if you have anything on your mind." His words left me feeling a little secure. He said I could talk to him... I nodded, walking towards the office, my hand grabbing my dress for dear life. Ignoring the peering eyes from everyone in the halls.

* * *

"Daddy, my hand!" The girl beside me cried, her hand bandaged up from the nurse. Her dad looked angry, a calm but death glare was fixed at the principle.

"How could you let this happen to my girl? I thought about this being an upper-class school, I could feel safe leaving my daughter in your care." The principle was collected, giving me looks every now and then.

He sighed, "I assure you, sir, that I will do everything in my power to fix this."

The door opened, my Mother standing there."What is it? Are you okay, Hara?" She asked. I couldn't look at her, my eyes fixed on my shoes. She took a seat beside me, noticing the crying girl beside us. "What in the world?"

"Your poor excuse for a daughter, cut my little girl's hand," He growled.

She cried, "I just wanted to fix her hair and she attacked me! I was just trying to be nice!" Such a liar...

Mother's face for a split second showed anger.

"I am so sorry, my daughter is on medication and she must have forgotten it today." She lied, not even trying to defend me.

The principle thought for a second, "Mrs. Figumitsu, what happened today, I will look past if it is alright with them." He looked at the crying girl and father.

The dad was about to argue, but his daughter grabbed his hand. "It is alright, father, I forgive her. It was an accident."

He looked shocked, "But darling-"

"No, it is alright." She kissed his cheek. He smiled, letting the incident go.

The principle looked pleased, "Then that is that. Now, please look after your daughter more closely." He spoke to my mother.

"Of course, sir." She bowed, leading me out of the office.

* * *

When I closed the front door, Mother stood there silent. I was sweating and my breath low. I was afraid to say anything or even move. She turned around, touching my cheek. "Now honey..." Her smile faded, "How dare you make me look like that!"

She slapped me hard, sending me to the ground.

"I looked like a fool! My own daughter made me look like an idiot! What will everybody think of me?" She walked away, pulling her hair. I scrapped myself off the ground, walking to my room, holding my cheek.

I couldn't fight back.

Closing the door behind me softly I went to my bed, laying down. I'm sorry Mother...The door opened and she was standing there, a look of death. She wasn't done with me. "Hara, why must you be like this? Why can't you be more like your sister? You were my worst mistake." She then left, leaving me to drown in her words.

I felt heavy...I noticed my arm was wet. I looked at my sleeve, it was stained red. Oh no...My cuts opened. I rushed to my bathroom, patting my arm with a towel. They must have reopened when Mother slapped me and I hit the floor. I glanced at my dress, I hope washing it would get the stains out. Once done, I folded it to hide the blood. I will wash it later...I walked out, seeing my sister sitting on my bed.

"I heard what you did today." She smiled. I was frozen, hiding my arms behind my back. "I knew you were crazy, sis." I'm not crazy...

I whispered, "I didn't mean it..."

She got up, to stare into my eyes, "What was that?"

I repeated, not looking at her. "I did not mean to do it."

She growled, "Oh yea? Why should I believe that? You are nothing and I bet you wanted attention." I didn't want that... "Since you know, Mother loves me more." It was becoming harder to stay up, her words weighing me down. She giggled, bending over to whisper in my ear. "No one would notice if you died."

Those words again.

If I just died...

She left after that, laughing like she just finished watching a comedy.

If I was to die...I believed her words, no one would care if I just disappeared. I didn't have any friends, I never was popular or social. I was the smart kid who did nothing but study.

I...Need to study...

I have a test on Friday. Mother will be mad if I fail...I went to my desk, looking at my math book. I don't remember how long I stared at the book until I noticed I was crying. How much longer must I go on like this... I don't wanna live like this...

 _No one would notice if you died._

Her words ring in my head.

 _No wonder nobody likes her._

I covered my mouth, not wanting anybody to hear me. I can't do this anymore...

* * *

It was late, everybody had gone to bed. No matter how hard I tried to get the thought out of my head, I couldn't. It prevented me from falling asleep. I wanted to just fall into a nice dream and never wake up. However, it was too late for that. Letting my brown eyes wander, I looked out my window, the snow coming down at high speed. I was still in my pj's when I decided I wasn't going to do this anymore. I decided today was my last.

I didn't want to live anymore.

I wanted to die.

Opening my window slowly, it was like a portal to hell, there was no turning back. With a deep sigh, I jumped out, landing safely outside my apartment. I felt a slight pain in my ankles as I jumped out of the second story window but the snow was enough to break my fall. I ignored the throbbing, covering myself with my blanket, trying to keep the snow from soaking my clothes. Where was I going to go? I looked around until I saw the tall building in the distance.

Ouran High school.

There...I will go there. I ran as fast as I could, my breath becoming ragged. My throat burned from the cold, I didn't care. It wouldn't matter in a little bit. No one was outside in this rough weather. I was a single soul, it had been like this since I was born. No one around to help me. I was completely alone.

I was in front of the school gates, not letting them being locked stop me. I climb over them, not caring that the sharp parts dug into my calves; whatever warm liquid that went down my thighs quickly froze over. Once over, I began my way to the front. Of course, it was locked too. Hold on, the emergency ladder on the back of the building. It was put there in case there was a fire and people could flee to the roof of the building. I walked to the back of the school, there was a huge garden that was currently frozen over. It would have been nice to see the snow melt and under all of it would be beautiful flowers. I pushed past some bushes to reach the ladder. I slowly placed a hand on it, this was it.

I began my climb.

Once I reached the top, I calmly walked towards the front. Looking over the city with tired eyes. Every house was lit, families all cozy inside them. I noticed my apartment, the lights were turned off, everyone was asleep. No one knew where I was, no one would _care._ My feet were close to the edge, the breeze from being so high slapping me in the face. The snow was harsh, my blanket was soaked. My ankles were sore and my thighs ached.

"I wonder if anyone will miss me?" My last attempt to change my mind escaped my lips. No one came into picture...No one would care. I was simply here to make my mother look good, to be a filler for this world. I was not the main character, I was nothing but someone to fill in the background. I brushed my soaked hair behind my frozen ear. It was time, no point standing here in the cold. I took a deep breath, _my last one_. With a single step forward.

I fell.

* * *

 **There's a poll on my profile for anyone who is interested! It's about Hara and what do you think, will she live? Or remain dead?**


	2. Chapter 2

"Get up already. Mother will be mad if you are late for school." Seika yelled from my doorway, waking me up from my death like sleep. She slammed the door, leaving me in my pitch dark room. I sat up in silence, my eyes blank until they widened in shock.

I...Killed myself last night.

I ran to my mirror, tripping on my bed sheets. Looking into the smudged reflection, trying to find the tiniest detail. Nothing was different, my normal face stared back at me. I don't...Understand? I ran a hand through my black hair, felt my smooth skin and even looked inside my mouth.

Nothing was different.

Was it all a dream? I sighed, taking off my _dry_ pj's. I went to grab my dress when I froze. My scars...

They were gone

My arms were perfect like I never started cutting. Oh god...Am I in heaven? I thought heaven was supposed to be filled with clouds and angels. Golden arches and rays of sunshine. Where's the music of a thousand trumpets?

I felt my clean arms, not a bump was felt. My scars were really gone. I looked into my eyes, the black circles under them were missing also. My complexion looked like I had slept well and never missed an hour of bed rest.

However, looking closer, my skin was paler.

"What is going on here..?" This wasn't making any sense.

"Hara, hurry up!" Mother called, annoyed.

If I'm still alive then...I'm still stuck in this place or is this hell? I did kill myself after all. People always said that if someone was to take their own life, they would rot in the eternal pits of fire. I thought it was better than living with Satan herself. Ignoring the unpleasant thought, I finally managed to get dressed and went to the breakfast table. Mother was making omelets, my sister across from me, played on her phone.

Seika laughed, "My friend is telling me that this guy is going to ask me out after school today."

Mother hugged her super tight, "Now remember sweetie, make them want it. Don't just give yourself out."

I wonder how she would react if I told her a guy liked me? Would she finally hug me, be proud of me? "Mother, I am-" My voice was weak, I glanced up and my voice was caught in my throat. Both of them, glared me down like I was trash. The words now lost, I went back to staring at my empty plate. Once she was done cooking, she placed a big omelet on Seika's plate.

She placed a small one on mine.

It was to lose weight... Once I was silent again, they continued to laugh and talk like normal mother and daughter. The front door opened, my mother's face lit up with joy. she ran to hug my Father. He was tall, had neat brown hair and bright green eyes. He had a serious atmosphere most times, even at home.

"Welcome home, Honey! How was work?" She smiled like a teenage girl in love. He took his coat off, a tired frown on his face. My father worked in an office like most father's do. He was very busy with deadlines and whatever else he had to do with his job.

Sometimes he would be gone for days.

He sighed, "It was alright." He took a seat on the living room sofa. Mother rushed to get him some eggs, giving it to him.

He took a bite as she sat beside him, "Guess what Hara did yesterday at school." I froze, my egg falling off my fork. "She cut a student! The girl just wanted to help her fix her hair." My father was silent, still eating away.

"I see," He spoke, "Do what you must."

I was shocked, not knowing what to do. My father wasn't the one to meddle in my Mother's affairs, she was the boss of this house; she just needed to make sure at times.

My sister whispered to me, "You're going to get it." I couldn't speak.

After school was going to be _another nightmare_ for me to endure.

* * *

It was lunchtime during school, I sat outside alone by one of the trees. It was cold, snow-caked onto the ground.

I had to sit out here.

The girls didn't like it when I was in the cafeteria with them. It didn't bother me though. I was used to being outside and away from everyone. What I wasn't used to was that for some reason I was not cold; I couldn't feel anything. It wasn't hot or cold, it was just normal. Like it was a perfect day in the spring. I didn't have my jacket on, I didn't need it. I ate my piece of bread in silence, watching the snow lightly fall. I couldn't taste the bread either...It felt like it was something hard in my mouth that I was chewing on. It rolled around like it was a piece of gum that was frozen for ages.

"Excuse me, why are you out here sitting in the cold?" A smooth voice asked me. I glanced up, a boy with blonde hair and purple eyes looked down at me. He was quite handsome and he looked kind. His smile was something out a fairy tale. If anything, his whole image was that of a prince. He offered a hand out for me to take. "We should go inside."

I wasn't used to this...I sat there in surprise.

"Umm." He must have the wrong person. Why was he talking to me?

He started to look concerned, "Are you alright?"

He was talking to me!

I took his hand and he helped me up. His hand pulled away in surprise, "You're freezing!" Was I cold? I didn't feel chilly at all. Naturally, I would be though. Sitting outside in this weather. "Then again you are sitting out here in the snow," He laughed. It was like an angel had been sent down before me.

Perhaps, I really was in heaven?

I looked down, a small smile hidden. "I'm sorry." It was nice having someone talk to me, to have someone laugh in my presence. His laugh was smooth and light, like a child's.

"You don't have to apologize." He smirked, "Come on, it is cold out here." He leads me inside, he blew at his fingertips to warm them up. I was about to walk away, not wanting to take up any more of his time, but he stopped me. His long delicate fingers grabbed my shoulder.

"Yes?" I asked, thinking he had a question.

"Where are you going? You didn't even give me your name."

My name...He wants to know my name.

"My name is Hara."

It felt weird...Having someone talk to me for this long.

"My name is Tamaki nice to meet you, Hara." He smiled. I couldn't help but smile back. His name was as nice as his personality. The bell rung and all the students began to pile out for class. "Hey, you should come to the club sometime, we can sit and talk."

My smile disappeared.

Was he one of the members of the Host Club? He was using me to get more service for his club...

I gave him a nod. "Okay! Well, see you later, Hara." He waved as he disappeared into the crowd.

In a split second, the angel that had come down to give me a taste of heaven's light had vanished.

I began to walk to my class but was stopped by those three girls. These were the girls that were in the bathroom yesterday. They must not have had enough with me. The one in the middle, the leader, her hand was bandaged up. There wasn't any blood but I knew better. "What were you and Tamaki talking about?" She demanded. She looked beyond angry. Was it front yesterday? I grew anxious as she balled her fist. I knew what was coming.

Oh, no...why are they here...go away.

"Answer me!" She grabbed my fist tightly, digging her unusually long nails into my skin, as I tried to walk away from them. Some students around us stopped to see what would happen next. She retaliated, " God, she's freezing!"

Glancing down at my wrist, I saw the marks from her nails. It was deep enough to cause blood to flow but nothing came from me. Why didn't that hurt? Why am I not bleeding?

"She's not even reacting. Let's go, Luka." One of her followers tugged at her arm.

She growled, "Yea, let's go." They rushed off.

I stood there, trying to understand what was happening to me. Am I really that cold? I felt my hands and arms. I didn't feel cold... I felt my wrist, feeling over the puncture wounds. It felt like her nails barely dug into me.

I must be tired...

* * *

The final bell rung, it was time to go home...To my personal hell. I decided to stop by the garden behind the school, I wasn't in a rush.

Hold on...If I did die then what about my body!?

I rushed to the spot where I jumped off, I sighed in frustration; nothing was there. Not even blood. I couldn't have survived from that height...no one could have. It must have been a dream... A terrible nightmare. I returned to the garden, to the lily section that was currently frozen over.

Nothing but white filled my vision; it was still beautiful to me. I loved lilies... I saw myself as a lily, they were just as pretty as a rose but easily overshadowed. Right now, with them covered in snow. I saw myself; covered up by a blanket of white and with some time under neither, they will bloom into something beautiful.

I pushed my hair back behind my ear, "What will I do..." I felt someone's eyes on me. I glanced around, not seeing anyone in sight; I must be imagining things.

"Takashi, what are you looking at?" A cute boy's voice called out.

Who's here? I pushed some of the bush away, being careful not to harm the hidden lilies. I came face-to-face with a boy with deep black eyes. I jumped back, covering my eyes. I was so close! Who was he?! He walked around, he was really tall and had black hair; he looked composed like a knight. Suddenly, a cute little boy with blonde hair appeared, holding a stuffed pink rabbit.

Who are they? I've never seen them before.

The little boy noticed me, "oh hello! What's your name?" He was full of energy, running up to me with curiosity. I was surprised by someone who was so hyper, I had to take a step away from him. The tall boy followed behind him.

I stuttered, "H-Hara."

"Hara," He liked the sound. "That is a pretty name!" I looked away shyly...

He thought my name was cute.

This made me happy. The blonde boy tugged at the tall man's sleeve. "Takashi, say something!"

He looked down at me calmly, "Hello." His voice...It was so...Gentle. It made me feel peaceful.

Wait, what am I thinking? I must be even more tired than I thought, no one's voice could make me feel that way.

"What are you doing here? School is over." The boy frowned, "Wait, are you waiting for your turn to visit the Host Club?"

All I hear now and days is that stupid club.

My expression didn't show one of pleasure and they noticed. I thought of something to say, "I'm not one...For clubs." There, that should do it. They should leave me alone now.

The little boy looked like he was about to bust out into laughter, "You are funny! Come on, I'll show you there." He grabbed my arm, tugging me along. He was strong for a little kid, I couldn't pull my arm away from him and the words 'no' couldn't escape my lips. I didn't want to go this club, I could barely talk to my own reflection, how was I suppose to talk to boys?

* * *

Roses, the scent of terrible roses filled the air.

The room was pink and marbled, couches placed at random spots for the Host to talk to their clients. Already some girls were here, ready to talk to the boys. I felt so out of place, I couldn't help but shuffle my feet. I wanted nothing more than to leave.

"Do you like it? " The boy asked.

No, I didn't, I didn't like it at all.

I hated roses and just being in a room with so many people made me unsettled. All I wanted to do was run away... far from here. I couldn't tell him the truth though, what if he started crying?

"It's lovely." I lied.

He jumped up, hugging his rabbit close. The sight of him being so moved by my comment was something foreign.

My opinion mattered. It made someone _happy._

A voice rang out behind me, "Hey, who is this?"

I turned around to see twins! They both had orange hair and bright yellow eyes; they look completely the same. Oh, this is to much... "She looks cute." The other twin winked. I looked away, covering my cold cheeks.

"This is Hara, she came to talk to one of us." The blonde boy smiled. My eyes wondered behind him, the tall man stood there, in his own little world. His face was smooth and he had a defined jaw line. He looked like he was cut out of marble.

A perfect statue that even the greatest artist couldn't master.

Looking closer, something about his eyes...something about them was so...attracting.

The twins grabbed my hands, making me freeze from the unusual feeling. "Would you like to talk to us?" They said in unison.

I pulled away, "I..I don't know." My voice was tiny, too hard to hear.

They both glanced at their hands, like they just touched death themselves but suddenly, their eyes widened in shock as a hand touched my shoulder. I wanted to shrink away but for some reason, it _felt warm_. I glanced behind me to see the Marble man look down at me with his attracting dark eyes.

"Come." He simply said.

I didn't want to go with him, I wanted to go home.

Before I walked away, the blonde boy with the cute rabbit tugged on my uniform. He was really determined by not letting me leave this club. "My name is Honey, I hope you come here often." He blushed.

I nodded. I had no intention of coming back. I didn't like lying but... He was too sweet.

The statue-like man sat me down on one of the pink couches, sitting across from me, he remained silent. What was I suppose to say...I'm no good at these kind of things.

Okay, I have something to say, "what is your name? "

"Takashi," He said it plain and simple.

Takashi... For some reason hearing his name put me at ease. Again, entered silence; we both were not the talkative type, but sitting here in silence wasn't so bad either. if anything it was relaxing. Takashi continued to look at me, like he was studying my character. It made me feel uneasy but I tried not letting it get to me. He could tell I was becoming unsettled and decided to sit next to me. This did not help me calm down, if anything it made me even more uncomfortable.

What was I to do? What am I suppose to say? I can't just sit here forever, I need to do something. I should have just left already...I don't belong here...

"Talk," He spoke.

I looked up at him in surprise, "Huh?"

Easier said than done.

"I'll listen."

He would listen? I don't have anything to say to him, my mind was blank. Then I realized, I had a ton of things to say, to scream out to the world. All the bulling, my mother's iron grip on me, my sister's shadow taking over my light. I wanted to tell him more than anything that...

I... _Killed myself._

Did I? Am I still alive? Did I die? I didn't know...

I want to tell him, no matter how hard I tried in life, I was always shot down. I want to say that I wasn't good at anything and I wanted to be good at something. However, the words were stuck in my throat. What if he told people? What if Mother found out?

The fear of judgement was killing me... _It did kill me._

If I could say anything.

I wanted help.

"I'm fine," Faking a smile, "I don't have anything to say."

I got up, fixing my dress. He continued to look at me, not trying to stop myself from leaving. Why would he though? Turns out, he is just a Host member who cares about nothing but themselves. He won't remember my face or my name once I leave, none of them will. This was a world I didn't belong in. If I was more open, like most girls, then maybe this would be okay. I could talk to them like nothing was wrong with the world but I wasn't normal, my life wasn't perfect. I needed to leave.

When I got to the entrance of the Host Club, the door opened and a man with black hair and glasses stood there, staring at me. He had an aura of discipline, power and I felt like I was about to drop to my knees from it. It was like Mother...Controlling.

It was suffocating.

He gave me little interest as he walked past me and to a group of girls, from him opening the door Tamaki looked over in this direction; seeing me about to leave. He rushed over, apologized to the girls he was talking too and smiled at me.

"Hello there, Princess." He took a hold of my hand, kissing it. I pulled it away, holding it close to my chest. Will everyone please stop touching me... He rubbed his hands together. "Have you been outside again? Your hands are cold." Again with the cold hands...What is wrong with me?

"Yes..." This wasn't a lie, I was outside in the garden.

He laughed, "Even if there was a storm you would be outside."

Last night was a storm...I was outside then.

I need to figure out what is going on... Suddenly, a group of girls rushed in, shoving Tamaki into me. We fell to the floor, he was on top of me, his head on my chest. I covered my face, this couldn't be happening! He got up, a blush spreading across his cheeks. "I am so sorry!" He apologized, helping me off the floor. I fixed my dress and messed up hair. He looked completely embarrassed, his face red, his hair also tangled from the fall.

"We are sorry, Tamaki." The girls said. He stood there for a second, talking to them, trying to stay cool. Seeing his face getting even redder from their giggles and how he tried to make it seem like he did it on his own was...Funny. I couldn't hold it, a small laugh slipped through. Once the girls left he turned back to me, he couldn't make eye contact.

"It is alright." I said.

He smiled, "I didn't mean too. Are you okay?"

"I am fine, thank you."

I went to walk past him but he spoke up, "Hara, will you come by tomorrow?"

My name...He _remembered_ my name.

I shook it off, he will forget by tomorrow. I was no one worth remembering. I did laugh here though...Even if it was a small one and he probably didn't hear it. Takashi offered for me to just talk to him...My head was telling me to walk away and never come back, but my words were different.

"Yes, I will try." I quickly rushed out.

Tamaki turned around and whispered to himself, "That's weird...She didn't have a heart beat." He shook it off, thinking it was nothing.


	3. Chapter 3

I decided to test it out. I had to see if I was really dead or this was all _a_ _dream_. I walked around the city, trying to think of a way to see if I was deceased.

I couldn't jump off another building.

What if someone saw me? That wouldn't be pretty. How about pills? That would take to long. What was I going to do? What if I wasn't dead? What if I was still alive? Doing this could actually kill me and I wouldn't have a second chance like I do now. I frowned, I didn't want to live anyway. That was the whole reason why I jumped off the school. No one would care if I was gone. My mother would be happy, my sister would be the only child like she's always wanted. Father...wouldn't notice...He only cares about his work.

How far have I walked?

I don't care... Wait, what is that noise?

In the blink of an eye, a truck sped my way. He honked his horn as I was hit dead on. I couldn't see anything but white as I felt my body being flung like a rag doll. I felt my skin scrap against the asphalt. People rushed over to my lifeless frame. There were already people pulling out their phones. When the white faded, I saw looks of worry and shock.

Did I just get hit? I didn't feel it at all, my body wasn't responding to me as I tried to get on my feet.

"Oh god, is she okay?!"

"Call an ambulance!"

I finally managed to get on my feet, my body felt numb. I scraped myself off the road, everyone around me gasped. "Don't get up! Help is coming!"

Help? An ambulance? No, Mother will find out and punish me! I frantically looked for an opening from all the people, who were surprised I could even stand. Must...Get...Away... I was growing tired. I made my break for it, pushing past the crowd. They screamed for me to turn back, their pleases met deaf ears as I ran home.

* * *

By the time I got home, it was around 10 p.m. Mother was not going to be happy with me. I slowly crept through the front door, trying not to make a sound. The house was dark. No one was awake.

Or so I thought.

"Hara, is that you?" I froze, seeing my Father sitting on the sofa. He got up and approached me, his serious expression scaring me. I was ready to get yelled at, slapped or even beaten.

It didn't come.

He just looked at me until he pulled me into his embrace. I was completely taken by surprise. "I'm glad you're okay."

"What?" I looked up at him. What is going on? Father hasn't hugged me since I was little...before Seika was born.

"I had a dream...You killed yourself," The words almost couldn't come out of his mouth. My body felt like lead, I couldn't move. "I was so worried when you didn't come home."

Tears threatened to escape. I did kill myself...I know I did now.

I got hit by a car and it didn't even hurt; I wasn't even bleeding. He let me go, looking into my brown irises. "Are you alright?" I wanted to tell him what was wrong with me but he would tell Mother... Even if he didn't...He wouldn't believe me. Who would? 'Hey, guess what? I killed myself but yet, I'm still alive,' I would say and that wasn't very believable.

"I'm fine, Father." I gave him a reassured smile.

He looked relieved, squeezing my shoulder, "Alright, well you better go to bed before your mother gets up."

I nodded, heading off to my room. When I shut the door, I collapsed to the floor; shaking uncontrollably. My hands were grabbing my arms tightly, my knuckles almost white. My nails were breaking the skin, but it didn't hurt, it was irritating? I took a couple breaths, dragging myself to my bathroom mirror. I took off my uniform, I almost fainted from the sight; my side and part of my back were completely crushed and skin was torn away. How could Father not feel this? Maybe, he was too concerned for me to notice. I touched it, my finger sinking into the open wound.

There was no blood at all, just muscle.

My dress wasn't stained, only ripped in places from getting hit. I began to shake, even more, hugging myself. What is going on with me? What am I becoming?! I can't feel pain! I got hit by a car and I'm perfectly fine, minus my back...Suddenly, I felt something in my stomach turn. The bottom of teeth felt fuzzy as I rushed over to the toilet, puking violently. Once I was done heaving, I looked into the bowl and saw it was the bread I ate this afternoon.

It wasn't digested at all.

It made me want to vomit even more, but nothing was left in my stomach.

Am I...Turning into a _monster_?

I cleaned myself up, sinking back into my bathroom floor, "Help me..." I cried into my palms. I was alone, scared and my body was changing. I'm supposed to be dead...Now, I don't know what is going on. Somebody help me, please...I can't even talk to anyone about this, no one would believe me.

I saw one of my box cutters behind the toilet so no one could find it. I slowly grabbed it, staring at the blade. The last thing I should be doing is trying to hurt myself even more but I had to know something. I held my arm out, cutting into it deeper than I wanted. It didn't hurt, all you could hear was my skin tearing open. No blood, no burning, I could only see the inside part of my body. I threw it across the room in fear. I pulled at my hair, trying not to scream out. I was _scared_ and I was _alone_. I wanted to die...Not live like this.

"I wanted to die," I sobbed.

I couldn't remember how long I cried there on the floor. I didn't remember falling asleep.

* * *

What time is it? Light peered into my bathroom through small windows, making me squint. I rose from the floor, stretching my back.

Hold on, my back!

I looked in the mirror and frowned. My injuries were gone, not a scratch was left behind, even the cut on my wrist was gone. This was all a horrible nightmare... I shook my head, trying to push this into the back of my mind. I was about to put on my uniform but remembered all the tears. I can't wear this... What was I going to wear? I didn't have an extra.

I didn't have a choice.

I slipped it on and grabbed a small sewing kit from my dresser. Mother wanted me to sew a few years ago, saying it would make me more ladylike; I tried my best to learn, but all I manage to do was fix small rips. I sewed them as best as I could, snipping off the last string. It wasn't perfect but it was good enough for now.

Once I was ready, I quietly came out of my room, seeing the house empty. What time was it? How long did I sleep? Mother must have gone out and Father went back to work. I looked at the clock in the living room, seeing it was almost lunchtime! I can't believe I'm late! Seika was already gone, why didn't she wake me up!? I didn't bother grabbing anything and rushed out of the door.

I was running down the street. Snow lightly coming down. I was too concentrated on my feet to notice someone was coming my way.

I ended up bumping into them.

"I'm sorry," I grunted, landing in the snow on my butt. I glanced up to see a boy around my height with brown hair and big brown eyes.

"Oh it's okay, I should have been paying attention." He smiled. He shook his head from the sudden impact. He wiped the snow away and offered a hand. He was bundled up in a big brown sweater and a brown scarf. "Hey, haven't I seen you before?"

I took his hand, I have never seen this boy in my life, "No I believe not." Who was he? I haven't even seen him in school or was he even from my school? I bowed to him, "Sorry again for bumping into you." He was about to say something but I ran off.

I didn't have time for chatting.

* * *

By the time I reached the school, it was already time for the afternoon classes. I've never been late before...I haven't even missed a single day either.

What will Mother do?

Why didn't they wake me up? I stood outside the door, silent. Why am I even here? I'm dead...Why did it even matter if I came? If Mother beats me or not, it didn't matter. I was dead and couldn't feel pain.

"Hey Hara, what are you doing?" I spun around, thinking I was going to get in trouble. Nitsuo stood there, holding a stack of papers. His expression was one of concern, "What is the matter? Why are you not in class?"

I couldn't look him in the eyes, biting my bottom lip. "I-I overslept and I'm scared to go to class." It was okay, to tell the truth, he would understand. Nitsuo was always kind to me, always helping me in class and letting me know I could talk to him.

He chuckled to himself, "Alright, follow me. We will just say you were helping me this hour." I glanced back at my classroom door, was this okay? To skip class.

It didn't matter, this could keep Mother from yelling at me.

"Thank you, Sensei."

I followed beside him, walking into his classroom. He didn't have students this hour. He sat the papers on his desk, giving me a smirk, "Guess who got another hundred on her test?" He waved the paper around, my name in the corner written nicely in pen.

I spoke, "I always try my best." It was true, I did my best.

I _had_ to try my best.

"I know this pretty well, you are an amazing student." He said, "Always having your head in a book or studying."

I loved books more than he knew...It allowed me to escape reality... Even if it was only for a few minutes.

I licked my lips, nervously. Maybe, I could tell him... I could tell him what is going on with me, he might know what is happening. He would understand, he was nice. He wouldn't think I was crazy. "Sensei, I-"

The bell rung, interrupting me. Kids began to pile up in class, some girls giving me bad glances. I shrunk back in my seat, no longer looking Sensei in the eyes.

"What was it, Hara?"

I shook my head, "No, it was nothing. Have a good day." I turned around to quickly leave and he ruffly grabbed my wrist.

"You can talk to me anytime you want," He smiled innocently. I pulled away, giving him a nod. I rushed out and into my next class.

Once I was seated, I glanced at my wrist, it was white from where he grabbed me. Why did he grab me so tightly...If I could feel pain, I knew it would have hurt. The teacher began to talk, sending those thoughts into the back of my head.

* * *

Should I go there today? I paced around the stairs. Should I just go home? Girls walked past me to go to the Host Club. Why am I even thinking about this, they won't even remember my name. It was just a bunch of pretty boys. I'll walk in and they will ask who I am. I grumbled, "Just go home, Hara." The image of Tamaki invaded my mind.

He's just a _pretty boy._

"Aw, but we wanted to see you today."

huh?! I backed up, almost tripping over the steps. The twins were in front of me, smirks on their faces. You could feel the mischief coming from them as they looked at me like I was some toy. "Why not come in so we can have a chat?" Nope, I am going home. I am stupid for even thinking about going up there. I tried to push past them, but they wouldn't let me escape.

"Excuse me," I mumbled.

"How about we make a deal," One of them said.

"If you can guess who we are and get it right, we will let you go home." The other smirked.

"If you lose, you have to come to the Host Club." They both chuckled like demons. My body shivered from fright. Why did I ever go there in the first place? If Honey had never brought me to the Host Club, then these two twins would have never bothered me.

"Ready? Let's play who is Hikaru and who is Kaoru."

This shouldn't be hard. I have a 50/50 chance to guess who they are.

They stood there, waiting for my answer, "Umm..." My finger pointed to the twin on the left, "You are Hikaru."

Let me be right...Please, let me be right.

Their eyes widened, making me feel more confident in my choice.

"Did she?"

"Could she have?" They both leaned down to me, giving close wide-eyed stares.

"Got it wrong!" They laughed.

I wanted to fall to the ground in defeat, how could I have lost? I can't go home now...

They both grabbed my arms. "Let's go!"

"P-Please, I must go home." I tried to say, but they didn't listen. As we were going up the stairs, I didn't notice the shadowy figure watching me closely.

We barged into the Host Club, making the members look at us. Honey wasn't currently talking to anyone and rushed to me, holding his rabbit. "Hara!" He cheered, "You came today!" He was excited that I came?

I felt a little happiness inside me.

"Yep, and she is going to have a little chat with us." The twins said in unison.

I really didn't want too...It was going to be awkward...

Honey pouted, "What if I wanted to talk to her."

They pulled out their tongues, "To bad."

Honey looked like he was about to cry. While they were arguing, I backed away, trying to make my way towards the door. I bumped into someone, I turned around to apologize but I froze in fear.

It was Luka...And she looked pissed. She ran her long fingers through her wavy black hair, while she glared at me with piercing green eyes. She was very pretty and had the atmosphere of a rich girl. Many of the girls in this school looked up to her. Either from fear or jealousy.

Where were her followers?

"Hello there, Trash." She snickered, pushing back her silky hair. I cowered away, my body shaking. "Looks like my friends were telling the truth, you are coming here." I don't want to be here, I wanted to tell her but my mouth was glued shut. "Why don't you just leave already? You are stinking up the place." I noticed her hand still had the bandage on, I knew she was making it seem like she was the victim.

"I-"

She got in my face, "Don't you dare even try talking to me, you piece of _shit_."

I felt myself start to break down. Why was she doing this to me? What have I ever done to her?! I backed up into someone's chest, I was too concerned with myself to notice.

"Are you okay?" Takashi? He stood behind me, looking at Luka with a calm gaze.

She instantly slapped on an innocent mask, "I was talking to my friend Hara here, I didn't mean to bother you." Her voice was higher as she fluttered her eyelashes.

I couldn't tell what he was thinking, he continued to look at her and placed a hand on my shoulder, "Come." He walked away.

I had to see her face...

I looked at Luka, who eye's were one of a _maniac_ and they were aimed at me. My body forced me to run away from her, sticking close to Takashi's side for safety. I could hear Tamaki approach and start a conversation with her; she was fooling him completely. I tried to not pay attention as we sat at a table, close to a window that was facing the frozen garden. He pulled out my chair, allowing me to sit first.

"Thank you," I said shyly.

He went and grabbed some tea before sitting across. I picked it up gently, smelling the fresh aroma, taking a sip, I felt the warm liquid go down my throat.

There was no taste.

At least I could feel the warmth of it, that enough was satisfying. I felt my fear from earlier leave my body, replacing it was a nice calm feeling. Why did I feel this way when he was around? Glancing up from my cup, he was looking out the window. He looked so calm and composed. He always looked like nothing was wrong in the world. I was envious. I decided to stop staring, afraid he would notice.

I rested my chin on my palm, tea on the other hand. I turned my attention to out the window, watching the little white snowflakes fall. I loved winter, and due to my condition, I couldn't feel heat or the cold. It made it much easier to be out in it. I let out a sigh of relief, maybe coming here wasn't such a bad idea. Sure, being dragged here wasn't that fun but it was worth it. We sat here in silence, but I liked it.

I didn't have much to say.

Even if I was able to talk freely with him, would he believe me?

I noticed he was watching closely, I shyly went to look at the cup of tea. "I can tell you are troubled," He spoke.

What, he can tell?

I put on the best fake smile I could, "I'm not troubled at all! I'm as happy as ever!"

He didn't believe me.

He was about to say something but I panicked. Even though I wanted to tell someone. To get some sort of help. I wasn't ready to be pressured into answering. I overstayed my welcome. I stood up fast, bowing to him. "Thank you for the tea, I must go." I walked quickly away, ignoring everyone around me.

"Hey, you are supposed to talk to us?!" Hikaru called out. I didn't hear a word he said as I got closer to the door.

Luka was standing near it, talking to Tamaki still.

He noticed my fleeing figure, "Are you okay, Hara?" Luka looked at me with anger. I took time away from her and Tamaki. She didn't like that at all. She was biting her lower lip trying to hide the growing annoyance.

Right when I passed by her, time seemed to stand still as she whispered into my ear. "Don't come to school tomorrow or else."


	4. Chapter 4

_Don't come to school tomorrow or else._

I sat on my bed, hugging my stuffed bear close. Father gave me this bear when I was just a toddler and it always was my favorite even though it was getting old. What am I to do? I can't skip school, Mother will find out but Luka isn't the one to joke around... She was serious about harming me. It wasn't like it was going to hurt physically, whatever she had in store. However, I couldn't allow her to find out what was wrong with me. If she knew, everyone would find out and who knows what would happen to me then.

The door silently opened, seeing Seika's head popped in, "Aw, look who's alive." She frowned, "I thought you finally died, too bad."

I ignored her, trying to hide my bear. I was too late, she saw it with curiosity, a plan forming in her head.

She approached me, giggling. "What do you have there?"

"Nothing," I said, "Please go away, I need to study."

It was true, the test was tomorrow; another reason why I couldn't skip school. Seika didn't like me talking back to her and yanked the bear out of my grip. She looked it over with disgust. It was small, dark brown and was missing an arm. When Seika was born, she wanted it very badly and I forced it out of her hands, she didn't want to let it go and it caused it's arm to rip off.

She didn't remember the bear.

"This thing is ugly!" She grabbed the head of the small stuffed animal, "let me fix it for you."

She began to tear it off.

My eyes widened in shock, my body becoming numb. Please... It ripped more. Don't hurt him...Even more, of it came off.

"Stop!"

I jumped at her, taking us to the floor. I desperately tried to take my bear back, but she refused. "Get off of me you bitch!" She grabbed a chunk of hair, pulling on it. She managed to rip some out but I couldn't feel it as I managed to get on top of her, rage filling my eyes. She will not harm my bear, she will not hurt it.

She will not _hurt_ _me_!

I couldn't hold back as I screamed, "I hate you!" I bit into her shoulder, my mouth filling with blood. She let out a painful shriek, echoing throughout the house. I refused to let go as she forgot about the bear and began to beat my head with her fist, trying to make me stop.

I hated her, I hated Seika!

For stealing Mother from me, for making me the child who didn't matter, for being prettier than me, always shoving every good thing that happens to her in my face. Why do I have to sit here and let my _little_ sister bully me into killing myself? Why do I have to sit and watch as Mother showers her with attention and love I deserve!

"let her go, Hara!" Mother yelled into my ear, forcing me off Seika.

She was bleeding harshly from her shoulder, "Mommy! It hurts!" It reminded me of Luka in the office with her father, trying to make me seem like the bad guy. My hands tangled in my hair, I tried desperately to block out everything. "My shoulder!" Mother picked Seika off the floor, giving me a harsh glare; not even bothering to ask what happened.

"I should have never given birth to you...You're nothing but a monster!" She snapped, helping her daughter out of the room.

I ground my teeth, trying not cry. What have I done... I lashed out at her...I attacked my sister. The blood was beginning to soak into my carpet, I was too shocked to move. The red liquid was still in my mouth, dripping out onto my legs. Why...Why am I doing this, what am I becoming?! I hurt her...I bit into her shoulder! I saw the teddy bear across from me, his head half off. I crawled to it, forming into a ball with it in my arms.

I am a monster.

* * *

I was in front of the school gates, students walking past me in their own conversations. This morning, no one woke me up and they were gone from the house by the time I left my room. Where they were, I had no idea. My fingers unconsciously touched my bottom lip. The memories from yesterday were fresh in my memory. I bit her... I ripped her shoulder open enough to were she was bleeding. Maybe, Mother was right. Perhaps, I shouldn't have been born...

"Good morning, Hara." Tamaki appeared beside me, a smile on his cheery face. I didn't have the energy to speak... "Are you okay?"

No, I wasn't okay. I was dead and currently walking the earth like I was some kind of zombie. I wasn't one, was I? I wasn't hungry for flesh and I wasn't walking around stupid. I did bite my sister though...I didn't do it on purpose though.

I smiled at him, "I'm fine. I had trouble sleeping that is all."

"Oh, then I have just the thing to pick you up!" He grabbed my arm, making me follow him.

No, I had to get to class. What if Luka saw me? She was out for me... We went into the cafeteria, making me stop at the doorway. They didn't like me in there, I always received bad looks. It was a hidden rule from the others girl. I wasn't allowed to be here.

"What?" He asked.

How was I suppose to tell him that I wasn't allowed in there, that I was hated? I fumbled with my fingers, not seeming to find the words. "Tamaki," My speech quiet, "I'm not much of a breakfast person." I lied.

He looked disappointed for a moment before his usual smile took over once more. He grabbed my shoulders from behind, pushing me into the cafeteria, "No matter, you can eat it later." He persuaded.

As soon as my presence was inside the building, all the girls looked at me like I was the plague. Being with one of the most popular guys in school didn't make it any better. I tried to hide my face with my hands, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. He stopped me in front of the vending machine, pulling out some yen. He looked over the choices before pressing some buttons. I was too concerned with myself, feeling all the eyes stabbing into my back.

He nudged my arm, making me look at him. "Huh?" I blinked, seeing a small chocolate energy bar in front of me.

Tamaki was smiling from ear to ear as I slowly took it from him. I have never received anything from anyone before... I held it close to my chest; it was something special. I tried my best not to smile, glancing at my shoes.

He spoke, "I get those when I'm tired so eat up, you will be full of energy!"

I had all the energy in the world, despite being dead. I nodded at him, pulling a piece of my hair behind my ear, "Thank you."

"It's nothing, we are friends after all."

My body stopped, looking at him with huge eyes. Did he just say, _friends_? I've...Never had a friend before. He must be playing with me. He can't be serious. "Well, class starts soon so I'll see you at the Host Club after?" He tilted his head, his purple irises looking into my brown ones. It was like he was silently begging through his gaze.

I was powerless.

I blurted out, "Of course!"

"Okay, see you then, Hara." He waved, leaving the cafeteria.

I remained there, smiling at my energy bar. A gift and a new friend all in one day, maybe killing myself wasn't so bad. I began to hear the students gossip about me, pulling me back into reality. The first pair of eyes I landed on was Luka's and she looked satisfied, seeing me here was exactly what she wanted.

she mouthed the words 'Told you not to come.'

My mind went into a full-blown panic, all feelings of happiness now gone. I ran out of the cafeteria, not caring I dropped my school ID.

* * *

I hid in the school's garden, knowing no one would come out here cause of the cold. I was sitting behind the lily bushes, staring at my chocolate bar. My lips naturally formed a smile even if it was such a simple thing.

It meant a lot to such a lonely person.

He said we were friends, actual friends. This means...I wasn't alone. I had someone who wasn't against me. My brain was telling me to be rational, what if he was playing a cruel joke on me. I didn't care, he said it and I took it to heart.

"A friend..." I let the words warm my inner soul. I never thought this day would come. I felt tears run down my cheeks, I was so happy. I never knew I could be so happy, this feeling; I wanted it to last forever.

I didn't want to eat it, I wanted to treasure it. I wiped my tears away, my smile still going strong. I got off the snow, wiping my dress clean. I needed to head to class, I didn't want to be late for my test. With me in such a good mood, I knew passing would be a breeze.

Once I was in class, I took a seat with a small grin; I couldn't get it to go away. The bell rung, everyone rushed in. The teacher made a quick introduction and passed out the papers; It was easy and I finished first. The teacher knew I did well, giving me a thumbs up. I returned to my desk, glancing at the energy bar in my bag. I was excited to go to the Host Club after school, I haven't been this pumped for anything in a long time. One by one, students turned in their papers and before I knew it class was over. I walked out of the room last, taking my time. The results would be ready by tomorrow morning, hopefully, I got first or at least in the top ten.

I knew I got first.

I felt someone tap my shoulder, "Yes?"

"I'm Sakura, nice to meet you." It was a girl, a little shorter than me. She had short brown hair and green eyes, she was adorable and her voice slightly high. "I saw you at the Host Club, I wanted to say hi cause I thought you were so pretty."

I glanced at the floor, not use to complements.

Did she call me pretty?

What should I say to her!? "Y-You're adorable!" I blurted out, making me look ridiculous.

I wanted to slap myself, why did I do that?!

Her cheeks turned pink, "Oh, I"m not like 'that' or anything but you are pretty cute." Her smile was bright. Nice to know there is some nice people here...However, I wasn't use to this and wanted to walk away. "Do you wanna be friends? Like, hang out after school?" She continued.

Friends? My day was getting better and better. The thought of me being dead was gone, my smile the biggest it has ever been. I could be friends with another girl! What about the Host Club and Tamaki? He wanted me to go after...But this could be my chance to make another friend. How could I pass this up?

"Yes, I would love too."

She cheered, "Good! Do you wanna meet up at the burger place close from here? We could eat and talk."

I was overfilled with joy, "Okay, I'll see you then."

I waved her off, my entire being feeling light as a feather. Something was telling me that something wasn't right but I didn't care. I could actually hang out with someone. I had the chance to make friends with another student and a girl at that. My mind filled with images of her and me spending the night with each other, gossiping, doing our make up together; being teenage girls.

I loved the idea of being a normal teenage girl.

I felt nervous and excited all at the same time. I've never had this opportunity before. I wasn't about to pass it up. For once in my life, I walked through the halls.

A smile on my face and my head held high.

* * *

I glanced up the stairs that led to the Host Club, feeling guilty that I wasn't going to go. He wouldn't be mad, I was going to make a new friend after all. I took the energy bar out of my bag, grinning at it. Tamaki would understand, I can talk to him tomorrow. With an eased conscious, I walked away. I went out of the school, the snow coming down rather hard. I didn't care, it wasn't cold to me and I was too happy to care. Once I was out of the gates, I saw the burger place not too far away. Was she already there?

Waiting for me.

I peeked through the window, seeing customers getting their food. No matter how hard I looked, I couldn't see her. Was she not here yet? Was she still at school?

"Hara! Look a poor puppy!" Sakura appeared behind me, pointing to the alleyway. Where did she come from? She looked worried, begging me to help the animal I couldn't see. I rushed with her to back to the alleyway, I looked everywhere.

There wasn't a puppy.

I looked back at her, "I can't find-"

My mind went blank, standing there at the entrance of the alley was Luka and her two friends. Sakura was behind them, smiling like she had successfully committed some kind of crime.

I'm so stupid, why didn't I see it.

How did she know my name when I have never told her? Why would she walk up to some stranger and immediately want to be their friend? There were signs and I ignored them like an idiot. I knew someone wanting me to be their friend was too good to be true.

"Sorry Hara, but I don't like you." She grinned, "I _hate_ people like you." I dropped to my knees. The innocent adorable girl in front of me changed into a demon.

Luka turned to her, "Thank you, here is your reward." She handed her a few hundred yen. Sakura grabbed it with greed, counting it. Are you trying to tell me, that I was worth a few yen? They are showing me, that I am some item they can trade and do whatever they pleased with. I scratched my face, tears staining my cheeks.

Is my being really worth... _Nothing._

Sakura ran off with her earnings, leaving me behind with the devil. She grinned, bowing to pick my face up with her long fingers. She made me look into her cruel eyes, I tried to look away but she wouldn't let me. "I told you not to come," She laughed under her breath. "But little miss perfect just had to show up." Her friends laughed with her.

"Let us go at her already," One of them said impatiently.

Luka held up her hand, silencing them. She saw my tears, her tongue licking them up; making me want to vomit. The way it felt on my skin as if she was rubbing me with sandpaper. "I love it when they cry." Her face turned a rosy shade. What is she doing? My body was shaking. She was toying with me. Her finger touched my lips, her eyes becoming lost in lust. "Leave me, I'll deal with her."

"But Luka-"

"I said leave!" She growled.

They flinched, "O-Okay, we will see you tomorrow." They fled the scene.

Luka's attention was on me, once again her eyes becoming lost. I was confused, scared and I felt like I was going to wet myself. Her hand cupped my face, being frozen in fear kept me from pulling away. "I love it when you shake with fear," She breathed, "Crying from whatever I could do to. I could do anything."

Stop...I begged silently. Please, get it over with. She stood up, her finger in her mouth, tasting my saliva. I've never seen her act this way and I didn't ever want to. She was acting like a completely different person. Someone who enjoyed seeing others in pain for their own pleasure. It was twisted and sicking, knowing she was pleasing herself with my pain.

"The sweet taste of horror." I saw her move her legs back and forth.

She went back down to me, and what she did next shocked me. She slapped my face hard. Trying whatever she could to get an arousal.

"Cry harder!" She grinned, her white teeth showing.

I cried out, "Stop!"

Her hand went to her breast, "Louder!"

She kicked me over, love seeing me curl into a ball. She continued to kick me, my tears falling not from pain but the heavy feelings inside me.

I was _betrayed_.

She said she was going to be my friend but she sold me for yen, I was worth a few yen. I didn't feel like a person, I wasn't worth the title of a human being. How dumb was I to believe her? I deserved this, I needed someone to teach me a lesson. I wasn't going to learn on my own. Someone needed to remind me.

This world was cold.

No one was there for me. Sakura turned her back on me, wouldn't Tamaki do the same? He was using me too. They all were! No one in this universe would love me. I died and it still wasn't enough to finally let me rest. Killing myself didn't release me from this pain.

Luka pulled me off the ground, her face red and sweaty. "Does it hurt? You are shaking like crazy."

I began to blank out. This was too much...

"God, I love it. I want more." She threw me down, looking satisfied. "However, I will have that later." She spoke words that left me feeling dead, actual death. "We will be seeing each other much more often, little miss perfect." She winked.

I laid there in the snow as she walked away. I didn't have the energy to move. I wanted to disappear, to die all over again. I didn't have that option.

I was already in Hell.


	5. Chapter 5

I don't know how I managed to get home that night, my body was bruised but I wasn't worried. They would be gone by tomorrow. I couldn't feel the pain and if I could, I knew I would still be in that alleyway.

The lights were off, everyone was asleep. I limped into my room, taking off my dirt-stained dress. I glanced in the mirror, my face was dirty, my body bruised, but I was emotionless. After Luka left, I blacked out. I didn't have a reason to cry, I knew this was all too good to be true. I felt it, my mind was telling me not to get close to people, I ignored it and now I paid the price. I collapsed onto my floor, not really doing anything.

I felt so tired...Of all this.

I killed myself so I didn't have to go through the pain of living.

This world wasn't worth something to wake up too. Now, I wasn't able to escape. I was stuck on this horrible earth. I took a deep breath, my body trying to calm itself down. I laid there on my floor, staring at the ceiling. What was I to do tomorrow? I didn't want to see Luka...Images from earlier flashed in my head, making me curl into a ball.

Her touch lingered on my skin, her lust filled eyes making my body shiver with fear. The way she talked to me was forever dug into my mind. I didn't want her to touch me again, I didn't want her to ever look at me like that again. I pulled at my dirty black hair, trying to force the images out of my head. I didn't want to cry out, afraid Mother would come in. I remembered her tongue still vivid on my cheeks. Why...why didn't I listen? I should have stayed away from the Host Club.

I don't need friends...They don't bring good feelings.

 _They brought pain._

* * *

I sat on the roof of the school, staring down at the yard, watching students pile into their cars to go to lunch. I didn't want to be seen in front of the school, Luka might find me. It's not like I eat or anything, I just didn't want to throw up again. I never felt hungry or thirsty. Eating wasn't a thing I needed to live on anymore.

I was sitting on the exact spot where I jumped to my death, looking down you could see no stain from where I landed; no trace I was ever there. I sighed, my breath leaving a white mist in the cold air. At least, I was still breathing. Did I need to? Was it a reflex? Again, I returned my gaze to below.

It was funny, seeing me still alive _right where I died._

"Oh, hello there."

I shot back in fear, thinking it was Luka. It was the boy with brown hair from a couple days ago. He looked confused at my reaction, but let it go quickly. He was bundled up in his brown sweater and scarf, in his hands was a brown bento. Why is he up here? It's too cold for people to be outside. Then again, here I was sitting here with no jacket. I remained silent as he took a seat away from me. I didn't want to talk to him, people brought betrayal. I need to leave...Staying here could result in me getting hurt.

I stood up, about to run away but I froze as he called out to me. "Hey, I'm not going to hurt you or anything. Come over here, I overpacked my lunch today." He got up from his spot, about to touch my back.

I swung around, slapping his hand. "Don't touch me!" I cried, backing up several feet. My eyes widen in shock, seeing his lunch all over the snow. I...Ruined it. "I-I'm so sorry." I dropped to my knees, picking up the food, knowing they continents were not edible anymore. I was flustered, scared and all I wanted to do was run away. I didn't mean to lash out at him, I just...I thought...

"It's okay," he picked up the pieces of his box, "I wasn't hungry anyway."

I felt like crying but I kept my tears inside. I didn't want to show him any weaknesses, what if he was like Luka? No, you need to stop this. I thought to myself. Not everyone is like her, Tamaki has been nice to you, everyone in the club has. Why...Did she have to make me think like this?

Everyone is an enemy.

They will all use me.

I'm alone and I need to accept that.

Once we finished cleaning it up, he sat back down with a sigh. Should I leave or..? No, you need to leave, you've caused enough trouble. The growing silenced made me pull on the ends of my hair. I didn't know what to say to make the awkward feeling pass.

"Hey," He called, "At least, sit down and talk with me." I glanced where his food fell, feeling terrible. It was true, I could at least sit with him since I ruined his lunch. I sat down next to him, he noticed I wasn't wearing a jacket. "Are you not cold?"

Oh yeah, I forgot. I must look crazy for not wearing something to make it _seem_ like I was trying to keep warm. "I forgot my jacket at home." Lying was becoming my specialty. I never realized how much I lied to people.

The boy gasped, taking off his scarf. He rapped it around my neck, it was fluffy but also a bit itchy. "Here, you need it more than I do." He smiled, "My name is Haruhi by the way."

I looked down, honestly not surprised anymore. Another member of the Host Club, of course, he was being kind to me. Why are they suddenly talking to me? When I was alive, they didn't even look my way. I was a girl in the background of their lives. He was the new member, girls said. He was very feminine for a male, didn't help he had big brown eyes and a small frame. Then again, Honey looked like a child even though he was in high school.

"My name-" It was at the tip of my tongue. Should I tell him? What if he tries to find me and... Hurt me... I shook my head. It will be alright, you can't feel pain.

 _He can't hurt you._

"It's Hara." I grinned. It will be okay, he can know my name. I will not let him get close.

Something dawned on him, "Oh you! Tamaki has talked about you." I had to look away in surprise. Is he talking about me? Why would he do that? "For some reason though, I feel like I've seen you somewhere before."

I began to grow worried. What if he saw Luka and me in the alleyway... Or worse. When I killed myself that night. No, he couldn't have. No one was there, I made sure of it.

"Probably in the halls," I had to think of something quick. "Maybe, in the library." I was there sometimes and he looked like the kind of guy to go there too.

"You are right, perhaps so."

The bell rung, making me jump up a little to fast. This means I could get away from him, I didn't want to grow any trust with him. "I must go, have a good day."

"See you at the Host Club!" He smiled.

I wasn't going to see him there, I was never going to go there again. They were all going to use me at some point. I felt something wet run down my cheek, making me go into the nearest bathroom. In the mirror, I saw a single tear going down my face. Why was I crying? I tried my best not to do this anymore. I realized it was because of what Luka was making me become. I didn't want to get close to people cause she made me afraid. She knew I didn't have friends and used that against me, now I think everyone is like her.

All the Host's ever did was be nice to me, try to welcome me into their little club. I didn't want to try anymore cause what if they were secretly plotting something. I turned around and noticed in my bag was the energy bar. I took it out, almost bursting into tears. Tamaki bought this for me out of the kindness of his heart and here I am thinking he is an evil person out to get me. Why am I like this? Why am I so afraid?

I knew why.

All my life I had been pushed around by my mother and when Seika was born, it made it all the worse. She became the favorite since day one and I was there to make sure Mother had a good image. Father may be nice to me, but it was behind the scenes. Mother wasn't allowed to see it or surely, he would be punished too. Through middle school, I was kept on a tight leash. I was becoming old enough to affect my mother's life, if I ruined it for her in the tiniest bit, I might as well be a ghost. When I first came here, she made sure to always ask the teachers to tell her if I misbehaved, did poorly on a test or my grades began to fall. They all started to think I was a delinquent by the way she was describing me.

At first, people would talk to me. Actually try to get me to go out and play with them. However, I was to busy studying. Mother would be upset if she saw me running around having fun, it would make her look bad. From turning them down every time, they learned not to ask. I was soon met with evil glares and harsh words behind my back.

"Hey there, Little Miss Perfect." I shoved my energy bar into my bag quickly, stepping away from...Her. Luka's hair was curly today and her eyes immediately looked at me like I was a piece of meat. My body began to shake, I tried to keep a distance away from her.

"Calm down," She approached me, "I have things to do with you later." She breathed in my ear. I almost dropped to my knees but caught myself. I can't show her weakness, even though I was shaking. I wanted to scream at her, to fight her. She made me scared of people. She was making me fall further into the dark pit of loneliness.

I couldn't take my eyes off her, scared she would take her words back and harm me. "L-Luka..." My speech stuttered, making her look at me. Her eyes filling with lust. She grabbed my chin, licking her lips.

"Don't talk like that, you'll make me impatient." She then washed her hands and left the bathroom with a wink.

I dropped to my knees, my breath ragged. Why...Why did she strike so much fear into me? I could lash out at my sister who has bullied me all my life, where Luka makes me want to die all over again. I can't harm her...I'm too scared. I rose up, covering my mouth. I felt like vomiting... I haven't eaten anything since the bread... I still didn't feel hungry.

* * *

I felt them.

Someone's eyes were on me.

I looked around desperately but saw no one. Who could it be? I walked quickly down the hallway, trying to keep my gaze forward. They were drilling into my back, making me want to just run. However, I was still in school and everyone would look at me weirdly. I glanced back, seeing eyes peer from the shadows. I began to panic, almost fleeing at a run-like-pace. I needed to leave the school. What if it was Luka's followers?! My body instinctively stopped, my eyes looking up a flight of stairs. The Host Club was up there, Tamaki was waiting for me. I wanted to go up those stairs desperately, but I knew better.

They would hurt me too.

"Do my eyes trick me?" I heard someone whisper. I shot backward, seeing a man in a black cloak. He had a cat puppet, on one hand, his dark eyes studying me. I had no need to get to know this person, I turned around. 'Ignore him, he will not harm you.' I thought to myself as I got close to the front door of the school. I can go home and forget all about today. My hand reached for the handle.

I stood in complete horror as the words reached my ears.

"You killed yourself didn't you?" My head turned, seeing the dark-eyed man smirking at me. I couldn't move. I was scared. I thought Luka was terrifying but with only a few words from this man, I've never been so scared in my life. I heard him wrong, that must be it. He just asked if I killed myself, it was true but how could he have known?

"I didn't..." I hugged myself, "I didn't kill myself." He has to believe me. Everyone can see me, it's not like I'm a ghost. He must be playing some kind of cruel joke. He smiled from under his cloak, he looked like a small child who found the first Easter egg.

He spoke to where only I could hear him, "Come with me. I may be of some help." Help..? He could help me? What help did I need of? Someone to take me away from my cruel Mother, away from my sister, or make me not so afraid of life.

What if he could help me pass on.

Surely, something was keeping me tied to this world and he could help me leave. I could finally rest in peace. Get away from this hell... I was afraid though. He could get me alone and hurt me. Sakura did the same thing. My mind was telling me to follow him, that it would be okay. I bit my lip, I have to follow him. I nodded, stepping towards the shadow he was hiding in. I was stepping into uncertainty. My dark future.

"Good choice," He giggled, "I'm so lucky!" He lead me to a dark room lit with candles. There was puppets and symbols everywhere that I've never seen before. I was uneasy. Was he going to sacrifice my dead soul to a demon? He circled around me, reaching for my hair. I flinched away, making him frown. "It is alright," He sounded concerned, "I will not harm you. How could I?" What does he mean?

I hugged myself, "It's dark," I mumbled...

His puppet reached a hand out to me, I took it with caution. "I'm terribly sorry about that, my name is Nekozawa."

"Hara..." I breathed.

He pulled away, looking at me like I was the best thing he has ever seen. Like a scientist that discovered his first organism. "I never thought I would ever get to see this." What was he talking about, he made no sense. "Why, I didn't think it was possible but here you are!" He continued to go on to himself, making me feel impatient. He said he would help me, but here he was talking to himself.

"How can you help me?" I spoke up.

He paused, remembering what he said earlier, "Oh yes, I can try. I mean...I've never experienced this before." He continued to talk nonsense, I was tempted to leave. He surely was making fun of me. "I've never seen a dead person before."

I forced myself not to freeze in place, he knew something and I needed to find out.

What was wrong with me, why I was still alive?

"I don't understand," I said.

"I knew something was off the moment I saw you that morning. Your pale skin and tired eyes." He spoke, "You no longer were a part of the living." He grabbed my hands and loved the cold they gave off. "You are as cold as death!" He smiled, "As you can see I am into the dark arts and seeing someone who is dead is rather an accomplishment."

I frowned, looking away.

"I didn't think I would ever get to see this in my life time." He continued to talk to himself, wearing the brightest of smiles. I continued to grow heavier, I bit back tears. Actually seeing and hearing someone being happy for my death made me feel terrible. He didn't ask why I did it. He was happy over my death while I was to miserable to even stay alive.

I snapped, "How dare you smile." He paused, not knowing he offended me. "How can you stand there and act like this is a party while I am standing here, I killed myself and you are cheering!" Tears flowed down my cheeks, "I died and you are proud of it!"

Nekozawa looked completely shocked. I couldn't stand here and watch him be so cheery anymore. It made me think of Mother, I knew she too would be be filled with joy if she found out I was dead. He reached out for me, but I slapped his hand away.

"You are disgusting," I glared from blurry eyes. "Don't you ever touch me!" I turned around, running away from him. I didn't care if he knew something I didn't know. I no longer wanted his help, I wanted to disappear. That was the whole reason why I wanted to die. The reason I _did_ die! Someone knew I killed myself and I could care less if the whole word knew at this point.


	6. Chapter 6

Oh god, he knows...I sat in the frozen garden behind the school, sitting in a ball. He knows I'm dead and I ran out...Will he tell everyone? What will they do to me? Everyone...Oh no... I pulled at my black hair, trying not to cry. What will I do? Should I go home? If I do that and Mother already found out, what will she do to me? Why did I follow him?! I was stupid...I should have laughed at him, told him he was being silly.

That I _wasn't_ _dead_ and _obviously alive_.

I wanted help and believed him.

I should have run away.

"What is with you being outside?"

Tamaki! My eyes shot up, I had to fight back a smile; seeing someone who has never treated me wrong, made me wanna cry with happiness. He offered a hand, I took it with nervousness. My mind was screaming at me to not accept his help, to tell him to go away. He will betray you. He will use you. However, my mind was to messed up to process anything rational. I felt so alone and scared that I didn't care anymore. I took his hand, rising out of the snow. His smile turned into one of worry. It looked like I was going to cry, my eyes red and puffy. "Are you okay?"

I rubbed at my eyes, "I am-m...I..." I fought back a sniffle.

"It will be okay, " He tapped my head, showing me a bright smile. "You're like the Snow Queen, so beautiful but cold." He grasped one on my hands. "I noticed you don't like getting close to people." Stop talking...Please, I can't hold on if you talk like that. "I don't know what you've been through but...I would like to help." Help me...He wants to...

 _Help me._

I couldn't hold on anymore. I tried my best to hold it all in, but I broke. I cried. I cried my heart out, not caring that I looked like a mess. Knowing someone wanted to help me from the bottom of their heart was too much for me to handle. I tried to wipe my eyes but tears kept coming like waterfalls. Tamaki calmly took me into his arms, they were so warm. I felt safe. For the first time in my life, I felt like nothing was going to harm me. He squeezed tighter as I cried into his chest.

He whispered, "It's okay now, you're not alone anymore."

Could I trust him?

Why must I be this way? Why can't I trust anyone?! I wanted to believe him. No, I will believe him...I will try to _trust him._ I can't be like this forever. I will not let Luka haunt me, I will trust him. I tightened my grip on his jacket, begging to whatever God is up there.

Don't let me break.

"You know what might make you feel better?" I glanced up at him, my eyes still watery. "How about we go get some hot chocolate?" I almost started crying all over again, but I bit my tongue. I couldn't have any. I could no longer taste the warm and creamy liquid. Maybe it will go differently. I needed to get over it though so I nodded, a smile taking over. "Good! Also here, you can wear my coat so you don't freeze to death." He put his jacket over me. I couldn't feel the warmth, but my heart did. His coat was like a blanket to my soul, making me feel like there was hope.

* * *

We sat in a fancy coffee shop, one I've never seen before. I highly doubt I could afford it either. My face was still red from crying, I kept myself low in his jacket so no one could stare. Tamaki finished giving our order and looked at me, glad that I was no longer crying. My hair was in a frenzy, tangled and my face didn't make anything else better.

The place had a relaxed atmosphere, soft brown colors everywhere. We sat by the window, watching the snow fall and citizens pass by. "I love coming here in the winter. Coffee and Hot cocoa always put a smile on my face." He said. I wasn't a huge fan of chocolate but anything right now would be nice, especially for the first time, someone was getting it for me.

I spoke, "Thank you, Tamaki, I know you must be busy but here you are buying me a drink."

Being the member of a club, a Host Club at that must be very tiring. Having to keep up with all those girls each day. I could never do that. I can barely talk to anyone and be having to do it every day...I couldn't imagine it.

"I'm not busy at all! I'm glad we can come here and talk. You haven't been coming to the club so I was worried that you didn't like us."

I didn't like them? No, I never thought of it that way. I just...Didn't trust them. I didn't trust anyone but this time, it will be different, I am going to trust Tamaki. I will put everything I have on the line for this friendship. He said he would help and even though I am dead, I needed to try...if he betrays me...I don't know what I'll do.

I decided to speak up, "I don't hate you!" It came out louder than I wanted, the other customers looking at us with curiosity. I became embarrassed, burying my face in his jacket. He didn't seem the slightest concerned with everyone around us. In fact, he looked happy that I said that with so much emotion.

"That is good to hear. I was hoping to become good friends with you." Again, I had to look away from his face. That word brought pain and happiness to my heart. Since I've never had a best friend before, all this was new to me. None the less, I was happy. One of the most popular guys in school wanted to be my friend, out of all the people in the school, he called out to me. Why though? I wasn't someone to stick out. My hair plain and black, my eyes were a dull brown and the only thing I had going for me where my good grades.

I remained there in silence, resorting to looking out the window. I didn't know what to say to him. "What do you usually do after school? I can tell, you are not used to places like this." I didn't realize how easy it was to read my character. My body spelled the words 'Nervous' in all capital letters. It wasn't just the place, it was him. I didn't realize it but this was also my first time being alone with a guy. However, I felt no ill intentions from him.

"I go home and study."

That was true. I did nothing but study at home. I had no hobbies, no friends, and a not so loving family. Mother would be upset if I didn't study every day. She made sure that when I was in my room that my nose was smothered into a book. Today is different, I wasn't home suffocating myself in equations and dictionaries. I knew she would be upset about it when I returned home. I didn't tell her I was going out and even if I did, she would have told me no. I pouted...Seika can stay out till dark...Why can't I?

Tamaki laughed, "That reminds me of Kyoya." He brightened with the mention of his friend, "You might have seen him. He has glasses and black hair. Always looks grumpy." The image of the man who walked through the door that day in the Host Club popped up in my head. He didn't seem very nice...I don't think... I want to get to know him on a personal level. "He always studies and is always on the top of the class."

"That is good." I smiled. It was always nice to hear of someone who is willing to make good grades. I have to make A's or Mother will be upset with me. Our hot chocolate finally came, the lady gently sat them down. There were marshmallows floating in the brown liquid, the smell making my nose tingle. I took a sip, not tasting anything. I wonder if drinking anything will make me vomit? Well, we will find out later. Even though I could not taste the chocolate drink, I was enjoying it. He bought this for me and that alone, was enough to make me happy.

After taking a sip he asked, "Will you come to the club tomorrow? You won't leave school without talking to us will you?"

I was silent.

I wanted to trust him, to make him my friend. However, I was still afraid. What if something happens tomorrow? What if Luka makes a move? All I could think of to do would be to run home in fear, making the Host Club the last thing on my mind. Also, I have Nekozawa to deal with... However, I had decided I will try.

"I promise," I smiled, "To come to the club tomorrow."

Tamaki instantly grinned, sipping his drink quickly. He stood up rather fast, making me flinch, "Then it is a deal!" He gave me a thumbs up, "I will see you at school, I better get going, I have a surprise for you tomorrow!" He paid our bill and left with a joy in his step. I stood outside the shop, a small true smile hidden. Oh, wait! He forgot his jacket! I looked around desperately, running in the direction he went. I couldn't find him in the end, I frowned, trying to catch my breath. I will return it to him at school... I quickly rushed home, not wanting Mother to be even angrier at me.

* * *

I closed the door behind me quietly, trying not to disturb anyone in my home. I didn't hear anyone. Was Mother still not home? What about Seika? Now that I think about it, I haven't seen them since I bit her... I decided to take the silent opportunity and make myself dinner. I couldn't remember the last time I had done that for myself. I changed out of my uniform into pj's and proceeded to heat a pan. I decided to have some rice and pork. I managed to make the rice and finish the pork.

It looked okay.

I wasn't the best cook.

"Okay, it has been a long time," I spoke to myself, taking my chopsticks and picking up a piece of pork. As soon as it touched my tongue, I remembered I couldn't taste anything...I wasn't even hungry. I guess the idea of doing something for myself was too much to resist. Sadness developed over me. I was able to cook for myself, it was the act of doing something on my own without being told too... I couldn't even enjoy. I sighed, about to throw away my plate when the door opened. I froze in fear. Was that Mother? Was she home? If she saw that I cooked, she will scold me! My feet refused to move, my body shaking.

"Hara?" Father...It was only him...I breathed in relief, my body no longer heavy. "Do I smell cooking?" Would he get upset? What should I do? Should I quickly hide it?! He appeared behind me, placing a loving hand on my shoulder. He noticed the plate in my hands, taking it from me and setting it back down, urging me to sit. He got some of the food for himself, sitting across from me. I was silent. Was he going to like it? I wasn't use to this. I tugged at my hair, The last time I had dinner with Father...Was so long ago. He picked it up with his chopsticks, putting a slice of pork in his mouth. For a split second, I saw distaste flash in his eyes. He continued to eat it anyway, gulping down bites quickly.

This made me a little upset. Father didn't say anything for a minute, trying to stomach the food. He took a deep breath, "That was something. A little easy on the salt next time," He smiled. He finished everything on his plate _for me._ I felt a warmth in my heart. He didn't have to eat it, he could have thrown it away. I was happy, a smile taking over my lips. "There's my little girl." Hearing that almost made me cry, I kept it inside though; not wanting to turn this moment into sadness.

Father...

"I'm not little anymore." I quietly laughed.

He calmly spoke, "That is true, but to me, you will always be my little girl."

I wanted to run into his arms, squeeze him as tight as I could. I haven't heard him talk like his old self in such a long time; it was unfamiliar. I looked away, not knowing what to say. Since we haven't talked casual like this, I was unsure of what to do. It was awkward, the feeling of going to my room grew, wanting to escape the unfamiliar situation. He could tell I was uneasy, a frown forming.

I decided to say something, not wanting him to feel bad. "I made a new friend..." I wanted to slap myself. Would he care if I told him? Why did I have to bring this up? I decided to trust Tamaki. Was I ready to fully say he was my friend?

"That is good," He seemed pleased. "Who are they?"

"His name is Tamaki, he is very kind and he took me out for hot chocolate today." I remembered I came home late, "I'm sorry that I am home late..."

He waved his hand, "That is alright, I come home late almost everyday. As long as you are safe." I felt good. I felt like telling Father about him was a bad decision, in fact, it made me feel better; not so alone. I noticed Mother still wasn't home, making me feel nervous.

"Where is Mother?" I bravely asked.

Father's face looked troubled, "She is with her sister right now cause-" He paused, "Are you alright, is anything wrong?"

I knew he was referring to me attacking Seika. He didn't want to say it out loud. I was not alright. I wanted to tell him I killed myself and that I was now walking the earth like some lost soul, but I couldn't. He wouldn't believe me. I wanted to tell him the bullying at school was becoming worse, that Luka was now becoming more twisted. I remained silent, the words I wanted to scream out remained in my mouth.

"I am fine...Just tired." I lied, picking up my untouched plate.

"You haven't touched your food," He pointed out.

I laughed it off, "My cooking isn't very good, but thank you Father, for eating it anyway." I scraped off my remains, washing our plates quickly. He got up from his seat, pulling me into a hug. I wanted to push him away, not used to this act of affection. However, at the same time, it was nice, I was loving every minute of it.

"You can tell me anything, I will always be here for you." He whispered, holding onto me tightly.

I hugged him back, my mouth almost speaking the words no one would believe. "Father, I k-" I quickly silence myself. That was close...I couldn't put this burden on him. He is my Father, the only one I have in my family who I didn't have to coward down too. If I was to tell him that I killed myself...What would he do? Would he be able to handle it? I can't even understand it, I'm still coming to terms with it.

I couldn't do this to him.

I could _never_ let him know.

After a few more words, we retired into our separate rooms. I stood by my door, trying not to smile in complete joy. Today, I noticed... For once in my life, was good. I could honestly say that I had an amazing day. If I could repeat everything that I happened, I would. This day was going to be recorded into my heart forever. I pulled out the energy bar from my bag, my chest tightening. Then I tightened Tamaki's jacket around my small frame.

I had a friend.

Going to school wasn't going to be as terrible anymore. I crashed into my bed, no longer caring I was smirking like an idiot. Looking forward to seeing him tomorrow, I hugged the bar close.

For once, I was going to approach life with my head held up high.


	7. Chapter 7

I was up bright and early the next day, already dressed and ready to go. However, with it being so early in the morning; I had time to spare. My eyes wondered to my bed, seeing Tamaki's jacket neatly folded. Since I was so happy yesterday, I completely forgot I was wearing it and ended up falling asleep with it on. I covered my burning cheeks. It was nice...I felt like I was being held tightly. I shook my head. Today, I get to see him again...I was smiling like a middle schooler who just had a new crush. Since I was such in a good mood, I decided to put my hair into pig-tails. I wanted to do something new. I peeked my face out of my door, not seeing Mother or Seika. I wonder when they will come back...I didn't want them too. I enjoyed the calm atmosphere...Not being tormented by my sister.

I decided to go into town since I was up early before school. I wanted to get something for him...It sounded nice. As I was leaving, I called out "I'm going to school!" It was in case Father was awake. It felt weird. I never called out to Mother when I was leaving. Then again, she was always watching, making sure I left for school. Even if I was sick or deathly ill, I had to go.

Skipping wasn't an option.

The sun was bright this morning, I knew if I could have felt its warmth, it would feel amazing on my pale skin. I smiled, as I approached a store that sold little nick-knacks and some snacks. I wanted to buy Tamaki something, to show our new friendship. As I went in, I glanced around for something he might like. I didn't know what he would have wanted. I didn't know much about him. All I knew, was that he likes hot chocolate and coffee. I puffed out my cheeks as I picked up a pencil with a fox eraser on the tip. Would he like this? No...Being a popular rich kid, surely he wouldn't like little things like this. I put it back as someone approached me from behind.

"Good morning Hara, what are you doing here?" I quickly turned, seeing Haruhi with a couple things in his basket.

Oh, he must be an early riser.

I was too happy as I blurted out, "I'm getting Tamaki something, he became my friend..." I covered my mouth. Oh god, did I really just say that out loud. It was something I wasn't used to saying, making me feel embarrassed. His face looked surprised for a minute, but then he smiled.

"I don't know what he would like though..." I spoke honestly.

"Oh, come here," He leads me into a small food section of the store, picking up a package of coffee beans. "He likes the brand pretty well. I think you should get this for him, he will love it."

I took it from him, a small feeling in my heart. I didn't like it...It was painful and made me upset. He knew instantly what Tamaki would have wanted. How close were they to each other? I shook my head. They are just friends, I shouldn't feel this way. Besides, I get to see him smile...

I gave Haruhi a small genuine smile, "Thank you, I would have never guessed he would like this...It's a cheap brand, doesn't he get high-quality stuff?" With him being highly rich, why would he buy such low coffee?

"You see, one morning I brought some to the club and shared it. Everyone loved it and ever since he has been begging me to bring more, I was going to grab some today but seeing as you wanna get him something. I think you should give it to him." I felt...Uneasy. Was it a good idea to give Tamaki something? Haruhi seemed so close to them...I didn't like the word sitting on my tongue.

Jealousy.

I noticed the time, school was going to start soon. "I better go..." I bowed to him.

"Why don't we walk back together? I just have to drop off some groceries for my dad." He asked as we were paying for our items. I instantly wanted to run away. I could barely let myself trust Tamaki, how could I easily trust him? I wanted to say yes, this could be my chance to make a friend. I couldn't muster the courage though...It wasn't the same from when I was with Tamaki.

I frowned, "I'm sorry, but I really must go."

I quickly rushed away. I couldn't do it...I wasn't able to say yes to him. I wasn't ready for all this...After what has all happened to me. He was so nice to me too...I had no reason to doubt him, he was kind to me like Tamaki, but yet...Something was telling me not to trust him like he was hiding something. I must be out of mind, what does he have to hide from me? I barely know him and here I am already doubting him. Maybe with more time, I might be able to be friends with him. Not just him, maybe also anyone else.

* * *

I was in the bathroom stall, puking my guts out. Seeing the marshmallows, not even digested, float in the toilet water made me feel even sicker. I puked up small bites from dinner and the hot chocolate. So I can't even digest flavored drinks...What about water? I'm too scared to even try. I hate vomiting. I laid my head on the seat, taking a couple breaths. Ugh...Why am I like this? I was still confused as ever, nothing was telling me what was going on with my body. I had to take one step at a time, I believed soon, something would tell me what was happening.

I needed to be patient.

"Hey, have you seen the new makeup line?"

I know her voice...I frowned, deciding to peek through the crack of the stall door. Sakura was standing there with one of her friends, putting on red lipstick. My body became heavy. The girl who didn't care what happened to me as long as she got her money. I wanted to bust out my stall, to yell at her. Why did she have to give me away?! I would have become her friend...We could have even become best friends. She was adorable still, even after it all. She looked completely innocence. If I was to tell anyone what happened to me that day, no one would believe me.

Her friend began to giggle, "Did you get the money from Luka?" My heart stopped in my throat. My eyes widening, knowing she was talking about me.

"Of course, I wouldn't dare talk to that geek without something." She snarled, "She actually thought I was going to be her friend, what a joke." I couldn't move, my body like a stone. How could she say those things... She was kind to me then, I didn't think she was capable of this. "I actually bought this lipstick with the money." She smacked her lips, showing off the bright red color.

"It is a very nice shade, you should let me borrow it."

They walked out, gossiping to one another. After what seemed like forever, I dragged myself out of the bathroom. People are so cruel...Why would I want to ever get close to anyone...They're all the same. I managed to walk myself to the staircase. Suddenly, Tamaki was standing next to me with a grin. The thought of not trusting anyone was crushed in my mind...My thoughts becoming calm. I smiled at him, all my worries disappearing.

I forgot I had him.

"Are you okay?" He asked, noticing my smile wasn't completely there. It was hard to forget something like that...I wasn't that strong. "You can tell me." I couldn't tell him though. Even if he is my friend, I refuse to put my problems onto him.

I looked at my feet, "I don't feel well..." Lying to him felt wrong, but I had to do it. If I told him what Sakura did to me and Luka. What would he do? I see him being the type to talk to them. I don't want any confrontation cause of me.

I'm not someone who deserved to be defended.

"Oh...I'm sorry. Do you need to go home?"

I wanted to laugh.

It would be a miracle if Mother would allow me to go home.

It was funny because she would never.

"I am okay, besides I wanted to see you today." I was so excited that I could barely sleep last night. Oh! That reminded me, "Here, you forgot this?" I pulled out his jacket.

He took it from me, "Thank you! I was to busy coming up with the surprise, that I forgot to take it back. I'm glad I didn't though, it was cold yesterday and you needed it more then I did." I nodded to him despite me not even feeling the weather. However, I was happy he forgot it...I loved sleeping with it on, I felt safe. I was actually a little disappointed I was giving it back, but I could never keep it. It was his and I wasn't the person who deserved it.

"I better get to class Tamaki, thank you for yesterday," I bowed.

He stopped me with his hand on my shoulder, "You don't have to do that, we are friends!" I got back up, feeling awkward. I always bow...Mother taught me from when I was little to always be beneath someone. They are always you're superior, no matter who they are.

Listen to what others say, _never_ _disobey_.

"I'm sorry..." I apologized.

I was walking away when he called out to me, "See you at the Host Club?" I could tell he was unsure. Every time, I was going to go, I never showed up. How was he suppose to know that I wouldn't ditch today either?

I looked over my shoulder, a gentle smile, "It is a promise."

* * *

I stopped by the door, the feeling of being overwhelmed hit me. Should I do this? If I walk in, everything could change for me. I wasn't used to the other Host's. The only ones I know or actually talked to was Haruhi and Tamaki. Honey was nice...And so is Takashi. Kyoya was too intimidating for me...The twins were...Too out there. My hand hesitated to reach for the door...I was scared.

"Come on..." I whispered to myself. Trying to give me some courage. I could hear girls talking on the other side and the twins loud voices. I was growing more uncertain. I should just walk away...Go home and forget this ever happened. But Tamaki...I promised him I would show up. He wanted to surprise me and here I am wanting to run away _again_. I told myself 'he is your friend, he will not hurt you.' I have to learn to trust and this is my first trial. Going through this door will allow me to get close to people.

I can't hold back anymore.

I pushed the door open, seeing the club bustling with life. Everyone was laughing, having a good time with the boys. Here I was by the door, about to pee my pants. My hands played with each other, not knowing what to do next. 'You can't just stand here. You opened the door so now do something!' I walked forward, trying my best to attract the least amount attention.

"Whoops," Someone snickered in my ear.

I couldn't process the thought fast enough as I trip over her feet. I landed with a slap on the floor, everyone looking to see what happened. "I'm so sorry! You okay?" I glanced up to see Sakura, a fake expression of worry painted on her face. I flinched back as she offered a hand. She wanted everyone to see herself as the innocent savior. She got away with it too. Somebody was by my side in an instant, I thought it was Tamaki but my eyes widened.

"Here," Takashi helped me up. I took his large hand, getting off the floor. "Be careful," He directed towards Sakura. Her face turned red with rage. She suspected no one to help me. She wanted to show me that no one would care.

She quickly slapped on a smile, "I am sorry, I'll try to be more careful." She glared at me, rushing out of the Host Club. No longer wanting the eyes on her.

"Thank you..." I said under my breath. I was shocked. Why did he help me? He sudden action to come to my aid left me feeling nervous. I wanted to hit myself for constantly feeling like a scared kitten. I have to find Tamaki. My body instantly wanted to be by his side. He made me feel safe...No one could hurt me if he was around. Takashi knew I was uncomfortable with him there, he took the note. He nodded at me and returned to Honey's side. He noticed I was here, but couldn't say hi as he was talking to some girls. With Takashi gone, I took a breath of relief.

I'm not ready to make friends with others...I just wasn't prepared for that yet. I noticed Tamaki was talking to Haruhi, he hasn't noticed I was here. I grew worried. Should I have come? He doesn't even see me. A shock went through my body. What if he was lying about the surprise? What if he just wanted to make fun of me by letting me stand here alone. My feet urged me to go say hi to him, he was just having a conversation. 'That is why he hasn't seen you.'

"Hello," I jumped back. Huh? I looked up to see Kyoya glancing at Tamaki, he knew I was looking at him. "If you wish to speak to him then go do it." If I couldn't handle the quiet Takashi, how was I suppose to handle him?! He was powerful, collected and calm. He was everything I wasn't. My words fumbled over my tongue, nothing could come out.

Tamaki saw us talking, he decided to come over, a grin on his face. "Kyoya, you got number one on the test scores again."

"Naturally," He said.

Tamaki then grabbed my shoulders, "I saw you got second! Only one point off from KyoyDid I get

I got second? I glanced at Kyoya, he looked like he was thinking of something. I was one point away from being the same as this perfect man. If I tried harder, I could have been on the same level as him. He was scary, he was intimidating but he was also someone who always held himself high. Even if I was just as smart as him, I would never be like him. I saw myself as dirt while he was the God walking on me.

"So you are Hara?" His sudden question pulled me out of thought.

Tamaki jumped in, "Yep! She is my new friend I was telling you about." He told him about me? I wanted to smile, but decided against it. I didn't want to show it to Kyoya...

"I see..." He lost interest in me as he went to go talk to some of the guest. I felt like a burden. I knew I was boring...I couldn't even speak a sentence to him. I would have walked away also.

Tamaki waved his hand in front of me, "You ready for your surprise?!" Oh yea, he was going to surprise me with something. That also reminded me that I had the coffee in my bag. Should I give it to him now or..? He pulled something out of his pocket, it was a small purple box. I grew silent; not knowing what to say. My hands refused to take it from him. I have never received a gift from someone before...I didn't know what to do. He saw me being reluctant, opening it up for me.

Inside was a small blue gem shaped like an iris, the necklace was small and simple, however, still beautiful. I was speechless. How could he get me something so pretty...The coffee was nothing compared to this. I felt horrible. I couldn't give him my gift...It would be a mockery of what he gave me. He took it out of the box, putting it on for me. I didn't push him away as he lifted my hair up. His fingers brushed across my neck, leaving a tingling feeling left over. When he got it on, he looked at me, waiting for me to say something.

"I..." My mouth gaped, "Don't deserve this."

I didn't.

I could never deserve something so pretty. Why would he do this for me when we just met? I went to take it off, but he stopped me by grabbing my hand.

It was warm.

"Keep it," He grinned. "It is a sign of our friendship. You know an Iris flower means hope. I wish to help you with whatever is troubling you."

I had no hope left.

I wanted to tell him that desperately. I killed myself and who knew when my time would come, if it would ever come. I could just disappear one day and he would never know. I was stuck in this personal hell of mine. I refused to drag him in it. However, I made a promise to myself that I would let him become my friend. He could make this world less dark. I could go on being dead if he was here.

"Okay," I smiled.

He touched one of my of pig-tails, making me flinch. "You look cute with your hair like this." He likes it. I looked at my feet, hiding a grin. "Hey, don't look down." His thumb lifted up my chin. "You have a beautiful smile, don't hide it." Oh god, this is to much. My head was spinning. His fingers were like flower petals and the way he touched me left my mind numb. I swore he was an angel sent down to help me. I was nothing but a lonely soul and he was here to help guide me.

"Hey, Hara, nice to see that you came," Haruhi said. When he came over, I had to hide the pink trying to cross my cheeks. I was flustered enough and didn't want to be mocked for it. My body went to naturally bow but remembered what Tamaki told me earlier. I fought the urge back, not bowing to Haruhi. I felt this was the first step in breaking some habits.

What I couldn't break was the familiar feeling of overstaying my welcome. I needed time to adjust to this place and the overwhelming thought of Mother crept into my head. I felt like it was my time to go, I have been here long enough.

"Yes...but I must be leaving." I couldn't make eye contact with both of them. I grew unwanted when he came over. I wasn't comfortable standing here.

Tamaki frowned, "but you just got here." I would have liked to stay longer. However, I have overstayed my welcome. I needed to slowly work my way up. Maybe someday, this place could become my second home.

"I know, I am sorry." I didn't give them time to stop me. I didn't want to argue with them or get sucked into a conversation so I quickly fled the club. Ignoring Tamaki calling my name as I shut the door behind me.


	8. Chapter 8

I sat in front of the coffee beans. Today, I thought, I will give him these. I was ready for school, feeling determined. No matter what, I will not run away. I don't care who approaches me, let it be Luka or even Sakura; I will give him his gift. I nodded to myself, stuffing the beans into my bag. I closed my bedroom door and the person standing in front of it made me freeze. Standing there was Seika, a nasty grin on her face.

Her arms were crossed as she looked down at me, "I'm back."

Her shoulder was patched up from where I bit into it, slightly stained with blood. I gulped as she leaned down to whisper in my ear. Oh god, what is she going to do to me? If she is here then so is Mother. Should I apologize? It doesn't matter, they will punish me. I thought my life was bad before, but now it will be even worse. I braced myself as I felt her warm breath hit my ear. "Prepare to live in hell." I bit my lip. I was already in hell. I am trying to make it into some _kind of little heaven_ by letting Tamaki into my life. I felt a spark in my chest as I looked up at her with anger.

I will not let her ruin it.

"Bring it on." I hissed, pushing past her and out of the house.

* * *

I leaned against the school, breathing heavily. Did I just talk back to her? To the sister who rules over my life in my home? I felt scared, accomplished, and embarrassed all at the same time. Never did I thought, in a million years, that I could speak up to Seika. I didn't know what she is going to do to me when I got home, but I could care less. I felt amazing after saying something. I couldn't let her control me so easily. This time if she wants to try to hurt me.

I will _fight back_.

As I was walking through the halls, heading towards my first hour. Someone tugged at my dress, I turned around to see a much shorter girl looking up at me. She had big hazel eyes and short messy brown hair. Who is she? I've never seen her before. Maybe, she mistook me for someone else. I did have the characteristics of almost everyone around here.

"Hello there, my name is Oten." She had a bright smile, "I need help finding my class, can you help me?" It was a new student, I told myself. The old me would tell her, no, to ask someone else. However, I will change into a better person and I will help her.

It took some time for me to nod my head.

She let go of my dress, cheering, "Thank you! What is your name?"

I hesitated. What if she knows Luka? what if she is lying to me just to hurt me. I wanted to slap myself. These thoughts have to go, I can't keep on doing this. "My name is Hara, it is nice to meet you," I bowed.

"You have a nice name," She pointed out.

I didn't think it was pretty in the slightest. If I could change it, I would. To something that was lighter, had a nice meaning to it. She handed me her schedule, oh... She has Nitsuo for her first hour! She will love him, he was always so kind to me.

"Come with me. "

We walked past the other students as she was sucking in the environment around her. She was excited to see such high ceilings, staircases, and the high-quality uniforms. Even though her small fingers played with her yellow dress, which would surely wrinkle it. The bright lights from the chandeliers and beautifully decorated lights reflected from her eyes, enhancing their brown features. Roses were in almost in every corner of the school, filling the air with the crisp scent of nature. This place was like a dream and the students living here was apart of it.

There were mostly rich kids here, but there were few, including myself, who got into here from scholarships. In middle school, I went to a normal school not far from here. Since Mother was always on my tail, I had to make good grades which resulted in me getting accepted here. I thought coming to such a first-rate school would make her proud of me, but it only resulted in her cracking down even harder. People here are from the social part of the world, being a screw up would scar her for life.

Oten spoke up, "Hey, you are nice."

I looked down at her in surprise. I was simply leading her to her class. How was that making me a nice person? It was something I was forcing myself into doing it. If she met my old self before I died. She would have ignored me like all the others...

"Thank you..." I said in a low tone.

She jumped in front of me, "I like you!" I gasped, taken back, my shyness starting to surface. "I can tell you are different." I didn't know what to say to her, I was completely shocked. It was weird having someone say they _liked me._ It was something new and honestly...I enjoyed it. It made me feel good and made everything seem less harsh in this cruel world. "I hope you know, that we are best friends now."

I opened my mouth to say something, "But-" She cut me off, rushing forward. She stopped at a poster on the board. I went up to it and instantly grew worried. It was the snow festival, it was coming soon. Everyone would gather around to watch the snowfall. I could already smell the fried food and the hear the screams of small children running around trying to play for cheap prizes. That's what I imagine would be at a festival.

I've never been to one.

"This," She pointed at it, "We are going together." I went to tell her no, that I wasn't the type of person to go to these things. I've never been to a festival before and I didn't want to start now, especially with someone I didn't even know.

She wrote down the date on a small piece of paper, forcing it into my hands. "We will talk more about it later, do not forget!"

I opened my mouth, "But I can't-" I was cut off again as she took off down the hall.

"See you soon, best friend!" She went straight into Nitsuo's classroom.

Wait...She knew where it was the whole time? Did she lie to me..? I glanced at the paper, it had the date of the festival and a cute smiley face. Should I rip it up and forget about it? Forget about Oten, all the craziness she seemed to ooze out. I shook my head, folding up the tiny note. Didn't I say I was going to try? I tried with Tamaki, I could manage him; he was sweet, kind and a gentleman. He wouldn't hurt me. Now for Oten...Could I trust her? Would she stab me in the back like Sakura did? No, I can't believe everyone is like that.

This weekend, I will go to the festival with her.

* * *

I glanced at the coffee in my bag, along with the energy bar. Come on, it is just for him. He won't make you feel embarrassed or anything. I sighed, about to give up. This is hard...I should just go home. I need more courage to do this... I went to turn around and leave school when I heard Tamaki behind me.

"There you are!" He called. I looked at him, faking a smile. I didn't want to see him right now, I needed to gather some strength. "Hara, I was just about to go up to the club. Do you wanna come with me?" I wanted too...No, wait I didn't want too...Maybe, I do? I was confused and nervous. I have to give him his gift no matter what happens. My hand inched towards my bag, ready to grab the coffee.

"Tamaki, I-"

"Oh Hara, nice to see you." To my side was Haruhi, he showed up out of nowhere.

Tamaki's face lit up, "You ready to go up to the club?" He asked.

"Yep." I lost all hope of giving him his present. I didn't want Haruhi to be here, I wanted to give it to him when we were alone. I wanted to tell him how thankful I was for his friendship. Now, I couldn't do it. I lost my chance. I wanted to go home...To run away. However, I slapped on a fake smile, hugging my bag close.

I spoke up, "Shall we go?"

They both nodded at me, happy as can be. What was it about these two? They seemed so comfortable with each other like there wasn't a care in the world. They spoke casually, like childhood friends. That must be it. They probably grew up together. It was the only excuse my tired mind could think of. I wish...I had someone I could be with...Like true friends, speaking to one another so casually. Will me and Tamaki end up like that?

We walked up the stairs, they talked while I stayed silent behind them. This reminded me of Middle school. I tried to make friends once, to go against Mother in some way. It was like this, walking behind them as they carelessly talked away, while I was left behind; to submerge in depression. It always felt like I was suffocating. I could stop walking, let them go ahead. Would they notice me?

"Hey Hara, do you have something for me?" Tamaki asked, looking behind his shoulder. I wanted to freeze in my tracks. How did he find out? I didn't tell anyone about his gift, the only one who knows is-

I glanced at Haruhi, who winked.

My mouth felt like lead, "I um..."

Haruhi told him...Did he say anything about it being coffee? I wanted it to be a surprise. I didn't want him to know. Why Haruhi, why did you do this? Hugging my bag closer, I shook my head. "I don't have anything for you." I had to lie...I couldn't give it to him now, knowing that he knew about it. It lost its special meaning...Haruhi frowned, he didn't think I would lie.

"That's okay, I was wondering that's all."

We stopped by the door, Tamaki held it open for us as we entered. The Club was already full of girls, having a good time. The heavy sickening smell of roses was the first thing to greet me. My nose crinkled as I stepped in behind the two host. My day was crushed. He knew about it. How was I suppose to give it to him now? I should go home... I wanted to give him my gift so badly. He would have loved it, I wish I got to see his reaction.

"Hello, Tamaki and Haruhi." I stopped looking up to see Kyoya standing in front of us with his arms crossed, his expression composed as always, but slightly annoyed. He noticed me behind them, "Hello, Miss. Hara." I slunk back, not knowing what to say.

His eyes always pierced me; they were dark and guarded. Kyoya was a man who wouldn't be easily fooled and it worried me. What if he already knew about my condition? That couldn't be possible. I looked and acted normal, nobody would be able to tell. My gaze returned to Kyoya, watching as he fixed his glasses. His face was well sculpted like he was crafted from the finest marble. He was tall and that made him even more intimidating. The way he carried himself and his looks, there was only one word I could describe him as.

A demon.

Tamaki smiled, "Hey, Kyoya! I managed to bring Hara today, I told you I would."

"I can see that." He sighed, "In which I would wish to talk to her." I almost gasped in shock. I didn't wanna talk to him, I don't even want to be left alone near him. He was too scary for me, to powerful. He could easily crush me like the bug I was.

"Of course, go on, Hara," Tamaki gently pushed me towards him. "Haruhi and I have to get things ready for the festival."

My eyes widened in surprise. The Festival? Are they going together? Or is the club having some kind of event? It was this Saturday and I planned on going with Oten.

Kyoya coughed under his breath, to get me to look at him, "Thinking of something?" He asked lazily.

I couldn't say a word to him, intimidation was keeping my mouth closed. He didn't push on the subject as he leads me to a table, pushing out my chair for me. I took a seat, watching him bring us some tea. I refused to touch it, I didn't want to throw up again. Steam rose off the hot liquid, wishing I could feel the warmth of it on my tongue. I wish I could taste the relaxing brew on in my mouth or all I could do was smell the calming aroma, but it did little help since I couldn't taste it.

"Do you not like tea?" He noticed I haven't touched it. I was treating it like it was some kind of plague. Should I drink it? Make it seem like I'm okay? No...I couldn't bare barfing again.

The words fumbled in my mouth as I struggled to speak.

I spoke quickly, "I'm not thirsty!" It sounded like I was a choking child.

God...I'm an idiot... Why do I embarrass myself so much?

I swore for a split second, that I saw the tiniest smile on him.

He fixed his glasses, "I see you made the second highest score on the test, one point below me." I still couldn't fathom that I was able to be near this godlike man, even if it was just a test score. I could never see myself being so close to someone who was perfect. "Congratulations."

"Thank you," I said under my breath.

It was silent, neither of us having anything to say. Unlike Takashi, this silence wasn't a comfortable one. We could both be content when we had nothing to say to each other, but with Kyoya it was unsettling. It was awkward and made me want to get up. I thought of things to say, but of course, I couldn't get them to come out. I decided to listen around me, maybe I'll hear something of interest.

"Honey is so adorable!" A girl squealed.

I agreed, Honey was a cute little boy, but no way was I going to tell Kyoya that. Honey was someone, who despite being older than me (I found out from some girls.) He beamed with childlike innocence. This was something I wanted. It was far too late for me, my childhood was stripped and torn when I was young. I noticed Honey was with Takashi, eating some cake by themselves; probably taking a break from the girls.

I glanced over at the twins. "Can you guess? Come on!" They both laughed at three girls. They were trying to guess who was who. I couldn't tell...How could anyone? They looked exactly the same in every way. I didn't dislike Hikaru or Kaoru, they were just to hyper for a quiet person like myself. They were open with their emotions and it was something I was jealous of.

"We could sell snacks?" I finally looked over at Tamaki and Haruhi. The small brown haired boy was hunched over a notebook, writing down ideas for the festival. His hair was sleek and shiny, the complete opposite of mine. Haruhi gave off a weird vibe that I couldn't figure out. He looked delicate and somewhat feminine.

Then there was Tamaki. Words could not describe how Tamaki was. He was kind and gentle, his smile could light up a room. His personality could win anyone over and it did, it managed to melt my icy heart. He was precious to me and I would do anything if he asked.

Kyoya spoke up, "Going to the festival?"

How could he tell?! I didn't say a word about it. He saw I was puzzled and decided to make it clear to me, "I could tell you were trying to gather information around, so you could have something to talk about."

Could he read me that easily? He added another reason why he was such a perfect person. It made me unsettled that he could tell what I was doing but I tried not to let it get to me. Demons had strange abilities beyond human comprehension, he was merely them.

"Yes.." I looked away, "I am going to the festival." It felt good to say that.

To do something I would have normally never done.

"That is good, perhaps you can stop by our booth and buy something with your date." I covered my cheeks, my mouth gaped open. Did he just say...Date?! Me, having a boyfriend was a thing that was never going to happen. It didn't happen while I was alive and it wasn't going to happen while I am dead. Besides...Who would ever fall in love with a girl like me? I was to quiet, my looks were plain and romance was something I had no experience in. If some poor soul ever fell in love with me...

I'd reject him _immediately_.

I was dead now, all hopes on ever starting a family or relationship was gone. I gave that up the moment I jumped off that roof. How could I drag someone down with me? It would be easier on them if I was to let them go, to never let them get close to me. Tamaki was my friend, I was allowing him to get close, but if he ever grew feelings for me...I'd break it off. I could never let a man as kind as him, go down in depression over a waste of space like me.

"I do not have a date," I brushed it off, "I am going with a friend."

"I see..." He was silent for a minute, knowing perfectly well that I didn't have a date. He just wanted to get a reaction out of me. "You can still come by."

With that said, he noticed my eyes kept shifting to where Tamaki was. He spoke, "I can tell Tamaki and you are becoming friends. Why not come by and speak with him Saturday?" Why was Kyoya telling me to do this? Was he approving of our friendship? Wasn't he Tamaki's best friend, wouldn't he be jealous?

"I umm..." I thought it over. I wanted to see Tamaki at the festival. I really wanted to talk to him and maybe even...See the snowfall together... I could finally give him his present. I bit my tongue as I looked at Kyoya. "I will see him."


	9. Chapter 9

What can I do..? What do people usually do for festivals? I have no experience with these things. I should just go like this...I glanced in my mirror. I was wearing tights and a long sleeve black shirt. I heard Mother laugh over something in the kitchen. It was Saturday morning. So far Seika hasn't done anything to me. Mother hasn't spoken a word towards me either...They seem to just _ignore_ me. I liked it this way though. I didn't have to worry about them being aggressive. Seika will do something though...I'm just waiting for it to happen.

I heard something tap on my glass window. It was to high for someone to tap on it with their hands. I glanced out, seeing Oten throwing small balls of ice from the near by fence. What is she doing here?! What if Mother hears. I desperately glanced at my door, afraid she had already found out. She continued to throw ice until I opened the window.

"Finally! I've been here forever!" She called. Her hair was put up in the shortest pigtail I've ever seen, but it looked cute. Her cheeks were red from the cold weather, she was bundled up in a huge sweater. God...Don't shout. Mother will hear you...I could stand up to Seika but I could never, not in a million years, stand up to Mother. I pressed a finger to my lips, signalling her to be quiet. She got the message but still stood there. What is she wanting? Why is she here? How did she find out where I lived?

I had to do something to get her to go away, "Why are you here?" My curiosity came first though. This was the first time someone came over here for me and not Seika, she had friends over all the time.

"To hang out, duh! Before the festival tonight." She wanted to hang out with me? Out of all people, she wanted to actually spend time with me. I was speechless, not knowing how to react. Even though this was something that made me happy, how was I going to hang out with her? Mother would never let me go out...She said I need to study more... I bit my bottom lip, not knowing what to do.

"Come on! It's cold out here." Oten hugged herself close. I couldn't feel the cold breeze going through the air. I could just imagine the feeling of wanting to slam the window close and feel the warmth of my bed. I desperately wanted to go, but I could never go against Mother... huh? Oten disappeared. I looked around and saw here climbing the tree close to my apartment window.

I gasped, "Get down, you'll hurt yourself!" She didn't listen to me as she grabbed each frozen branch carefully. The tree shook the closer she got to my window. I was stuck on what to do. Right when I turned around to run away, I felt her hand grab mine. I looked back in shock, her eyes were filled with determination.

"You're coming with me." My fate was decided right there. I had to go with her. It wasn't very often someone would climb a tree covered in ice just to get to me. I nodded making her smile wide, letting go of my hand. Suddenly, she fell backward. I looked down, a sigh of relief as Oten landed on a huge snow mound. "I'm alright!" She gave me a thumbs up. I tried to hold it back, but I couldn't.

I laughed.

It was funny, seeing this girl covered in snow. Her hair no longer in a pony-tail. Her face was even more red as she looked up. This was nice. I could get used to this. However, I could bask in my happiness later. How was I going to get out? Mother would force me to stay so walking out the front door wasn't an option. I glanced at my window, feeling a bit dumb.

I took a deep breath, "Here I come!" I can't believe I am doing this. I'm really going to disobey Mother. I'm willing to run out of the house without her knowing. What if she finds out? Seika could come in here, trying to harass me or something and not find me here. Will they go looking for me? No, they would be glad if I was gone from their lives, even if it was for a second. I decided, to be safe. I stuffed my bear and some clothes under my covers, making it look like I was sleeping. This should do for now. I went back to the window, seeing Oten waiting for me. I put my foot out the window, trying to keep my breath even.

The excitement of leaving without anyone knowing was all to real. I was the good child, the one who always did what she was told. Sneaking out was something I never thought of doing. I did my homework like I was suppose too, studied like a good student should. I made sure Mother always looked her best when it came to me but now. I was _done_. I was dead. I killed myself to escape this harsh reality. I was no longer the _good_ child, the one who _always_ did what she was told. Here I am sneaking out now, about to actually for once, _live_. No matter what Mother or Seika tried to do to me, I was dead. They couldn't hurt me anymore.

In some kind of way. I was _free._

* * *

We were walking through town, I was busy observing everyone walking pass us, without a care in the would. You could see some girls getting ready for the festival. Everyone was talking about it. Oten was by my side, trying her best to stay warm. Here I was, just wearing a long sleeve and she was wearing a heavy coat. No one stared at me like I was crazy, so I didn't put much thought into it.

"Do you have a winter kimono?" Oten spoke up. I wish I did...I have never owned one before,Seika always wore them to special occasions, but not I. Mother said I had no need for one, I was to busy with my studies to go out. They were so pretty...The bright colors, the patterns of birds and flowers... I wished I had one, but even if I did...I couldn't afforded it.

I bit my lip, "No." Her eyes popped out of her head, thinking I was crazy.

"How can you go to a top school like Ouran and not have a winter kimono!" She gasped, "Did your parents not buy you one?" I didn't want to talk about my parents, specially Mother. I wasn't the child to give gifts too, a winter kimono was something I was never going to get from her. I shook my head, not wanting to talk. "That is crazy! Well, I better fix that for you."

What did she mean by that? "Fix it?" She grabbed my hand, pushing past the people in front of us. I tried to apologize to everyone, but Oten could care less. We stopped in front of a kimono shop, which was packed with students, shopping for the festival tonight. I was to nervous to go inside. I didn't have any money.

"What is the matter?" She was standing by the door, noticing I wasn't walking in. I played with my thumbs, not wanting to be rude with her. I didn't have the money and there was to many people in there...Kids from school...They will surely make fun of me. "Come on in already, it's cold!" I glanced at my feet, not wanting to look at Oten. It was cold...I could tell she was freezing. Her poor little face beet red.

"I don't have any money." I whispered under my breath, seeing the white mist escape my lips.

She suddenly started laughing, like I told the best joke in the world. "Seriously?" Embarrassment filled my body, making me want to run. She's making fun of me too...I should have never left home. "I'm buying you one."

"Huh?" My head shot up, my expression one of shock. She took my hand, not noticing it was cold as ice.

"I'm getting you one, we're friends and it's no skin off my back." She lead me inside with a huge grin. Once we stepped foot inside the shop, I almost gasped aloud. The whole shop was filled with beautiful colors. Red, pink, blue, and white was everywhere. Patterns I could never think of filled the walls and racks. Students from different schools were picking through the kimono's like candy. I was overwhelmed with so many people and colors in such a tiny place.

"Maybe we should wait outside..." I suggested.

Oten popped, "Of course not! We better grab one before everyone takes them all." She shoved through the students, ignoring the glares from them. I kept my head down, trying not the be noticed. We managed to get to one of the racks with the heavy set kimono's. My eyes almost popped out of my head when I saw the price tags. These were made from expensive materials. I could never, not in my life, afford one of these. Oten wasn't fazed, going through the rack like it was nothing. Perhaps she was rich, most of the kids in my high school were. It wouldn't be a surprise.

"Please..." I tried to speak up, "I don't need one." I didn't want to owe her in some way. I've never had to go through this with someone before. What do I do when someone buys me something so expensive? Do I save up money and pay them back? Or perhaps, I become somewhat of a slave. Oten was very kind, a little to energetic for me, but sweet. I didn't feel any ill-intent with her, I felt calm. I didn't think she was going to harm me like Sakura did. Oten felt alive and every moment of the day was something to laugh about.

She shoved something into my arms, "Here, try this one." She completely ignored my look of disapproval. The kimono was heavy...How was I to wear this all night? She shoved me into a changing room. I looked at the mirror, noticing I was frowning. With the kimono in hand, I couldn't help but just stare at my reflection. I was paler than normal, my skin almost pure white. My eyes were dull, a brown that looked at people with no spark. I never realized how tired I looked. No wonder no one would talk to me. My hair was lifeless, just laying down my back. I was a mess, I looked like life wasn't worth is.

And It wasn't.

What did Oten see in me? Why talk to me? How could she honestly look at me with a smile and take time out of her day to take me into town. To buy me a kimono that was worth more than my entire being. I was a lifeless person, literally, who just wondered around, doing whatever she was told. Oten was full of life, someone who could make anyone smile. Of course, she too...Made me _smile._ I took off my clothes, looking over my smooth skin, no longer scared with pain. My body wasn't plump like some girls at school, but I wasn't flat either. No matter how hard I've tried, I couldn't look at myself as someone who was beautiful.

I couldn't put the kimono on, it refused to tie correctly. Suddenly, Oten popped her head in. I gasped, quickly covering my exposed body. "You take forever!" She pouted, coming inside, grabbing the kimono from me. When Oten saw my naked frame she gasped. My head became hazy, I felt like I was going to faint. No one has ever seen me bare...Oh God, I don't feel good. "You're skin is so smooth." She reached out for me, but I pulled away. "It's cool." She shrugged, "You can't touch perfection."

"What?" My face was hot. Did she call me perfect? Even though she was playing around, I took it seriously. It was nice hearing it, even if it was not true. If I was perfect, I would still be alive. If I was _perfect_ then I would have been my own person, I would have never let Mother control my life.

She noticed the kimono was ruffled, showing the struggle of me trying to put it on. "Oh come here, I will help you." I looked at my feet, not being able to make eye contact. She put the kimono on me gently and when she was done, she faced me towards the mirror. I was hesitant to see my reflection. I must look ridiculous, is she doing this to make fun of me? I bet I look like a clown, stuff like this doesn't suit me. "Wow." The words ran off her lips. Now, I couldn't help but look up.

I took a step back, bumping into Oten. "I..." I looked like a princess. The kimono was a deep red color with white lilies decorating the bottom. The fabric was like silk and fit my frame perfectly. The sleeves were long, almost touching the ground. It was nice and thick, since of the cold weather.

"Yep, we are getting this one." She smiled.

I couldn't possibly let her buy this... "No...I can't" I spoke, taking it off. She stopped me by placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Why not? I want to buy it for you."

Tears threatened to spill, "I don't deserve something so beautiful...I''m not..." Tears began to fall. What am I doing? How can I be crying right now...Stop Hara, please...Don't cry...I wasn't beautiful. If I was to wear this then I wouldn't feel like myself. I was a girl who did nothing but school, just being out of the house was something I wasn't used too.

Oten frowned, "You are beautiful!" She grabbed my face, forcing me to look at the mirror. I didn't want to see myself...God, I don't want to be here...The tears fell harder, looking at myself being pitiful was horrible. My eyes were red from crying..."Do you see this? I see nothing but a girl who needs to let go and live!" I wasn't alive anymore! I wanted to scream. How was I suppose to let go and live when I was no longer _alive._ Oten doesn't understand, no one does!

"Stop!" I yelled, making her back up. I quickly covered my mouth. "I...Didn't mean to..." I wanted to cry all over again. How could I yell at her? I've never yelled at anyone before...I'm horrible... She stared at me for a good minute before leaving the dressing room. I was all alone...Again. I was meant to be this way...Alone was something I was going to have by my side...I don't know how much time left I had on earth, but until I disappear...I am to remain alone. I sunk to the floor, my back against the mirror. I didn't want to look at myself.

Poor little Hara, look at yourself, alone in the floor. I felt tears rise again, but I refused to let them fall. I didn't deserve to cry. I yelled at the only person who has ever came to my house, to actually spend time with me. Now, look at what I've done...She's gone...I'm not going to the festival. Suddenly, the door shot open, Oten stood there with the receipt in hand. How did she..?

"Stop being sad and get up. It's bought so you can't cry about it anymore." I stood up, I was in disbelief. She came back. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings." She looked away, embarrassed. She wasn't used to people crying.

"I yelled at you..." I whimpered.

She almost laughed, "I get yelled at all the time! Wait till you see me around the teachers, I never seem to listen. Why do you think I changed schools?" She grabbed my cold hand, "Let's go before we miss the festival, but before that." She sat me down on a stool close to the dressing room. She pulled a hair tie out of her pocket, tying my hair up. I couldn't feel her tugging away as she finally finished. "There we go, finished." I looked in the mirror. My hair was put up into a messy bun. Oh my... This was new. I wasn't used to seeing so much of my face...

"Thank you..." I sniffled.

"No crying!" She puffed, "It was nothing, gotta help a friend out." Friend...I smiled. "I already bought me a kimono, I'll change into it real quick and we can go." She went into the dressing room. I stood there outside the door, leaning against it. Who knew I could be so happy in just a few seconds. There I was crying and now I'm smiling. People sure are weird...I guess friends can do this to a person. If having Oten around would make me smile like this then...

Maybe with her help, I can actually feel alive.


	10. Chapter 10

The night was always something I loved. The darkness can be a scary thing to some but to me, it was something of peace. It was night, when I went too the roof. It was night, when I decided I no longer wanted to live. It was night, when I killed myself. You couldn't see the stars out tonight, clouds covered the sky like a blanket. It was going to snow soon. We were at the festival gates, it was already full of people running around. The smell of food and laughter was in the air. I pulled a piece of loose hair behind my back. Oten was by my side, her hair once again in a small pony-tail. Her kimono was thick like mine. It was a bright green with yellow flowers all over the short sleeves.

"I can't wait to taste the food! It smells amazing!" Oten took a big whiff of the air. Since I couldn't taste food and would throw up everything I ate, I nodded as a reply. I wasn't ready to walk in yet. I was nervous, but I knew Tamaki was here. How will he react when I tell him that I've made a new friend? I think he would be happy for me. I smiled to myself, making sure Oten didn't notice. Imagine them becoming friends as well, then I would have two friends and them liking each other would make it all the better. Perhaps, I should introduce them together? No, I can't make that move yet. I still barely know Oten and Tamaki. It was a nice thought.

I felt her hand rap around my wrist, "You ready?" She could tell I was nervous, that I wasn't used to these things. Her touch was like someone reaching out to me, saying that everything was going to be alright.

"Yes," I said, "Let's have fun." Fun, such a strange word. Who knew that I would be saying that word after I died. When I was alive, nothing was fun. Everything was hell and if anyone even said the word fun around me; I thought they were crazy. She led me past the gates, ignoring all the people. We wondered toward the food stalls, Oten was in complete awe. There was so much food around that you could feed the whole school. Sushi, Takoyaki, cotton candy and many other things I could just imagine. The smell was overwhelming. If only I could eat some...I wasn't hungry but just thinking of the taste made me sad.

Oten tugged on my arm, "Let's try this one!" She led me to a stall that was serving grilled squid on a stick. It smelled heavenly. Before I could tell her I wasn't hungry, she had already slammed the yen down on the counter. The man smiled, thanking us as he handed her the two squids. They were freshly hot, steaming with flavor. "I'm so ready for this!" She reached out for me to take the stick.

I hesitated, "I'm not hungry..." I felt bad telling her this but I couldn't eat anymore.

She shoved it into my palm, "Stop being modest and eat! You figure is nice but you can let go sometimes." My figure..? I could care less about my body. I stared at the food, my mouth watering from the smell. However, this would end grim. No matter how good it smelled, it would taste like nothing.

Oten took a huge bite out of it, immediately regretting it. "Hot!" She ran around, not wanting to spit it out. After she calmed down, she showed me her tongue. "How bad is it?" She tried saying. Her tongue was all red, pieces of squid still around. I couldn't help but laugh at her silliness.

"It's red."

She frowned, "But it is so good." She saw mine untouched. "Come on, try it already. Have you tried squid before?"

I loved grilled squid. When I was younger, before Seika was born, Father used to grill squid at home, it was wonderful. When Seika was born however, Mother grew to hate the smell of sea food and doesn't allow it in the house. "Yes, I love squid."

"Then eat it! Be careful though, it's hot." Pointing to her injured tongue.

I stared at it like it seemed forever. I really didn't want to eat it, I didn't want to throw up. I knew this was coming, festival's involved food and sooner or later, I was going to have to eat some. I slowly took a bite, not feeling it burn my tongue. Of course, it had no taste and swallowing it quickly wasn't a challenge. "It is pretty hot." I lied.

"See! Told you!" She laughed, leading me to more food carts. This was going to be terrible...

* * *

It was getting late, the clouds above our heads becoming thicker. It was going to snow soon. After forcing food down my throat, I knew I was going to throw up everywhere. I thought about going home so no one would have to see that, but I wanted to stay here... I haven't seen Tamaki yet. This made me upset, I wanted to see him. To show him my new friend. Oten was new to the school so asking her where the Host's stall might be would be a waist of time.

"I have to use the bathroom, I will be right back." Oten spoke up, doing some weird dance. She rushed off quickly. I remained still, not knowing what to do. Students where all around me, making me feel like a speck in the crowd. Familiar faces didn't glance at me as they talked to their friends or dates. I felt the food rise up in my throat, I held it down the best I could. I wasn't about to throw up now.

"Hara?" I looked up, thinking it was Tamaki. I frowned, seeing it was two boys from my third hour class. I wanted to run away, but was stuck between people behind me and them in the front. "You look really good in a kimono." Oh...They are just complementing me. No harm there, I should be okay. However, I knew better than to think that. I had been betrayed to many times in my life to easily be fooled.

"Do you wanna go somewhere more private?" Taki whispered in my ear. He had rugged brown hair and was dressed in a plain green yukata. I backed up, bumping into his buddy. His name was Kinu and he was known for dating tons of women. With smooth black hair and devilish green eyes.

He smirked, "Who knew a nerd like you was actually cute." Men are disgusting. "Hey Boss, what do you think."

Their last friend walked up to me, looking down with disinterest. "Average," He smoothly spoke. He had striking white hair and calm grey eyes. He was wearing a black kimono with the imprint of a dragon. "I see no interest here, let's go." I was mesmerized by his hair. I have never seen white hair before. Was it dyed? Or perhaps a problem in his genetics. I've never seen him in person before, only heard of his name, Tomo. He never came to class and he was someone not to mess with. All the girls swooned over him, making him popular, despite never being around. They turned around to leave when a voice called out behind me.

"How dare you say that about Hara!" Oten ran in front of me, pointing at them. "She is the most interesting person on the planet! I would know. She is kind and an angel. Compared to a low life devil like you!" Some of the people passing by froze, to see what was going on with the yelling. He stopped in his tracks.

Taki snorted, "What did you say punk."

"Do we need to teach you a lesson?" Kinu growled.

Tomo raised his hand, silencing them. He walked up to Oten, he looked like a tower while she was a small cottage. She didn't back down as she glared up at him. He remained cool and collected. "She is nothing interesting." This was getting out of hand, I wanted to grab Oten. To make her back down and run with me. Why did she have to stick up for me?!

I grabbed her hand, "Please...Let's go." I begged. She ignored me.

"Hara is different. She doesn't have to be interesting in your eyes."

His gaze landed on me, "Different?" He leaned down to look me in the eyes, his cool grey glare made me nervous. Like he could easily read me, digging to find my secrets. "All I see is someone who is tired." I backed up, not wanting him to look at me anymore. "However," He smirked, "If she is so interesting, then perhaps I'll look into her."

"You will do nothing of the sort!" Oten puffed, "I will hurt you."

"No you won't!"

Taki barked, "Try it small fry!" How could Oten do this? She was small, much smaller than the boys in front of her. She could stand her ground, spit in their faces if she wanted too. Here I am, behind her like a defenseless princess. I was too scared to do anything. This was all my fault. I should do something, I can't let this continue.

"Please, stop-"

Kyoya's figured appeared in-between them, "This is a festival ground, not a fighting ring. Take your business elsewhere." He was dressed in a dark blue kimono, his glasses making him look intimidating in the night. Tomo simply looked at him then at me, with a wink, he turned around like not nothing happened.

"Let's go." He coolly said.

His followers glared at the Host before following him into the crowd. People are scary...How can they do something like this and act like it never happened. They think stuff like this doesn't affect others. Why did I decide to come here? Now, I'm in even more trouble. I should go home...Oh god, I'm gonna throw up. I covered my mouth. I should have stayed home...I'm stupid. Maybe Mother knew I wasn't capable of being outside in the world... I hate this...I felt someone touch my shoulder.

Oten smiled at me, her hand was my savior. "You okay?" I nodded, keeping the undigested food down. "I showed them right?! A bunch of punks they were." Something I admired was she was so brave. Oten was never scared...I wish I was more like her. I noticed Kyoya was still here, looking up at him carefully.

His eyes were dead set on me, "You're nothing but trouble." He said, walking away. Oten heard him, about to yell again but I grabbed her hand.

"It is alright," I said, "He is just joking." I wish he was. I barely knew him and that is how I want it to stay. I had no urge to make him my friend. Tamaki was good enough for me and Oten. She breathed for a minute then sighed.

"Alright." She crossed her arms, "Only cause you say so." Since Kyoya was near by then that means Tamaki should be too. There is so many people here, it's hard to find him. I was excited to meet him again. His smooth blonde hair and bright purple irises. He was so kind and whenever I was around him, I felt happy. Suddenly, the idea of following Kyoya popped into my head. If we were too follow him, we will find Tamaki.

I spoke up quickly, not wanting too lose him. "We will follow him." I didn't wait for her to answer as I rushed after him. Oten was right behind me, confused.

"What do you mean?!"

He was easily passing by the students, a couple of the girls stopping him to chat. I looked up and saw the snow was going to fall soon. I have to find him, I wanted to be with Tamaki when it was time. I never really wanted much in my life. That was who I was. However, tonight I wish to be selfish. I want to watch the snow fall with the man who held his hand out to me. I looked behind me to tell Oten something but she was gone. Did I lose her? My confidence was draining quickly. I didn't want to be alone... I grabbed my hair, pulling on it. I can do this. Stop being a baby and go for it. Oten simply got left behind, she will catch up. I saw Kyoya leaving again. I had to choose. Tamaki or wait for Oten. I shut my eyes, trying to keep my thoughts clear. Everything around me became quiet as I heard a single voice.

Tamaki's.

I didn't hesitate as I rushed towards his voice. After I've tasted the sweet taste of having someone next to me. I never wanted to be alone again. Hearing his voice was a light in the darkness. I pushed past people desperately, begging to see him. Then time froze. Again, around me was silence. He was with Haruhi, both of them smiling brightly. Tamaki looked like a god, dressed in a gold kimono was with a white tiger on the side. Haruhi was in a plain brown one.

"We better hurry up if we wish to see the snow fall." Haruhi said.

Tamaki looked up, "You're right." They both began walking away and I had no strength to follow. I was _alone._ There I stood, everyone passing. I didn't know what to do as my feet moved. Then decided it was time to leave. I didn't want to go home though, Mother surely knew I was gone. I knew this was going to happen. Who would wait for you? I fought back tears as I walked further away from the festival. Why did I come in the first place? I'm so stupid...

By the time I noticed where I was, around me was trees and I could see a pond not to far in front of me. Getting close to people hurts...I couldn't feel pain but the crushing feeling in my chest was unbearable. I bent over, my hand grabbing a near by tree. I vomited all over the snow covered ground. I didn't try to hold it back, seeing squid and other festive food lay before me. I cried. I should have stayed home. Look at me, alone and vomiting. Once I was done, I dragged my heavy feet to the pond. I decided to sit down in the snow, not caring the thick kimono was getting ice on it. Since I gave off no body heat, the snow didn't melt it just stuck to me.

The view was beautiful in front of me. The pond was dark, a thin layer of ice on it. I blinked, seeing the snow begin to fall. Alone again I see. The flakes landed in my hair and my lashed as I just stared in front of me. It was quiet, not a single sound to greet me. My tears froze against my pale cheeks. There was a slight breeze.

"Beautiful. " A voice on the wind past my ear. I didn't bother to turn around. For the rest of the night I sat there staring at the pond. Not once did I turn around to see if someone was there. All I know is that I never heard footsteps crunch the snow. I didn't want to go home. I didn't have too. I could stay here forever. Fade away into the pond. I can't freeze to death or starve. I thought about walking into the pond, my weight would crack the ice. However, I grew sleepy. The snow weighing down my eyes. I can stay here...No will care.

Eventually, I dosed off into the cold night.


	11. Chapter 11

_"Mommy! Mommy!" I ran to her, my hands reached out for her to hold me. I was seven years old again, Seika was in my Mother's arms. She looked down at me with stern eyes. Everything around me was pure white just our figures being the only thing there._

 _She sternly spoke, "Young ladies are not held by their mother's. Now shape up or do you like embarrassing me." Father was beside her, agreeing with what she said. I began to cry but she snapped at me._

 _"But Mommy, you promised." I whimpered, "To take me to the park."_

 _"You don't need to be playing in the dirt, it will ruin your skirt." She turned around, walking away. Father gazed at me with sullen eyes, following Mother into the white background._

 _I screamed, "Come back! Please!" I ran after them but no matter how close I got, they got further away. I tripped, landing on my stomach. When I looked back up they were gone. "Mommy!" My voice echoed. I was alone again, crying. Suddenly, a hand was outreached for me to take. I grabbed it first then gazed up. I was frozen in place. No longer seven, I was my current age again. I wanted to scream but something was preventing me. Holding my hand was bones and before me was..._

 _The Grim Reaper._

 _The white background became black. He was made out of really old brittle bones. His black robe and hood fading into the background. "Ready to leave?" It laughed like a thousand demons at once. I pulled away and ran. I saw a tiny white light in the darkness, I ran towards it with all my might. Please, I don't wanna die yet! I don't wanna go with him! I could feel him right behind me. The light wasn't getting any closer. Please, I'm begging for someone to save me! The Reaper grabbed onto my shoulder, opening his mouth wide. "You'll be mine."_

* * *

I shot my eyes open, my breath rugged. My face was stained with tears. My whole body was shaking. I looked at my hands too see if I was really there. I hugged myself tightly. What was that?! I've never had a dream like that before...A horrible _nightmare_. However, I swore it was _real_. He said I was too be his...Am I going to die soon? I mean, disappear? Is my time almost up? If death was like that place...What have I done? No, I wanted this but that was scary... I was in my room, still in my soaked kimono. What?! Why am I here?!

I rushed out of my sheets, my kimono all ruffled and my bed wet. Last thing I remember was that I fell asleep by the pond. I looked myself over in the mirror, I looked the same, nothing changed. That nightmare... I slipped off the heavy garment, slipping on a sweater and tights. I hung it up so it could dry. I debated on staying in my room all day. How did I get here? Does Mother know that I am home? It was no longer snowing outside, it was early morning.

"Well, look who woke up." I gasped, backing up against my window. Mother was standing there. Her face showed no emotion and that was terrifying. "Did you sleep good?" I didn't dare answer. If I was too answer wrong... She made sure the door was blocked in case I wanted to run. With her long slender finger, she motioned for me to come to her. I didn't want too. My head was screaming to stay still. However, my body moved on its own and now I was in front of her.

She looked calm. It made me feel like a mess. She was always calm at first...Always. "Do you know how you came home last night?" I shook my head. "A boy brought you home saying you fell asleep at the _festival_." Oh god...She knows. "Where did you get that kimono? Looks rather expensive." The anger in her eyes rising. My body began to shake, I tried my best to make it look like I wasn't affected. Mother knew better. _She always did._

I opened my mouth, "Mother, I actually-"

Slap!

I fell onto the floor. I refused to look up at her, not wanting to see her hate me even more. "How dare you embarrass me like that!" She stomped her foot, "Who was that boy? Are you a _slut_ now?!" The word was vile. It made me feel dirty even though I was pure. Never have I ever touched a man. "Sneaking out and going to a worthless event. You could have studied. How dare you try to ruin my good name. What if people found out you ran away? They will come to me! I will pay the price!" I touched my cheek, thankful I couldn't feel anything.

"Mother..."

She smirked, "You know I never wanted you. When I was pregnant with you, I wanted an abortion but your Father begged me not too." I covered my ears. I didn't want to hear any of this. "Maybe this baby will be worth it. Maybe this baby will be something some day," She mocked, opening the door to leave. "Sadly, I ended up with _nothing_."

I was still on the floor. I dragged myself up, eyes glued to the floor. I knew I was never wanted...She didn't have to tell me. I know I am nothing. I wasn't much of anything. I died and yet this world still wanted to rip me apart even more. My reflection in my mirror stared back at me, her deep brown eyes mocking me. "You put yourself here," She told me, "Can't even die can you?" I turned away from the mirror. I hugged myself. I wish I was still by the beautiful pond. Who brought me home? They should have left me there...I don't wanna be here anymore.

There was a small knock on my door, Father poked his head in. I didn't have the energy to smile. He fought back a look of regret as he walked in. He sat on my bed and I sat beside him. He was looking at his palms. They were old and had seen many days of hard work. He was a tough man who did anything he could to support us. His hair was graying towards the roots. His eyes were tired from stress and his face was stained with the past.

"Hara..." He spoke softly, my name was rough on his lips. "I...I'm sorry." My gaze on him didn't waver as he buried his face in his palms. "Your Mother...I want to stop her but-"

My hand squeezed his shoulder, "Father, it's alright. You love her and I'll be fine." It was true. Father loved her with all his heart. Despite her abusive behavior, she was his angel. Yes, she hurts me. Yes, she sees me as nothing but a waist of space. However, they loved each other and who was I to get in-between them? I was their daughter. They had the child they've always wanted, Seika. I believed that if I had died that night. This family could have been happy. I was in the way. Father wouldn't have to worry about me, Mother would be left with her perfect daughter and Seika would be the center of attention like she had always wanted.

He frowned, rapping his arm around me, "Your Mother loves you even after what she said." I hid a bitter sweet smirk. Only if that was true. There was no love for me in her heart. I was a trophy child and I've already become rusted. "I remember when you were small. When Seika was only a baby." His eyes had a far away look in them. "We took you to the park and you were the happiest little girl in the world. Your Mother had the brightest smile and I was content watching my child run in the sun while my other little girl was in your Mother's arms."

I no longer remembered those times, where was he going with this? "Father..."

"I think it started that day." Sadness took over his smile, "Another family came to the park with their children, one stuck out the most, he was quite the smart one. He watched his siblings run around as he simply sat by his mother reading a book." He had to rub some sweat off his brow to continue. "Ever since that day, the image of that little boy followed your mother everywhere. I remember her telling me that her friends were gossiping about him, on how he was excellent in everything." I knew where this was going now.

Mother grew jealous of the little boy. He was perfect,was what she was told and here she was stuck with a little brat, me. The envy inside her continued to grow until she couldn't take it anymore. She could no longer bare her friends not giving her the attention. She had to have something that would make her the center of their interest. However, she had no talent herself but she did have one thing. Her oldest daughter. She had me. Mother knew I too had to be perfect.

"I should have-"

I smiled, grabbing Father's hand, I breathed. "It is alright, I forgive you." He seemed to calm down with those words. "Maybe, one day Mother will let go and we'll be a family again." If only that could happen. To be the perfect family. It was far to late though. Mother was completely consumed with jealousy, Seika was the greedy daughter who was used to getting her own spoiled way. As for Father...He had lost his will to fight. He would never go against them now. He could only sit behind the scenes, wishing it would all change. Then there was me, the oldest daughter, who wasn't close to Mother's ideals, killed herself.

He hugged me tight, "I love you sweetie." I hugged him back. I enjoyed the affection. I craved this all my life. However, it was over in a split second. He pulled away, getting up. "I better head to the office before your mother loses her temper." I merely nodded as he gave me one last smile before leaving.

There I was, alone in silence, sitting on my bed. I stared at the thick kimono, admiring the pattern. It certainly was fun while it lasted. I shouldn't have gone but yet, I don't fully regret it. Even if it was from afar, I saw Tamaki. He was dashing in his kimono. I wonder what he would have thought if he saw me? Would he think of me as beautiful? Certainly not! Having such ideas in my head is not normal..? I'm quite the silly one. Yet... I think he would have liked to see me. I wonder how Oten is doing? Did she get home safely last night? I hope she isn't mad about me running off... I don't know what I was thinking. I don't think she'll be upset at all, if anything, she is just worried about me.

My door cracked open, Seika was standing there, the house phone in her hand. "It is for you." There was a devil's grin planted on her face. I was nervous too approach her but I hid it well. I took the phone from her and she quickly rushed off. Who could it be? Who would possibly want to talk to me? I placed the phone against my ear, whispering. "Hello?"

"Hara!" The loud shriek of Honey caught me off guard, almost making me drop the phone. Why is he calling me?! How did he get my house number? Then again...He is from a wealthy family, they must have their ways.

I took my time replying, "Yes?"

"Are you okay? Takashi told me he found you asleep in the snow. He took you home last night." So it was him. I wish he would have never found me. I would have preferred staying by the pond.

I smiled, happy that someone cared for my well being, "I am fine, thank you for calling to make sure."

"You really are the Snow Queen, falling asleep in that weather! You must have been really tired." It would take me hours to explain to him how tired I was, mentally and physically. "You should have seen Takashi's face when he came home!" There was a loud bang on the other side. "Give it back!" Honey's voice was in the background. I could hear tussling until Honey's heavy breathing was on the line.

I wanted to laugh but held it in. It was weird being in this kind of situation. I thought talking on the phone for the first time would be nerve wrecking, but here I was sitting on my bed with a grin. It was exciting, hearing someone else's voice. I felt like talking for ever but I wasn't that type of person... "Honey?"

"Yes, Hara? Sorry, Takashi tried taking the phone away." He laughed, sounding like a little girl. I wonder what I sound like? Honey sounded so small on the phone. I didn't have a high voice like most girls but it wasn't deep either. Years of depression and torment has made me adapt to a flat tone. Takashi and Honey sure sound close. Being at his house this early in the morning. I would love to have something like that. Only if Seika and me got along...

"Tell Takashi thank you for me."

Honey covered the phone, yelling to Takashi, "She says thank you!" I laughed. This was nice. Never did I think this would happen. "Hey Hara, did you enjoy the festival? I mean, it's kind of weird wandering alone like that."

Without thinking I spoke, "It was wonderful. Seeing all the lights and kimono's. Everyone seemed to be having so much fun. I wish we had festivals more often. I wondered off cause I was tired that's all. Don't worry about me."

"That's good. Tamaki was wondering if you came at all. He was waiting for you." Tamaki was waiting for me? This made my chest feel funny. I held the phone tighter. "You never showed up so he went with Haruhi to see the snow fall. It was so pretty! Seeing all it all fall so slowly was amazing!"

I smiled to myself, "Yes...It certainly was." Honey continued to talk for several more minutes. I realized I've been on the phone for quite some time. Mother would grow angry...She would ask who called. "Thank you for calling me Honey, but I better go."

"Awe, well okay. See you at school tomorrow!"

I said my goodbyes as I hung up the phone. That...Was nice. I was so nervous at first but now, my entire body is filled with joy! If only I was allowed to have a cell phone. I could call them any time I wanted! Or text them. Maybe, I could even text Tamaki and Oten. If only Mother would let me... She says that phones are a waist of time. Even though Seika has one... I heard a thud as the phone landed on the ground. Huh?

Looking down, the phone was on the floor. I didn't let it slip did I? Then I realized, muffling my own scream. My hands were becoming see-through! Oh God, Oh God! I backed up, falling. I was scared and confused. Moving my hands around didn't make a difference as I struggled to breath. What is going on?! What is happening to me!? I tried to steady myself by placing my hands on the ground, but they went straight through. I quickly shot back, keeping my hands close to my chest. Is this how it starts? Am I going to slowly disappear? Make it stop!

"Please..." I begged, tears threatening to spill.


	12. Chapter 12

I was sitting outside in the garden behind the school for lunch. Of course, I had no such thing since I had no urge to eat. I've done my best to avoid everyone. My mind was so messed up. Yesterday morning... I looked at my hands, they were completely solid. It was like they never even disappeared. What happened? I had no way to explain it. I was so scared... I couldn't tell anyone what was wrong with me. I must suffer this alone.

I sighed into my palms, thankful they were still there. What am I to do? No one can help me... Wait, there was him. He knew kind of what was going on with me. However, I didn't want to see him. He was scary and laughed at me. The foreign feeling of rage was in me. How could he smile about my death?! He knew I was not of the living and yet he smiled! I quickly calmed down, not liking the feeling of being mad. I wasn't the kind of person to be enraged. I took a deep breath, seeing the white mist fade away. Am I too, going to fade away? It's scary, horrifying, and the silence of not letting anyone know was crushing. Yet, there was _him._ Nekozawa knew what might be going on with me.

Rising out of the snow, wiping it off my dress, I decided that I had to speak with him even though. I didn't want too. It was going to be nerve wrecking but I'm disappearing and I have to know why. I know it was going to happen sooner or later but I just know that I can't disappear yet! I have friends! I'm experiencing things I've never done before. If I am to leave now...I can't! Maybe, killing myself was...No, I couldn't survive in that house. I was all alone and everything was against me. Killing myself was my freedom I yearned for but I'm still here. I now know that I am here for something but for me to disappear now? I can't accept it!

* * *

I was wondering around the school, keeping a close eye towards the shadows. Everyone around me was laughing and going towards their last classes of the day. I was worried Mother would find out...I was skipping my last hour. I had too! What is the point if I am going to just vanish? She won't find out. I never knew how... _Pink_ the school was. Everywhere was the sickening color. Only the shadows of the school were black. No wonder Nekozawa preferred them. Even the stairs had a pink color to them. What made them decide to choose this color?

"Turn around." I froze in place. My eyes glued to my feet. Who? Should I turn around? They must be talking to someone else. That must be it. "I said turn around." Oh...I slowly turned, seeing Tomo standing there. He looked composed and disinterested. His cool gray eyes looked down at me. "Still average."

My cheeks heated up, not wanting to be near him. "Um..."

He gazed over my body, making me feel uncomfortable. Then he smirked, "Is someone a little nervous?"

"No..." I looked away. He knew I was nervous and even though he didn't show it on his face, inside was smirking. I heard whispering around me, girls were on the side lines, gossiping to one another.

One glared at me, "How dare she talk to Tomo."

"She must be begging for his attention." Another laughed. He heard the conversations around him but he didn't seem bothered. His hair looked really smooth. The white shined naturally and his eyes were like storm clouds. The caused me to be unsettled.

Tomo leaned down to my ear, "Seems like you're not very popular." This I already knew, he did not have to remind me. "Perhaps I could change that." What did he mean by that? I would rather not be a well-known student, especially around here.

He quickly stepped back, flashing a charming smile. He made sure everyone heard him, "What? You wish to go out with me?" All the students broke out in an uproar. You could see the rumors cooking themselves as I stood there speechless. Girls eyes mixed with emotions stared at me, wondering what I was going to say.

Who was he? Not once have I seen him in my life enough for him to do this to me. Why me? Why point me out to the crowd? What was I to do? I needed Oten by my side...she would know what to do. She would tell him off. To go away and never talk to me again. However, I ignored her and everyone else today. Who knew me _wanting_ to be alone would bite me in the butt.

The whispered became screams in my ears as Tomo looked down at me with amusement. He was waiting to see what I would say. I was confused and completely shocked. I felt like falling over. I was going to faint, surely. I ended up staring into the crowd and my mind froze. It was quiet once more as I noticed the blonde hair of Tamaki. He too was staring at me, wondering what was going on. Tamaki... My breath was caught.

I knew what to do, "I never said such a thing you punk!" I quickly ran away. I pushed past the students. I disappeared into an unfilled hallway and into the bathroom. I slammed the stall door. I shrunk to the floor, my hands covering my mouth. Did I...just call him a...

Punk!

I said such a childish insult! I was never the one to say such vulgar language but still, I called him something so...Ugh! This is why I'm always the one on the background. I do not like conflict! I was embarrassed and humiliated. Everyone saw us...Why pick on me... What did Tamaki think? He is surely laughing at me like everyone else. I heard girls walk in. I held my breath.

"Did she really do that?"

"Especially to Tomo!" Wait, I know her voice. I peeked through the crack and saw Sakura fixing her hair. No...I didn't want to ever look at her again. Her friends were giggling.

The girl next to her scoffed, "What makes her so special?" Special? I too wanted to know why he was picking on me. However, no ideas came to mind. They soon left, leaving me to some well-earned peace. A sigh escaped my lips. Now that I was away from this whole mess.I need to...Find him.

I snuck out of the bathroom, keeping my head low. I've had enough attention for the day. Already, students were going on with their day. Rich kids...They need a thousand things to keep them entertained. A fight broke out? It was over with by lunch. A girl got pregnant? Don't worry, the parents will pay for her abortion fees. Was a _nobody_ messed with by a popular kid? Oh, it's no problem, it'll pass. It won't pass. It'll stay in her head for hours, days and weeks. It'll remind her how she was picked on and she was nothing but a joke!

I gritted my teeth, fighting the urge to cry. I hate this. Why me?! I am always the one pick on...I wanted this to end...Yet, here I am, terrified that I am disappearing. I'm scared for this... _to all end._ I'm having this battle inside me. One side wants to live and try to find something in this world worth holding on too. While the other side wishes for this to all end, to finally get away from this horrible place.

I held myself together as I approached the part of the school where most students don't go. He would be here, I felt it. I've found myself here sometimes. It was quiet and the few teens who came to this side was quiet and to themselves. I rubbed my hands together for comfort. Where could he be?

"I see, you've finally come." I almost jumped out of my skin as a dark voice was behind me. I quickly turned around and Nekozawa was standing tall in the shadows. His hood covering his face. His little cat puppet crossing its arms. "Every time I look at you, I still get shivers."

I swallowed the looming anger, "I...Need your help."

"Of course, come with me."

Before I knew it, I was once again in the dark room full of candles. It was unsettling. He rushed to a bookshelf, trying to keep his joy hidden. He looked carefully through each one until he pulled out a huge purple book. The cover was in a different language and had some kind of weird pentagram. It was creepy and I was starting to have second thoughts. Maybe coming here wasn't the smartest thing to do.

He sat it down in front of me on a large wooden desk. I refused to touch it as he flipped it open. Every page was that foreign language. Some had weird pictures of demons or people...where did obtain such a hellish book? He finally stopped on a page that had a man with white eyes. "Okay, I'm gonna ask you some questions. Please, answer honestly." He was suddenly serious.

I nodded.

"First, do you have any desire to eat?" I was taken back that he ask something so dead on. What did this book tell him? I had no luck on trying to figure out what it said, no matter how long I looked at it.

I shook my head, "No, not for a while."

He mumbled, reading further down the page. He was silent, his face like stone. He turned the page and it showed the man start to disappear from his legs up. It made me subconsciously glance at my hands. Nekozawa saw this and took it into account. "How did you die?"

My mouth was heavy, not wanting to speak of that night. It brought memories of me looking down from the roof. The heavy snow fall and the soaked blanket around me. It was so cold...and now, I wanted nothing more than to feel it again. "I...jumped." He knew I didn't want to go into detail and left it at that.

"Okay then." He flipped the page once more and saw the man standing in a circle surround by fire. It made me curious. Was this a ritual? Would this help me? Set me free from this world. He continued to read, his eyes widening. His little cat puppet began to shiver. "I see..." He walked to the center of the room, already drawing the pattern in the book on the floor. I stood still, not knowing what to do. After several minutes, he stood in the shadows.

"Stand in the middle." His voice echoed. I breathed quietly, scared of what was to come. My feet slowly placed themselves in the middle. It was composed of stars and moons. What made me gasp was the grim reaper in the middle. It looked exactly like the one in my dream...I shook the thought away, trying to stay still. Nekozawa then began to chant a weird noise.

Nothing seemed to happen as this went on for a minute or two. Would this really work? Will this let me finally move on? I grew more and more uneasy. Was I really ready to move on? Oten...Tamaki...Will they miss me? If I was to just disappear? It was funny how I barely knew them but still, I cared. I wondered...What would have happened if... I didn't die. If I was still alive? I heard Nekozawa gasp in shock as I realized a small flame appeared on my finger -

Then pain.

I dropped to my knees, screaming in terrible agony. I forgot what this had felt like, _pain._ It was something I didn't miss. It felt like my body was melting. The dark room was all around me, like the deepest part of the ocean. I wanted to cry and scream. Beg for someone to end this. Was this me dying? All over again. Was true death this painful? God, make this end! Suddenly, Nekozawa rubbed away the circle. The flames went out, leaving breathless on the floor. My body was shaking. I looked at my fingers, they were fine. Not a single burn left behind.

"This is bad." He whispered. I had to collect myself and even then I had trouble speaking. All feeling was again gone. No heat from the fire remained. Not even the cold of fear was in me. I was untouched from the event but yet inside me it was like it changed something. It was...disturbing.

I coughed, "what do you mean?" He read over the pages again. He looked just as confused as I was. His cat puppet slumped down.

"I understand that you are in a limbo like state. I tried to do a releasing ritual on you but was rejected." He couldn't help but laugh to himself, "At least now I know you really are dead." I didn't find it funny one bit. He awkwardly flipped the page. "The fire means that you are tied to something on this earth. Perhaps, regret? Honestly, it could be anything. As I noticed earlier, you have had experience with disappearing." He rubbed his forehead, trying to get rid of the sweat.

"It seems like your soul is still trying to move on. However, your body still is tied down. It says here that, ' _For ones who seek heavens, who have not finished their time, stuck on earth they shall stay.'_ but right over here it also says, _'If thy does not find rest, may they find peace in nothingness._ ' " I thought I was confused before but now I was completely lost. What did this all mean? My soul wanted to move on but yet I was stuck here.

Nekozawa tried his best to read on but nothing helped him. He sat down on a chair, trying to think of it all. I spoke out, "So I'm stuck here?"

"For the time being." He frowned, "but for how long? I don't know. You could just disappear one day. If I understand it correctly. It says that if you don't find the reason why you are here, your soul could actually vanish. What happens to it is beyond my knowledge." I knew what would happen. The images of the Grim Reaper flooded my thoughts. He was waiting for me. I had to find the reason I was here or...he would get me.

I wanted to speak more to him about what I had been going through, but he looked drained. I think it had a toll on him as well trying to do that ritual. I knew better than to confide in him. Yes, I wanted the comfort of someone knowing what was wrong with me. No, I did not want to drag them down with me. It was too soon to tell him. If I would ever let him know. I got up on my feet, still quite shaken.

"I must go..." I stopped him before he could speak, "do not worry. I'll be back to ask more questions. I believe we both need rest." I walked out of the room. Thankful for the light that greeted me. It reminded me that not all things were dark. Never had I been so confused. What was going to happen to me was clear. If I didn't find the reason why I was here...

I was going to be dragged to hell.


	13. Chapter 13

The steamed tickled my nose, the smell was heavenly. I stared at the brown liquid in the cup. My mind was somewhere else entirely. Why am I here? I don't know anyone and I don't really do anything besides study. This wasn't something like in the movies where I was kept alive to win some big sport or save my loved one. My family despised me besides Father, but he was stuck on a leash. I didn't play sports, I wasn't one for physical activities.

It has been a week since Nekozawa tried to help me. I've yet to talk to him about where to go from here but I was too stuck on the idea of why I am still _alive?_ In some way. Tomo had yet to mess with me since the ordeal that played out. Girls still talked about it. How could the _freak_ reject the top _punk_ of the school? I haven't seen Luke either, it brought more worry then relief. What could she be doing?

"Sorry, it took so long," The voice of Tamaki brought me out of my thoughts. "How are you today?" I was sitting in the Host Club, a cup of tea in my hand. All the Host's were busy talking to other clients so I sat at one of the empty couches. With what I've been going through, why am I here? Well, it had been some time since I've seen Tamaki and he was always here. I've been stressed to the edge of insanity and... I thought coming here would ease my mind.

I smiled at him, "No, it's quite alright. I'm doing okay. " This was a lie. I was far from okay. If I could properly explain what was going on with me, I could make an entire book series.

"That's good." He sat across from me, "You look lovely today." Lovely? No. Normal was more like it. My long black hair dully laid around me, my face pale from stress and the yellow uniform all girls must wear didn't compliment me at all.

I looked away, "You're very kind." Before I knew it, it had grown awkward. We sat in silence. Now that I've thought about it. We haven't really had a full on conversation before. We've done small talk but nothing like this. I quickly grew nervous. His beautiful blonde hair looked so silky just like an angel. His purple eyes looked at me with calmness. It helped ease out of some the tension between us.

"It's been some time since I've seen you around, Hara." He grinned, leaning forward. Making me sink back into the couch. Looking closer at him, I noticed how smooth his skin was. Compared to my own, you would think he was the girl. We're supposed to have skin like a baby but mine was dry. Oh...He has long eyelashes. Instead of making him look feminine, it only made him look more _attractive._ Wait a minute, did I just think he was cute!

I covered my cheeks, no longer able to look at him. He seemed confused, not knowing what I was thinking. I heard him gasp. I didn't even get a second to register what was going on as he grabbed my hands, pulling them away from my face. "You look ill!" Oh god, I felt my head spin. To close...

"T-Tamaki..."

He rubbed my hands with his fingers, "You're freezing too. Have you been outside again?" I had trouble answering him. With Tamaki being so close I felt like fainting. "What shall I do to warm up the Snow Queen." He gave me his princely smirk. He's going to make me go crazy! I couldn't take it anymore. I had to run. I rushed up out of my seat.

"I must go!" He was shocked as I ran right out of the door. However, I was immediately grabbed to the side. Huh?! I saw that it was Oten. She gave me a wink. She signaled me to keep my voice down.

"I saw everything." She snickered, "You had it good too! Why did you run away?" Her hair was in the smallest ponytail imaginable and her uniform was stained with grease. What could she be possibly doing to ruin her dress? Then I remembered everything I've gone through in this uniform. Blood, tears and getting hit by a car. I'm amazed it had held itself together this long.

"What are you talking about?" I was honestly clueless.

She slapped her forehead, "You can't be serious! I saw the way you were looking at him. The way your eyes fluttered and how you backed away from being shy." Oten cup her he hands together like she was in love, " Oh just imagine the shy girl who always makes A's and the most popular guy in school. It would be the perfect high school romance!" She can't mean... Tamaki and me as a couple! She must be joking around. I could never let that happen and he surely doesn't see me in that light. Whoever did was a fool.

"That will never happen! Why Tamaki and I are completely different, raised in opposite worlds." I couldn't stressed that enough. He was gorgeous, rich and kind to every soul. He had no problem talking to anyone or helping out. While I was on my own, looked tired much to often and was as social as a fish. The door was crack open, letting me look in. Tamaki was taking to Haruhi, both of them smiling and absorbed into their conversation. We were both too _different_.

Oten made me look at her, "I don't see that not one bit. In my eyes, everyone is equal. No matter what house you live in, how much money you have or who you are. Everyone deserves a chance." She looked through the crack, noticing the blonde prince. "To me, I see a pretty boy who should be hanging out with you!" I grabbed her shoulders, not being able to make eye contact.

"Oten, please... I'm not very brave. There is no way I can do what you are asking me." I frowned. Even if I could, I wouldn't do it. There was no way I was going to let Tamaki get to close. I couldn't let anyone get to close. If they were to find out that I was dead, they would run in fear. Nekozawa knew about me but he had no interest in telling others and for that I was thankful. One was enough, I couldn't let anyone else know.

She grabbed my hand, ignoring the cold. "I will help you! I will give you my strength." She didn't have to tell me. I could just feel her support flowing into me. This was nice. The feeling of having someone on my side. I loved it. I loved her hand in mine, helping me. This was what it was like to have a friend. I never wanted to let go.

However, for what she did next made me want to rip her hand away and run. She dragged me back into the Host Club, making everyone look at us. Girls laughed and snickered to one another. She took me straight to Tamaki, pushing me forward. My body was shivering, not knowing what to do. He looked down at me with a wide smile. Haruhi was next to him, also giving me a pleasant expression. All courage that was there was gone in a second. "Tamaki..." I stuttered.

Oten hugged my arm, winking at him. "Hara would like it if you would take her out after the Club is over." I immediately shot my eyes at her.

"No No No! I-"

"I would love too." He said. Time stopped as I slowly gazed at him. Did he really just agree? He wants to take me out? This was a huge mistake as all the girls began to flare up with jealousy. I thought the Tomo incident was bad but now rumors will start to fly like crazy. Oten winked at me. Oh, God...This will end terribly.

* * *

I sat on the steps in front of the school. Oten had went ahead and gone home, after giving a firm talk on how to 'whoo' a man. She didn't seem like the girl to chase after boys but I could be wrong. The sun was nice and bright today, wishing I could feel its warmth. I used to not like the sun. The harsh rays would easily burn my skin. I never liked the summer cause of the heat and now I would give anything to feel it again. There was barely anyone left here at the school. When was Tamaki going to come out? Did he forget about me? I wouldn't be surprised if he did.

I felt someone staring at me from behind. It made me feel rather unpleasant. I slowly turned around and saw Kyoya staring down at me. "I see you are going with Tamaki somewhere." What was up with him? I couldn't put a finger on it but his whole composer was unsettling. He was the opposite of Tamaki. While he was kind, Kyoya was like stone.

"Y-Yes." I gulped.

He walked down the steps, bending over to look into my eyes. It made me flinch back quickly, scared of what he was going to do. "I don't trust you." Huh? What did I ever do to him? He stood back up, pushing up his glasses. "I don't know what the others see in you but I dislike your presence. It would do us all good if you stopped coming around." I felt foreign feeling growing inside me, making it hard to stay quiet. I clinched my fist, biting my bottom lip. He noticed the change in atmosphere, almost smirking from it.

I stood up, "I will..."

He cocked his head, "What is that?"

Who was he to tell me what to do?! I am so sick and tired of everyone telling me to just _disappear_! and to go and _die!_ How much longer will I have to endure this all? When will everyone finally leave me alone? I can't let this keep happening to me. I have Tamaki and Oten now but I still have people who get in my way. Was killing myself not enough for the them? Should I hang myself in the school square to finally satisfy them?! I can't stay quiet forever. I can't continue to let them push me around. It will all end. I will _make it end._

Starting with him.

"No more..."

He couldn't understand me. "What was that?"

"I said," I took a deep breath, looking him dead in the eyes. "No more! If I want to go out with Tamaki then I will! I don't care who you are but I will not sit back and let you say these terrible things to me." I didn't get to yell it as loud as I wanted but I think I got the message across. He only smirked at me, glancing over my shoulder. What is he looking- I glanced behind me, Tamaki was standing there, confused.

"What is going on?"

I shot my attention to Kyoya, scared of what he was going to say. He didn't like me and since he was in the Host Club, obviously he had to be friends with Tamaki. What if he tells him that I yelled? Oh, my... This is what I get for trying to be brave. He is going to never hang out with me again. He is going to make sure Tamaki sees me as a horrible person. I looked at my shoes with defeat. This is what I get...

I heard his voice above me, "Have fun, Tamaki." He then walked away towards his limo. What?

Tamaki went to my side, waving Kyoya good-bye. "It's good to see you two getting along." We were far from that but if he saw it that way, then all the better. "Well, you ready? I was thinking on taking you ice skating." Oh no! I could never do that! I've never ice skated before. I would look like a fool! As soon as I touch the ice, I will surely fall.

"I'm not that good..." I frowned, "Perhaps something else?" I didn't want to be rude but I rather not be embarrassed in front of him. Who knows when we will be able to go out like this. This could be the _last time._

With it being Winter, there wasn't much to do. If only it was Summer, we could go to the amusement park or even go swimming. I actually loved water. Rarely did I ever get to enjoy it but it was something I enjoyed, despite what others may think. I remember, being young still and before Mother grew jealous. We went to the beach when she was still pregnant. The cool touch of the waves licked my skin, making me laugh aloud. I swam for hours, till the sun set was a beautiful orange. I didn't care that I had a bright red sun burn or that my hair was messy with sand. Mother and Father were smiling at me, happy with our little family. Sadly, it didn't stay that way. Now that I am older, I grew to hate the sun but I would stay under its rays now more than ever. Specially, if I could feel the water once more.

He looked just as lost I as I was, "How about we walk around for a while and see what we can find?"

"That sounds lovely." It wasn't a bad idea. We could find something around this big place. If not, then being around him would be enough for me. We took off down the streets, passing by the burger place. The alley way was in my line of sight, but I refused to look in its direction. The memories of Sakura tugging at me. To think I would be walking past it with an actual friend.

Tamaki pointed at a sweet bun stand, "Would you like one?" You could the steam rise off them from our distance. My mouth watered at the thought of one of them touching my lips. However, I could never fully enjoy them again.

"I'm not that hungry but thank you." I smiled, "You can get one though."

He shook his head, "That would be rude if the man ate and the lady didn't." Right after he said that his stomach growled. His face went red, he tried his best to cover it up. "I meant to say was that...Umm...I'm not a fan of them." I giggled silently to myself. He sure was silly. I walked ahead of him, only to stop in front of the stand.

The young woman glanced down at me with a smile, "Sweet buns for two?" Tamaki was next to me, about to interrupt her.

"One please." I quickly answered. She nodded, handing me one. The smell was madding as I handed it to him.

He was reluctant, "Thank you." He took a bite. It made me extremely jealous. Oh, how I wish I could taste it. He offered me a taste, "You look like you really want to try it." I was half tempted to take a huge chunk out of it. Hunger wasn't driving me towards it, the taste I used to remember was crazy. I politely refused. We went on our way, the snow around us was slowly falling. I could tell the cold was getting to him so he pointed towards a clothes store. Of course, one I could never go in by myself cause of the prices.

I couldn't help but ask, "Are you cold?"

"Yea, it's pretty chilly outside. You must be colder than I am. You're only wearing that thin dress." He lead me around the store. I wasn't really interest in clothing. I couldn't afford nice things and I mostly wore my uniform or pj's. I mostly stayed home anyway. My eyes couldn't help but stick towards the price tags. They could bring heart attacks to people like me. You could feed thousands of children with these prices. Before I realized it, Tamaki had disappeared. I felt incredibly intimidated alone. I didn't belong here. Where did he go!?

My fear was short lived as he appeared behind me, "Here, I got you this." He rapped a thick red scarf around me.

"You must take this back." I tried to take it off but he wouldn't let me.

"It's a present and so you wouldn't get cold." With that smile of his, I couldn't say no. Something about him was alluring and...It was hard to refuse. I felt unlike myself around him but I couldn't put my finger on it. I touched the soft fabric, nodding.

With a bright smile, "Thank you!"

"Of course." Suddenly, a voice called out from the front of the store. It was Haruhi, he was waving for our attention. Tamaki rushed to his side. "Haruhi, what are you doing here?"

He rubbed his messy brown hair, "I saw you two from the window and wanted to say hi." The familiar feeling of lonely crept up from behind. I slowly approached them, knowing I was no longer his center of attention. They were immediately sapped into each others worlds. Which I had no room in. I knew it was my time to leave. I rather have just left them without interrupting but I would rather not be rude.

"I better get going." I said. They looked at me, remembering I was there. I've seen this look all my life. Mother was famous for giving it to me. "Thank you for today, Tamaki."

Haruhi stepped forward, getting a closer look, I realized he was very feminine. He had long eyelashes and his hair looked so smooth. What was up with Host's looking so much better than normal girls? "Are you sure?" For some reason, I felt like he wanted me to leave. Then again, I think everyone feels that way.

"I need to get home soon anyway." I walked past them without another word. How much longer was I going to be doing this? Always running away. I could have stayed. They would have finished up their conversion and we would have went on our way, but reality told me their talk would have never ended. I walked to the park, close to my home. I sat on the swing set, not bothering to push myself. I really need to stop getting my hopes up...Then again today wasn't that bad. I can't be completely negative. Tamaki got me this nice scarf and nobody messed with me. Oh, who am I kidding... It was another lonely day in my so far immortal life. No one cared that I existed. Tamaki didn't even try to stop me from leaving. It was Haruhi. Now look at me, sitting on a small swing set, by myself.


	14. Chapter 14

"Keep running! The cold should feel amazing to you punks right now!" The coach roared through his microphone. It was PE time and the class didn't feel like listening to him in the gym. His name was Mr. Kito and he wasn't the most appealing man. His poorly dyed blonde hair was greasy from his sweat and a mess. He had body hair that poked out of his bright red gym uniform and pit stains that would never wash out. He may not be the most attractive, however, he wasn't the worst guy out there. He was easily tempered but all around he was a good guy.

My PE class was full of girls, most of them did everything in their power not to work out. Mr. Kito got very upset when the everyone tried to hide out in the locker room but he found them in a heart beat. He almost blew through the roof and made us come outside. It was no problem to me as I couldn't feel the cold. We were being forced to run around the court yard till the next class. Usually, the boys were forced to run outside all year long and today was the same. They were having their break right now, most of them watching us run. Their coach was similar to ours but a female. Her name was Miss. Kita and she could be Mr. Kito's twin if you really thought about it.

My hair was put up into a ponytail and I was taking my time running. It wasn't cold to me, but all the girl's cheeks were bright red. I didn't feel tired, my breath calm. We were getting close to where the boys were sitting, quickly growing nervous. The gym uniform we were forced to wear wasn't something I enjoyed. They were pink like everything in this school. The tops were cropped with pink lines across the chest. The bottoms were shorts, which was impossible for someone to feel comfortable in. Then again, most of the girls loved it. Obviously, for the boys. I wasn't the one to show off my body so of course, I was growing nervous.

"Look at them go!" One of the boys whistled. The girls in front of me tried to look their best but it was hard to do so when they were sweaty beyond belief and their faces bright red. I refused to look at them as I was passing by.

One of the boys was talking out loud, "Wow, look at her! She isn't even breaking a sweat. What was her name again?" It was normal for that question to be asked. I was the shy nerd in the background after all.

"I think her name was Hara?"

"Whatever her name is, look at her chest!" I couldn't help but look down. My eyes widened, seeing it jump around with my movement. I no longer wanted to run at a small pace, I got far away from them. I made it back to the finish line, not once feeling tired. The girls were breathing heavily, trying to regain their strength. I looked behind me and saw the boys coming over to us. I frantically looked for a place to hide. Noticing the side of the school, I dashed there. I could hear them talking to the girls. Laughing, giggling and flirting filled my ears. It was _sickening._ How could anyone enjoy in that act? Getting someone's hopes up and crushing it. It was _disgusting._

"Look who we have here?" Two boys approached me but I refused to look up. I thought I was safe here... "You look much better in that uniform, Hara." Hearing my name escape his lips was horrible. It made me want to vomit. I gritted my teeth, looking at the wall below me. Not answering them made them want to try harder.

One of them touched my shoulders, "Wanna grab a bite with us?" I couldn't push him away or even tell him to stop. I was using everything I had to not run away. I was tired of running away. I was about to open my mouth but he quickly pulled his hand away. Standing beside me was Takashi. He looked very serious, his gaze shot at the boys.

"Hey, we were just talking to her." Takashi's arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me close to him. I couldn't help but stare at his face. His jaw line was defined and his dark eyes were like a black hole, It was sucking me in. "Fine! We will leave." They huffed, walking away with sneers.

He looked down at me, now with a calm expression. "Are you okay?" I nodded, forgetting his arm was around me. He smirked, slowly letting me go. The feeling remained with me. Takashi was in his gym uniform, it had some sweat marks from him running. Takashi running...The imagine tried to form but I wouldn't let it. I can not think about that! He motioned his head for me to follow. I gladly did as he led me to some seats away from everyone. He was so kind... A gentle giant if you put it into words. He was so much taller than me but I wasn't afraid of him.

He tried to hand me a bottle of water, "No thank you, I'm fine." I smiled. The fear I experienced earlier was gone and replaced with peace. He had to have some kind of power to do this to me. We watched the girls and boys talk, we had nothing better to look at. Takashi took a drink of his water bottle, watching the water trickle down his throat. I forced myself to look away. What is wrong with me today. It had been some time since Tamaki and I went out. The scarf was in my bag, in the changing room. It wasn't the best day but...I still kept the scarf.

"You're good at running." He spoke. I wish I could tell him it was because I was dead. If I was still alive, I would be sweating up a cow and die all over again. I was the most unathletic person you could meet but now I look like a track star. I went ahead and agreed with him.

"Thank you, I run home sometimes." And from running away from people all the time. "What do you do most of the time?" I wanted to know more about him. If I only had a little time left on this earth, I wanted to know more about people.

He set his water down, "I take care of Honey, I live with him." Did they live together? That makes the phone calls make more sense and that also reminded me.

"I um..." Come on, don't be a wimp. " Thank you...For bring me home that one night." The festival... I wanted to hate him for bringing me back to that hell hole but it was hard to be mad when he cared for me well being. How did he find me way out there in the first place? Was he following me? No, he couldn't have.

He gave me a kind smile, "You would have caught a cold." Takashi was so simple. In the way, he talked his looks and his personality. They were all _simple._ I wish I could say the same for myself but, my entire being was complicated. I may look like a nobody on the outside but if you were to truly crack into my shell, you'd run away as fast as you can. I was dead, still alive for some mysterious purpose and I used to cut myself to make me think it was all better. _It never got better._ I subconsciously glanced at my arms, seeing smooth untouched skin. Takashi noticed, and he reached out to touch my shoulder. I had a feeling he knew something was up but respected me enough not to ask. I was thankful. No one knew about my cutting and I hope no one ever does.

This was nice. Sitting and talking to him. "I know I keep saying it," I laughed to myself. "But thank you for talking with me. I really needed it." Then he said something that shocked me.

"I'll always be here for you."

That sentence made my body skip a beat. He was surely just saying it cause he was in the Host Club, but then again he wasn't there right now. He willingly approached me on his own free will. Why was he saying this to me? It made me confused. It was something he said that probably didn't have any hidden meaning behind it. I'm over thinking things.

I put a loose piece of hair behind my ears, "You are very kind." He really was. Only if I could be like him. He seemed like the kind of person that wasn't affected by anything and that was something I admired. If I too could be that way. Maybe things would have turned out different.

"Thank you." He got up, taking one more drink of his water. I couldn't help but gaze at his tall frame. He was well built in an even manner. His arms were well toned and his legs. His chest might have well been made from rock. I quickly pulled myself away from him, ashamed I was even thinking about this. "If you ever need to talk..."

I quickly nodded, "I will." He then left with a small smirk. His class was leaving anyway. I was still sitting there until he disappeared. That was nice. Only if it could happen more often.

* * *

After a couple more runs from our angry teacher, we were allowed to go into the shower rooms. I didn't smell since I could no longer sweat but I wasn't about to let the girls see me not take one. They would spread it to their friends that I was a nasty person. I stepped into the bright pink shower, taking off my clean uniform, placing it on the bench right outside. I turned the water on as hot as it could go, wishing I could feel it. The steam was refreshing for my nose and the water was enjoyable. I used the expensive bar of soap to rub down my body. I closed my eyes, trying to escape for a little while. Several minutes later, I heard something splat on the tiles. I looked down and saw a chunk of my thigh, bleeding on the ground. It was the area I was currently rubbing with soap. I covered my mouth, trying not to scream. What happened?! Tears mixed in with shower water as I looked at my flesh.

I slid down into the corner, not knowing what to do. It is getting worse! How much longer must I _suffer!_ I tightly shut my eyes, wanting this to all go away. I don't know how long I stayed there, my eyes glued shut. Eventually, after I cooled down, I looked.

It was gone.

No blood, no skin, my thigh was not there. I looked at myself, seeing I was completely fine. What happened? Am I going crazy? Was I starting to slowly lose my mind? Am I going to turn into a zombie at some point? If only all this could stop. I slowly rose and got out. I tried to push it into the back of my head. I reached for my bra and noticed my panties were gone. Were they right there? I glanced around the room, all the girls were gone. Did someone take them? I shook my head, to concern for what happened to me to care about my underwear. I quickly changed into my school uniform, trying to ignore the fact I wasn't wearing undergarments. Grabbing my bag, I slipped on Tamaki's scarf. Enjoying the comfort it provided.

I walked out, my wet hair put up into a high bun. Everyone was getting ready for the last class of the day, I stood there with a blank expression. I didn't want to go to class...But I mustn't skip, Mother will find out. I began walking towards my class, feeling heavy. My eyes gazed around, seeing Luka far off into the distance. She was chatting with her gang, a bright smile on her face. Something was off about it though. She was practically glowing. I wonder what made her so happy? Thank god it wasn't torturing me.

I also saw Tomo some distance away, he too was talking to his friends. That same neutral expression on his face. He didn't notice me and I was thankful for that, I couldn't handle another round of his teasing. His white hair looked smooth as ever, it made me want to touch it. He was tall compared to his friends, not as tall as Takashi though. He glanced my way, making me freeze up on the inside. I couldn't be late for class. He simply winked at me, going back to his conversation. I felt relieved and yet, a bit confused. Now that I am thinking about it, so much has happened and to think if I hadn't have died, I would have never pointed them out. I rather not be able to notice their presence at all but yet it was nice to be able to recognize someone. I rushed towards my class but someone grabbed my hand.

Oten.

Her smile shined like the sun, it has been some time since I've seen her thanks to me trying to be in solitude. Her hair a mess, as usual, she opened her mouth, "Not today, Hara!" I didn't get a chance to answer as she tugged me along, seeing the door to class disappear. When went up the stairs like the wind and before I knew it, I was on the roof with her. For once, the sun was bright, making the snow around us shine. "Fresh air!" Oten yelled, breathing in.

"Why did you bring me here?" I asked, walking towards her. She was on the edge of the building, right next to where I jumped off to my death. I stop right before it, not wanting to stand there.

She was happy, truly in contentment. "Stand with me Hara, breath in the world." I had no idea why she was acting like this but I couldn't move forward. I was stuck in place like the snow was cement. I gulped, I didn't want to stand there. She reached out, grabbing my hand. "There is nothing to be afraid of. I'm with you." It gave me courage, I stepped forward. I stood by Oten's side, never thinking once that I would be standing here with a friend. We both looked towards the sun, my eyes wide with realization. _It was beautiful, the world was wonderful._ Everything around us was bright from snow and light. There wasn't a speck of darkness to be seen.

Oten hand was in mine and we both breathed in. It was fresh. I didn't look down, not wanting to remember. There was a lump in my throat as I examined the city. A tear went down my cheek as I realized, that if I had actually opened my eyes sooner. I would have continued living. I could stand here without worries. My entire life was shrouded in darkness but if I had been looking closer, everywhere was light. I made a mistake...She squeezed my hand.

I took one last breath, "Oten, there is something I have to tell you."


	15. Chapter 15

The words were stuck in my throat. Like I had the biggest knot known to man, and it refused to go down. Was I to trust her? Yes, I've known her for awhile, but as long as I would like to know her...No, I was running out of time...I did get to choose the exact people I wanted to know about me. Then again, I never wanted to tell anyone. However, something inside me is telling my heart to tell her. That it would be okay. Then there was the chance that she wouldn't believe me at all. A tiny bit, I wanted that to be the outcome. At least I tried to tell someone, even if they didn't believe me.

"What is it?" She asked.

The sun was suffocating. The light was harder to see than a second ago. I could no longer breathe in the fresh air as I had to make a decision. Her hand in mine was becoming uncomfortable. Oten by my side was becoming nerve wrecking. I can trust her. I need to trust her if I am to tell her my ultimate secret. I looked back out into the scenery. Desperately, wanting to feel that peace once more. Why was my throat so dry? Was I really that nervous? I glanced at her, her eyes practically gleaming back at me.

I looked away, "You know, you may not believe this but I have to tell somebody. I think I can trust you...You've shown me nothing but kindness and you are my friend." She started to look concerned. "It all started right here-" She placed a finger on my lips.

"It's okay, you don't have to tell me yet." She smiled. My body was shaking, my grip on her was breaking and you could tell I was about to fall over. She was as calm as can be, giving a smile that could save even the damned. I wanted to just fall apart and break but she wouldn't let me. Oten wasn't about to let me cry. My body wanted to collapse to my knees, but her hand held me up. Tears threaten to escape as something unnatural to me happened.

I hugged her tightly.

Her tiny frame in my arms. I wanted to squeeze the life out of her, thinking it would bring me back. It wouldn't however. No matter how much comfort she showered me with, it wouldn't change anything. No matter how many tears I shed, how many people I told or even if I was to pray to whatever being was there. I was to remain dead _forever._ There was nothing I could do to reverse what I've done. There was nothing she could do either. She pulled away, laughing. "You are taking my breath away, silly."

"I'm sorry!" I backed away, surprised at myself. Hugging was not in my nature but yet, it felt so...Normal? I could feel the faint feeling of her still in my arms. It was nice. "But..." My voice was so small. I'm surprised if she could hear it at all.

"Hara, I'm being serious." She had a stern face. "We might not have known each other for long but I want you to know that I consider you as a best friend. I don't have a lot...Friends that is. But, with you. I feel like I've known you for quite some time. I can tell you feel lost right now... However, I don't want you to tell me anything you might regret." It was like she could see into my mind. I was worried to tell her but yet, I felt like I _needed_ to tell her. To have someone there who understood what I went through. Of what I had done to myself. I've never seen her face serious before. It didn't leave me nervous but relieved, it showed she cared.

I felt tears start to swell, "Thank you..." She grabbed both of my hands. "Thank you so much..." It was decided, I had to tell her. I owed it to Oten. I told myself I would believe in others and here was an opportunity. Oten was my friend. Her _best_ _friend_. I never knew how happy hearing that would make me feel. I was crying from the comfort she was giving me. I loved it. _Every_ _damn tear that dropped_. Who knew, that me, would be thankful for tears. The water works that always seemed to appear at the wrong time. It showed weakness. It showed I was not strong. But, right now it showed that I was thankful to have her with me.

"How about we go back to class?" She smiled, wiping my tears away. Her hand was soft.

I looked into her eyes with confidence, "Oten, I have to tell you. I know I won't regret it. You are my best friend too! I've never had one before... I wasn't the most social girl. That is something I do regret. Letting myself stay shut in. Even when others tried to get close, I wouldn't let them. If it wasn't for me-...I...Probably, wouldn't have let you get close either." She stayed silent, soaking up every word. "Oten, every moment that we have been together, I've felt nothing but happiness. I want you to know that what I am about to tell you is true. I would never lie to you. I swear by it."

"Hara..."

"Oten, Right here. This very spot on December 3rd, I killed-" The door to the roof slammed open. Senpai stood there, his breath lost.

Oten looked concerned, "Teacher?" I noticed smoke rising from the school at the other end. What happened? I didn't notice it before since I was focusing on her.

"You kids need to get out of here and into the schoolyard immediately!" He rushed to the ladder that led down from the roof, "Come on!" We rushed over, getting down quickly. Once we were in front of the school, I got a good look at the fire. The lab was high in flames. What could have done that?! The yard was filled with the students. Everyone was accounted for. Teachers did their best to calm the rumors that were already circling through out the students. Oten stayed close to my side. Firefighters were trying to put out the fire. In the crowd I searched for Tamaki, I had to know that he was alright. I noticed his blonde hair, a sigh of relief escaped me. He was alright. The rest of the Host's were around him as well. Everyone was okay.

Something struck me with fear.

What? I glanced around and staring directly at me was Luka. Her lips were curled into a devilish grin. I knew something was wrong. Not just the sudden fire but her gaze. I managed to pull myself away from her trap like eyes. Oten grabbed my arm, squeezing it. She pointed me towards the principle and he was talking to some of the fire fighters. They handed him something small and it sent rage through him. Students looked at him, whispering to one another. He instantly began looking through the crowd.

She gulped, "Hara, we need to go." What did she mean? Oten tried to make me flee the scene, but I remained in place. It didn't seem right to run away, especially during this kind of thing. What if they thought we were caught in the fire.

I should have gone with her. I should have run far away.

"Figumitsu Hara, come with me immediately!" The principle appeared like a ghost. He stood there and pissed. Everyone around us was curious. They were feeding off the negative energy coming from him. I grew even paler than before. Instantly knowing this wasn't something good. Oten began to be on her guard, ready to defend me on a moments notice. I placed a hand on her small shoulder. I would be fine. There wasn't much he could do to me. I followed him as we walked away from the crowd. Oten was forced to stay behind.

He glared down at me, grinding his teeth. "Explain this." He snapped his hand out, holding my student ID. Why did he have that? I don't remember losing it. Then again, when was the last time I needed my ID? Students only use them when we go on trips and in the cafeteria. I don't eat and I never go on trips...Oh god, how long has it been gone?! My eyes were wide open as I looked back at him.

"Sir-"

He barked, making me shrink back. "Why in the hell was this found right by the fire? Why did you cause this! You parents will hear of this and you will pay!" He put my ID in his pocket. "The good ones are always the worst." He walked away, back to the fire fighters. I remained in place, trying to put this all together. I was completely confused. How did my ID end up right by the fire? I wasn't anywhere near the lab today or anytime this week? What is going on?!

"Why did he want to talk with you?" Tomo appeared beside me. What did he want? This day was getting worse and worse.

I bit my lip, already at my wit's end. "It is none of your concern." He merely shrugged his shoulders, pushing me kind of ruff. I staggered, regaining my footing. "What was that for!" My face was scrunched up. Anger was dangerously rising inside me.

"That face doesn't suit you." He smirked but not looking at me, "Whatever it was, you didn't do it."

"Huh?"

He sighed, "Look, I'm not the most 'perfect' person here but I know trouble when I see it. Whatever he is blaming you for, you didn't do it."

"You don't know me!" I burst, "What if I did start the fire?! You wouldn't know!" I wanted to be angry. This wasn't like me but yet, I wanted to scream. I didn't care as students stared. Why must I always have to face horrible things? Even after my death, I am forced to face hell! What was to become of me now? He thinks I started the fire and even worse...Mother. I tugged at my hair, tears spilling. "Don't you even try to understand anything about me." He never could. No one could! Tamaki, the Host's even Oten! No one knows the real me! I don't even know the real me!

I felt his hand gently touch the top of my head, "I don't have to understand for me to know that you are a good person." His voice was gentle. I felt all my anger deflate. Leaving the feeling of stupidity behind. How could I act like that? What was I thinking? I glanced around, seeing almost everyone's eyes on us. I covered my face, not wanting to be seen. He removed my hands, "Stop paying attention to everyone else, the only person that should matter is yourself." I was wide eyed. Never did I think that words like this could come from his mouth. Tomo, the high school delinquent, giving me advice. The boy who I never thought who would be nice to me was standing there, trying to make me feel better.

"Don't you dare touch her!" Oten ran up, pushing him away. He didn't seem to really care. "Are you alright, Hara?" She checked me over, making sure not a single thing was out of place.

Tomo gave me once last look, "See you later." He walked away, ignoring Oten's threats.

"Come back here you punk, I'll teach you a lesson." She screeched, waving her fist around. I watched as he faded away. I didn't want to admit it but...I was thankful for what he said to me. It was scary that I was getting so upset... I smiled at Oten. I was glad she cared about me so much. She noticed my tears, gasping. "Did he hurt you! I swear I will end him."

I quickly spoke up, "He didn't hurt me!" She puffed her cheeks, not completely buying it.

"Well, okay..." She sighed. "Anyway, what did he tell you? I can tell it wasn't good. Principle or not, I will talk to him!" I laughed, my tears long gone.

She was confused since she was being serious, "Thank you Oten, I don't know what I would do without you." I finally got her to crack a smile.

"Same here, Hara." She titled her head, "But what did he say?"

"My ID..." I breathed, "Was found by the fire and he thinks... I did it." The images of Mother popped into my head, wanting me to crawl into a ball in fear. What was she going to do? She didn't take the cutting incident so well. This time it is a fire, it would completely ruin her. She was not going to want to look at me. I didn't want to go home... "I didn't do it... I swear."

"You don't have to explain anything Hara, you are innocent! You would never do such a thing." Oten yelled. I nodded, trying not to show fear on my face. Mother was taking over my mind.

The loud voice of the principal rang out, silencing everyone. "Due to the unknown cause and the danger of this fire's damage, every student is free to return home. Your parents have been notified of the incident. We will give further instructions on when it will be safe to return to school." Everybody began to spread apart, going their own way. I wished school was still going...I was terrified to go home.

"Looks like we get to go home." Oten cheered, she wasn't one for school. "Hey, do you need a ride home? I can call my Mother to send the butler to come get us." I kept forgetting Oten was from a family with money. It was a kind offer but...No Mother would be even angrier. I know she would.

I shook my head, "No thank you, I'll walk to collect my thoughts." She looked worried.

"Okay...If you say so. Don't worry though, everything will be okay! I won't let him lay a finger on you." I wasn't worried about him. If anything, I would want Oten to protect me from Mother. No one could stop her though. Not even Father... "I'll see you soon okay." I waved her goodbye, walking away. My feet felt like lead. Every step was almost impossible to take. My hands were pulling at my hair, I didn't care that people gave me looks. I felt like a dark shadow was going to strangle me. I knew once I returned home...I would probably never leave...


	16. Chapter 16

What happened..? I was in my room, on the floor. The lights were off and it was dark outside. When did I get here? I don't remember being on the floor. I dragged myself up. I placed a hand on my forehead, trying to think of anything of what might have happened. My mind was blank. Maybe, somebody around the house will give me some kind of clue. I placed my hand on the door, trying to turn the nob but to no success. Huh? I did it again, but it refused to open. It was locked. No... I backed away. Did Mother lock me in? Why did she do that? I have to remember something. I pounded at my head, trying to think of something. Why am I here? I was walking home...Cause of the fire...Fire! I didn't cause it. I swear I didn't. Mother must know...She thinks I did it. Everyone does. Is that why she locked me in? I have to get out.

I banged on my door to no prevail. "Mother!" I yelled, hoping she would unlock my prison. I heard no one. My hopes sank... I didn't do anything to deserve this... I fell to my knees, my head resting against the wooden door frame. I sighed, fighting back tears. I wondered what happened... Did I try to explain myself? Even if I did, she wouldn't have listened. How long have I been here too? It was dark, the street lights were on. The snow was falling outside lightly. I felt footsteps, I quickly got out of the way. The door clicked open, Seika peeking through. Her devil grins wider than ever.

"Look who woke up from the dead sadly." Oh, she doesn't know how bad I wish I could wake up from the _death like dream._ She slipped in, closing the door loudly. "What's with that face?" I glanced at the mirror, I looked like I was seeing a monster and I was.

"Why...Am I locked in here?" I asked quietly, not wanting to anger her. I didn't want another fight...My tongue ran across my lips in remembrance.

She laughed loudly, having to breathe before she could speak. "Are you serious? Are you stupid?" She bent down to my level, looking straight into my eyes. "How about I remind you?" And with that, she _punched_ me straight in the face. My face slammed against the ground. Everything was dizzy. "I think she went like this too?" She then kicked my stomach. My cheeks puffed up, trying to hold in liquid. "Also this!" She put her foot on my head, pushing down. I wanted to scream for help as clear liquid spilled from my mouth. What was this stuff? She finally removed her shoe, giggling to herself.

"Stop..." I pleaded.

She snorted, "You're boring anyway," She leaned against the wall. "I've never seen Mother so mad before. You really messed up this time, didn't you? I haven't found out yet, but I will soon. Surely, I'll hear all about it tomorrow at school." I couldn't look at her, I was holding my head, trying not to snap. "It was quite the show though. As soon as you walked into the house, she punched you." Seika placed a finger on her lip, looking up like she couldn't remember what fully happened. I knew she was just putting on a show. I wasn't dumb. She loved seeing me on the ground, completely pathetic. "I think that punch knocked you out actually, not surprised now since you can't remember anything."

"Can I please leave..." I asked, knowing my answer.

She giggled, "Mother says you are staying in here until the school calls and says you can go back." Seika opened the door, slipping out. "I love this!" She said, disappearing. I dragged myself off the ground, wiping my mouth. I got a towel to wipe up my clear vomit. At least, now I know that I can black out. Thank god, I can't feel any pain or I would be sobbing for relief. I can't stay here...What if Mother decides to stop by. I can't see her...I refuse to look at the anger in her eyes. But... I'm locked in. I can't leave.

"Hara?" I heard my father from the other side. I rushed to the door, my ear pressed against it.

"Father!"

I heard him sigh, "Oh Hara, I'm so sorry."

"Father..."

"I heard all about it but I know you wouldn't do something like that. Mother won't believe me. She protects her pride more than her own daughter...My daughter...I'm sorry." He said in a low voice.

I frowned, "Let me out." He would let me free. Father was different from them. He was the only one who believed in me. He loved me when no one would. He was a coward, yes, but he loved me either way. I knew he would let me out. He is different. He knew I didn't cause the fire. He knew I was _innocent._ "Please..."

"I can't." My world froze.

"Mother says you need to think about some things. I can't disobey her. Not when she is this mad. Oh, Hara... I'm so sorry." My eyes lowered...Somehow, I knew. This was my fate... I couldn't answer him. "Hara?" Words were lost. I walked away from the door. I slid onto my bed, burying my face into my pillow. All I wanted to do was cry but I couldn't. Is this going to be forever? Even if I fade sometimes. I feel like I am to remain on this earth forever and suffer. Only... If I could change it... I felt a breeze coming from the window.

No, I couldn't. But, what if? I went to my window, seeing it was unlocked. I could sneak out. Flashes of that night entered my mind. I quickly got rid of them, the memories made me want to vomit. I opened my window wider, seeing the cold dark night before me. The snow almost stopped. I was frozen, not knowing what to do. I couldn't stay here. I can't be locked up again. It was terrifying. I was trapped in my own body, I refused to be trapped in reality as well. One of my feet went out the window. The wind on my face. Am I really going to do this? I glanced at the door. What if Mother came in? No, I shouldn't be treated like this.

I escaped.

* * *

I was sitting on the swings at the park, shaking my head, watching the snow fall. Why did I do this? Mother would surely find me gone. I was in trouble, but now I'm surely dead. This was a terrible idea. I couldn't go home. What was I to do? I can't sit here all night... I could, I wouldn't freeze to death. I glanced up, the snow was falling harder. Since I felt no heat or cold, the snow refused to melt on my skin. This was stupid... I don't know what to do. Where was I to go?

"Hey." I froze, not wanting to turn around. What if it was a stranger. I felt a hand land on my head, making me look up. Tomo was standing there, a sucker in his mouth. "You shouldn't be out this late." He sat on the swing next to me. He shifted his sucker so he could speak better.

I scoffed, "What about you?"

He watched me, pretending to be unamused. "I am a man, I can take care of myself. You are a woman and things can happen." I could care less. I was already dead, what else could happen? I was accused of burning the school, Mother wanted nothing to do with me since I was born, Father can't help me and Seika was the queen of torture.

"I'll be fine," I choked. "I'm used to being alone." This was true. Tamaki...Oten...They were my friends, but I could never let them that close. I couldn't believe I almost told her about my situation. It would have ended horribly. Everything does. She wouldn't have understood. No one could. My eyes wandered over to Tomo, who was looking into the distance, snow landing on his lashes. His hair shined from the park light, making him look like some kind of snow demon.

He removed his orange lollipop with a smack, offering it to me. "Here."

"No thank you." That was in his mouth. That would be a... _Indirect_ kiss.

He rolled his eyes, putting it back into his mouth, "Fine." He got up, shaking the snow from his hair. He stood there for several seconds, before looking over his shoulder at me. "Come on, let's go."

I remained seated, I was confused and wanted to go nowhere with him. "Huh?"

"We are leaving?" He repeated like I was dumb. I got up with a snort. I was far from stupid. I had the best grades in my class, even though I was forced to have them. He smirked, "That got you up." He knew exactly what he was doing. It made me even more upset. I wanted to scold him. Let him know different. However, I wasn't about to give him the time of day. He began walking away. I remained in place until he reached the gate. He stopped, leaning against the brick wall that went around the park.

I instinctively looked at my feet, "No...Don't follow." I breathed. I need to remain distant. No more... I shouldn't let anyone else get close. Two was enough. Even that was too much. I shouldn't be friends with anyone. I was dead. I was no longer living. It was selfish of me to even allow them into my life. If I was to disappear... They would surely grieve. Would they? Am I worth anyone's tears? No...Surely not. I heard foot steps stop in front of me.

"Come on, Nerd." He grabbed my hand without warning. He dragged me out of the park, his grip like iron. I tried to wiggle free but to no avail. We walked through public, people rushing from place to place even this late in the night. Lights flashed over us from bars, hang outs and eating places. He rushed at amazing speed, not letting go once. It made me uncomfortable. I wanted him to let me go. We ended up far away from the lights, into the dark neighborhood that didn't look too friendly, the darkness made it even more threatening. We stopped at a worn out blue door, it looked like it could fall off at any minute.

"Where are we?" I finally managed to get him to let go. He opened the door, going in first. I peeked in, seeing that the place was a mess. Clothes and trash littered the floor, the couch was older than the dinosaurs and he only had a TV standing out. I slowly entered, this couldn't be his home, could it? I left the door open in case I had to make a speedy get away. He went to his kitchen which was the size of a single person. He only had a microwave besides his fridge. He grabbed a soda.

"Want one?" I shook my head. Even when I was alive, I wasn't much for soda. He shrugged, shutting the door behind me. "It's cold." I instantly felt uneasy, sticking to the door like glue. Tomo could be like the rest of them. He had already embarrassed me. Why was I here? I thought about running away but I had nowhere else to go. The white haired boy was rude, didn't care for others feelings and worse of all. _He wouldn't leave me alone._ How hard was it to leave me be? He knew I disliked him, but yet he didn't stop. Then again, here I am, in his home.

I blinked, the soda in front of me. "No...I'm good," I said, barely hearing what I muttered. He tilted his head, putting it back into his fridge and finishing his off. He plopped onto his couch, the sound of age echoed. He turned on the TV, the screen full of static.

"You can sit down, I won't do anything." He sighed, "It's not fun." I didn't like his answer, but I sat down on the far side from him. My hands rested on my lap, not knowing what to do with them. The show he was watching wasn't anything special, I could barely pay attention. I was too uncomfortable. We sat for a full episode. I looked around his home. The walls were yellow and peeling terribly. There was one door, which must lead to his bed and bathroom. I shoved one of his shirts to the side with my foot, watching a mouse escape. I had to cover my mouth, not wanting to scream. This place was nasty!

"I know, the mice are terrible." He noticed. Has he been paying attention to me?

I gulped, "Do you ever clean?" It came out a little ruder than I wanted.

"Sometimes." He watched my face twist. "Finally, got you to lower your shoulders!" He laughed. His teeth were as white as his hair and his smile was bright. I didn't notice. I still wasn't completely comfortable but it wasn't as bad.

I titled my head, "Where are your parents?" His smile remained but he looked away.

"Not here. I moved out as soon as I turned 18. I couldn't stand them. Got this place for cheap and been here ever since."

"I can understand." I sighed.

He raised an eyebrow, "Oh really? You look like you come from a good home." I looked like it, but behind closed doors. It was a gate to hell. "Tell me about it, little miss perfect." His attention was on me entirely, making me nervous.

"Huh?"

"Tell me about your home. Why did you run away?"

I puffed my cheeks, "I didn't run away!" How could he tell that easily?

"I'm a 'punk', remember?" Oten... She was one to blurt out things.

I took a breath, "Well..." Should I tell him? He was willing to listen and it was just my family. It was not about me at all. Then again, what if he was to do anything? If Mother found out I told someone, she wouldn't take it lightly. Then again, there was this whole fire accident and I was supposed to be in prison right now. It shouldn't bring me any harm, "My Mother...She dislikes me."

"The whole Mother thing, huh?" He made it seem like I was acting like a child.

I gripped my dress tightly, watching my tongue. "My sister, younger sister is the favorite."

"The favorite sibling thing too." He snorted. My teeth grinded against each other. Was he making fun of me? Did it sound like I was being dramatic? I was far from that. Everything I wanted to say was true. I wasn't one to blow my life out of proportion. Tomo thought I was being a baby who got scolded for the first time and ran away like a pre-teen. _It made me sick_. How could he act like this? He wanted to know. I was _willing_ to tell him my home life. The main reason why I ended it all! My dress was going to become permanently wrinkled at this rate, my grip only tightening; my knuckles turning white. Here I was, think that for once in my life. It was okay to talk about home. He looked no better off so maybe, it would have been okay to relate to him. No, Tomo was rude and made it seem like I was only acting like it was bad.

"My father...Won't help."

He laughed, "The dad being the mom's toy? I've heard it." My eyes widened, my breath was quick. I couldn't look at him. Was my death this funny? The reasons for me jumping was so common? Was I so weak as to give up cause such small things? I couldn't hold it in. How dare he make me seem like a fool.

I snapped.

"SHUT UP!" He backed away into his couch, surprised my voice could go so high. "I'm not some baby who got scolded! How can you sit there and laugh at me! I've been beat! Bruised and worse! I haven't felt love in years and yet, I still try my best to earn it!" My throat burned yelling, "Slapped, kicked, left on the floor to drag myself up. How could you do that to your daughter...I tried... I did. Good grades, no friends. I gave up everything to be perfect in her eyes. All I was met with was a fist and disappointment." I covered my eyes, tears threatening to spill. I should stop. I needed to stop being upset. However, my mouth wouldn't close. "I thought it would be okay for once in my life to open up but here it is, making me seem pathetic. Maybe, I am? Never standing up for myself? Running away?"

Tomo scooted closer, placing his hand on my head. "Hey..."

I froze, realizing what I did. Oh...Opening my big mouth. I began to cry. I covered my lips, trying to cover up the sobbing noises. This is who I am. A crybaby who runs at the first sign of fear. "God..." I choked. I need to leave. I got off the couch, not moving my hand. I need to go home. Face my punishment. For still being here.

"Wait," He got up, grabbing my dress so I couldn't walk away. "You can stay here for the night. I didn't mean to upset you...It's just I know what it is like. The parents...Better sibling. That's why I live in this shitty place. I got away but...I still feel them too." I was so upset, that I wanted to laugh. He acted like he understood me. However, he didn't. _He would never understand._

I laughed through my tears, "Oh yeah?" I didn't care at the moment as I shook my head, "What would you do if I told you, I killed myself?"


	17. Chapter 17

"What?" Tomo breathed, not understanding what I was saying. I wiped my tears, looking at him dead in the eyes. He was concerned, confused and lost all in one. He got off the couch, reaching to touch me.

I swat him away, "Don't touch me!" I backed away, "I refuse to be touched again!" I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the tears flow down my cheeks. I couldn't experience pain anymore...But, I can't take it anymore. Mother hitting me, Seika abusing me emotionally. Tomo only wanted to make me feel better, I knew this yet I feared his hand. Anyone could hurt me.

"Hara..." He tried on more time, making me retreat. I bumped against his TV, making it fall forward. You could hear the screen crack. I gasped, covering my mouth. Tomo stood there observing his now broken TV and me. I choked, not believing what I've done. That's me, the girl who _always makes things worse._ I run towards his door, quickly dashing out into the snow storm. My breath was a cloud of white in front of me, I couldn't see anything beyond that. The storm was harsh. I didn't care. I heard Tomo behind me, calling my name. I didn't stop.

Where was I to go? I no longer had a home and thinking back on it, I never had one. I had a roof over my head at the least, but I was no longer allowed to go back. I ran away. Mother would punish me beyond imaginable. I was to be confined to my room for a couple days. If I was to return, I would never be allowed to leave. Fear fueled my legs, making me rush further into the blizzard. Was he still pursuing me? I could no longer hear his shoes crunch the snow. The hollowing wind was the only thing behind me. Before I knew it, I was back at the park. It was engulfed with snow and ice.

I dragged my feet, hugging myself close. My dress was layered with ice, making the fabric tough. My hair stuck to my face, freezing to my skin. My tears were no longer there and if they were, they too would be frozen. I stood in the middle of the playground, wondering what I was doing here. I had nowhere to go...This seemed perfect. I remembered back to the pond. Wanting to fall asleep there and never wake up. Perhaps, if I was frozen solid, I could rest in peace. In the park wouldn't be the best place. I could return...To the pond. No one will discover me this time. I could be there forever until I faded away. I didn't care if I was going to hell...If that even existed or not.

"Hara!" With that screamed, I was slammed into. The snow flew everywhere as it cushioned my fall. Peering up, Tomo was there. He shook his head from the sudden collision. His eyes focused on mine. His expression was beyond worried. "Let's go back! You'll freeze to death!" He was wearing an oversized gray coat with a fur hood. He must have changed before he went after me. I shoved him off, getting back on my weak legs. Even though I couldn't feel it, the weather was getting to me.

"I'm not going back," I choked. "I won't mess up your life too."

He gritted his teeth, "What do you mean?"

I glimpsed behind him, the gate leading out of the park was my goal, "What else can I say?! It's what I'm best at. I try to keep people away, but I can't even do that. I hurt everyone. My family detests me...Mother...My sister...Even my Father won't help me. I ruined their lives and now, I refuse to ruin yours. So leave me alone!" I bolted past him, but he snatched my arm firmly.

" _Stop running away!"_ His voice rang in my ear. I was left in shock, no longer trying to escape.

"I..." I breathed, "I can't."

Tomo glared down at me, "Why can't you?"

"If I stop running. It will only hurt worse. If I remain still for even a second, life will catch up to me. I don't want it too. Everything will pile up at once, forcing me to sink. It happened before...It's the reason why..."

"Why what?"

I cried, pushing him away. "It's the reason why I killed myself!" My voice came out repulsive, my throat becoming raw from the cold. He gazed at me like I was mad. Of course, he would. He thinks I'm crazy. Then again, I probably am. I was the most insane person on the planet. I have a right to be. I'm lifeless and yet still here. Wouldn't that drive anybody nuts? To endure the suffering, going on each day, knowing it wasn't going to change.

"That's not possible." He said.

"Oh yeah?" I laughed like a fool, " _I'll show you."_ My hand raised my dress. His eyes went wide as my fingers extended for a small fruit knife. I pocketed it from the kitchen one night, I had thoughts...Bad thoughts. I didn't cut myself, but now. Who cares if I did? No one did in the first place. I pulled it out, it gleamed against the light from posts near the park.

"What are you going to do?!" He panicked, shifting towards me cautiously. I was shaking terribly. I could barely stand. My vision was blurred. My limbs felt heavy, I wanted to sleep... I lifted it up to my smooth white neck.

I sighed, "All I want is silence." I went to slice my throat, but the knife was wiped away.

"Are you insane!?" The knife was thrown away, being forgotten by the falling snow. "Do you want to die?!"

"Yes!" I smiled, "More than anything." Tomo was taken back. I looked at my shaking hands, I swore I could see my scars. "I hate this... I hate this miserable place called Earth. I want to vanish. To finally be free, but no...Fate had different plans." I glanced at the night sky, "Why am I still here? I question that a lot." I began to lose my balance. Tomo quickly caught me.

"Hey, you're freezing! We need to go back." I could scarcely hear him. Not like I cared.

My ear..? I swiped at it. Stop... I shot up, making something hit the floor. I gazed down and saw the fattest cat of my life. He was gray and looked like he had eyebrows. The feline glared at me with displeasure. Where am I? Looking around I saw I was in Tomo's home. The TV was missing and the house was a lot cleaner than it was last night. I shook my head, remembering last night. I can't believe I almost did that in front of him...He would have found out about me being dead. I didn't see him anywhere. Now would be my time to escape.

I placed my feet on the floor, noticing my shoes were gone. They were by the door. _Perfect._ I slowly got up, noticing the cat walk towards the bedroom door. What is it doing? It looked at me with its angry eyes. It raised a paw, scratching the door as loud as possible. Stupid cat! I rushed towards the door but was too late. Tomo walked out of his room, picking up the cat and saw I was trying to escape. My hand was on the handle when he spoke.

"Where are you going?"

I gulped, "I'm going home." That wasn't a good idea nor was it the truth. I couldn't go back there. "My family must be worried." Suddenly, Tomo was leaning against the door, the cat still in hand.

"Look, I know you're lying. I've been in your shoes." He should be glad he wasn't like me right now. Nobody could handle it. I barely can. "Home is the last place you want to go back too. How about-" He ruffled his messy hair, avoiding my gaze. "Stay here for a bit." I was shocked.

My finger raised itself to my face, "Me?" I was beyond surprised. Why would he let me stay? More importantly a stranger. He knew nothing about me. Nor did I know him. This wasn't a smart idea. The streets were a better option. However, it was very kind of him to offer. By looking at his place, you could tell he was barely scraping by. Thank god, I didn't need to eat. I don't think he could afford to feed me.

"Who else?" He smirked. I bit my finger nail, not knowing how to respond. I shouldn't stay. I mustn't stay. I will only cause him trouble. That's all I can do. The light from outside shown in through the crack in his door. He notices me staring, "Hara, if you go back. You know what will happen. It happened to me every time. The bruises, screaming and threats." He struck a weak point. I wanted to shrink away from his words, but I stood tall.

"You're right..."

He smiled, "I'm not that bad of a person and besides." He waved over his place, "Isn't this just heaven!" I wanted to laugh but saw a certain picture sticking out of the background. I went over to it. It was a family picture. With gentle hands, I lifted it up. Tomo was talking to himself and I assume his cat. There was a little boy with white snow hair in the middle, holding a giant stick of cotton candy. Behind him was a heavily pregnant woman with long white hair and calming green eyes. Besides her with his hand on Tomo's shoulders was a tall man with dark brown hair. He looked much older than his wife but happy. They all looked so happy... I felt a tear slip and land on the photo. Huh?

"Perfect." Tomo was standing behind me, looking over my shoulders. He took the picture from my hands, looking at it longingly. "We were what you would call 'The perfect family'." He placed the frame face down, no longer looking at it. More like _refusing to look at it._ "My mother was pregnant with my younger brother at the time." He went and sat down on the couch, letting his cat lay on his lap.

I hesitated but joined his side," She's very beautiful." She truly was. If I had to compare her to anything, she resembled a goddess. Compared to my dull black hair and plain eyes. I could never be like her.

"She was, wasn't she?"

My eyes widened, "You don't mean..?"

"Yep, passed away a few years ago. Never was the same after. Perhaps we haven't been in the exact same shoes but similar." He sighed, leaning back his head. "My dad changed after that. He used to take it out on me and my brother. Especially me, I looked like her the most." I hung my eyes, not looking at him.

"Where is your brother?" I had to ask. I was curious on why he wasn't here with him if they both got bullied. His eyes grew hazy.

He wiped his forehead. I could tell talking about it was getting to him. "Got taken. Went with the grandparents. Haven't seen him since." I felt bad for him but I was glad that his brother got away from his dad. "I lied to you when I said I left when I was 18 and hated them. I loved my mother. She was an angel, but she had to leave early. My father...That was another thing. I left when my brother got taken. I was 16 and finding a roof over my head was hard."

"You can stop..." I said. He looked sick. I didn't want to push him any further. I had no right to know his back story.

"No, it's okay. You are really nice to talk to you." He smirked, "finding work was almost impossible but I found an old coffee shop, still work there too. An old couple hired me, they're really sweet those two. They knew the guy here and he lets me stay for cheap, that wasn't a lie." Tomo got up, stretching his arms. "Man, it got hot in here." He went and opened the door, "Don't run away now."

I nodded. I went to look at the floor like I normally do when I am unsettled, sitting next to my feet was the cat. He was looking up at me with his angry eyes. I shuddered, trying to look at anything else but him. "Your cat..." I managed to breathe. Tomo looked surprised, picking the cat up.

" ? What about him?" That was it, I couldn't hold it in. I laughed. One of those deep laughs from the gut. Who would name their cat that? Especially, when the cat looks so angry. I covered my mouth, trying to stop myself. Now Tomo looked really confused. He hugged, feeling sorry for him. "I have you know, he is a wonderful companion."

I snorted, making myself freeze. Did I just... I quickly shot up, "You didn't hear that!" I said quite loudly.

"Oh, I heard nothing." He smirked, inching closer. "Only you snorting." Oh god, this was embarrassing. I gripped my hair, trying to figure out how to change the conversation. Make him forget.

"If I ask nicely..." I gulped, pleading him with big eyes. "Forget that I did that." He paused, taking a minute to answer. His cheeks had a light pink hue to them.

He finally spoke, "I guess I can, only if you do something." I began to feel nervous. What is he going to ask for? He leaned against the wall where the TV was. "You have to stay here for a couple days.

"I can't-"

He stopped me with a finger, "Let me finish." He started where he left off, "You have to stay here a couple days at least, till the school lets us go back." I pondered for a second. I really should go back home. Accept my punishment, no matter how bad it is. Then again, I didn't do anything wrong. Why must I pay the price? I didn't set the fire. I would never have done that. Going home was something I didn't want to do.

"I don't know..."

Tomo placed a hand on my head, ruffling my hair. "You're scared, I can tell." He could...See it that easy. I realized my hands were shaking. "Stay here." I shook my head, not wanting to listen to him.

"I need to go home, Mother will worry."

"Will she or is she just wanting to hurt you more." I bit my lip. He was right... "It'll be okay. I promise."

I finally took a deep breath, "I will stay."


	18. Chapter 18

"There we go!" He patted me on the back, "Was that so hard?" He had no idea. For some reason, I felt relieved, yet also like a thousand ton was dropped on me. Tomo began to play with his cat, lifting its paws, waving them around. "Hear that? She gets to stay!" The cat didn't look fazed.

I butted in, "For a little bit only."

"Of course," He got up, "I meant to say that." I began to feel uncomfortable. What now? I was alone in a boy's house...Alone...Oh, God! I covered my cheeks, refusing to look at Tomo. This was a mistake! Surely, I can take it back! Tell him that I changed my mind and need to go home. There is no way I can stay in a boy's home alone. He could do something to me. He noticed my unease, raising an eyebrow. He leaned in dangerously close, "Afraid I might do something?"

I gulped. This is it. Hara, you are crazy. Why did you say yes? This is the end of your innocence. Funny, huh? Losing it in death where you didn't do anything when you were alive. I felt his breath on my face, making me cringe. I wanted to push him away, but my body refused to move. He began to laugh.

"That's no fun," He couldn't stop laughing, looking at me through joyful tears. "I won't do anything."

"Don't play with my emotions!" I puffed my cheeks.

He finally calmed down, "You were the one who thought of it." Tomo began to look around, noticing his very empty house. His cat scratched at the door, signaling to wanting out. Then he had an idea. "How about we go out?" The idea made me shake. Outside? The last thing I wanted to do was leave his house. I wanted to just stay put, hoping that time would fly by. "I mean, there isn't much to do here. I can't really afford a new TV."

"I'm sorry..."

"It's fine. I don't blame you. I needed a new one anyway. However, to make up for it. You have to go out with me." He opened the door, welcoming the sun light. I got off his couch, standing beside him, looking out. If only I could feel the warmth on my skin. You couldn't tell there was a storm last night. People were already out and about. _I didn't want to join them._

I groaned, "Do I have to?"

"Come on, it will do us some good and hopefully, it'll take some things off your mind." It could help me...I wanted to forget so badly. However, Mother must know that I am missing by now. What if she finds me? I can't go outside.

I shrunk away from the door, "What if..." I didn't want to finish my sentence.

"Afraid they will find you?" He knew what I meant. I was shocked but nodded in response. He scratched his head, "That is a problem." He then rushed to his room. It took him a minute, but he returned with a black hoodie. I tilted my head in confusion. What was he going to do with that? He held it out to me.

I had no idea what he was doing. "What?" I asked.

"Put it on." He shoved it into my hands, "Wear the hood and it'll cover up your face. They won't recognize you." This was already set up to fail. Then again, what if it did work? I looked down at my messy dress. Frowning, I knew I was going to look ridiculous. I was never one for fashion, but a dirty Ouran uniform just called out 'Look at me!'. I wanted to say something, but he already read my mind. "Your dress is a mess."

"Yeah..." I spoke. He went back to his room, coming back with baggy gray sweat pants.

"Not the girlish thing, but it should help." I want thankful, not caring that they were boy clothes. I took them from him, then realized I needed a place to change. He just stood there, staring at me. I glanced away, not knowing what to say. I didn't want to be rude, but I was not about to change in front of him.

I gulped, "I need to change."

"I know."

I froze, "Can you leave...Or can I change elsewhere?"

"Nervous?" He leaned in once more, making my breath catch in my throat. I hated him being so close. I didn't know what to do. His eyes...I couldn't look away. He seemed satisfied, pulling away. "Kidding, I'll wait outside for you." He stepped out. I finally let my breath go. He really needs to stop with that... I changed, feeling better I was no longer in that grimy dress. I folded it, placing it on the floor by the wall. I'll clean it later. His clothes were very loose on me, almost falling off. I must look ridiculous. I had no other choice though. I went outside, seeing Tomo leaning against the wall, next to the door. I didn't notice before, but he changed into white sweat pants and a heavy white coat.

"Thank you." I said, "For the clothes."

He took the lead, looking over his shoulder. "It's nothing."

The streets were bustling with people, despite the winter air. I stuck close to Tomo's side, not wanting to be seen by anyone. I noticed some classmates, but they didn't even try to figure out who I was. Which was perfect. Tomo looked completely natural, his white hair shining from the bright wintertime light. Me on the other hand, I held on to my hood like if I was to let go, everyone would know it was me.

"Are you hungry?" He asked.

My answer of course, "No, I'm fine."

"You sure? You need some meat on those bones."

This made me stop in disbelief. He thought I needed to gain weight. This wasn't something that unsettled me, but the opposite. Always being told I needed to lose weight by Mother and having him tell me that I needed to gain it. It was nice. I couldn't gain any now, but it was still pleasant to hear.

"I don't really get hungry." This was the truth. It bothered me at first, but now. I'm starting to not even notice.

He rolled his eyes, "women." I could only laugh, my spirits rising. He was right, going out was fun. We passed by the park. I didn't want to look at it. Last night…It was embarrassing. How could I let myself act like that? He must think I'm crazy. I bumped into him, he was observing the playground. Why? "Hey, you feeling better?"

"Huh?" He was really good at catching me off guard.

He turned around, trying to put his thoughts into words. "Last night, you almost…Why would you? I mean, I understand." He sighed, getting frustrated at himself. "Look, I know it must be hard. Having a family that isn't the best. However, that isn't a reason to try and _kill yourself."_

I hid my face, with a regretful smile. He was right. I know it was a dumb reason, yet I still did it. I jumped to my end. I stopped my flow of time. Then again, here I am. For motives unknown, I am still here for a purpose. I no longer want to look at the dark side of this, I wish to see the light like I did with Oten. I no longer wanted to drown in my despair.

"You're right," I gave him a grin. "I won't do it again." He questioned me for a second before finally believing my words. We went back on our way; this time my hands were not so tight around my hood.

"You know what sounds fun?" I said.

He glanced back, "What?"

"Ice skating." Hearing it coming out of my own mouth was shocking. Me? Ice skate? The girl who never does anything, wanting to go and do something fun. I didn't care. What did I have to lose? It always looked so interesting, seeing the girls with long delicate legs, glide effortlessly on the ice.

"You know what, that does sound fun." He checked his pockets. "I have just enough to rent us some skates." I couldn't help but smile widely.

We arrived at the frozen lake, a man was on the side. Renting out skates to people who didn't have their own pair. Tomo gave him the money, handing me mine. Looking at them made me gulp. What if I was to fall? Oh, who am I kidding? I will fall. Everyone does when they first start. I can't be like those girls in a day.

"Ready?" He asked, his skates already on. I just finished tying mine, giving him a nod. I was nervous, excited and worried all at once. I loved it. Feeling so many emotions at once. Tomo was on the ice, standing up perfect. He didn't even have to try keeping his balance. I put a single foot on the ice, instantly slipping. He began to laugh, making me feel embarrassed.

"It's my first time!" I cried.

"I know, I can tell." He smirked. I tried again, this time not falling immediately. I wobbled a bit but managed to stay up. Tomo clapped his hands, congratulating me standing still. "Doing great!"

"Yes!" I said in joy. This was fun! I moved forward, falling once more. I wasn't mad. _It takes time_. Like how it will take time for me to fully accept what happened to me _. I think I can move forward_. I stood up. _Pushing onward will be hard at first_. Tomo placed a hand on my shoulder. _With some help, I know_. He pushed me, watching as I glided over the ice without fail. _Everything will turn out fine_.

"Go, Hara!" I heard him disappear into the mountain of voices. I was okay though. I wasn't falling. I felt alive again. I had no worries. Everything that was making me afraid was no longer in my mind. My hood slipped off, my hair flying free into the wind. I closed my eyes, loving the feeling of… _Being Alive._

Then suddenly, I bumped into someone. "You okay!" I fell onto my butt. Good thing I couldn't have felt that. Looking up, I saw Tamaki offering a hand. I froze. Is he here? I took his hand, not controlling my movements. I was speechless. "Are you hurt?"

"I'm-" I finally spoke, "Fine." He was wearing purple ear muffs, making his eyes pop. A heavy blue jacket with thick pants. I was still surprised that he was here of all places. I didn't know what to say or how to react.

He smiled, "You look like you are having fun." For some reason, I felt embarrassed.

"Thank you?" I said, not knowing the right answer.

"You like skating?"

I almost slipped, he caught me by my arm. "First time." I chuckled.

"I can tell." He laughed along. "At least, you are enjoying." I was. I didn't want it to end. I haven't felt like this in a long time. It was like a dream and now that he is here…Was I living in a fantasy? My eyes widened at my thought.

I distanced myself from him, "Sorry." I'm stupid! I feel like a child!

"It's okay, it takes practice." He showed his perfect smile. Making me catch my breath. Then I noticed Kyoya in the background, watching us closely. It made me feel even more anxious.

Tomo appeared behind me, he said, "Sorry it took a minute to find you." He then saw Tamaki. His playful mood disappeared. Crossing his arms, he wore a scowl. "Hey."

"Hello," Tamaki didn't seem fazed. "Hara, is this your friend?" I questioned the word. Looking back at him, studying his defensive behavior. Was he…My friend? He was nothing but a bully to me at school, making me feel terrible. He wouldn't stop messing with my emotions, he enjoyed my struggles. However, last night, he chased after me. Stopped me from doing something stupid. Proving to him I was dead. He offered his home to me. Understood how I felt about my family when I thought no one could. He changed completely towards me.

I turn my attention to Tamaki again, "yes, he's my friend." I said proudly. Tomo couldn't help smiling.

"That's good, my name is Tamaki." He raised a hand. Tomo didn't shake it.

"Name's Tomo." He was playing cool guy again. Like when he first met me. He turned around, not looking back. "I'll be at the house when you are ready to come back." He said, skating off. I felt bad. He didn't want to stay…I guess; he didn't want to ruin his image.

Tamaki asked, "Not the most social guy is he?"

"Sometimes." Should I go back with him? He was letting me stay in his house and he didn't get to skate that long either.

I heard a voice appear behind him, "Tamaki! We lost you!" Honey came out from behind him. His hair was a mess and his big brown eyes were shining. He wore a puffy red jacket with matching gloves. He then saw me, "Hara!"

"Hello." I shyly replied.

He skated around me, "How are you?" I couldn't keep my focus on him. It was amazing how good he was at this. How long has he been doing this?

"Great." I smiled. Takashi appeared beside Tamaki, looking as casual as ever. If they were here, then where are the twins? My answer came up with them crashing into one another in the background. I laughed, making everyone look back.

Tamaki chuckled, "they're still learning."

"Are you okay?" Honey called. They raised their thumbs, signaling they were fine. Takashi appeared next to them, helping them out of the snow. Everyone was so lively, it made me want to smile wider. Honey went to them as well, leaving Tamaki and me alone. Watching his smooth purple eyes watch his friends made me blush. Why am I feeling this way? Being distracted by him made me forget there were other people around us. A young girl pumped into me, making me land right on Tamaki. We both went down onto the ice.

I gasped, "I'm sorry!" I tried to get up, but I wasn't use to the slick surface, making my attempt a sad one. He only laughed, helping me up.

"You must be more careful." He smiled. I was captivated by it, losing my words. Then suddenly, Haruhi skated towards us, he looked concerned.

He spoke, "Are you two okay?" For some reason, my chest grew heavy. The urge to return to Tomo's side become known in my mind. I'm being silly! There is nothing that should be making me feel this way. I must be tired from yesterdays events.

"We are fine, she is still learning." He said, "having fun, Hara?"

I nodded quickly, "Yes." I couldn't tell anymore. When Haruhi showed his face, I've felt...Unwanted. What was it about him that made me think this? He hasn't done anything to me, but show me kindness. I would think that I was falling ill, but with me being in this state, I knew that was impossible.

"That's good!" Haruhi smiled. I stared at him, wanting to find the answer to why I was like this. Was his skin always so smooth? White and plump. His eyelashes were long and dark, making his already large brown eyes look even bigger. His brown hair looked soft like silk. I caught myself staring for quite some time. They didn't notice however, they were in a deep conversation with one another.

"Hey Hara, would you like to spend the day with us?" Tamaki asked. Before I knew it, the whole gang was behind them.

Hikaru smirked, "it'll be fun."

"We can have some hot chocolate too," Karou said. Out of the Host's, I saw that Kyoya was not present. I didn't put much thought into it as Honey tugged on my hand.

"Please, come with us."

Everyone waited for my answer, all the eyes making me nervous. I knew I should return back to Tomo, but at the same time, I wanted to go with them. I pushed all my thoughts into the back of my head. It was about time I did something I wanted and what I wanted was to be with them.

"I would love to." A huge smile appeared.


	19. Chapter 19

"Where are we going?" I asked, finally. I was in the middle of everyone. The twins were talking among themselves, Honey was riding on Takashi's back and Tamaki and Haruhi were in front of me. We had been walking for some time and believe it or not, it took me a bit to gather up the courage to say something. Despite no one talking to me, I was content. It felt almost _natural_ to be with a group of people. Who knew that this would be happening to me of all people. I saw this every day. A group of friends being together, talking without a care in the world. I never pictured myself with others, but now that it is happening. I was filled with joy.

Tamaki looked behind his shoulder, "you'll see." I was filled with curiosity. Where could we be possibly going? I noticed the building around us was becoming less frequent. Why were we leaving town?

Honey tugged on my clothes, "You're gonna love it!"

"We're going to sell you on the market." The twins sneaked up behind me and whispered into my ears. My eyes went wide as I looked at them with shock, were they serious?! Haruhi butted in with a small smile on his face.

"Don't listen to them. To be honest, this is my first time going to this place as well so it'll be an experience for the both of us." He said. I was relieved, but also happy. Was it going to be his first time too? I felt less alone and it was nice.

Hikaru pouted, "Thanks for ruining the fun."

"Besides that, you two are going to have a life changing moment." Kaoru smiled. By looking at the two, you could tell they were full of energy and very close. I didn't know them that well, but I could tell they spent every waking moment together. To have that must be wonderful. I wonder what my life would be like if I had a twin. What would they be like? Would we look the same? To have someone so close, I can't imagine it.

Tamaki checked his cell phone, "Kyoya will be there soon with the stuff." Hearing his name made me feel uneasy for only a slight second. I don't know why though, he never did anything to me. But...He does treat me rather cold. It must be my imagination though. Besides that, what stuff? Where could we possibly be going? My curiosity was going through the roof.

Some time passed and before I knew it, we were far from home. Trees were all around us, snow was falling but not too heavy and I could tell the Host's were getting more excited. Where were we? "It should be right over there," Tamaki said, pointing over towards the hill in front of us. I felt Honey grab my hand and tugged me along.

"Come on!" He urged, pulling me. We rushed up the hell and my breath was caught in my throat. It was beautiful. Below us was a pond, frozen over. The ice sparkled for us like it was begging us to just skate on it. Trees were around the area, like a complete circle. The short boy pointed towards the edge, sitting there was a small cabin, already some smoke coming from the top of the chimney.

"Kyoya must have already gotten here," Haruhi spoke. He began to walk down the hill along with Takashi and the twins.

Honey ran after them, "Wait for me!" I stood there, my feet stuck in place. I didn't know what to do. Should I run down this hill with them full of joy and excitement? No, that wasn't like me at all. Should I turn around and pretend this never happened? That's even crazier. Tamaki put a gentle hand on my shoulder.

"Nervous?" His smile made me feel at ease. I was quite nervous. I've never done something like this before, but this time I wasn't complaining. I was overwhelmed with so many feelings that I didn't know which one to choose. I only nodded not knowing what to say. "That's okay, you're going to have a blast." He led me down the hill, making sure I didn't trip or anything. We approached the cabin, I was right behind Tamaki as he opened the door. He let me go in first, everyone was already at home, talking and giggling to one another. I felt out of place, but I wasn't about to let it get to me.

The intimidating voice of Kyoya rang out, "She's here?" The tone he had made me cringe back. Tamaki went up to him with a big smile.

"Yeah, we decided to bring Hara along with us." He said. Kyoya didn't look happy, but yet not displeased either. It was hard to tell what he was thinking about and got to me a bit. I was used to my family. Mother being easily angered and always expecting the best from me. Seika who always got her way and was flowing with confidence. Then there was my father... He was someone you could read like a book no matter who you are. A man who worked to provide for his family, but also a man who you could easily push around.

Kyoya moved away from his friend, walking past me. I felt the tension as he shut the door behind me, "It'll get cold." His smooth voice said, not revealing an inch of emotion. I went to the window, looking at the beautiful snow. It sparkled like jewels, making me want to just run into it. I wish I could feel it. To let cold white ice like clouds run through my fingers. To feel the chill through out my body, making want to return inside to the warm fire. It's different now. I could out there and sit in it without any clothes on my body only to feel nothing but the emptiness inside me.

"Wanna go play in it?!" Honey appeared beside me, having to stand on his tippy toes to see through the window. Looking back at it, an unknown feeling filled inside me. "Let's go!" He didn't wait for an answer as he grabbed my hand, tugging me outside the door. He then ran in front of me, picking up the snow and throwing it around him. "Yay!" He cheered.

I didn't know what to do. It felt awkward just standing still until I moved towards him a bit. The feeling inside me was growing more and more until I couldn't hold it in anymore. I ran with all my might, going in circles. Enjoying the sound of the snow crunching beneath my feet. I couldn't hear myself laughing as I was filled with so much joy. Before I knew it, I tripped over a mound of snow, landing straight on my back. I didn't stop laughing. When was the last time I felt like this? It's been so long.

* * *

 _"Mother!" I yelled, finishing the snowman. Father put a carrot on its face for a nose. It looked so silly. The poor snowman was oddly shaped and its eyes were some rocks I found around the park. Mother walked up, her hand resting on her baby bump that was barely visible. Her face was relaxed as she gazed upon our creation._

 _She smiled, "It's lovely, sweetheart." My face was already pink from the cold, but knowing Mother loved it made me even redder. Father kissed her on the forehead. They looked so happy together. I ran up to her, placing my head on her tummy._

 _"Mother! I can't wait to kiss her!" I laughed._

 _Mother stroked my hair, "Or him." She stated, "You could have a little brother."_

 _"No!" I pouted, "I want a sister!"_

 _Father scooped me up, swinging me around in the air. "We'll just have to wait and see!" He was so full of life. I couldn't stop laughing as we played at the park all day._

* * *

The memory was sudden, but it made me smile. What I would do to go back to those days. I still can't figure out what all happened to us. What made Mother change so drastically? For Father to become so submissive? I wish I knew, I wish I could fix it. To make everything _better._ "Hey! Hara!" I broke out of my thoughts, seeing the twins holding out their hands. I took both of them and when standing, I wiped the snow from my back.

"Thought you fainted or something," Hikaru said.

Kaoru smiled, "At least you're having fun."

"I am!" I laughed, smiling with all my teeth showing. They smirked back, as Hikaru picked up some snow and formed it into a ball. I remained still, confused on what he was doing. Kaoru instantly knew what he was doing and ran for cover. Why is he running? Then I felt something hit my chest, knocking me back into the snow. Startled and now covered in snow, Hikaru was chuckling aloud. Then the back of his head was hit also with a snowball.

He made another, chunking it at Honey. "I'll get you for that!" He yelled. I felt someone behind me, looking up I saw Haruhi.

He helped me up, wiping me clean. "You need to watch out." He smiled, quickly ducking as a snowball flew over him. I was shocked at how calm he was. My eyes darted around, seeing all the Host's outside, enjoying their snow fight. "Come on, like this." He formed a ball and handed it to me. I held the frozen ball in my palms, feeling nothing as I looked it over. Was I suppose to hit them with this? I couldn't see the fun in this.

"Try and hit me, Hara!" Tamaki called out to me. He wasn't too far away, waving his arms around with a wide smile. I never was good at throwing things. I wasn't allowed to do anything physical related like sports. Mother said it wasn't lady like and boys wouldn't be attracted to a girl who played in sports. I moved my arm back and threw with all my might, it barely hit his legs. I was suddenly filled with excitement. This is fun! I made another one, only to be hit on the back by Haruhi who laughed. I quickly turned and hit him back.

Several hours passed, my clothes were caked with ice and snow. The sun was setting and everyone was going back inside the cabin. I stood, staring at the fading sun. Did time really pass that fast? I really should be getting back to Tomo. "Hara! It's cold, come on!" Haruhi called to me. I rushed into the cabin. Everyone was already starting to relax. Honey was sipping hot chocolate that Takashi had made for him. I wish I could enjoy some of that. I went to the window, it was starting to snow again.

Tamaki stood beside me, "Looks like we may have a storm." He said.

"Good thing we are staying here for the night." The twins nodded. Staying?!

"No!" I blurted. I quickly felt embarrassed as everyone looked at me with odd eyes. I couldn't stay. I had to return to Tomo. He was kind enough to open up his home to me and if I was to just not show up, especially after I left him today for the Host's, he surely would be angry. I would be fine going home. It's not like I feel the cold. "I mean, I must be getting home."

Kyoya tilted his head, "In this weather and at night." That did look strange to them. Going out this late and when there might be a storm. I shook it off. I would be fine and Tomo would be in a much better mood if I came home. Surely, he would forgive me for leaving his side today.

"I'm sorry that I must go, thank you for today. I had a lot of fun." This was true. Today was something I would never forget. To feel the rush of excitement and I learned how to snowball fight! Everyone's smiling faces would never fade from my mind. A big grin spread across my face, "I truly appreciate what you guys did for me today. I haven't had this much fun in a very long time."

Tamaki butted in, "But it might storm and you can't walk in that! We can leave in the morning."

"Please, I must go." I said, "I'll be fine." Kyoya placed a hand on his shoulders.

"Let her go."

Tamaki glared at him, "Not in this weather."

"Yeah! You'll freeze to death!" Honey frowned, almost spilling his hot chocolate. I looked at everyone's concerned eyes and sighed. What was I to do? They were not going to let me leave. No matter how much I told them I'd be fine. Tomo would be very upset if I didn't come home and I had no way of telling him that I wouldn't be home. I'd have to think of something.

I finally answered their stares, "I'll stay." The tension in the air disappeared almost instantly.

"Good, we would be worried about you." Haruhi smiled, he too was drinking hot chocolate. I took a seat on one of the couches, next to Takashi and Honey. Takashi was leaning back, relaxing. He hasn't said a word about me wanting to leave, it made me feel a bit uneasy. Did he not care? I brushed it off, I shouldn't be concerned with that. If anything, I should be upset over Kyoya who said to just leave. I could tell I wasn't his favorite person around.

Tamaki spoke up, "So how is your family like? Will they be worried?" I felt my body shiver from the mention of my family. I couldn't tell the truth. Not to them. They were much too kind to me and I wouldn't want to seem like someone who needed even more help.

I faked a smile, resulting in Kyoya and Takashi raising an eyebrow. " _They're perfect."_ I said, "I live with my Mother and Father, including my younger sister. My Father brings in the money while Mother takes care of us. She's really _sweet._ I couldn't ask for more."

"So they'll be okay with you being with us?" Kaoru asked. I simply nodded, not wanting to say any more about them.

Hikaru smirked, "Well, we weren't going to let you leave even if they didn't want you here." They had no idea what situation I was in. I ran away from home and I had no idea if they were looking for me or not. However, I knew for certain, that if I was to return home. I wouldn't be able to leave.

"You're too kind," I said, touched by how they cared for my well being. However, I couldn't stay. My mind was telling me that I had to go. I wouldn't tell them though, my plan was to sneak out. Everyone already looked tired and slipping past them wouldn't be hard. I'll just have to apologize whenever I can, after all, this is over.

Suddenly, Honey shot up from his seat. "We should play a game!" He cheered. A game? Didn't we just get done playing outside? Honey was just like a child, so I wasn't surprised in the least. The twins smirked at one another.

"Truth or Dare." I felt a bit nervous as they looked like they had something up their sleeves. I've never played this game before, but I've heard about it from the girls in school. It always ended up pretty badly in my opinion.

"I don't know about that." Tamaki sighed.

Haruhi patted his shoulder, "It will be fun." He was up for it and since Haruhi said he wanted to play, Tamaki had no problem with it either. Kyoya showed no interest and neither did Tamaki.

"Then it's settled!" Honey laughed, jumping on the couch. Kyoya removed himself from the group, saying he didn't want to join. I was actually excited, it could be an experience.

"I'll go first," Kaoru said. "Hikaru, truth or dare?

"Truth."

He smiled, "Hikaru, is it true you hate sleeping with clothes on?" My face flushed from the question. They were already starting out personal.

"It is true." He laughed. I had to look away. knowing this was something I didn't have to know. Hikaru noticed my discomfort and dived in for the kill.

He pointed at me, "Hara, Truth or dare." I was silent for a moment. I didn't know which one to pick, I didn't want them to dig too deep into my life so I was scared to pick truth, but what about the dare? What would he dare me to do?

"Dare," I said with uncertainty.

A huge smirk spread across his face, "I dare you to drink a homemade shake of mine." Gasps were heard all around.

"No!" Honey screamed.

Haruhi frowned, "That is rather unpleasant." I didn't freak out as much everyone else, due to the fact I couldn't taste anything. However, I didn't want to throw up later. I couldn't refuse the dare though, I had to accept it.

"I'll do it."

Hikaru along with his twin rushed to the kitchen, started to grab random things and blending them up. It didn't look good at all, it was a weird brownish liquid by the time they finished. I gulped, picking it up. Everyone crowded around me and I felt the pressure getting to me. I wasn't worried about the taste at all but it did look disgusting. It pressed against my lips and I swallowed it down. It felt slimy and thank god I didn't taste it.

"Ew!" Honey made puking sounds.

Haruhi covered his mouth, "Oh my." Tamaki was already in the other room, covering his mouth, trying not to vomit. I wiped the liquid off.

"You downed it like it was nothing!" The twins gasped.

I giggled, "I've had worse." I glanced at Tamaki, knowing it was my turn to ask him to do something. "Tamaki, truth or dare?"

Once he calmed his stomach he answered, "Dare."

"I dare you to jump in the snow and lay in it for several minutes." I laughed. It would be funny to see him squirm.

"I'll do it!" He said with confidence, opening the door and running out. Everyone went outside to see if he did it. He was already laying in the snow, shivering like crazy. "I won't give in!" I was chuckling under my breath, still standing in the kitchen. Then suddenly, I felt it in my stomach. Oh no...Why this soon? I was bent over, holding onto my gut. No one was paying attention to me, as I covered my mouth, trying to keep it down. Suddenly, Kyoya was in front of me.

"Not feeling well?" He didn't look the least concerned. I stood back up, biting my cheek, thinking it would help.

I managed to speak, "I'm fine." This was a lie, I could feel it rising. I couldn't hold back as I rushed to the sink, vomiting my guts up. Only this time it was different. It was pure black, nothing like the drink. Oh no... My eyes averted to everyone but they were still watching Tamaki in the snow. Then I went to Kyoya, who's eyes were wide. What should I do?! What is he going to say?! I was frozen, staring at the black sludge in the sink. A hand went past me and turned on the water, washing it all away.

Kyoya spoke, "Either you tell me what's going or I'll make you."


	20. Chapter 20

All my focus was on Kyoya, I swore my head was pounding from the tension in the air. I can't tell him! All alarms were going off. So many things were flying through my mind. Run! Hide! Fight if you must! Just get away from here! He kept his eyes on me as I straightened my back, trying to look like I wasn't scared. I knew it wasn't helping, you could even smell the fear off me.

"What are you talking about?" I tried to play dumb.

He wasn't buying it. He got incredibly close to me, I could feel his breath on my face. "I know something is up and now I've seen proof, tell me what is going on or I will look into it." He got even closer, his dark irises digging into my brown one, trying to find any sort of information. "And if I have to dig into your life, there will be trouble."

Right then, Honey ran into the cabin. "Tamaki did it!" Kyoya was far from me, like we never talked in the first place. I glanced at the sink, making sure all the black sludge was gone. Tamaki came in shaking like crazy. Which Haruhi fetched him a cup of hot chocolate. I was still pretty shaken up from the experience, trying my best to fake a smile. Takashi kept a close eye on me as I moved to a couch to sit down with everyone. I needed to collect myself, I couldn't show them I was afraid. Kyoya didn't even look at me, talking with Tamaki about how he could have gotten hypothermia. The twins sat to the side of me, snickering. They must have something up their sleeves.

"Okay Haruhi," Tamaki tried to say. "Truth or Dare." Then suddenly, Kyoya raised a hand.

He spoke calmly, "I would like to take this turn." Everyone was surprised he wanted to be apart of this and it only sent more fear through my veins.

"Go ahead?" Tamaki said, confused but with a smile.

He looked straight at me. I gulped, wanting to run away. "Truth or dare?" He asked smoothly. I didn't know which one to pick. I couldn't refuse either because I didn't want to look suspicious from the other Hosts. I was scared to pick truth, he wanted to get information out of me and that was a easy way to do it. Even if I was to lie, he would see right through it. As for dare, I had no idea what he would make me do. Not knowing what he would say made me tremble. Thankfully, the twins didn't notice.

"I choose.." I breathed, "Dare." I had to pick it. Going with truth would have been to risky.

Haruhi glanced at Kyoya with worry, "Do be nice, Kyoya."

"Hara, I dare you to eat all the food in the cabinet." What? What was he trying to get from me? And I couldn't possible do it! I would vomit that black stuff again and in front of everyone! I've never ate so much food before in this state of mine either. I didn't know what to do.

"She can't eat all of it!" Tamaki said.

Hikaru laughed, "Look how small she is."

"There's no way she can eat it all." Kaoru agreed.

He spoke, "I know, she will just have to consume as much as she can" We all went into the kitchen and he opened the cabinet. Inside was so many canned food, from vegetables to expensive looking soups. Other than that, there was boxes of crackers and other food I've never seen before. The twins started opening the cans, pouring them into bowls for me and heating them up. I sat at the table, everyone crowed around me. I was so nervous, I thought I was going to throw up already.

"You don't have to force yourself." Tamaki said with concern.

Haruhi placed a hand on my shoulder, "You really don't. Kyoya is just picking on you." I wish it was just mindless fun. However, he wanted to know everything about me and I wasn't about to let him find out. They placed three bowls in front of me, I didn't care what they were and picked out the one that was full of soup first. I picked up the spoon, stopping at my lips. I closed my eyes, shoving it into my mouth. I felt only the liquid go down my throat as I kept putting more into my stomach. I wanted to cry, getting done with all three bowls rather quickly.

"Oh wow! That was fast!" Honey gasped.

"Are you okay?!" Haruhi asked.

I placed a hand on my tummy, pretending to feel like I was really full. "I don't know if I can eat another bite." Placing a hand over my mouth, I tried to hold down large quantity of food. Kyoya didn't look satisfied and placed down a slice of cake in front of me.

Tamaki frowned, "Hasn't she ate enough?"

"She barely put a dent in the cabinet so this will be the last thing." It was a chocolate cake and Honey was drooling over it. I wanted to just push it to him, let him eat the monster that threatened me to vomit. However, I couldn't. I had to prove nothing was wrong with me. I picked up the fork, taking a chunk of cake. I felt everything wanting to rise. Consuming so much food was not a smart idea, but I will not back down. _I will not let Kyoya win._

I gulped down the cake quickly, I had to rush to the bathroom right after. I heard everyone's concerned voiced behind me. I slammed the door behind me, I was bent over the toilet. Why did it hurt?! Why did my stomach hurt so much?! I felt like my insides were being ripped apart. I covered my mouth tightly. I can't throw up now! I have to hold it in! I heard someone walk in. I forgot to lock the door! I felt tears threaten to spill as the pain was becoming unbearable. I haven't felt pain in so long, I forgotten what it had felt like. I wanted it to go away. Why did I agree to do this stupid game!? The person stopped behind me, I could barely glance over my shoulder. Kyoya looked down at me with curiosity, like I was some kind of animal he was testing on. My vision was becoming black and the pain was fading. I... Need... To...

* * *

I suddenly woke up on the couch, all the lights were out and I no longer felt pain in my stomach. I must have blacked out.. No one was in sight, they must have went to bed in the bedrooms. Then I suddenly saw Haruhi asleep on the other couch. He looked peaceful. Maybe, he was taking care of me? I saw it was snowing outside. Now was my chance! I had to leave no matter what, staying here wasn't safe. Kyoya was my enemy now and anywhere he was, I shouldn't be. I quietly got up, making sure not even to make a single sound. I slowly opened the front door and slipping out.

The snow beat down on me, but I didn't care. I wasn't cold and I was more concerned with Kyoya waking up. I took off with high speed, wanting to distance myself from the cabin. Once I was surround by nothing, but trees, I felt tears run down my face. Why? Just why..? I thought everything was going so well. I was having so much fun. I was laughing and everything felt okay for once.

The tears came down harder, so was the snow. I tripped against a tree. I laid against it, trying to steady my breathing. I wiped at my tears, but they kept coming. For once, I thought I could let loose, have some fun and maybe think I had friends. I was upset, I was crying and I felt pain. I didn't care what was to happen to me at this moment. I knew I had to return to Tomo's side, but what I wanted to do even more was curl up and hope the snow would cover me from reality.

Why wasn't allowed to feel ease?! Why must I constantly suffer!? Right when I thought everything was going to be okay, I had to be reminded I wasn't normal. Even when I was alive, I wasn't normal. I just wanted to have a good life...A loving family, friends and I could be myself. I had to end it all before I knew it could ever get better. I could have moved out as soon as high school was over, but I was just so _tired_. I didn't want to wait any longer.

The bright smile of Oten appeared in my mind.

I wonder what she is doing right now.. I miss her. She always made me feel better. She was filled with so much energy. I was jealous, but she was still my friend. I smirked past my tears. Friend... I wanted to see her again. Then Tomo's face appeared too. He smooth smile and eyes. He wasn't such a bad guy. He even offered me a place to stay. I need to get home...

Pushing past the worsening weather. I felt my stomach turn. It's coming back! I just want to go home...To Tome. I wanted to see Oten's smile again. I gulped it back down, trying to see past all the white. I swore I saw someone in the distance. It must be my mind tricking me from all this stress. Oh god... Suddenly, black shot from my mouth and nose. I fell to my knees, black sludge pouring out of me. It stuck out like a sore thumb in the snow. It wouldn't stop coming out. I tried to get back up, but only tripped again and landed in it.

My eyes widened, seeing the all the black cover my hands and clothing. It slowly came out of my mouth as I was choking from all the tears and sludge. I heard crunching and shot my head up. A short distance from me was Tomo. He was wearing a thick jacket, caked with snow. He looked drained and cold. How long had he been out? The tears came even harder. Why is he here?!

"What are you doing?!" I choked, black sludge spraying out my mouth. Tomo looked terrified and didn't move. I must look like a monster right now...Covered in black goo. "Go away!" I screamed. I didn't want him to see me this way. What was I to say to him? How I could I explain myself to where this all looked normal.

He took a step forward, "Hara?" He wasn't certain it was me.

"STOP!" I cried desperately. Why must he always see the _worse_ in me?! He didn't stop. I was so tired... I tried to wipe some of the black away from my mouth, but it kept coming out. He was in front of me now, not caring about all the sludge, he dropped to his knees.

"What's happening?! Are you okay?!" He looked pissed off and scared at the same time. "I've been looking all over the place for you! We need to get you to a hospital!" He tried to help me up, getting black all over his hands and sleeves.

I pushed him away, "I can't go to a hospital! They won't understand and neither will you!" I made it back on my feet, backing away from him. He must be so cold and tired from looking for me. I had to make him leave, I wasn't worth all this. "Go away, Tomo."

"What are you talking about?! Look at you!" He argued. I know.. I must look so awful.

I hid my face, "Just leave me here... I'm nothing but trouble anyway. I'm all messed up and I knew it was a done idea, thinking everything was going to work out. Please, just leave me here..."

"I refuse."

I cried, "No! Forget that you ever met me!"

Suddenly, he opened up his arms. "Look, I don't know what is going on with you and I may not ever know, but I don't care! If you are a monster or just really sick. I don't care about any of that! I know what it is like to be alone and afraid. I don't want you to feel like that so I'll do what you want me to do. We don't have to go to a hospital, but I will not leave you here!" He was filled with such determination, that it made the tears stop.

"Please, let's just go home." He begged.

Everything happened so fast. I ran right into his arms. Wanting to feel protected and that everything was going to be alright. He didn't care that I covered him in sludge. He hugged me tight, burring his face in my snow caked hair. "Thank god, I found you..." I heard him whisper.


	21. Chapter 21

The sun peaked in through the windows, making me squint. I was woken up by it and by looking around, I saw I was back in Tomo's apartment. He was no where to be seen. I saw his cat resting by the kitchen door, looking fat as usual. I shifted a bit, realizing I was wearing a long baggy T-shirt, with shorts that was to large for me. None of the black sludge remained. The sudden thought of how those clothes got on me, made me flush terribly.

Where's Tomo?! Was my next thought. He couldn't have seen my body? Could he?! I hugged myself, not knowing what to do. So many things were flying in my mind that I just sat there on the couch. Images from last night, Kyoya growing dangerously suspicious and Tomo seeing me at my worst. Is he to going to pressure me for answers? I have no where else to go if he does. I finally decided to get up and peek into his bedroom.

Laying there with a thin sheet over him was Tomo. He wasn't wearing shirt, his smooth skin showing. I tried my best to look at his face. His white hair was a mess and he seemed to be sleeping peacefully. I didn't want to disturb him, proceeding to leave. A soft voice stopped me, "Come back." Confused, I approached the side of his bed.

He was still asleep.

"Don't...Leave me." Who was he talking too? I felt like this was something I wasn't suppose to hear, turning around to leave. A hand shot out, grabbing my arm and forcing me into the sheets with him. I was frozen, not knowing what was going on. His arms were around me tightly, like he was afraid I was going to disappear. No, this can't be happening. I need to get out of this! I tried to wiggle out of his grip, but he refused to budge. Feeling defeated, I finally looked at his face. I was met with cool, devilish grey eyes and a smirk.

"What?!" I gasped as he pulled me closer.

He got dangerously close to my face, "Did someone get lonely?"

"No!" I actually pushed him away, falling off the side of his bed. He gazed down at me, not fazed at all. I got up quickly, shaken from the close contact. He proceeded to move from his bed, which revealed his bare chest. He was also wearing black boxers. I was so embarrassed that I ran out the room.

I heard him from behind, "Don't be so shocked, Sweetheart. I saw your body too." Why was he acting so full of himself? He must be lying. I knew I was trying to distract myself from the truth. The clothes on my frame proved he saw what was underneath.

I tried to collect myself and faced him, "I'm going to believe you haven't seen anything."

"Whatever makes you feel better." He scoffed, going to the kitchen. I followed him, curious. He pulled out a box of instant eggs and started to heat up a pan. "I'd offer you some, but are you feeling any better?" He's talking about last night...

I avoided his gaze, "I'm fine."

He reached past me for the salt, not pressing the matter further. I was wondering why he wasn't pushing for more information. However, I was grateful. "So yes or no on the eggs?"

"No thank you." I smiled. Just thinking of the black bile made me want to vomit again. He shrugged, pouring the egg mix in the pan. I smelled the food, grateful i could at least enjoy the scent. I noticed something on the carton and went to grab it, my arm in Tomo's line of vision. He grew serious, grabbing my wrist tightly. He pulled me towards him, leaving in me shock.

He frowned, not saying anything. I was confused until I saw what he was silent over. Sticking out like a sore thumb was my scars. I yanked my arm from him, hugging it close to my chest. What?! Why are they there? I thought they disappeared? I couldn't look at him, I was afraid. Peeking at my arms, I wanted nothing more than this to be a dream. But they were there.

"I..." I was speechless. What excuse could I come up with to make this all go away? They were there, I couldn't lie. I felt him in front of me, but I refused to look up. He gently placed his head on mine. I didn't know what to think.

He sighed, "It's okay you know." Huh? "You're not going to hurt anymore." I finally met his eyes, he look worried but also calm. I felt tears in my own. He grab my arm, running his fingers over my marks. I was embarrassed and confused. Then what he did next made me was to faint.

He kissed them.

"Please!" I pulled away, now flustered. "That's enough."

He still looked serious, "I won't let them hurt you again." I stood there, a small smile wanting to surface. The smell of burnt eggs made me gasp. I quickly pulled the pan off the fire and putting it into his sink. The eggs were black.

"Your eggs..." I frowned.

He started laughing, "You're something else, huh!"

"But your food?" Why was he laughing.

He pulled me in with his arm, rapped around my neck. "Then let's just go out." Outside? What if the host saw me or worse, Mother! I didn't like the idea, but he was already yanking me towards the door. I pulled free, obviously showing disinterest. "It'll be fun, besides we need to get you some clothes." I was reminded of the baggy attire I was wearing.

I said, "But the money. I don't have any." I didn't have anything to my name. Not money, not a house, not even a family.

"I got you, silly." He thumped my forehead. I was taken back, my face becoming flushed.

"You can't!"

He shrugged, "Why not?"

"You already have things you need and spending your money on me isn't worth it." I frowned.

Tomo could only chuckle, "Sweetheart, the moment I let you into my home, was the moment I decided you were worth it." I had to look away, not wanting him to see my taken back state. He took my hand gently, "Come on, let's go have some fun."

Still nervous, but for some reason, Tomo put me at ease. I nodded, "Okay."

* * *

The day was nice. Everyone was talking and you could feel the cheery mood all around. Tomo looked rather handsome as I looked up at him. His white hair shown brightly. He stuck out like a sore thumb. Compared to him, I looked poor. My hair was a matted mess and the clothes did nothing for my figure , despite me looking like the maid and him the prince. I didn't care.

"So what kind of clothes do you like?" He asked. I couldn't really answer him. Mother always bought my clothes. I had to fit into whatever person she wanted me to be. I wore my uniform most of the time anyway. "You don't know?" He saw me thinking.

I could only shake my head.

He was surprised, "Then we will have to fix that." He pulled out his cell phone and proceeded to text someone. "My friend said she could help us out, since I don't know anything about girl's fashion." I wonder who his friend was? I was a little anxious, but they surely were nice. Even though at first, I thought Tomo was a good for nothing bully, but as I've gotten to know him. He was kind and caring.

We continued walking, we looked so different. However, at the same time, we looked like we belonged together. "She said to meet her at the local restaurant." We turned that way and I couldn't help but ask about her.

"What is she like? Your friend?"

He shrugged, "Eh, she's okay. Kind of annoying at times but she knows more about clothes then I do." He didn't say anything more which was odd. You think he would have more to say about a friend. We grew closer and someone who I didn't want to see was sitting at one of the tables alone. Smooth silky pink hair shined brightly in the sun, a fake smile plastered on her face and eyes full of lies. She looked at us with excitement, _until she saw me._ She didn't change her expression, not want to set off Tomo. Alarms were going off in my head, telling me to run back to the safety of the apartment.

I continued to walk by his side. How did he know her? Why her of all people? I remembered her cold hands touching me, the names she called me, all the bulling made me want to cry. I had to stay calm though, I didn't want Tomo to see anymore of me being weak. He's seen enough. With him here, I should be fine. He will make sure that she doesn't hurt me. He'll protect me. I'm stronger now, I'll be okay.

We finally approached her. She didn't seem fazed, but I knew that under that mask, she was filled with hatred. "Hey, Tomo!" She grinned. It made me want to vomit.

He shrugged, "Hey." The old Tomo was showing. The cool attitude, the "I don't care" tone in his voice and uninterested eyes. This was the guy that caused me trouble, but now I knew. He was different. Kind and gentle. From what I've seen, I was the only one who knew and it made me feel special. Her gaze landed on me and you could see the ill intent form in them.

"Hara, how are you? With the whole school incident, I hope you're okay." I wasn't dumb. She had something to do with it. That devil grin she gave me that day was something tattooed into my memories.

I could only mutter, "I'm fine."

"Let's hurry up." He breathed, scratching the back of his head. Giving off the impression that he was bored.

Luka shot up, "Of course!" She then lead us into a near by shop, "Since you said money was tight, this place should be perfect for you, Tomo!"

"It's not for me."

She was confused, "What?" He pointed at me. Did he not tell her that we were looking for clothes for me. She almost cracked her fake smile. "That's okay too! I'll help you find whatever. I'll guess we will start here." We walked towards some racks, nothing really catching my eyes. How could I pay attention to shopping when one of the reasons for my death was here. I didn't want to wear anything she picked out for me. I wanted to go back home with Tomo, forget that I've ever seen her. She was picking through random items. I could tell she was not caring, picking things that would obviously looked dull on anyone, but I could care less.

"Here!" She shoved some random clothing into my hands. "Try them on." I saw the changing rooms, it was just simply curtains hanging. I went into one of them, stripping down. My mind was somewhere else. For some reason, I was thinking about Tamaki. I had so much fun with them at the cabin, minus the Kyoya situation and running away. I couldn't help but think about his features. His smile that filled me with joy, his gold hair that was equivalent to an angels. His way of thinking and how it made me feel safe. Being around him made me feel that nothing would hurt me. To be so care free and full of life.

Before I realized, I was naked in front of an old mirror. My slim frame stood there. My pale skin was dull and I had no outstanding assets that stood out. Black hair rested on my body as brown eyes studied myself. I touched my flat chest, wondering if Tamaki would be okay with someone who didn't have breast. This made me think of his broad chest. I wondered what it would look like without clothes. My fingers ran over my small lips, wondering what his would feel like. To have his hands on my waist. I placed my hand on the mirror, wondering if anything.

If he would like me back.

I was shocked by thoughts. Did I just think of all that?! I was embarrassed by myself, but at the same time. It made me happy. Thinking about him, being around him and what he made feel was something I couldn't deny anymore. _I liked Tamaki._ Realizing my own feelings, why did it take so long? Even so, it would do me no good. What could I do about it? I was dead and there's nothing I could do to change that. If I was to tell him, it would only cause trouble. I was content with this. Knowing that I was able to like anyone was something I thought could never happen. Even if he is to never know, this was okay.

Suddenly, Luka poked her head in. She wasn't smiling, she wasn't talking. She just looked over me. Remembering that I was undressed, I grabbed the nearest shirt, trying to cover up. But slender hands stopped me. She ripped it away, throwing it to the ground. With frightening speed, she pinned me again the wall. I was about to let out a scream, but she covered my mouth. "Tomo stepped out for a minute." Her other hands nails dug into my shoulders, I could see the ecstasy in her eyes. I was frightened by her.

"You know what this means?" She then lowered her fingers to my chest. "We can have some fun." Then as hard as she could, she grabbed it. I was thankful I couldn't feel anything, but that didn't stop me from feeling disgusted. No ones ever touched and to have her do so made me feel sick. "Let me see your pain." Lower she went, making me want to cry. Don't touch me there! I felt her touch it. she knew this made me want to scream, which made her all the more excited. Her eyes were clouded, her breath rugged. Pink cheeks that showed brightly and a grin that could kill.

I closed my eyes, not wanting to see anymore. She made me feel dirty and weak. Why wasn't I trying to fight back? Why take this torture? I knew. I was afraid. I didn't want to cause a scene. I didn't want to cause conflict. I was raised all my life to never fight back. Even now, I was still influenced by my Mother's actions. Then, I felt the absences of her touch. Opening my eyes, I saw Tomo yanked her out of the dressing room.

"Huh?!" She gasped.

He looked composed, "Should I break your neck now or should I make you suffer." His words were filled with such meaning that it made me flinch. Luka looked absolutely terrified.

"I was just helping her change her clothes!" Lies. He wasn't that stupid. His grip tightened on her wrist, making her cry out in pain. I quickly put on my clothes, not wanting to be caught exposed. "Okay! Let me go!" She begged.

His face got close to her ear, luckily I could hear him. "Touch her again and I'll kill you." She was frozen, but as soon as he let her go, Luka ran. She disappeared out the door. Tomo looked fine, not even fazed by what happened. Opposite of me, I was shaken. How could he say that with such composer? Finally, he looked at me and offered a hand. I took it, not knowing what to say at a time like this. He simply lead me out of the store, leaving the people inside confused.


	22. Chapter 22

We were back in his apartment and as soon as he closed the door, he glared at me. "What were you thinking?! Why didn't you tell me?!"

"How was I?" It happened to fast. I wasn't going to scream for help and even if I wanted too, she made sure I was silent.

He wasn't fazed, "That's not what I meant. How long has this been going on? Her bullying you." I was about to answer, before he added one last comment, " And don't lie to me, I can tell if you do." Then my words were lost. What would it matter if I told him about her? There was nothing he could do to take away the past. I was thankful he helped me, but what else could he do?

"Tell me." He demanded.

I avoided his gaze, "Since freshman year."

* * *

 _This is it! I'm going to change this year no matter what. New school, new people and there will be a new Hara. Everyone was running around, looking for their new classes. You could tell the freshman apart from the seniors. Freshman were asking fellow students for help and where to find their teachers. I stood there, determination on my face. I will not be the same person I've been before. I walked forward, looking for my first class. I noticed some girls. One with pink hair stood out the most. I approached them. Don't be shy!_

 _"Hello," I said. "Do you know where the lab is?"_

 _They looked at me with curiosity, the pink haired one speaking first. "We have that class too! We can't find it though. Want to look for it together?" Joy filled me. This was easier than I thought. I joined the group of girls. They chatted mostly to themselves. Which was fine. I was content with just being around them and not alone. We finally reached the classroom, students already had their seats. We sat towards the corner, they didn't mind that I sat there. The teacher began speaking and asking basic questions for us to answer._

 _When it came to my turn, I gladly stood up and answered. "The answer would have to be how sunlight affects the cells of the plants roots." I was happy and this made me answer full of energy. Then I noticed the girls to my side get quite. Class continued and each time I was called upon, I answered correctly. Which this made the teacher proud. Eventually, first period ended and I was about to tell the girls how easy the class was until I was met with glares. From all three of them. Huh? They pulled me into the hall way._

 _"Don't we have a little miss smarty?" One laughed. I was so confused. They were smiling with me only moments ago. The pink haired girl grabbed my shoulder, making me shake._

 _She whispered into my ear, "Looks like you're our new target." With this sudden message, they laughed and left me standing there. I could only sigh, every fiber of me being happy was long gone, like it was never there._

 _"It never changes."_

* * *

He walked away from me, pinching the bridge of his nose. Trying to breath. I haven't seen Tomo like this before, it was unsettling. Why was he so upset? After a few breaths, he snapped. His angry filled eyes locked onto me, " _Stop acting like the victim and do something about it!"_ It all hit me at once. Mother beating me, Seika with all the emotion abuse, Father being helpless. Letting Luka ruin my school life and the thing that stuck out to me the most was that I did let it happen. I let all of it happen to me. I've never truly tried to stand up for myself. I should have been stronger, I should have been able to stop them.

"I should have." I spoke.

He continued to yell, "Then why didn't you?!" Out of all the things running through my mind, why couldn't I find an answer to give him? All these years of torture and abuse, why didn't I do anything. Of course, I knew my reason. I was afraid. To scared to make a difference and change. The pain and emotions were to much for me to handle on my own.

"I was afraid." I bit back tears. He didn't seem fazed.

"I too, was afraid, but I got away. You could have done the same!"

Something inside me started to grow and I didn't like it. "What if-"

"Look what's happened now. You won't even let anyone help you. It was hard enough to make you stay here, yet alone make you tell me anything. You need to stop thinking everyone is against you, Hara!" He glared at me, his anger not subsiding. "You need to grow up!"

" _Grow up?"_ I glared back at him. "You want me to grow up? You don't know half the stuff I've been through and what I have to deal with. Yes, I wish I've changed sooner. But guess what? I can't now. I only have so much time and I will not have you," I poked his chest. "Telling me to _grow up!"_ The feeling was becoming unbearable, something just wanted to explode from within and I was going to let it.

"You know what! I will change and watch me, I'll be back and I won't be the same Hara you know now." I opened the door, not even bothering to shut it. I was well away from the house.

Tomo leaned against the door frame, his arms crossed, a victory smirk spread on his face. "That's my girl."

* * *

I was in the middle of a crowd, completely blank on what to do next. I feel so stupid! I told Tomo I was going to change and here I am, standing still and not knowing what to do next. So many faces past me, happy, sad, angry. So many emotions mixed together and for me to be so lost, it was unsettling. I saw a group of girls from my highschool, laughing and enjoying some treats together. I wonder, if things ended different. Would I have been like them? The feeling from before rose in me. If I wanted to change, then I need to start now. Out of all the things that's happened in my life, I need to tackle every problem. Everthing that has made me who I am now. I need to face the things that have made me end my life and where to start would be _mother._

With my goal in mind, I had to prepare myself. I couldn't just walk into my old home and tell her what she's done wrong. It would only end with me getting hurt, mentally and physically. I needed to sheild myself to were that even if the worst happened, I would be okay. How was I going to do this though? I couldn't go back to Tomo, not until I changed for the better.

Suddenly, I saw a familiar short figure in the crowd. I couldn't help but smile as I saw her, Oten, who was carrying large bags with her. I knew I could rely on her. She always made me feel like I had a purpose in life. My feet ran to her.

"Oten!" I called out. She turned around, confused on who might have yelled her name. As soon as she saw me, her face lit up.

"Hara!" She dropped her bags, running into me, her arms rapped around my thin frame. It felt so great to see her again. When she pulled away, her smile was the biggest I've seen, all her teeth shown brightly. "Where have you been! I went to your house but I was turned away. I've been worried."

I had to tell her where I've gone. What's all been happening to me. I owed it to her. "We have so much to talk about."

"I have some stuff to tell you too. Which this is great because I was heading to my house. You can come with me." She picked up her bags, I grabbed one of them to help take some of the load off her. I nodded as she lead me through the streets. We went down an ally which lead to a nice neighborhood. It started with simple houses and they just got bigger down the line. We stopped infront of a rather large white house. It reminded me a small mansion, leaving me speechless. How could I be so surprised? She went to Ouran High. A place for mostly rich kids, it would be common for students to live in homes like this.

Large white metal gates were in front of us, she pressed a button and a gruffy voice answered. "Miss Oten, back already?"

"Yep, I ran into a friend too so let us in please." She smiled proudly.

The gates creeked opened, "Of course, ma'am." She went ahead of me. For some reason, my feet refused to move. To enter such a nice home, it was something I wasn't used too. It was a place I felt I didn't belong in. Oten grabbed my free hand, tugging me forward.

"Come on, my family is nice." Her family. I didn't think I would be meeting them. What were they like? To have a daughter like Oten, they must be amazing. One we entered the doors, my breath was stolen from me. The house was huge and beautful. In front of us was a large stair case that lead upstaired, which seperated into two halls.

"Nice to meet you, Miss Hara." A man bowed before me. He was older and wore a black tux. His face had some white scruff. However, he was really clean. "I've heard all about you from the young mistress. We are glad to have you here."

Oten tugged at my hand, "let's head to my room!" The old man nearly smiled as we went up the stairs. She lead me down a long hallway, full of pictures of women and men. Towards the end was a picture of her with long hair. It took me a minute to realize it was her. She looked composed, her face showing only professionalism. She saw the frame, " that thing? I hate that picture of me. Never was a fan of the long hair, glad I cut it off."

"You looked beautiful." Words escaped me. I became flustered, " I mean, you still are!"

She could only laugh at me, "you crack me up, Hara!" We finally arrived at a simple brown door, she kicked it opened, revealing a large room. A huge bed covered with stuffed animals was in the center of the room. The walls were pink, which I didn't see Oten liking. She sat the bags by the door, which I sat the rest next to them. Turns out the bags were filled with clothes.

"May I close the door?" I asked.

She plopped on her bed, making stuffed animals fly into the ground. "Go ahead." I did so and joined her on her bed, sinking into her matress. Looking around her room, I saw how nice it was. It was clean, pretty and the complete opposite of what I thought she would live in. From the pink walls to the plushies on her bed. She was a tomboy, someone full of fight. Not someone who lived in a room that was fit for a princess.

I couldn't help but think of my room at my mother's. The walls were a dull blue, my bed was small and simple. I only had my bear, not an army of animals. There was my bathroom which was small, but I couldn't complain. It was my room, the only place I could escape too. I hated it, but at the same time, I loved it. Long nights of loneliness companied me, but also, days of sanctuary.

I focused my attention on her, now was my chance. It was time I told her what has been happening to me. It was time she would know. Tomo knew, she had the right also. Now, Tomo didn't know everything and I doubt I could reveal everything to her. Not at this time. Taking a deep breath, I spoke, "Oten, I need to tell you something."

"What is it?" She smiled at first, until she saw my serious expression.

I sighed, "I'm not normal, Oten. I need to tell you everything."


	23. Chapter 23

The atmosphere was thick, my throat felt tight and it was so quiet, you could hear a coin drop from another room. Oten waited for me to speak, her face gave off so many emotions, it was hard to describe them all. I was scared, I admit. I was going to tell her about who I really was. My family, my life and more importantly, _how I ended it._ She deserved to know. She has stuck to my side no matter what and continued to be worried about me. It wasn't right of me to keep secrets from her. Not only was this an opportunity to tell her the truth, but also a change to better myself. I wanted to change. Not only for Tomo, for myself as well. I needed to show that it was okay to trust others, not everything was going to hurt me.

"Okay...I should have told you sooner, but I was scared." I breathed, "you're probably not going to believe with what I'm about to tell you. However, you're my friend and that means a lot to me. You have a right to know."

Oten spoke up, "you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want too."

"I know. You are my friend though and if we're being honest, I don't know how much more time I have." I squeezed her hand, "So I'm going to tell you about my family."

"I know they're not the nicest." She teased, but I didn't laugh.

I continued, "My Mother wants me to be perfect. Ever since I was young, I had to be the perfect child. All my time went to my grades so making friends wasn't something I could do. My Father, he is someone who can't stand up for himself. Even though he loves me, he can't protect me like a parent should."

"What do you mean?"

The words didn't want to leave my mouth, but I forced them out. "My Mother is abusive towards me," It felt great to finally say it. "Mentally and physically." Oten looked upset. Seeing her face grimace with anger was something I wish I didn't have to see. However, she needed to know. It wasn't only for her, it was also for me to accept it. By saying it out loud, it was like my mind was able to register it, allowing me to move on. I could tell Oten was about to speak up, but I stopped her.

"Let me finish first." She silenced herself. "I've been growing up in a life that was to hard for me. My little sister was the favorite child, she could get away with things I could only dream of doing. My father is a weak man...He showed me kindness, but only when Mother wasn't around and if she was, he would look the other way." For some reason, I didn't feel like crying. Everything felt good to say, like I was finally getting rid of some kind of burden. "I entered Ouran High with top grades, but it never pleased Mother."

"Life at home was just as hard. The beatings, the emotional trauma." I said, "You know how you can only let something build up until it explodes? I wasn't allowed to do that. For years, I've kept things inside, hoping it would get better. I had realized _it never does."_

Oten spoke up," But it does get better! You've met me and you seem so happy!"

"I did meet you," I smiled. "However, I was to late in doing that."

"What do you mean?"

I had to get off the bed, I was feeling a bit trapped. She had a balcony, walking onto it, I leaned on the railing. Oten was by my side, concerned. "December 3rd, was the night I killed myself."

She couldn't help, but look away. Trying to comprehend what I was saying. "You're joking. I mean, you're right here! In front of me, completely solid too!"

"I know, I don't know what's going on with me. I jumped from the high school roof and the next morning I woke up in my bed. I thought it was a dream at first, but it wasn't. It was real. I'm not normal anymore and I don't know how much time I have left."

"What do you mean?" She asked, trying to understand.

I held out my arm, my scars were once again gone. "I used to cut myself everyday, it was the only thing I could feel. Living in such a blank world was hard." I walked over to her nightstand, a pair of scissors was out and some paper pieces, you could see that she was messing around with some art. Taking the scissors to her, I placed the sharp blade to my arm. Oten got extremely angry.

"What are you doing!?" She snatched the scissors from my grasp. "Are you insane! Look, I believe you! Just..." She hugged me as tight as she could, "don't hurt yourself." I wanted to show her what I was going through. To prove to her I wasn't making this all up. With the way she was shaking, I could tell this was a lot to take in. She pulled away from me, holding back tears. I never saw Oten as the kind of girl to cry, she was so tough. A person I looked up too because she had such a strong will.

"I won't...I'm sorry."

She wiped her tears away, trying to look somewhat composed. "I should punch you for that." She sniffled.

I couldn't help but giggle at her, she sure was something. I quickly returned to my serious state, "Oten, something is wrong with me. I can't be injured, I can't bleed and I'm no longer able to digest food. I feel no heat or cold, no fatigue and pain."

"It's like you're some kind of ghost."

I placed my finger on my lip, "Seems like it, but I'm physically here. Others can see, touch and hear me. If I was a ghost that wouldn't be possible."

She agreed, "That is true. I don't know what is going on, but I'm here for you Hara." I felt like crying, I wasn't going to let my tears ruin a moment like this.

"Thank you..That means a lot to me." This was true. I was afraid she was to call me a liar, make me leave and she would never talk to me again. I was beyond grateful to have someone like her in my life. This put some hope in me that maybe, Tomo too, would believe me. He's already seem some of my worst sides and side affects of my condition, why wouldn't he believe me? Since I've told Oten, he had the right to know too. It's decided. When I return to his side, I'll tell him.

With new found courage, I knew what I needed to do next. I was changing for the better and this was another step I had to take. I needed to return to where all my misery had started, I needed to return to home. I needed to see Mother. "I'm glad you believe me," I told her. "I have to go now though, there is something I must do."

"Do I need to help you? Because, I'm here." she said. " _You're not alone anymore."_

I hugged her, burring my face into her small shoulder. "You've done enough. This is something I have to do on my own."

"Hara, if anything bad happens, you let me know immediately!" She said.

"Of course," I laughed. "You'll be the first to know."

* * *

There I stood in front of my apartment. It was dark outside, I ended up spending quite sometime at Oten's home. She sent me off with high hopes. If she believed me, stuck by my side, despite the craziness that circled around me. I had the strength to stand up to Mother, to tell my father what's wrong and to even put Seika in her place. I'll tell Tomo everything and I have even decided...To tell Tamaki how I felt about him. He was the first person to reach out to me. He showed me that not everyone was out to hurt me. So I will tell him.

I noticed none of the lights were on. Was anyone home? Mother and at least Seika should be. Father often came home late. Slowly turning the door knob, it wasn't locked. Someone was here. Creeping inside, the house was dark. I wanted to call out, but that wouldn't be very smart. Mother would surely jump out and I'd be luck to even see the light of day again. I needed to approach her this time and not give her an opening. I walked around the house quietly, but found no one. Then I heard something like a crash in Seika's room. She must be home! I grew nervous. What if she called Mother home already?! What will she do to me since I've been gone for so long?

No, Hara! You must be brave. No more running away and being afraid. You need to face her and get this over with. No more being pushed around, being treated like dirt. I went around the hallway to her room, I carefully went inside. This would be the first time I've stepped foot into her room. I was never allowed in. Mother said I would rub my disgrace onto Seika if I did. Looking inside, I saw her room was the same size as mine. The walls were pink and dolls littered the room. You could believe a princess lived here.

Suddenly, she came out of her bathroom in a rush, slamming the door behind her. "No...it can't be." She covered her mouth. Her face was drenched in sweat, her cheeks flushed. Her eyes were locked to a small plastic stick in her hand. Concentrating on it. past the darkness. I could tell it was a pregnancy test. I couldn't see the result, but from her reaction. I knew it wasn't negative. Then her eyes caught sight of me. Anger filled her. She hid the test behind her back. "What are you doing here?!" She screamed.

"Seika.." The energy I had to confront her was gone. She was in no postilion to fight. If it was true that she was pregnant, I was more worried on what Mother would do to her. Me telling her a piece of my mind could wait.

She took a step towards me. "Why are you in my room?! Why did you even come back?! We were perfect without you so just leave!" She threw one of her teddy bears at me. I didn't want anger her more, however, I couldn't just leave now. I saw her secret. She may have treated me terribly, but I couldn't leave her in this state.

"Listen to me Seika, I won't tell anyone."

It looked like she wanted to believe me, but she was to emotional. "What are you talking about? Now's your chance to get revenge. If you told Mother, she would disown me! You'll be the favorite child!" What she was saying may be true, but I no longer desired to be Mother's favorite. I didn't want to be in the palm of her hands anymore. I stepped closer to Seika, making her back into a corner. "Just go away and I'll deal with this myself!"

"It'll be okay. I won't let Mother hurt you."

Seika was breathing heavily, tears were already staining her cheeks. "I...I'm scared" She finally said. She looked like she was about to fall but I quickly grabbed onto her. "Oh Hara, what am I going to do?" She cried into my chest.

"I don't know..."


	24. Chapter 24

We were both sitting on her floor. I've never seen Seika cry so hard. I could tell she was beyond tired. Her eyes swollen, face pale like mine and she was sweating despite the cold weather. I sat across from her, not knowing what to say. I was at a loss for words. She was in a frail state. What was I suppose to do? Tell her? This was a matter that never was settled easy. She was young, popular and above all else, she was Mother's favorite. Even though she was spoiled, Mother would not let this slide. It would ruin her reputation, it would make her look like a bad parent. To let her youngest daughter fall pregnant. I began to grow curious.

"How long?" I asked, breaking the ice.

Seika snorted, "What do you mean?" I wouldn't blame her, for her mind being a mess.

"I mean...How far along are you?"

She wanted to burst into tears all over again, "I've missed my period for two months. I'm so stupid... I should have known the first month, but I thought it was normal. I didn't pay it any attention." So she's about two months pregnant, it's good because it'll be some time before she shows. Before Mother could find out.

I grabbed her hand, "It's gonna be okay. You have time before you show."

"It doesn't matter because she'll still find out. Mother will kill me..." She cried. I wanted to laugh at her comment. Mother did in fact, play a part in my death. However, this wasn't about me.

"I know, but I'll help you the best way I can."

She sniffled, "How?" I didn't know. Not at that time. I couldn't let her stay with Tomo and me, I was already to much for him to handle. Handling another girl with child would be to much stress. Also, we didn't have the funds to help her. I sat there silent, trying to think of something to make her feel better. One idea did cross my mind but...I didn't approve of it. She was to sensitive for me to bring it up, it was not the time.

"I don't know..." I admitted, "However, I'm on your side. We'll think of something, but until then, keep this a secret. I won't tell anyone." I hugged her again, "I won't let anyone hurt you." I was being very kind to her, beyond my surprise. After all she has done to me, I should be stabbing her in the back this time. Why was I being so nice? Perhaps, it was because I felt petty for her? For the life inside her. I didn't know, but I would hate to be in her position. I would want someone beside me. She didn't have that. I didn't have that when I was alive, the least I could do. _Was give her a chance._

"Why are you so nice to me?"

I giggled, "Would you perhaps, want me to be rude?"

"I guess not." She finally smiled. This was good. With this, I knew she could handle herself without me around.

We went to the hallway, "Listen Seika, I have to go. I can't stay to long, but I will be back, okay?" She nodded, wanting to cry all over again. "Remember, you're not alone. It's going to be okay.

"Okay, Hara."

I opened the front door, but froze. Looking back over my shoulder, I had to ask her. It may be a sensitive question, but I had to know. "Who's the father?" The words barely escaped my lips. She was silent for several moments, tugging at her shirt. I could tell she didn't want to tell me. "Please."

"Hitachiin Hikaru."

* * *

It was dark and I was on my way back to Tomo's. I didn't complete what all I wanted to do today, that was because of some problems. I wanted to return home changed, a brand new Hara. That would have to wait though. So many things have happened to day, I'm surprised I'm still on my feet. Telling Oten everything about me. How I'm dead and that my family was a mess. I stood up for myself, even if it was to Tomo, it was a step in the right direction.

I finally made it home, I slowly knocked on the door with hesitation. Hopefully, he isn't still mad at me. I've had to much to handle today. All I wanted to do was lay around, despite me never being tired. He didn't answer. Why wasn't I surprised? I slowly opened the door, it wasn't locked. Anyone could just break in! Not like he had a lot of stuff in the first place. Sitting by the door was his fat cat, it was like he was waiting for me. He could barely meow as he rose, heading towards Tomo's room. He must be asleep. It is late.

I sat down on the couch, taking a deep breath. What was I going to do? Seika needs a savior and I feel like I'm the only one who can give it to her. I wouldn't want her making the same mistake I did. I never saw her as the one to take her own life, but neither did I at her age. I need to protect her and the baby. That is, if she wanted it. I was scared to ask her. This was not the moment to ask. Whatever she decided, I would support her. That was something she needed to decide on her own, however. I shouldn't bring up the idea.

Now, for the other problem, Hikaru. He's the father? He didn't seem like the type to just sleep with girls. When we were at the cabin, everyone was having a great time, including him. Nothing seemed off. Like he was concerned with anything. Perhaps, she hasn't told him yet. Would she do that? Keep it a secret? She just found out so there's that to consider. Will she tell him, that's the question. I'll need to ask her about that. He needs to know. Seika can't take care of a baby on her own and I would help her but... Who knows how much longer I have. Which, I need to hurry and finish everything. I need to take small steps first, one thing at a time. I will help Seika, then I will confront Mother. After all that is taken care of, I will confess my feels to Tamaki. _I don't want any regrets._ Even if he doesn't accept my feelings, at least I told him. Once, that is finished. I want to know why I am still here. To find the reason I was brought back to life.

"Hara?" I heard a voice from Tomo's room. I peaked in, he was wide awake, reading a book?! Tomo reads?! He saw my shocked expression. "Did you knock? I'm sorry, I didn't answer. I was finishing up this chapter." He laughed, "I know, it's funny seeing the bad boy reading."

I spoke, "I was a bit surprised."

"Figured. It's all good though. So how was your soul searching journey?" He said coolly. I could see past it though. His room was mess, his eyes red.

"It was very eye opening." This was true for many things.

He sat up, closing his book. "I'm glad you're home." He said sincerely.

Looking away, not wanting to seem flustered. Whenever he was like that, it made me all confused. "I'm not finished changing." I spoke, "I have a long ways to go, but thank you for being by my side." Bowing, seeing my hair brush the floor.

"Enough with that," He blushed. "I've seen some weird stuff so you don't have to worry." He was referring to that night.

"Should I let you sleep?"

He stretched, getting up. "Nah, I need to get up anyway. I have a meet too go to." Huh? He's never mentioned this before. He saw my questioning gaze. "I have to keep my image, don't I? I'll just be gone for a few hours. So get some rest and we'll go out tomorrow. Celebrate your new change." He laughed. I wasn't satisfied with his answer. It left me with more questions than answers. I knew he wasn't the most respected student. However, I didn't see him doing shady business. He fixed his hair and scoffed at his red eyes. I wonder why they were like that?

Following him to the front door once he gathered his things. "Don't wait up." Joking around as he shut the door. I rushed to his window, seeing him disappear around the corner. The feeling of curiosity rose in me, it was the strongest it has ever been. I knew it wasn't a smart thought to follow him, to figure out what kind of stuff Tomo was into. What kind of guy was he? I wanted to know more about him. It was decided. Rushing out, I quickly caught up to him. I was a safe distance, behind some trash cans. I followed for quite some time until I saw a bright light behind a wooden fence. He went into the area, then loud cheers could be heard. I just had to know what was going on.

Approaching the entrance, I could see a huge group of students gathered around. Everyone was talking among themselves. There was cigarette smoke everywhere and booze. It made me uncomfortable. This wasn't my kind of scenery to hang around. I easily spotted Tomo's white hair. He was talking to two huge boys; they were laughing. What are they all doing here? I sneaked into the crowd, no one paid any mind to me. I wanted to get closer to Tomo, but I needed to stay safely out of his sight. He would be very upset to see that I followed him.

"Okay everybody!" A boy announced. The crowd grew silent, all eyes on him. A sloppy circle formed around him. "Tonight let me welcome Tomo back! You've been gone for while!" Tomo walked to the center of the circle, looking cool as ever.

He shrugged, "I had stuff to do." In the circle was the old Tomo. The one that had no compassion and had no problem causing problems to others. I made me sad to see him this way, even though I knew the real him. You could hear female screams from crowd. They all must really like him.

"Come on already!" A angry man yelled.

The announcer once again rang out, "Tonight we are bringing back the good days! We basic round fighting!" This sent chills down my spine. Fighting? Who's going to fight and why? This can't be for fun? ""With Tomo returning, does he still have his fighting spirit? Is he still supreme?" Oh no... He can't be.

He stepped forward, looking at all the hungry eyes around "I'd like to see one of you jokes fight me. No one here can hurt me and it'd be a waist to give my title to kids like you." This made many of the boys yelled bad words towards him. "Who am I going against first?" Stepping forward was a rather large bald headed male. He had scars all over his face and body. How did he get that way?

"I'll break you." Was all he said, readying his fist. Tomo didn't look fazed, relaxed as ever. I covered my mouth, feeling like I was going to vomit. He can't really be like this? A fighter? Is he like a the leader of this whole thing? I was so confused and it made me feel even worse. I knew him as the kind and caring friend who's by my side. However, that wasn't only part of him. He was also this tough and careless boy who showed no petty to others.

Everyone was cheering, ready for fist to fly. What was I going to do? I didn't want to see him get hurt. How could all these people be okay with this? What if someone got seriously hurt! Looking through the crowd I noticed a familiar ginger. It couldn't be. What was he doing here? It was either Hikaru or Kaoru. I may not be able to tell them apart, but you couldn't mistake them for anyone else. Now they both didn't seem like the type to hang around areas like this. I watched as he looked around with a purpose. Quickly he saw his target. He ran up to a tall boy, getting closer to them I saw it was Takashi! What are they doing here?!


	25. Chapter 25

I couldn't hear them speak over the large crowd of people, but I knew that whatever they were talking about; it wasn't good. I thought about confronting them, ask them why they were here. However, I knew if I did, I wouldn't out their true purpose. I kept low behind the students. Watching them as they talked then Tomo's voice rang out.

"Come and get me!" He yelled, then over everything I heard a loud whack. Immediately, I tried to push to the front of the crowd, but I could only get so close. Between the shoulders of people, I saw Tomo hit a kid straight across the jaw. The stranger went flying back, hitting the dirt with a thud. I gasped. Why are they fighting?! I was the only one with fear across my face, everyone around me was pumped with adrenaline. Looking at Tomo, he was already dripping with sweat. It shined across his skin, his eyes wide with excitement. I didn't like seeing him this way. He looked happy like this was the most fun he's had in a long time.

Once the ref realized the boy wasn't getting up, he tapped him out. "Out!" He yelled, waving a hand. Some people dragged him out of the circle. Tomo stood in the middle full of pride.

"Who's next?"

A familiar voice answered, "Right here!" The ginger host and Takashi stepped out. I covered my mouth, not wanting to believe what I saw. Were they here to fight? But why?! Tomo didn't seem to care that they were host members and ready his fist. Was he going to fight them both at once? The twin backed up, his hands showing no threat. "I'm just here to support this guy." He pointed at Takashi. Why does he want to fight Tomo? What should I do to prevent this?

"Doesn't matter," Tomo said coolly. Takashi stepped forward, silent as ever. The ref raised his hand, waiting for the two to be ready. As soon as he sensed it, he shot his hand down. Time slowed around me. Why is everyone so loud? Screams and curse words flew by like the wind. I stood there motionless, as I saw Tomo's fist go forward. My eyes were locked on them as I continued to hear the screams. Why wouldn't they stop? I saw images of Mother in my mind. It was of her hitting me. I could remember the feeling of her cold hands hitting my face. I couldn't take it. I didn't want to remember! I pushed past the remaining people, breaking free into the ring. The two didn't see me as I jumped in between them, receiving the full blow of Tomo's fist. I hit the dirt.

"Stop..." I breathed, trying to register what happened to me. Tomo stood there, speechless. I could see he was shaking slightly. His eyes were absent of all joy and were filled with fear and confusion. He didn't want me to see him like this, to be excited by fighting. Then before me was him getting punched right in the face. What? Takashi stood over me, I saw plain rage over his normal expression. I've never seen him this way, I didn't want too. Tomo caught his footing, all fear wiped away and replaced with anger. Takashi went to stand in front of me like he was my shield. I couldn't get a word in as they begin fighting. The crowd cheered with joy. This isn't what I wanted!

I struggled to my feet, I was a little shaken, but I didn't feel any pain from his fist. I have to stop them, I didn't mean to make it worse! You could hear the clack of their first against one another. They were about on the same level of skill, both of them trying to get the upper hand. What could I do to stop them? They both looked like they weren't going to stop until someone was seriously hurt. My mind was growing hazy. I could see blood. It flew with each punch. I saw red go down Tomo's face. His forehead was cut and his lip busted. Takashi's cheek was already bruising and he spat out blood every few seconds. I was growing desperate.

I gasped, "Please...stop." Takashi punched him, making Tomo fall to the ground. He got on top of him, readying his fist to come down hard. I panicked. I jumped onto Takashi's back and with all my strength I bit into his shoulder. Blood filled my mouth and onto his clothes. I refused to let go. My mind was filled with fear and a feeling I wasn't used to. It was a feeling of protection. I had to protect Tomo. Takashi didn't yell in pain or anything, but he did show discomfort.

"Hara!" Tomo called out, shocked at my actions. "Stop!"

I refused to let go, I was afraid they would fight again. I didn't want to hurt Takashi, but he was hitting Tomo. He wasn't stopping. They both weren't and I was scared. The crowd didn't like this turn of event and booed. They wanted to see more blood shed. I felt a hand touch my head, making me bite down harder out of reflex. Takashi didn't cry out, remaining calm. His hand was gentle, I felt tears threaten to spill. "I'll stop." I heard under his breath. I felt my jaw loosen. I eventually let him go, his blood going down my lips. He wiped some away, only to smudge it.

"Don't touch her!" Tomo was instantly in front of me. His body shook slightly from pain, his face showed no fear, however. His fist was clenched, ready to fight again if need be. His left eye began to swell and you could hear the blood in his throat as he talked, "Don't you ever touch her." Takashi didn't have anything to say but someone else did.

The twin stepped forward into the crowd, not looking too pleased. "Why stop fighting, she's just a girl," he frowned. "Takashi, chop chop." Clapping his hands like a spoiled prince. Takashi didn't look happy, glaring at him.

"If anyone is going to get a punched in the face, it will be you." Tomo spat. I went in front of the twin. Curiosity was in me and for Seika's sake, I had to know who this was. Which twin could possibly be in a place like this? A small part of me hoped it wasn't Hikaru. I wanted him to be a good guy, to where he could potentially help my sister with her baby.

I breathed, "Who are you?"

He was taken back, but not surprised by the question. He was probably used to it by now. "Why does it matter, Hara?"

Rage filled me. Grabbing his shirt tightly, I yelled, "I have had a very long day. I've been running all over town and I was just punched in the face. If you don't answer me, the next person who will be fighting in this ring is me and you!" He pushed me off him, making the two boys snarl.

"Okay, don't have to threaten me! I'm Hikaru. Happy now?" My fears were true. I didn't want him to be the one here. Why though? What could he gain from coming to something like this? I wanted to picture him as a good person, someone who could provide for Seika. My hopes for that were slipping from me. I was still angry, I didn't want to calm down.

I frowned, "Why are you here?"

He could only stare away from me, "That's none of your business, now is it?"

I got closer to him, my fist clinched. I won't lie, I knew what I was doing. All this rage that filled me was hard to control. It wasn't just from him, it was from everything. All my life, I've never felt true anger and tonight had to be the night where I couldn't control it. Sadly, for Hikaru, he had to send me over the edge. In the blink of an eye, I socked him across the jaw. He went straight into the dirt, you could hear his head hit. The whole crowd gasps at my sudden behavior. To see someone try and stop a fight, then only to begin a new one. Tomo grabbed my hand, I was ready to hit him again.

"Let me go!" I screamed. Trying to fight him away from me. He was far stronger than me and had no problem keeping me contained. Takashi helped Hikaru up, his lip was busted.

He growled, "Why did you do that?!" I wanted to tear him to pieces. I wanted to dig into his shoulder like I did with Seika weeks ago. If only Tomo would let me go. I could release my anger. Finally, let everything go for once. I turned around, biting his hand which held me. He hissed under his breath but didn't let go. Again, red liquid filled my mouth. I didn't know why I was biting him so harshly. I didn't want to hurt him. However, my minded was clouded. The joy from the crowd busted through, filling me with adrenaline. The urge to hit someone was over powering. My eyes caught him and all I could see was regret. This made me let him go immediately. Why did he look like that?

"Tomo..." I breathed. We heard the sound of sirens come close. Police? Everyone started to panic.

"Someone called the cops!"

All the students began running all directions, some were jumping over the fence. Others pushed past to escape through the opening. I stood there, my only concern was how I hurt Tomo, his hand bleeding. What have I done...

Then out of everyone, I heard a single voice in the crowd. "Now!" A man in a hoodie ran towards us. Not being able to say anything fast enough, I jumped in front of Tomo, feeling something hit my back. The hooded man panicked, disappearing into the crowd. Tomo didn't see him, grabbing my hand and taking off. Wait! I had so much to ask Hikaru! He and Takashi were long gone. Nowhere to be seen. I felt so stupid. How could I become so angry? I ruined my chance to talk to him. The police got closer, you could hear their yells. We managed to squeeze by the others, running through the dark streets. Everything was going by so fast.

Before I knew it, we were back in his home. He slammed his door, locking in safely. He was breathing heavily, while I was calm. Everything I was feeling before was gone, I was left with a strange feeling. Once he regained himself he looked at me questionably. "Why were you there?!" He almost yelled.

"I saw you..." I spoke softly, "I was curious."

He gripped his hair, "You were hurt!" He got closer to me, examining my face. There was no bruise from being hit. He rubbed his thumb over my bottom lip, he noticed a cut but no blood. "This is my fault..." He realized. He sat me down on the couch, going to his bathroom for a second, coming back with a wet rag.

"It was mine. I shouldn't have followed," I said. He only sighed, wiping the blood from my mouth left from him and Takashi. We both gave off the vibe of exhaustion. Once he cleaned me off, he went and washed his face. He was bruised all over, his face looked like a wreck. It made me feel terrible. I should have stopped the fight sooner. He sat next to me, letting a long breath escape him.

He looked at me about to say something but paused, "Hara, what the hell?"

"What?"

He reached behind my back, "Don't move." I felt something being jerked from me, luckily I felt no pain. In his palms was a small pocket knife. The image of the hooded man flashed in mind. Was he going to stab Tomo with this? What if I wasn't there?! He could only stare at it. No traces of blood could be seen, nor my wound. Not being able to look at me, he spoke, "I've been patient, but you need to tell me what's going on."

That was one of the longest nights of my life.


	26. Chapter 26

At least, a week flew by. I didn't know where the time had gone, maybe I was experiencing that part of my life, where everything becomes too much and time just becomes a blur. I told Tomo everything. From my childhood, my Mother's abuse, how I tried desperately to become perfect. All to the point to where I jumped off the roof and ended my sorry excuse of a life. He was speechless at first and then, the unbelievable happened.

Tomo cried.

I thought that was something I would never see him do. The tough kid in school, the ring fighter, and gang leader. Crying over my life story, At that moment, he looked innocent. Like nothing in his life mattered but me, the person who had jumped into his home. He didn't have anything to say like words were something he never learned. All he could do was hug me. I couldn't remember how long he held me.

For the moment, I was sitting at the park. Listening to the snow crunch under my feet. I needed to get out and just relax. The week had been very stressful and overwhelming. It was hard to get out of Tomo's place this morning. Ever since I told him everything, he's been really cautious of me. Like I would break at any moment. I reassured him I was fine and he eventually let me go.

It was a calm day. People buzzing around and the sky was clear. I knew I needed to get some stuff done, but I just wanted to breathe. I needed to approach Seika, talked to Tamaki and confront Mother. It didn't sound like much, but all of it was weighing on my shoulders.

"Hara!" I heard the voice of Honey rang out. He ran up to me, his smile as large as ever. I didn't see Takashi with him. He was dressed up with a nice scarf, shielding him from the cold. "Nice to see you!" He positive energy helped pick up my mood.

I nodded, "Likewise."

A sudden question popped into mind. What if I was to ask him about Hikaru. Takashi was with him the other night, surely Honey would know some information. Like why were they there? "Hey, may I ask you something?" I said.

"Of course!"

"Well..." I wanted to be kind about it. I didn't even know how to come across this. "What does Takashi do with his spare time?" Oh wow, that was smooth.

Honey didn't even flinch, he was probably asked this quite often from girls. Takashi is a well-known host member. "He likes to play with me! and he likes to read." I didn't see him as the book kind of guy. That was more of an image for Kyoya. "Are you curious about him?"

"I would suppose so." I was wondering what he was up too. Why he would go to such a place to fight others. He seemed like the kind of guy who wanted to keep the peace. Then again, I didn't know anymore.

He winked at me, "Don't worry, he likes you too." This left me flustered,

"Huh?!" This wasn't what I wanted at all! What did he mean?

"Do you wanna go grab a slice of cake! I'm starving." I didn't see sugary foods as appropriate for hunger, it was more of a treat. I wasn't the biggest fan of cake, but now, I couldn't remember the taste and would have gladly eaten a whole one to myself if I could. However, I couldn't. I didn't want to vomit black sludge anymore, not since that one night. What should I tell him?

I sighed, "I just ate actually. Thank you though." He frowned, tears forming in his eyes. "I'll go with you though."

"Yay!"

* * *

We were sitting in a very fancy cafe. He was munching down on a slice of orange creme cake. It looked much too expensive for my standard. The atmosphere was nice and everyone around us looked high class. The scent of sugar and freshly baked dough filled the air. When I was younger, I would have given anything to be in a place like this.

"You sure you don't want a bite?" He asked. I only shook my head with a smile. "Well, okay." Despite all the questions I wanted to ask him, I felt relaxed. Maybe it was the cafe? Maybe it was his kind nature. Honey had this feel to him, like everything in the world was positive. At this time, I needed it more than anything. He had some crumbs on the side of his lips but he didn't notice. I thought it was cute.

I wanted to continue questioning him, I had to know more for Seika's sake. "Is Takashi close with Hikaru?"

"Yea, they seem to be hanging out more. I don't mind though, we're all friends!' He smiled. Recently, huh? I wonder what made them suddenly do this. Being friends is one way to see it but being together in a fighting environment doesn't seem like the friendliest thing to do together.

I sighed, "I see."

"What's the matter?"

Could I tell him? No, if he didn't know. I didn't want to be the one to shatter Takashi's perfect image. "It's nothing." A flash of seriousness went through him, he quickly recovered though.

"Well alright, Hara. Don't be afraid to talk to me though, I may look young but I can be very reliable." I knew this. He also had that trait to him, but I didn't want to ruin his innocence as well. I didn't have the right too.

"Thank you." I smiled. Even though the atmosphere was pleasant, it was starting to make me feel out of place. It was nice talking to him but I needed to be on my way. I had too many things I needed to fix. It was better to finish what needed to be done quicker than let them sit. What was I to address first? Seika? Tamaki? I knew Mother had to be last. I would be too drained to handle anything else. I got up, pushing in my seat. "I had a great time, thank you, Honey."

"Leaving already?" He frowned.

I nodded, "I have things to do, sadly." He could only frown more as he waved me off. Once I was outside, I breathed in the cool air. Something told me I needed to see Seika first. She needed to know about Hikaru. I didn't trust him to be a good father and if he was as a violent person then he didn't need to know about the child.

* * *

I was at my front door, every fiber in my being told me not to knock. I rather lay in bed or joking around with Tomo. I didn't see Father's car and if he wasn't here then most likely, Mother wasn't either. I sighed, raising my fist to knock. However, the door opened wide to reveal Seika. Who gasped when she saw me. Quickly, she shut the door behind her.

"What are you doing here?!" She half whispered.

My head tilted, "I came to talk to you."

"Well not here! Mother is inside!" My insides froze. Was she here? "We need to leave." Then we heard her heavy footsteps behind the door. Before I could react, Seika pushed me to the side of the apartment, making me duck behind the corner.

Mother opened the door, "You almost forgot your lunch." She handed her a small bag, "You have a good day, sweetie." She kissed her forehead. This stung me. To see my Mother look so content with life even though I was gone. It's not like she cared if her children ran away. It was more like it was a blessing. The urge to get out of hiding and tell her a piece of my mind grew but I knew now was not the time. Seika didn't need to be around for it. Once Mother returned inside, Seika grabbed my hand and we got safely away from the apartment.

I was walking with her as we headed towards her school, "You almost got caught!" She hissed.

"I know but I didn't so it's okay. I need to tell you something." I said.

She sighed, I could tell she was already highly stressed and didn't want any more bad news. "I want you to know that I'm keeping the baby," she spoke. "I want to give it a life full of happiness. I want to raise it to were it knows love. I see our family and it's nothing but a cover. Everyone sees perfection but I see nothing but corruption." I was surprised to hear her say that. Seika seemed like the type to not pay attention to those details. She got everything she wanted. Why would she care about our family image?

"You see it too?" I asked. Still not believing what I was hearing.

"I've noticed everything, Hara. I too am afraid of Mother. If I stop being the favorite and act the way I do, I'm afraid she'll treat me the same way she does you. I can't handle it. I don't know how you did it. Surviving all those years."

I stopped, my face scrunched up into a frown. "Then why were you also mean to me! Mother wasn't the only abuser!" I wanted to shout but I kept my voice to a minimum.

"She was always listening! If she heard me being nice, she would hurt me too!" Seika wasn't afraid to yell back at me. I could tell her everything. Tell her she was one of the reasons why I killed myself. She wasn't innocent and the only reason I was trying to help her was for the baby. I needed to calm down. I didn't come to fight her, I needed to tell her the truth.

I breathed, "I'm sorry. It's okay now, I forgive you." I may have not fully forgiven her for years of torment but I knew I could learn. "I came to tell you about Hikaru."

"What about him?" Her face went pale.

"A few nights ago, I saw him in a fighting ring."

She had a glance of denial, "You sure it was him? Not Kaoru."

I nodded, "I approached him and he confirmed it." Seika looked like she wanted to break down all over again but she kept her tears inside, only biting her lip for comfort. I wish I could have told her that he was the perfect guy. We both wanted him to be happy about the news about becoming a father but we both knew that wasn't meant to be.

"I... Can't tell him." She spoke up. "He'll deny it anyway." I didn't know what to say. I felt like he should know, take some sort of responsibility but this wasn't my choice. She took a deep breath. "Well, thank you for telling me."

"Of course." I frowned.

"Did you hear? School starts back up for you tomorrow." My body froze. I didn't hear about this? Then again, I wasn't home to find out. I didn't want to go back. Luka would be there and I didn't think she would leave me alone even after Tomo's threat. I didn't want to go back to the bullying and long hours teaching. It didn't matter to me anymore. I would have to see Hikaru there as well and I would have to try my hardest not to tell him the news and punch him again.

"It'll be nice to go back." I fake smiled. I didn't want to worry her.

She laughed, "You always did like studying."

I wanted to tell her I hated it with a passion, but now wasn't the time to talk about my dislikes. "I sure do."


	27. Chapter 27

The smell of crisp winter air, the tree branches rustling in the wind. All the students in their uniforms walking like normal. The sweet smiles of innocent students and cheerful laughter.

I always hated it.

There I was, standing before the gate of the school. Do I really have to come back here? There's not really a point with me no longer being in my Mother's home and with me being dead. I sighed, stepping through the gate. No, I need to settle some stuff. I know what I am to do and that is to confess to Tamaki. I wonder what he'll say? What will he do? The unknown was scaring me but I couldn't run away anymore. _It was about time I went forward._

When I stepped into the building I instantly felt it; the eyes of students. They were not happy to see I was still allowed back here. The area where the fire happened was all fixed up. Brand new and shiny. If anything, the accident made it better. I ignored their glares and pressed forward. I decided that after class I will go to the Host Club and confront Tamaki. Wouldn't it be hard right? To get us alone to where I could confess. I don't want anyone to see me get rejected. I went around the corner and saw the twins talking it up with some girls. This made me angry. I made sure to stay away from their eyesight. They were smiling and laughing, not a care in the world. Hikaru... How could he be so unaffected? My sister was carrying his child and yet, he will never surely know. This made me want to yell at him. Crush that perfect little world of his. How many other girls has he done this too? Seika couldn't be the only one.

I shook my head. I shouldn't be having such thoughts. Yes, I was unsettled but I need to keep a cool head. That was Seika's decision and I don't need to meddle in her choices. I walked away from them, deciding to go the long way to class. When I was going up the stairs, I head the voices of Honey and Takashi. The little blonde boy was joyful, talking with Takashi about cake. Takashi's dark eyes were on him with calm, he looked content. It was nice to see them together. I also went around them, not wanting to break their conversation.

This ended up with me going down a different hallway. Which I spotted Tamaki with Haruhi, they were heading to class together. I froze in my spot, my eyes glued to him. Something inside me felt weird as I saw his smile. His perfect white teeth and pink lips. His blonde hair that looked as soft as angel feathers. I wish I could touch it. His purple irises were on Haruhi and this made me feel a bit jealous. I had nothing to fear, is what I told myself. They were just _friends._

"Look who's back." I head someone whisper in my ear, making me almost jump out of my shoes. Then I was pinned against the wall. I went from staring at Tamaki to a pair of dark unwelcoming eyes. Kyoya was close, too close to my liking. He smelled of paper and a hint of coffee. His black hair brushed nicely and his skin glowed.

I gulped, "Do you need something?" Being nice seemed like the best option.

"I'm surprised you can show your face here after what you had done." He spoke, "how about you just go home." Why did he always have to be rude to me? I've never done anything to him. I felt courage go through me as I straightened my posture.

"You know what, I haven't done anything to you. Why won't you just leave me alone."

He looked a bit taken back but his smile only widened. "Let's make a deal. I'll tell you why you've caught my eye if you tell me your secret. I haven't forgotten about that night at the cabin. " His words were like needles. I didn't want him to know. He didn't need to know. I didn't trust him and he didn't trust me, why couldn't we just stay out of each other's lives. However, I felt like I had to agree or he would only poke his nose further into my life.

I nodded, "Fine." Perhaps I could wiggle my way out of telling him. He may be really smart but I am too. I glanced at a nearby clock. "I need to get to class, we'll talk later." He grabbed my wrist tightly.

"See you later." Was all he said, letting me go and left like nothing happened. I looked back to were Tamaki and Haruhi were at but they were long gone. Hopefully, I can talk to Tamaki first.

* * *

With my classes being over for the day, I went to the bathroom to wash my face. It was hard dealing with everyone's glares but I've managed. I saw Luka earlier but she didn't see me. She looked like she always did, full of confidence. I knew better though, after the whole Tomo incident. Speaking of Tomo, I haven't seen him today. I wonder if he skipped? I left the house before he did. I shook my head as I headed towards the Host Club. I need to stay focus! Now is not the time to be worrying about him.

I stopped midway down the hall when I head a soft chuckle. I glanced around but saw no one. That's odd, I swore I heard someone. Again, I heard some weird shuffling in the shadows. "Who's there?" I asked. I received no answer as I felt eyes on me. I continued walking, trying to ignore whoever was bothering me. I felt someone touch my shoulder, making me jump. "What!" I spun around to see Nekozawa.

"Hello, Hara. Looking dead as always." He laughed at his own poor joke. I didn't find it very funny.

I couldn't help but cower from his presence. He reminded me of what was wrong; how I was no longer alive. "Nice to see you too..." I spoke. Even though it wasn't the full truth. He was in his usual black robe and he had his cat puppet on his hand.

He looked me over, "I can sense your time cutting short."

"I... Know." I agreed. I too could feel something. I knew my time was running out and that's why I needed to hurry up and finish my plans. I needed to talk with Tamaki as soon as possible but Nekozawa was getting in the way of that. "Hey, I hate to be rude but I really do need to go."

He only smiled, "I'll be seeing you around, Hara. Don't forget that I'm here to help." It seemed like he melted into the shadows, leaving me with a weird feeling. I could only shake it off as I continued to the Host Club. When I was In front of the door, I heard all their voices. It was kind of nice. I opened the door and it was packed with girls. Then again, it has been a long time since school started back up. I saw Tamaki talking to a group of three. I don't know how I'm going to get him alone. I bit my bottom lip as I contemplated on just coming back later.

That wasn't an option as I felt someone tap my shoulder, looking behind me I saw Oten. She had her cheeks puffed out and her hair up in a short ponytail. I couldn't help but smile immediately. I was so busy with everything going on, I forgot to go find her. She had her hands on her hips, "I had a feeling you would be here."

"Well, there's something I need to do," I said, glancing back at Tamaki.

She noticed and chuckled, "I see." Then she pushed past me, walking straight into the Host Club. No one paid her any mind. I followed her, worried she was going to do something crazy. She was stopped however by the devil, Kyoya. He crossed his arms, letting out a short sigh.

"May I help you?" He said rather smoothly.

Oten peeked behind him, trying to get a good look at Tamaki. "I need to speak to the blonde boy."

"I'm afraid he is busy at the moment, how about talking to our other blonde." He then looked at Honey who lit up after noticing his gaze.

He rushed over, "She wants to talk to me!" He was just blooming with happiness. Oten was taken back, not knowing what to do. You could tell by her reaction that she wasn't used to talking to boys. I have to do something. I proceeded to walk in but stopped when I saw Tamaki was leaving with Haruhi. Where are they going? They were leaving from a different door, I went to follow.

"Do keep her busy," Kyoya said, noticing my retreating figure.

Honey grabbed onto Oten, "Okay!" He then dragged her away despite her protest. Kyoya grabbed me by the shoulders. I looked at him with a glare. I was running out of time and I didn't want to spend any of it with him.

"Let me go," I whispered through my teeth. I didn't want to make a scene in a room full of people.

He smirked, "Remember our deal?" I was hoping I could avoid him completely. Tamaki is getting away and I need to talk to him! I brushed off his hand.

"I do but I have more important things to do than talk to you right now," I said.

"Oh really?"

I quickly turned away and ran. He was shocked by my sudden move and watched as I went the way Tamaki went. Then a small hint of realization flashed in his eyes. "Too bad she has no chance." He chuckled to himself.

* * *

Where did they go? I was down the street, trying to spot Tamaki's golden hair. He was nowhere in sight. They couldn't have gotten far. What are they doing anyway? To leave the club early? I began walking towards the main part of town, hoping they would be there. My thoughts drifted towards the thought of my confession. What if he likes me back? I know I'm dead and have no idea when I might disappear. However, because of that reason, I feel like I have to tell him. I'm not asking for us to be a couple. I couldn't go that far. That would be _cruel._

If he did return my feelings? What would I say back? My mind was becoming a mess. Maybe I should have looked into this more. Perhaps, I should take more time into thinking. Wait, I don't have all the time in the world anymore. I've never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, and I haven't even held hands with a boy before. It's too late for all of that. The least I could do was confess. I should be allowed that much.

Then I saw it. Tamaki's blonde hair shown through the crowd. My mood perked up immediately. There he is! I rushed after him as he passed a corner. I stopped at it, peeking over to see Tamaki and Haruhi talking to each other by a coffee shop. I looked away, resting against the wall. Come on, don't back down now. Who cares if Haruhi is with him. It doesn't matter. Now is the time to do it. Taking one last deep breath, I stepped away from the corner.

What I saw broke me. My legs froze, my face shocked. Standing there in front of me was Tamaki and Haruhi.

Kissing.

They broke away, smiling at one another. What? I don't understand. Haruhi is a boy, why would Tamaki do that with him. I watched as they held hands and walked off. Laughing about something while I was left behind. Not knowing if I should cry or scream. People passed as I was like a statue. The world around me felt small. So small like I was suffocating.


	28. Chapter 28

"Hara?" I heard someones voice. It was calm. Smooth like a babies hair. I heard it again but it fell deaf. Was I in shock? Or did I want time to stop? I didn't want to believe what I saw. This had to be a joke. It couldn't possibly be real. Who am I to wish for this? To wish that what I witness was a dream. The awful truth was constantly in my mind. I was dead. Even if I was to convey my feelings, there was nothing that could have come out of it. He was alive. He had all right to fall for Haruhi. To experience love and to go out and explore it. I sealed my fate the moment I jumped from the roof of the high school.

"Hara!" The voice was louder. I continued to stand still. Looking in the direction of where they left. Smiling and holding hands. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to scream and shout words that were vile. I wanted to chase after him and still confess my feelings despite the scene I witnessed. I wanted to hold his hand, I wanted to be the one he was laughing and smiling too. I wanted to be the one...To kiss him.

"Are you alright?!" A hand turned me around and I was looking into the dark eyes of Takashi. His voice had a hint of panic and it sounded so foreign to me. He wasn't the person to have emotion in his tone. He looked sweaty like he had been running. I was silent, looking back, hoping to see the blonde angel. He followed my gaze confused.

My lips opened, "I wanted to tell him." I couldn't even hear myself speak. "I wanted to tell him my feelings."

He sighed, grabbing my arm and leading me away from the staring eyes. I wasn't paying attention to where he was taking me. I didn't care. If he was taking me across the world I wouldn't fight it. Leaving to someplace far away sounded like paradise. He took me to the park. The one where I always went too. Why were we here? He wiped some snow off the bench and sat me down. He looked down at me with concern.

I finally snapped myself out of it. "Sorry, I'm fine!" I smiled. He wasn't buying it. I grabbed the swing chains and began to lightly push myself. "I truly am! You just caught me dozing off. I haven't slept much lately." This was true as I never felt tired. He continued to be silent. I felt my hands shake, not from the cold but from me wanting to break down.

I managed to keep my smile from falling, "Why are you not at the club? Surely, you have girls waiting for you?" Why is he not responding to me?! It was making it much harder for me to keep my mask on. I have to be okay. I have to seem fine. Tamaki was just a crush. _A hopeless love._ To be upset over something as small as a confession makes me seem like a spoiled brat.

"I..." He spoke softly, his hand rubbing the back of his head. He looked away for a second, having trouble keeping his eyes on me. Why did he look so nervous? This wasn't like him at all. I swung myself harder, making him have to step out of the way.

"Come on! Don't look so serious!" I tried laughing. Please...Don't act like this was a big deal.

"I was-"

I was swinging higher and higher, hoping I would just fly away. "Everything is fine!"

"I was worried about you!" He had to raise his voice. I stopped swinging, letting it come to a stop.

My face was down, my hair covering my eyes so he couldn't see. "Why..?" He was silent once again. I saw he wasn't used to situations like this. I once again looked at him with a sorry excuse for a smile. It was cracking. My mask was falling into a million pieces. "It doesn't matter."

"What do you mean?" He managed to say.

I let out a laugh, "I'm dead!" I didn't care if he thought I was crazy. I didn't care if anyone heard me as I shouted, "I killed myself!" My gaze focused on his and what I thought I would receive was a look of shock and disgust but I was wrong. Pure concern was in his dark eyes. "Don't...Don't look at me like that."

I felt his hand on my head, He had to look away to speak. "Let's go somewhere." He spoke coolly.

I was confused, where did he want to go? I just shouted at him. I sounded like I was crazy and he's barely fazed. "What?" He grabbed my hand, pulling me off of the swing. I pulled it away, not wanting to be touched. He didn't seem offended and began to walk away. I stood in place. Why was he not responding to me? My feet began to move despite my mental protest. I was following him from behind. Not to close but not too far. Every now and then, he glanced behind his shoulder to see if I was still following. I could only glare at my shoes, not wanting to potentially see Tamaki and Haruhi.

He stopped, almost making me bump into him. He was staring at a food stand before he then waited to see my reaction. I didn't feel like throwing up again. I didn't want to be reminded of my condition. I shook my head in disapproval. We continued to walk. What is he doing?

"Maybe, I should just go home," I mumbled. Perhaps Tomo was waiting for me. I needed to forget today. It would be easier to let this all go. Like it never happened. I felt a weird sensation coming from my hands. Putting them up on my face I saw them slowly disappear. Not now! I hid them under my armpits, hoping no one noticed. Please...Not now.

Takashi was facing me, "Here." He was holding out a small stuffed bear. It was white and fuzzy. Where did he get that? I didn't reach out for it, afraid he would see my hands. He started to blush, having to direct his eyes elsewhere. "Honey said girls like gifts," He whispered under his breath. Is he giving me a gift? But why? I wanted to grab it badly but I was too afraid. It felt like hundreds of eyes were staring at us.

"I'm sorry!" I shouted, running away from him. My feet felt like I was running on air. Pushing past people and around corners, I didn't know where I was going. I just wanted everything to end already!

* * *

I ended up near the woods. I was crouched behind a tree. My face was buried in my arms, my hands were still missing. It was lightly snowing and I felt the winter breeze brush against my skin. I did say I wanted to disappear into the snow. I couldn't help but chuckle at myself. Look at me. I'm depressed all because of the guy I liked is with someone else. This happens all the time to other people but... It still hurts. I thought he would like me too. He was so nice. He reached out to me before anyone else. I was hoping we had a connection. I felt it. I thought he did too.

I heard something move in the snow. I didn't want to look up, afraid it was Takashi. I didn't have anything to say to him.

"Meow." I heard the deep sound of a cat. What would a cat be doing in this weather? Glancing up I saw Tomo's overweight cat staring at me with his big eyes. What is he doing here? I went to pet the cat but my invisible hands went right through him. I shot back in fear. It really is getting worse. The plump kitty wasn't fazed and went to rub against my leg. Even though he looked angry like always I could tell the cat was relieved to see me. Wait, if he's here then-

"Hara? What are you doing here?" Tomo came around the tree, looking at me with confusion. Then he saw my tear stained eyes and instantly got down on his knees. "What's wrong?!" He asked.

My hands were hidden. He already knows everything. Should I show him? I didn't have to do anything as my arms began to slowly fade too. I tried to tuck them away but to no avail. He saw them and his eyebrows furrowed. "You're getting worse." He said.

"I didn't think you believed me." I frowned.

He moved my snow-soaked hair out of my face, "Of course I do and we need to get you out of the cold."

"Just leave me here."

He replied back angerly, "What are you saying! I will not leave you here to just _disappear._ I don't know why you are out here but I said I would help you. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and get up!" His voice made me flinch. The old me would have just gotten more upset and apologie for my actions but not now. I stood up, my vanishing arms by my side.

"I do not feel sorry for myself!" I shouted back.

He raised an eyebrow, his usual smirk spreading across his face. "Oh, yea?" He got me again. He always knew how to get me worked up.

"It was just a minor set back." I puffed. Even though Tamaki will never know my true feelings, I won't break down now. "I'm going to change!" With that being said, my arms slowly returned back to normal. "I need to figure out why I am here and I need to face my mother!"

Tomo put a hand on my shoulder, smiling ear to ear. "That's what I like to hear." He grabbed my hand, "Look what came back." His hand was larger than mine and had scars. Probably, from all of the fights he gets into. Which I had something I wanted to ask him.

"Tomo, can you make me a promise?"

He tilted his head, not letting go of my hand. "What is it?"

It isn't my place to ask him about this but I was worried. "Can you stop fighting?" His face got serious and he slowly pulled away from me.

"Hara..."

I stepped towards him, "I'm just worried about you and what if... You get really hurt or even worse... _Killed."_

"Well, if I die then I'll get to be with you forever," He joked.

I wasn't in the mood for his humor. "Please, Tomo, I want you to promise me. Soon, I feel like I'm going to disappear for good." He frowned. "I don't what will happen after that but even if there is another life, I know I will be worried about you. So for me, can you let that part of you go. I don't want to see you get hurt." He didn't answer, his eyes somewhere else. I grabbed his hands, "Please."

After a long period of silence, he sighed, "Fine."

I smiled, "Thank you!" I tugged him along and picked up the cat with my other arm. "Let's get home and get you out of the cold. Your ears are turning pink." His cheeks soon went that color.

"I should be the one saying that!" He protested.

When we got back to the house, sitting on the doorstep was the small white bear. Takashi? I picked it up gently and I couldn't help but smile.

"What is that?" Tomo asked.

I placed it close to my chest, "A gift."


	29. Chapter 29

Such soft fake fur, cheap but cute black plastic eyes, and the size of my hand. It was an adorable gift. However, it made me curious. How did Takashi know I was staying here? I was standing by the door, the bear in my hand. Tomo is taking his sweet time. He and I decided to walk to school together today. I don't know what people will say, seeing the troublemaker and nerd walking together but I could care less.I have more important things to do than worry about my image. Before that was all I could think about but now, I've changed for the better.

His heavy footsteps finally were beside me. "I'm ready." He groaned. He never was the type to wake up early. I heard he was always late for his first class. Being a bully and a fighter, everyone knew him around the halls of the school. I wonder how he got into Ouran high. I don't think they would let a delinquent like himself into their academy. Should I ask? We began walking towards the school.

"Tomo, why are you at Ouran high?" I asked.

He sighed, tilting his head in annoyance. Maybe it was a bad idea to ask. "My father is some big company guy. He wanted me to take over so he paid my way into the place."

"But you left home, right?"

"I did."

I went silent. If he left his family behind from what he's told me. Then why was he still going here? Wouldn't he want to cut all ties and leave this school? He could have easily transferred to a more laid back academy. He noticed me thinking to myself and butted in. "I was actually going to drop out of school."

"What!" I said a little too loud. He was going to drop out?! Even though I dislike my mother and if I ever had to courage to do what Tomo did and leave my home for good when I was alive. I would still attend school. I knew it was hard in life without an education.

He laughed at my reaction, "I knew you would act that way." I looked away, not wanting to prove his comment. "I was going to drop out but then," He looked at me with a genuine smile, "You came along." My eyes widened, I had to look at my dirty shoes. "I didn't think you would be happy staying with a dropout. I was still thinking of the idea until that one day involving Luka. I didn't know she acted that way towards you. Since then, I knew that someone had to keep an eye on you."

"I can take care of myself." I pouted. I've done it most of my life.

He could only chuckle, "Sure, whatever you say."

We arrived at the school. Everyone was minding their own business, talking to friends and enjoying their day. We entered the building and I said my farewell to Tomo who went to class. I knew what I had to do. With a deep breath, I went towards the room Nekozawa was always in. Slowly opening the door, the pitch black room welcomed me. There was a light breeze that touched my cheeks. Does he have a window open? But I couldn't see one. Stepping in, the door slammed shut behind me. I jumped with a gasp.

"Welcome my dear cold flower." The voice of Nekozawa shot out, "How may I help you?" The room lit up with candles, leaving me breathless. How could he do that? I knew it was best to not ask questions. Not after what I'm going through.

He motioned for me to sit down. I did and sighed, "I have a question."

"Yes?" He sat down as well, his dark cloak spreading around him. I couldn't see his eyes but I knew they were glued to me. His stare made me want to back down but I had to stay strong. Maybe it was his interest in my condition that worried me. Who knows what he would do if he was allowed to tamper with my state.

The question I was about to ask would more than likely be for nothing. He couldn't possibly know the answer but I had to ask. "Is it possible...for me too..."

"Come back to life?" He finished my words.

I was taken back but I recovered, "Yes."

He tilted his head, giggling. "Why would you want that? From what I've heard around the school. You were bullied and ignored. Why return to that?" He reminded me of all the lonely lunches, the harsh words of Luka and her gang. Being tricked into a friendship all so a girl could make a quick buck. However, I also remembered how Tamaki reached out to me. Getting to know all the Host members and how they are all so sweet. Also, how I met Tomo and even though it was rough at the start. Now, he was my savior. I've grown from such a weak pushover to someone who can stand up for themselves.

"It's different now," I protested. "I have friends who will stand up for me. They care for me and I'm no longer the same person!"

He laughed, "I see." He stood up, approaching me slowly. I sat in place, not knowing what to do. He took a piece of my black hair, letting it fall from his fingers. "I hate to hurt your feelings but there is no way."

I pulled away from his touch, biting my inner lip. I felt the skin tear but no blood or pain followed. I knew it was a stupid question. I just had to know the answer. "Okay...That's all I wanted to know." Standing up, I went to the door.

"You feel very faint."

Looking back, I raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Your tie to this world is fading. I can feel it." He warned. I didn't respond.

* * *

I was about to leave the school, I was told to wait in front of the garden for Tomo so we could walk home together. What is taking him so long? So I have decided that tomorrow I will ditch school and go to my home. Mother will be there, Father should be at work and Seika should be safe at school. I didn't want them to get tied up in what I was going to do. I was going to tell Mother _everything._ I wanted to let her know how terrible of a mother she was. How she hurt me, ruined Father's courage and made Seika into a bully. I'll tell her how even though she hit me, screamed and kicked me. That I wanted her to be proud of me but not anymore. I'm free now and I will let her have a piece of my mind.

"Hara."

My eyes met the bright violet ones of Tamaki. My body went numb and all thoughts I had were gone. It was just Tamaki and me. He waited for an answer but received none. "How is my Snow Queen?" My nickname made me bite my lip. I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to be in front of him right now. I would have given anything to talk to him the other day but now, I wanted to leave.

"I'm fine." I lied.

He smiled, "That's good. I heard you were looking for me?"

My chest froze. The words refused to escape my mouth. What was I suppose to do? My feet shuffled around, wanting to walk away but failed. Couldn't he feel the heavy atmosphere? It was suffocating. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"She wanted to say hi." Takashi's smooth voice said. Where did he come from? Either way, I was thankful for his presence.

"Really? Well, a nice greeting to you too." He went to kiss my hand but Takashi got in the way. I could tell Tamaki had his princely facade going. It made me hurt worse. I knew he wasn't acting like himself.

"Where is Haruhi?" He asked, his dark eyes locked onto his friend.

Tamaki rubbed his blonde hair, "She's running an errand with the twins, she'll be back before the club starts." Wait, he did say she. My hearing couldn't have messed up. Takashi noticed my awareness. Then Tamaki noticed his slip up, his face going pale. "What I mean is ugh...He's busy."

"You don't have to hide it." I heard myself say. "I'm happy for you too." It felt like my head was going to crack. I wanted to be happy for him. He was my friend. The first person to reach out to me and I will always be thankful for that. I was in pain. I never thought it would hurt this much to see someone you like with another person but I need to move on. I can only get stronger from here on.

Takashi noticed how uncomfortable I was and the smile I was forcing was fading. "See you later." He said to Tamaki. He then grasped my hand gently and led me away. I felt too weak to pull away and followed without protest.

We were now in front of the school, I was struggling to hold back tears. He squeezed my hand, I was thankful for the comfort. I swore I wasn't going to be weak anymore but here I am again about to shed tears. I didn't' like Takashi seeing me this way but he was there when I couldn't confess my feelings. He knew why I was so upset. "Look at me," I spoke, trying to laugh. "In tears once again." He didn't laugh.

"It'll be okay." He managed to say, looking just as uncomfortable as I. Everyone explained that Takashi was the silent knight type. They were right to say that about him. He saved me time and again. He didn't speak much and when he did, he was struggling to find the right words. I liked that about him. I remembered that I had stashed the bear in my bag and wanted to thank him. I pulled it out with my free hand, looking it over again. It made me genuinely smile.

I showed it to him, his eyes lighting up. "I wanted to say thank you and apologize for running off." I forced it into his other hand. Realizing we still were holding hands, I let go of his slowly. "I want to properly accept it this time."

He went along and held the bear out, "I got you a gift." I saw the lovely smile of Takashi. It was nice and it made me feel somewhat warm inside? It was weird but I wasn't complaining.

I gladly took it, looking it over with questioning eyes. "Thank you, but why a bear?" Seeing the bear reminded me of the one father gave to me. It was still at Mother's and I knew that when I confronted her, I would get it back.

"Well..." He struggled to find the words, his cheeks fading into a pink, "Bears are cute and I think that... You are cu-" We heard the shuffling of feet behind me. We both looked back but saw no one. Was somebody watching us? Snapping out of our little play, I realized the time. Where's Tomo? He should have found me by now.

"I love the gift and I'll happily accept it." I said, "It's getting late and I need to get home." A stylish limo pulled up into the school's driveway. It honked and Takashi waved at it. The window rolled down and in it was Honey.

"Come on! We need to pick up the snacks before the club starts!" He yelled. His eyes landed on me and a mischievous smile took over," Sorry I have to steal him, Hara!"

Takashi's voice pulled my gaze to his, "We can take you home."

"It's alright. I'll be fine." He was reluctant but nodded, heading towards the limo. I waved the two Host's goodbye and went on my way. I put the bear away, smiling the whole way home.


	30. Chapter 30

A couple of days have passed by and I still haven't confronted Mother. I thought I was ready but here I was still procrastinating. I was currently sitting at the cafe Tamaki took me once with Seika. I saw her on the street the other day and we agreed to meet up. Ever since that day, she has been much kinder to me. I looked at her with calm eyes, I could get used to this. She was sipping a small cup of coffee filled to the brim with sugar. She told me how she sneaked off to a baby appointment and confirmed she was indeed pregnant. She said she was hoping the sticks were false and her hormones were all messed up. Now, we knew 100% that she was with child.

"He said that I'm in good health and the baby is alright." She breathed.

I smiled, "That's good to hear." I wondered what the baby would look like. Perhaps, have bright ginger hair like Hikaru or her brown. What about the baby's eyes? To have striking yellow would be something. "I wonder what the baby will look like?" I ended up asking.

"I hope it looks like me." She spoke frankly, "I don't want to be reminded of him." Maybe, I should keep my mouth shut. It must be too soon to talk about the baby. However, for some reason I was excited. I wanted to know all about her pregnancy. How was she feeling? Did she want a boy or a girl? Has she thought of any names yet? I was struck with baby fever. Was it because I knew that I could no longer have children? Or was it because I was just a normal girl who's sister was having a child. I was delighted. I knew this wasn't a good time for her to have a baby but I felt like that if I was supportive, she would feel better about it too.

I decided to ask more questions, "Are you wanting a boy or a girl?"

She placed her coffee down, looking to the side and a thinking manner. "Wel..." She hummed, "I think I want a boy."

"Why?"

"We've been raised in a house with mostly women and I wonder what it would be like to raise a boy." She began to smile. It's working! I was hoping by asking questions, she would feel better about her decision. I don't want her to _regret it._

I grabbed her free hand without thinking, it was weird touching her. Growing up, we haven't even hugged each other. Mother made sure that I wouldn't "taint" her perfect daughter. "Any idea of what you want the name to be?"

"Not really. It's still really early and I want it to have the best name." She began to ramble on about baby stuff and her smile grew larger with every sentenced she finished. It was nice to see her so happy. I rested on my hand, soaking up every word she said. No matter what was to happen to me, I would like to remember this moment. When I was growing up, I always wished we could have spent time together like this. Having a nice chat and getting along. To be able to actually feel like sisters.

She got up from her seat, "I'm going to use the bathroom real quick."

"Okay."

I watched her go to the back. You couldn't tell she was pregnant yet, which was a good thing for us until we came up with a plan. I couldn't let her stay with Tomo and me. I was lucky enough he was letting me stay. There wasn't any room for another person since I was taking the couch. Where would we even put a baby? Tomo's place wasn't a good idea. I doubt she had any friends she could go too. She seemed like the type of person to have stuck up friends who would drop her the moment they found out she was pregnant. What were we going to do?

While I was in the middle of thinking I saw a bunch of familiar people walk in. It was all the Host but the one my eyes shot to was Hikaru. I felt anger growing inside me. I knew I should have stayed still and kept my mouth shut. I couldn't though. Something was screaming in my head to do something and for the first time ever, I listened. I shot up from my seat, making it almost fall down. Marching towards them, Takashi saw me first and his eyes filled with confusion. Anyone could feel the aggression coming from me.

One by one their eyes landed on me. It didn't take long for me to be standing in front of the ginger twin. I knew it was his and not Karou. I felt it. I was starting to tell them apart by the way they carried themselves. Karou was gentle and easy with his movements while Hikaru was more open and rugged. He looked down at me with a smile, "Hey, Hara!" He tried to play it off smoothly.

"Are you okay?" Tamaki went to touch my shoulder but I shrugged him off. They all grew worried.

I was glaring up at Hikaru with eyes that could scare the devil himself. If I could hurt someone with my gaze, I would hurt him. I couldn't speak at first, I was afraid I would only scream. How could he be acting like there was nothing wrong in the world? He put my sister in a situation that was life-changing. It was going to be hard for her. How dare he act like life was so easy. I didn't care that the Host's were here. I didn't care that everyone in the cafe was watching. I didn't care what was about to happen next.

"How dare you." I said, "How dare you act like nothing is wrong." My words were like venom.

He tilted his head in confusion, "What do you mean?" He wasn't the only one asking questions.

"Hara, why are you so mad?" Honey asked, looking at me with his huge eyes. This time they didn't work for me. I was far beyond calm.

Kyoya stepped forth, his arms crossed. "Watch your tone. We are in a public place." My eyes wandered around and everyone was watching. I felt the tiny voice of reason in my head but I ignored it.

"Get out of my way or I'll hurt you." This wasn't like me. I would never hurt anyone. However, I needed to protect Seika and if it meant I was to become violent, I would. He continued to glare down at me, not moving an inch.

Kaoru tried to step in, "Why don't we calm down." Takashi then stood beside Kyoya, it was like they were forming a wall around Hikaru. It was upsetting. They didn't know what he did. If only they knew then they wouldn't defend him like this!

"How about we talk about it?" Haruhi spoke. I glared at her. I didn't want to hear a single thing from that liar. She lied to me about her gender and stole Tamaki from me. I was starting to cloud reasoning. I was looking for anything to fuel my anger. To give me the courage to tell him what he has done wrong. He deserved to know. He needed to man up and take responsibility.

I pushed them aside, "Because of you, she's going through pain." Hikaru tried to back up but was blocked because of a table. "It's all your fault that she is so scared!"

"What are you talking about!?" He yelled.

My hands clenched into a fist, "Fuck you!"

I punched him. He went straight to the ground. I heard gasps around me as Kaoru jumped to his brother's aid, helping him to his feet.

"What is wrong with you?!" Kaoru yelled, looking just as angry as I did.

"Hikaru!" Honey was by his side, about to cry. They all flocked to him like dogs. It made me sick. They didn't know. I shouldn't blame them but it made me angrier. Kyoya's eyes stabbed into me and if it wasn't for me hitting Hikaru. His eyes would have killed me.

"You're going to wish you've never done that," Kyoya glared.

I heard footsteps, "Hara, what did you do?!" Seika grabbed onto my hand, "We need to leave!" I saw the owner dialing on the phone. Probably calling the cops. She had to drag me away as I wanted to beat down Hikaru even more.

We got pretty far away from the cafe as she caught her breath from us running. "Hara..." She coughed, "Why did you hit him?"

"He deserves to know." I growled, "He looked so happy and acting like nothing was wrong!"

"He will never know!" She yelled.

I grabbed her shoulders, "It's not fair to you! What are we going to do when you get farther along? I can't take you with me. Hikaru has money and a large home. He could easily support you where I can't. I don't wanna see you struggle in life because of him." My arms grew heavy as I dropped to my knees, desperately clinging to her. "I don't wanna see you hurting..."

"Hara..." She pulled me back up, brushing a piece of my hair away. "I chose this. Even if it's hard, I made this decision on my own. I don't need him and we'll find a way. Even if it takes time."

I pulled away from her, trying to gather myself. "You don't understand, Seika. I don't have time."

"Hara, you keep saying strange things and I don't understand."

I bit my lip, "Seika..." I couldn't tell her. I just couldn't. "It's nothing. I just think it would make life easier if he knew and actually help support you. I know there's a small chance he'll actually help but I'm worried about you."

"That doesn't explain anything." She followed her arms. Now, I've really done it. I can't explain my situation. She has too much going on right now. I should be the least of her worries. "Look," She sighed. "I need you to keep your temper in control. This is my decision and I don't want him knowing. I understand that you care for me but I really need you to listen."

I nodded, not wanting to argue with her. Acting out wasn't going to help anyone and I made myself look like an idiot. I going to apologize... I could have handled that better. "Fine. I'll keep my mouth shut."

"Thank you."

"I'm going to apologize for my behavior. I shouldn't have hit him." I said. I still think he deserved it but I'll keep that to myself.

She smiled, "Thank you for today. I hope we can hang out again soon."

"Of course!"

* * *

I made my way to the cafe once more. I wasn't about to go inside after the scene I just displayed. Looking through the windows, the Host was nowhere to be seen. Did they already leave? That was fast. I wanted to apologize immediately. I didn't want Tamaki to hate me. That was the last thing I wanted. Also, I wanted Takashi to not see me as someone who always resorts to violence. Looks like I'll have to wait until school tomorrow to talk to them.

With a defeated sigh I walked away from the cafe. I guess I'll go home for today. I didn't have the energy to face Mother after all this. I think a good chat with Tomo will calm me down. On my way towards the place, I saw a familiar figure in the crowd. Is that Takashi? Why is he here? He rushed up to me, his face had a thin line of sweat. Has he been running?

"Hara..." He said in relief. It was weird seeing him so out of character. He was sweaty and looked like he was in a panic.

"What's wrong?"

He shadowed over me like he was trying to block my silhouette from everyone, "You can't go back."

"Back where? To Tomo's?" I tilted my head, not understanding what was going on. Why couldn't I go back? His nervousness was making me unsettled.

He grabbed my wrist, "They're waiting for you. We need to leave." I refused to move from my spot. I was too confused. His face was serious, "He called your parents." I almost fell to my knees if it wasn't for the support of his hand. Who called my parents? They know where I am? Are they waiting for me? Will they force me to go back to that hell?

"W-What?" I stuttered. I was barely holding onto myself and keeping it together. I wasn't ready! The words shouted in my head. I needed to face Mother, I knew this. This would be the perfect chance but... I was still weak.

Takashi looked at the crowd of people around us, "We need to leave."

"What about Tomo? Will he be okay?" I asked trying to gather myself. He didn't look certain, silent he began to lead me away. I followed without protest. I was worried about Tomo and my well being. What am I doing? Am I really going to run away aga?n. How many times will I have to do this before I'm finally caught? I tugged my hand out of his grip.

I spoke, "I can't run anymore." He reached for my hand again but I stepped back. "I need to finally face her and I may not be ready but I don't have a choice. Thank you for telling me, Takashi. I can handle this." I turned around, rushing to Tomo's home. I heard Takashi say something behind me but I was to focused on running.


	31. Chapter 31

The closer I got, the faster my mind was racing. Of all the scenes that could take place. What I was going to say to her. Would there be violence? Or would it just be us yelling? Should I follow her home and take my speech there or let it happen in front of everyone. I didn't know what was going to happen but I tried to prepare myself. I was almost there. I could hear her voice. The voice that caused me so much pain. I couldn't make out Mother's words and I didn't want too. I saw police, making my stomach knot up.

"How dare you take my daughter!" She yelled, fanning her thin face. Two cops were beside her, waiting to see what Tomo would say. He was standing by his front door, his arms crossed. He had his 'bad boy' persona on and wasn't backing down. "Kids like you should be locked up." She motioned to the police.

"Listen, old lady, I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't 'take' anybody." He frowned, looking clearly irritated.

She scoffed, "Who raised you, I should teach your mother how to give a child manors!" Tomo was pissed. He didn't like that his mother was brought up.

"Says the woman who beats her-" I finally intervened. I was standing between the two. Mother's eyes were wide with shock and Tomo looked even more pissed. Looking at him, I saw him mouth, "you shouldn't be here." I could only frown at him as I felt Mother rush me into her arms.

"There you are! I thought I would never see you again!" She cried. I knew better. Those tears were fake. She wanted to crowd to see her being the perfect concerned mother. I tried to wiggle out of her grasp but it was like iron; I couldn't break free. Looking up her made me sick. Seeing her familiar features after so long made me realize how much I looked like her. Only thing was for our eyes, her's were black as coal. I may look like her but I will never be her! I managed to get out her grip, standing in front of Tomo. Having him behind me made it feel like he was giving me courage. "Dear?"

I breathed, then spoke with a strict tone. "Stop acting like that."

"What do you mean, darling?" Her eyes darted around, starting to see people were staring.

I took a step closer, "You know what I mean, stop acting like you cared. You've never cared for me!" I saw a flash of anger go through her eyes but she didn't break character. "I left home because I got tired of you hurting me." My words made the cops weary. I rather them not be here but I couldn't wait for us to get somewhere secluded.

"I would never hurt my sweet child." She fluttered her eyelashes at the police, "You're just rebelling because of your age." She reached for my hand, "Now let's go home before it gets late. Your father is worried sick."

I yanked myself away from her, "No!" My voice was mixed with anger and fear. I didn't want to imagine what would happen if I was taken home. People whispered around us, making my mother anxious. Tomo stepped forward, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Listen, lady, she wants to stay so leave her be," Tomo said.

Mother's eyes were locked on his hand, not happy it was touching me. She then smiled an evil grin, one I was familiar with. It sent shivers through my body, I wanted to flee but I remained still. Tomo squeezed me, knowing I was nervous. "I know why you ran away and spouting such nonsense." Her voice said with almost a purr, "You ran away from home so you can be with your 'boyfriend'. You think telling me lies will convince me to allow you stay with him?"

The police glanced at one another, starting to agree with her. I was losing this battle. "That's not it!" I protested, "I ran away from home because you abuse me and I couldn't take it anymore."

"If I abuse you like you claim, then where is the damage? Proof?"

My eyes widened, I didn't have proof anymore. When I woke up from dying, all of my injuries were gone. I didn't have my scars or bruises anymore. I was starting to look like a typical teen, yelling at my parent because I didn't want to go home. What could I do? How was I going to fight back if I wasn't even allowed to speak my mind? "Well..." I stuttered.

"Come home, before you get in trouble." Her words were the truth. She laced it with venom and it seeped into me. My defense was failing and I could no longer feel Tomo's hand as I was sinking deeper into defeat. I could hear the gossip around us.

"Just another spoiled brat."

"She should listen to her Mother!"

"I wouldn't let my child act that way."

I wasn't a bad child. The thought ran through my head. I was always good...I did what I was told. Made good grades, never went out, I always listened to whatever Mother told me. Their words dug into my like blades. It hurt worse than being hit. It stung more than Mother's hands. It wouldn't stop. They kept talking, the words only grew worse as my silence nagged them on. Looking through the crowd, I saw a familiar face. It was Takashi. Did he follow me? He was concerned and started pushing through the crowd. I didn't want him to see me like this. It was humiliating.

Tomo stepped forward, "I took care of them."

One of the police officered stepped in front of Mother, "Sir, I'll need you to go back inside. This is a family matter." Then he looked at me, "You're going to have to return home, young lady."

"I can't go back there!" I protested.

I sensed Tomo growing angrier by the minute, "I won't let her take Hara from me." He gritted his teeth. The cop's hand motioned for his stick at his waist. This was going to turn into a giant mess if someone didn't do something. I knew I had to be the one. No one was going to get hurt because of me. I didn't want to go back, I couldn't go back. However, did I even have a choice? Tomo was my savior. I wasn't going to drag him into this.

I grabbed his hand, pulling away from the officer. He protested and tried to get away from my grip. I looked at him with pleading eyes. He could only stare before growling under his breath, "Hara..."

"Please," I begged.

He was so angry and conflicted that his punch a hole through his door, his knuckles bleeding from the splinters. "Fine! Just leave!" His words hurt but I knew this was for the best. The cops were about to step in but I spoke up.

"I'll go home. So this matter is settled." I gave them the best smile I could muster.

Takashi broke through everyone, panting and not understanding what was going on. He looked at my mother with confusion as she smiled back with victory. I didn't say a word to him as I joined her side, not wanting to look at anyone anymore. I had lost this fight. I didn't even have a chance. Takashi tried to get to me but the police stepped forward.

"Okay, nothing to see here!" They shouted out. The crowd slowly dispersed, acting like nothing happened. When everyone was almost gone, I saw Kyoya. He was leaning against the wall of a building, smiling at me. Don't tell me... He was the one who called Mother? How could he?

 _You're going to regret this._

His words echoed in my head. I was the cause of this. This was all my fault. If I had kept my mouth shut, this would have never happened. Nowing that I was the cause, it made me feel even worse. I wanted to die all over again. My brown eyes instinctively went to Tomo. He was always my comfort, but I too now lost him. He was angry. I didn't fight to be with him. I didn't give it my all to stay. The moment I saw him in danger, I cowered down like a dog. His eyes burned into me, I could tell he felt betrayed.

"Let's go home." I felt her slender hand on my shoulder, "Thank you for everything, officer's." She led me away from the scene. I had to tear my eyes away from Tomo and Takashi. What had I done...

* * *

The door slammed behind me as Mother was dragging me back my arm. Thank god, I couldn't feel pain. She then stopped and I braced myself, "You little slut!" Her hand landed on my cheek, making me almost lose my footing. I didn't look or speak to her. "I can't believe my own daughter would run off with a boy! Everyone saw too! Oh, I'm going to hear from everyone tomorrow on how my daughter is nothing but a whore!" She went in for another slap, but I stood firm. It hit me, grunted just from my head flying to the other side.

She passed around the hall, "How can I fix this?" She pulled at her hair, "What am I going to do?"

"I didn't do anything," I said, holding my cheek. It didn't hurt but it felt weird.

"Shut up!" She pulled my hair, making me almost fall to my knees. "I don't want to hear any more from you. What do you think would have happened if those cops believed you?!" I wish they had believed me. They would have rescued me from this hell. From the very demon that was hurting me right now.

I heard some footsteps coming from Mother's bedroom. Father stepped out, looking as tired as usual. "Honey?" His tired deep voice rang out. Coming around the corner, he saw me and his eyes widened in shock. "Hara?" He then saw Mother's fist full of my hair, "What's going on?!"

"Father!" I cried out. However, he was frozen in place. He didn't know what to do. Mother only tightened her grasp and smiled at him.

"Now dear, I'm only dealing with our little troublemaker. You should get some rest before work." Her fake sweet-voice sickened me. I can't take this anymore! I grabbed her tightened hand and forced her fingers out of my hair.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed, getting myself away from her.

She growled, "How dare you yell at me! Get back over here and act like a proper daughter." Her demanding tone shook my core but I remained firm. My eyes drifted to Father who could only stand and watch. He too was making me sick. How could a father stand and watch his own child get abused? I loved him but this was enough. My body shook, my head was foggy and I was biting so hard on my tongue, I swore I almost bit it off.

"I'm _sick_ of both of you!" I spat, "I can't continue to go through this anymore. Knowing that I was born from a demon and a coward makes me want to vomit." My harsh words made Father gasp. He didn't want to believe what I was saying.

"But, Hara..." Father whispered.

"Shut up!" I snapped, "I refuse to listen." Mother tried to grab for me but I dodged her pale hand. "Mother, you are one of the worst people on this planet. I don't know what I did to you, to make you think it was okay for me to get punished. I tried so hard to gain your love. I wanted to be the perfect daughter. I did whatever I was told. I made good grades, I stayed home. I even studied so much that sleep was foreign to me!"

Mother laughed under her breath, "You could never be perfect. You were nothing but an embarrassment."

"To you, perhaps. But I'm done trying to get your approval. I've changed and have met so many people who care about me!"

It looked like she wanted to laugh until she couldn't breathe, "I think it's time you go to your room before you start talking about more lies." Again, I moved out of her way. I felt that now familiar rage, building inside me. I wanted to attack her, to hurt her the way she's always harmed me. However, it was worse than that. I want to _really hurt her._ I wanted to punch, kick and even sink my teeth into her. Right when I was about to snap, we heard the front door open. Seika snuck in the front door. She was wearing a big pair of shades and carrying a large bag.

Her eyes landed on Mother and me. "Hara?" She then looked at Mother, "Mother? What is going on?" She slipped off her shades and hugged her bag closely.

"Nothing my love, just getting rid of the troublemaker." She smiled, trying hard to keep a straight face. I could read the conflict on my sister's face. Like she was having a battle with herself. Mother was waiting for her answer and I braced myself for the harsh words to come from not only Mother's mouth but Seika's as well. However, the silence continued. "My dear daughter..." Mother's eyes grew dark and Seika flinched.

I had to help her. I couldn't stand here and do nothing! "Are you gonna hit me too?" I looked at Seika with pleading eyes. I was begging her to hit me. I never thought I would actually _want_ to get hit. I had too. I needed my sister to keep the image of an attacker so Mother wouldn't suspect something. "Huh?!"

Seika dropped her bag roughly, her hand raised to strike me. As I closed my eyes, ready to feel her palm against my skin. It didn't come. Opening my eyes, I saw Seika's gaze on her bag. It had fallen over and what scattered on the floor was bottles, clothes, and diapers. Oh no... I instantly faced Mother who's face was red.

"What the hell is this?"


	32. Chapter 32

No one could speak as we all stared at the bright colored bottles and small diapers laid on the floor motionless. There had been times on what I didn't know what to do. This was one of them. My feet were locked in place, my breath was caught in my throat and the only sound in my ears was Mother's hard breathing. She was angry. She was livid. Her anger was something I've always known and seen, but this was the first time that I've seen her like this. Her face was as red as blood and her eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her skull.

Father was in the background, white and speechless. His expression said it all, he was blank and confused. In his eyes, you could see a tint of fear as he went from staring at the contents on the floor to Mother's frightening gaze. The silence was starting to become thicker and Seika couldn't take it any longer. She reached for her bag and with shaky hands, she returned the contents. We could only watch as she struggled to hold her composer.

Again, Mother repeated herself, "What the hell is this?"

Seika gulped, trying to steady herself. "It's gifts for a friend." She tried to lie but her body language and reaction to it falling gave it away. Mother approached her, forgetting me entirely. I wish I could feel relieved but now I was even more frightened. That wasn't the only feeling that was growing inside me. I felt anger and it was developing fast. There was also the feeling of wanting to protect Seika. Out of all the things I was feeling, I wanted to do one thing.

And I did it.

During Mother's advancement towards Seika, her hand raised, ready to hit my defenseless sister. I stepped in. With all my strength, I pushed her. From all the years of pain, longs nights of studying and the tears I shed from her torture. I pushed her hard, making her hit the ground with a smack. Father gasped as he rushed to his wife's side.

"Dear?" She didn't respond.

I wasn't done, however. I shoved Father aside as I got on top of her as she fluttered her eyes open. She winced from her head hitting the wooden floor, then saw me above her. Our eyes connected, anger flowing from both of us. This time, I had the upper hand. I was in control and it felt good. To have her body beneath me was like I was finally in control of what I wanted.

"Get off me, _Hara."_ My name slipped off her tongue like pure toxic. For years, I would have begged to hear Mother call my name. To hear it in a sweet and loving tone. For once to be called my actual name other than something vile. For me to finally hear it, I wanted to hit her. I wanted her to bruise like I did. To see her skin turn purple and her eyes shed tears.

I raised my hand, about to finally give in to my urges. "Hara, stop!" Seika cried, grabbing on to my wrist. "This is enough so let's just stop!" I yanked myself free from her hand. I then looked at Mother straight in the eyes.

" _I hate you."_

Getting off her, I refused to be bothered by her anymore. She laid there, biting her lip so hard, blood was slipping from them. I took Seika's bag from her, grabbing her hand tightly. "We are leaving," I said, not even looking back.

"But Hara, what about Mother?" She asked, still scared and shaken.

I glanced at her with cold eyes, "I don't have one."

* * *

Once again we were sitting at a Cafe. It was a different one, however, as I was not allowed back at the one where I caused a scene with the Hosts. Seika was sipping on tea, her hands still shaking lightly. Her eyes were darting everywhere. She was afraid Mother would run after us. Trying to steady her breathing, she took a small sip. One of her hands were on her belly protectively.

If someone was to look at us, you would see two different expressions and behaviors. Seika was nervous, shivering and trying her best not run somewhere far away. Me, on the other hand, was calm and collected. My expression was hard like stone and I could only watch my sister, not wanting to say the wrong thing. I reached for her hand that was gripping her cup so tightly her knuckles were white. When she felt my cold hand on hers, she flinched but relaxed a little.

"What are we going to do?" She spoke up, her voice almost cracking. "I don't have anywhere to go."

I squeezed her hand, "That's not true. I'll think of something. I won't let you return to that place." Letting her go back would be like sending her to a tiger's den. She would be beaten and worse, she could lose the baby. Mother would never allow her to leave the apartment. If anyone found out one of her daughters were with child, her reputation would be ruined.

"I'm worried about Father..." She had tears ready to fall, "What if she takes her anger out on him."

"I don't think she would go that far."

Seika wiped her eyes, "Why did this have to happen?"

I squeezed her hand, "It's gonna be okay." I heard the bell ring from the door as someone entered. Seika saw them first and gasped. Walking in was Father, his tired eyes landed on us and he immediately approached the table.

"Hara!" He stopped in front of us, "Seika, oh thank god, I found you two. I was so worried." He sighed with relief. I felt Seika tense under my palm. The feeling of protection took over me again, I stood up to block her from his view.

"What is it?" I spoke coldly.

He flinched at my tone, frowning on how I could speak to him that way. "I have something to tell you."

"If it's about us coming back, we do not want to hear it."

Shaking his head, he grabbed one of my hands. I went to pull away but his grip was like iron. "After you two left, I spoke with your mother and I decided..." I saw his knees shaking and despite me wanting to remain firm, he was still my father. I pulled up a seat for him, making him sit down. "Thank you."

"Go on," I said, returning to my chair. Seika moved her chair closer to me, resting her hand on my arm. She tried her best to look tough but you could tell she was run down. There was too much going on for her and it was showing. I was proud of her though, she wasn't thinking about doing what I did when my life was hard.

"When you two left, I felt something." His face turned red from wanting cry. I've never seen my father cry. He was a hard-working man, despite never sticking up to Mother. He always did what he was told and supported us. It was weird to see him so emotional. However, I fought the urge to hug him. I needed to hear what he had to say. He regained his composer, "I love your mother and I love the both of you so much."

"Father," Seika spoke up, "What are you going to tell us?" She was impatient. Her eyes showed weakness but she tried her best to look unbreakable. I was growing nervous. This was something new I've never experienced. Father wasn't the one to tell us anything. It was always Mother. What could he have to say that would drive him to find us? Mother surely would have kept him in the apartment so she could come find us, all so she could drag us back into that hell.

He nodded, "I don't know what's happen to me. When I first met your mother everything was perfect." He began laughing, "It would have been perfect if I didn't get so beat up."

* * *

 _Long flowing black hair and her eyes to match it. She looked stunning in her school uniform as she walked out of the building. You could hear her laugh from a mile away as it sounded like angels. Today was going to be the day. No matter what happens I will have the courage to ask her out. I gulped, trying my best to keep myself from soaking my uniform from nervousness. What will she say? What if I get rejected?_

 _No! I can't think like that! I have to ask her. I will make her mine! I took a step towards her. She was talking to her friend as she was waiting for her usual ride. In the bright sunlight, she looked like she was glowing. Oh, what I would do to have her in my arms. I felt courageous as I got closer to her presence. However, I was stopped short as the school bully walked in front of me. He was taller than me by a foot and had spiky brown hair._

 _"What are you doing, Shen?" He asked, not caring that he was in my way. He ruffled my brown locks as he did it rather hard._

 _"Ow! Stop it!" I growled, shoving he hand away. He didn't like that._

 _His tall frame towered over me, "What did you say?" He was not happy. Oh god, please not right here. Not in front of her. Today was suppose to be the day. I was going to make her mine. Now, I was going to be assaulted and bruised. I'm going to look like an idiot! She'll think I'm some weakling and never speak to me!_

 _"I mean..." I didn't even get to speak as he kicked my knee, making me fall into the dirt. I couldn't get up as he kicked me again. My side burned from his attacks. I tried to shield myself but was to slow. What am I suppose to do? The image of me getting beat in front of her made tears well up in my eyes. Why...Why today of all days. I'm never going to get a chance with her now..._

 _"Hey!" A voice shot out. It was hard to hear where it was coming from as my ears were starting to ring from the pain. Then it stopped. The kicking and the yelling from him. Glancing up, I saw her. Her friend was running off to get a teacher as my angel was yelling at the bully. "Who do you think you are? Picking on another student! Violence is never the answer!"_

 _Her voice was like the music from a harp, it made my heart flutter despite the situation. I couldn't move as she continued to hound the bully. "You better be glad I stopped you and not the police!" The bully noticed a teacher coming from the building._

 _"I would love to listen to you keep talking but I have a date." He then ran away, ignoring her screams for him to come back._

 _She puffed her cheeks and eventually sighed, "Whatever." She looked at me with her big black eyes. I wanted to melt right there. I was speechless. She was looking at me and I felt my body become hot. I was embarrassed but yet, blessed from her just looking at me. "Are you going to get up?"_

 _"Huh?"_

 _She giggled, "I said, are you going to get up." She reached out to me._

 _I took her delicate hand. It was so soft. I blushed, "Thank you." I managed to say._

 _"You need to learn to stick up for yourself, okay?" She said. I could only nod as she laughed at my red face, "I don't think we've met before." She gave me one of her goddess-like smiles. She looked so beautiful. I couldn't describe what I was feeling as she laughed._

 _"My name is Asami."_

* * *

Father looked like he was in a whole different world. He looked so happy and peaceful, I didn't want to tear him away from his memories. I wish I could have seen more like this. He eventually shook his head, frowning from having to be back in the current moment. "What I'm trying to say," He breathed. "I should have never let your mother get like that. I was too weak, I always have been."

"Father..." Seika sighed.

He raised a hand, "Let me continue." Seika and I were curious about what he had to say to us, "I spoke about it with her when you two ran off. I think it would be for the best and I can't stand on the side anymore. I need to speak up and be a true father." I was shocked. Did he really mean that? I reached for his hand, no longer caring about trying not to show any affection to him. I was just so happy to hear him say that. He smiled but then grew serious.

"We're getting a divorce."


	33. Chapter 33

His words were tied to the sweetest music I've ever heard but also, the most heartbreaking news. My world was frozen as I didn't know how to react to what I have been told. One part of me wanted to get up and hug him for finally having the courage to stick up for us, more importantly, himself. Although, the other half, wanted me to drop to my knees. Mother and I may have never gotten along. That was something between us two. I knew it was a vile relationship between Mother and daughter. However, despite our differences.

Father loved her.

He loved her with all his heart and it was plain to see. He may have shrunk back in fear, never stood up for himself, but at the end of the day, she was his goddess. However, I'm starting to see that he loved us too.

Hopefully, just as much as Mother.

"Really?" Seika responded to the sudden news with disbelief. It was hard to swallow. It was something we never saw coming. I'm still having a hard time believing it even though it was happening before my eyes.

He gulped like he had lead in his throat. "Yes... I can't see the pain in this family anymore." He ran a hand through his sweat-stained hair, "It's something long overdue."

Releasing my hand from his, I went to hug him. He didn't complain as I squeezed him close. I wanted to cry but this wasn't my moment.

It was his.

He needed time to come the fact of what he was doing. He was shaking slightly and his words were filled with uncertainty. I wish I could make it better for him. To make this chapter of his life easier. However, this was something he had to face. Like how I'm having to face the consequences of my actions. Unlike me, he had time to change things. To make everything better. He wasn't alone. He had me and Seika for support.

He hugged me back desperately. Hoping that what he was doing was the right thing. My words were caught in my throat, so I hoped he felt my approval through my embrace. Pulling away, I looked deep into Father's tired eyes. He had many lines on his face from stress. His skin was pale and clammy from his run to find us. Despite the imperfections that have settled on his complexion from the years, I saw the Father I had begged for. I wanted to see this man for almost _all my life._

The man who finally stood up for me.

No.

Not just me.

The man who stood up to fix his family.

Many wouldn't agree that divorce is the perfect way to fix a broken household. With this situation though. I would have to disagree. Many things happened throughout my life, that something such as counseling couldn't fix us. _Nothing could fix us._ The only thing we could do now was move on. Try to heal our injured hearts.

"I rented a hotel for a couple days until I can find us a new apartment. It'll take some time for the divorce but I'll make sure we'll be okay." His tired green eyes landed on Seika, "We're gonna be happy. For all of us and for our new family member."

She placed her hand on her yet to show belly, "Father..." Tears formed once again in her big irises. She hugged him tightly, not wanting to let go. Once they pulled apart, he stood up with new found energy. Talking to us must have made him feel better about his decision.

"I'll have a truck come with me to get our things. Give me a moment to make the call." He excused himself outside where he pulled out his phone.

Turning my attention to my sister, I couldn't hide the smile that plastered itself on my face. It was genuine. It was wide and it was full of happiness. To anybody who heard our family conversation would surely think I was crazy. Who would smile over something like this?

That would be me.

The girl who was raised to be perfect. The girl who came to know that the only physical love she would receive was a fist or kick to her stomach. The lonely black haired girl who tried her _damn_ hardest to be everything her mother ever wanted.

This smile was something I long waited for.

"Can you believe it?" Seika's voice broke me from my concentration. She sounded happy but also saddened. I couldn't blame her. She was actually showered by Mother's affection. She received love even if it wasn't 100% real.

I shook my head, "I really can not." I replied honestly. "But I'll trust Father."

"Everything is changing so fast." She couldn't help but sigh.

* * *

We were standing in our hotel room. It had two queen size beds that were bleach white. It had a single TV and a small bathroom. The color theme was a weird green like babies puke. What an odd color to choose when you're trying to make a guest comfortable. No one really likes the color of vomit.

Seika was currently getting some things out of her box's. Mostly just clothes to change into and her make-up. Father had to bring all the boxes up due to nowhere to put them. So the room was rather cramped. I saw my collection of small boxes in the corner. I never really did have a lot of things.

I wasn't allowed too.

Mother said I had to be someone with simple taste. Men loved girls who were simple and neat. I was already thankful for whatever I received. It would have been nice to call more things my own. I wondered over to the boxes and opened one of the wider looking ones. Peering inside, it was the kimono Oten had bought me during the festival time. It was still beautiful. I'm surprised it was still in good condition and Mother didn't ruin it with her anger. I gently returned it to the box, not wanting to ruin the fabric.

My curiosity grew. It has been some time since I've been home to go through my items. I slid another box my way and opened it to see the long red scarf Tamaki had given me what seemed like forever ago. I took it out with care, not wanting to ruin something my former angel had given me. It was still as soft as I remembered it. Why did I stop wearing this? Maybe, I was too afraid to ruin it. Rapping it around my small neck, it felt good to wear it. It felt like I was being surrounded by his arms.

I knew nothing would happen between us, but I still wanted him to be a positive memory.

He was my first friend. The person who reached out to me and made me realize the world wasn't so gray. His glowing smile and the way he made me feel was something I never wanted to forget. Oh, how I would have loved to be with him. Only if I was alive. I felt like that if I was still breathing and with a pulse, I would have the courage to try and still take him from Haruhi. I didn't have a right now. I wasn't allowed to have him. I decided to shake the thoughts from my mind. I had more important things to worry about.

Looking through more of my things. I found my notebooks, pencils, some clothes Mother had bought. It was simple things. Nothing that I had really put my heart into. This was enough looking for one day. I returned the boxes to the corner. I noticed Seika was doing the same, satisfied her things were intact. We heard the door open and saw Father slip in.

"Okay, the bill has been settled. We'll be here for about a week." He sighed, sitting down on the overly large bed, "I already have a few apartments in mind." He looked so tired... Suddenly, he perked up. "I just remembered something," He spoke. "A kid came by asking about you." His gaze landed on me.

Who was asking about me? Could it possibly be Tomo?

"He was really tall. He was asking if you were alright." He placed his callused finger to his chapped lips, "What was his name..?" He snapped his finger, proud of himself for remembering.

"His name was Takashi!"

Takashi? Why? I shot up from the carpet. "I need to go for a little while."

"We just got here." Seika pouted, obviously not wanting me to leave her.

I needed to know why Takashi followed me. I also needed to clear up this situation. I didn't want him thinking I was just some runaway who didn't want to listen to my parents.

Wait.

Why do I care if he sees me differently? Maybe... I know! With him being part of the Host club, he might also be able to help me clear up some of the rumors which would without a doubt, be floating around tomorrow at school. Satisfied with my excuse, I nodded to myself.

"I'll be gone only for a bit. I'll be back soon." I reassured her. Seika wasn't happy with me, so she decided to ignore my presence. I could only chuckle. To see her getting this way towards me was kind of cute. It was nice I was able to see this side of her.

Father smiled weakly, "Be safe."

"Of course," I waved them good-bye.

* * *

I was walking down the street near my home, looking around for any sign of the tall Host member. He was pretty easy to spot. With Takashi being tall like a tower. His dark hair had a shine to it and his often cold eyes scanning his surroundings. Even though he was often the unmoving statue in the club, he was so sweet to me. I didn't see him as a quite uncaring man, but someone who put effort into making me smile. Maybe, I was over thinking his actions.

I would like to continue thinking this way.

No one insight matched him. I was beginning to lose hope. Why am I getting dishearted? Shaking my head, I tried to clear my thoughts. You'll see him tomorrow at school. You can talk with him then. Even though, there will be rumors. I'm used to blocking other's out. It'll be a normal day. Wait... It won't be normal.

His imagine popped into my mind.

Tomo.

I've gotten so used to being with him that tomorrow wasn't going to be the same. Walking with him to school, seeing his half crooked smile. To watch him wake up in the mornings with messy hair and listen to him curse under his breath as he tried to wake up. To hear his mumbled groans as I always refused to eat his cooking and hear his laughs whenever I couldn't do something on my own. His eyes... The way they would look at me with concern. It doesn't matter anymore.

I'm going to lose all of this.

I can't return to our old ways. Seika needs me and now Father too. I can't leave them again. Tomo also want's nothing to do with me. The way he looked at me when I chose to go with Mother. I couldn't stand up for myself then. Not in front of him. Would he even want to see me anymore? What am I to do? I don't want things to end this way...

I don't want to _lose him._

"Hara?" I know that deep voice anywhere. Turning around I saw Takashi looking down at me with worry. Where did he come from? Who cares. I was looking for him!

"I've been looking for you!" I couldn't keep my tone in check. Other's around us glanced with curiosity before going on their way. I gulped, realizing how loud I was.

His cheeks flushed a light pink at my declaration.

"What happened before..." I chose my words carefully, "It's not what you think." My fingers were fumbling with one another and I couldn't look him in the eyes. My feet were shifting, refusing to stay still. Stop being so shaky! It's just Takashi. He wouldn't think different of me.

He placed his large hand on my tiny shoulders, "It's okay." Was all he said. It was enough to make me stop shaking and calm down.

I smiled up at him, it was small but it was there. "Thank you..." He didn't press for details. He didn't wonder why my mother was making a scene. He didn't press for answers on what was going to happen. He was just happy I was alright. He didn't need to know all the answers to the situation and I was thankful for it. His quiet and non-pushy nature was something I liked about him.

"Would you..." He could no longer look at me. His cheeks were still pink and he too was starting to have a hard time staying still. It was by tiny movements like shifting his gaze and fixing his sleeve with his thumbs. "Want to go somewhere?" He finally managed to say. Even though so many things happened today and I should return to the Hotel. I wanted nothing more than to forget everything.

Only for a little bit.

My mood changed to positivity. It was about time I had some fun and enjoyed myself. I'll return to Seika and Father soon enough.

With my hands behind my back and a wide smile spreading on my face I said, "I would love to."


	34. Chapter 34

I had no idea where we were going. I have been following his footsteps for the past half-hour. Everyone around us was beaming with happiness. I'm not going to lie, it was rubbing off on me too. Despite, everything that has happened today, I was feeling much better. Was it because I was around Takashi? He always had a certain way of making me feel different. We never said much to each other, but I think that's what I like most about him. To be able to just relax and enjoy each other's company. Another thing that I liked about him, was that no matter what came out of my mouth, he always paid attention.

He always listened.

I caught myself looking at him. His smooth black hair lightly moving from the breeze. His cool dark eyes paying attention to the scenery in front of him. Today's weather was calming. It wasn't snowing and the sky was clear. The sun shined down on us and I welcomed it on my pale skin. Glancing down at my hands, I never realize how white I was. You could compare me to the snow and I swore I could lose myself in it. If it wasn't for my dark hair, no one could spot me. Next thing I knew, I was playing with my black strands.

"Are you alright?" He spoke.

His deep voice pulled me from my thoughts. "Of course. I am wondering though where we are going?" We were starting to walk away from all the people and getting to the side of town where there's more nature, then shops. I wasn't against it. I much rather be with him then with a crowd. I never really was the type of person to love large groups.

His eyes avoided me, "Patience." That's all he said as we continue to walk. I wanted to press for more answers but I decided against it. Once his eyes were on me again, I noticed they were paying attention to my red scarf.

I squeezed the end of it in my palm, "it's a gift." The image of Tamaki invaded my mind. Now is not the time to think of him, not when I'm with Takashi. The only thing I wanted my mind to pay attention to was the statue-like-man next to me.

Today, it was just me and him.

His big hands grab the red cloth around my neck and gently raised it to my eyes. "Cover your eyes," He said smoothly. I did what I was told, curious about why he wanted me to do this. I couldn't see anything as I felt his rough fingers wrap around my small wrist. He led me at a faster pace. I struggled to keep up with his long strides. I can no longer hear the people around us as the only sound that filled my ears was the snow crunching beneath our feet. The anticipation was deafening. The curiosity in me made it hard as I just wanted to rip scarf away from my eyes.

"We're here."

I lowered the scarf to where it was only covering my mouth, the sight before me was breathtaking. it was a small abandoned playground. However, all around us was the glittering icicles from winter, snow sparkled against the old toys, and in the center of it all was a tall skinny tree. It still had its leaves as the winter season didn't faze it. On the left side was a swing set, It could only seat two and the chains were rusted over. Next to it, was a slide. Despite not being used, it's bright red colors shown through the snow. The only other toy that was present was an old merry go round. I would be surprised if you could get it to turn.

This place was small but something about it was special.

"I go here when I like to clear my head," Takashi broke the silence. We ended up going to the tree in the center of the park, his hands into his pocket. "I know..." He struggled to find the words. He wasn't used to talking as much. Despite that, he was determined to talk to me. "You are going through a lot."

He didn't know the half of it.

"I may not be able to help you." I could hear the slight pain in his tone, "but this place could." He was referring to the small playground. It was away from everyone and I could see what he saying. It wasn't much. You could tell no one's been here in a long time minus himself. This could be a place I could go to if I wanted to get away from the world.

This was a part of his world.

He was willing to let me in. He was giving me a part of something that he had never given anyone else. This was a place he could escape to and now, it was our place. A small little speck in the world that we could call ours.

His hand shuffled in his pocket for a minute until he revealed a small red ornament. He held it out to me and I could see my reflection through the red glass. He motioned for me to take it. Taking It gently, I didn't know what he wanted me to do.

His eyes went to the tree, "It'll show you were here."

I bit my lower lip, trying to hold back tears. I was really happy. Even though this was such a small gesture. It was a huge impact on my heart. This small red ornament was a trace of me. Takashi wanted to make sure that something resembled me in his little world. I couldn't move as I was filled with so much emotion. Who knew I could feel this way.

To feel so much happiness.

He grabbed my hand slowly and helped me place the ornament on the tree. I stared at it for who knows how long. Compared to the big tree, this was a small red speck. Even though it was something so tiny. It meant something big. He didn't let go of my hand as I couldn't pull my eyes away from the gift he had given me.

"Thank you." My small voice broke through, "I don't know what to say."

"Nothing," He breathed, "You don't have to say anything." He was satisfied to see me smile. Doing all of this for me made him happy. Takashi did something for no one has ever done and I will never forget this gift.

No matter where I go once I disappear, I'll take this memory with me.

* * *

It was getting late as the sun was setting. The snow was picking up once more and the both of us was heading to the hotel. Takashi was kind enough to make sure I made it back safely. Even though I saw him more as a statue-like-man, he was transforming into a knight. He watched over me more than I knew. We were walking side by side. He was much closer to me than I would like to admit. Our arms were almost touching. His gaze was shifting around as he was watching everyone thing closely. Perhaps, he was looking for some kind of danger that could happen at any moment.

As we were walking down the street, I recognized where we were. I frowned as I couldn't help but look down the road that leads to Tomo's home. I wondered how he was doing.

He's probably still mad at me.

I told him I would stand up to Mother, but I coward once again and left with her. I didn't stand up for myself. I let him down as all I could do was leaving. He was by my side to give me courage but I let him down. I left him alone. That was something I never imagined I would have done. I wanted to make up with him. However, I was scared. He was so angry.

The face he had when he punched his door was embedded in my memory. He looked so betrayed. The pain in his eyes dug deep into me. What was I to say to him? What could I do to fix what I had broken? Tomo's presence in my life was precious. I didn't want him to go. What I had done was something that couldn't be easily mended. Surely, he hates me.

I can't blame him.

Takashi saw my body tense as my mind was racing. In response, he reached out for my hand and I gladly laced my fingers with his. I needed some kind of comfort. He was more than willing to give it to me. We passed Tomo's street without a word. Even though my head was screaming at me to go to his home and beg for forgiveness. I ignored it.

We were close to the hotel and what broke our comfortable silence was his phone going off. He slipped his hand out of mine to answer it. "Excuse me," He said. I couldn't hear who was on the other end as he listened closely. His brows furrowed as he didn't like what he was hearing. I could only stand there. Once he finished his call, he let out a small sigh. I wasn't used to seeing him so troubled.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

His eyes wondered to behind us, "Hikaru called."

Hearing his name made me scowl.

I collected myself quickly, "What did he want?" Takashi pondered if he should answer me. I could tell it was something personal but I wanted to know anyway. I didn't like seeing him so conflicted. His thumbs fumbled with his sleeves as he sighed once more. I've never seen him so unsettled before. I wasn't a fan of it. I pressed him again, "Is it bad?"

"He wants me to go help him," He said his words carefully, not trying to give away to much information.

What could be if it made him so nervous? My curiosity was growing rapidly. If it had something to do with Hikaru, I knew it couldn't be good. He was someone who I knew I couldn't trust. Without realizing it, my hand grabbed his sleeve.

I didn't want him to go.

I went to say something. Anything that would make him not leave but nothing would come out. The words were stuck in my throat as I failed to give him any reason. He read my expression like a book, knowing that I wanted him to stay. Moments like these I was thankful we had a connection. We didn't need words to tell each other how we felt. However, he could only return a frown as he pulled away from me.

I didn't like that.

"I'm sorry." He managed to finally say, "I promised I would help him."

Knowing that Takashi had promised something to that devil twin didn't make me feel any better. I couldn't trust him after what he had done to my sister. I didn't want anything else to happen to the people I care about. I had to know what he wanted from Takashi. I knew he wasn't going to tell me. However, I had another idea. I was going to find out, one way or another.

"I understand," I gave him my special fake smile. This time, he couldn't tell the difference. "I can walk back from here. I wouldn't want you to get in trouble." My words didn't ease his mind as I could tell he felt bad for having to leave me. I would have been upset if it wasn't for my plan.

"Would you..." His words escaped him, but I knew what he wanted to say.

I playfully tugged his sleeve, "I would love to go out again."

He seemed satisfied with my answer as he nodded. If you looked closely enough you could see a small smile. Even though it took a minute, we eventually said our goodbyes as we parted ways. What he didn't know was that as soon as he was far enough, I turned around. I knew something was up and I had to find out what it was. He was returning to the street Tomo lived on and I grew even more curious.

It was late, cold and the streets were silent. What would Hikaru want at this hour? My mind wanted to think of the worse possible things but I kept those thoughts at bay. I didn't want to worry myself even more. You could hear my small feet crunch the snow but I was far enough to where he couldn't hear me. The weather was calming down again as I swept some of the snow out of my hair. I kept my eyes locked onto his broad back as we went around another corner. Where was he going?

Before long, he disappeared behind a tall wooden fence. Seeing the familiar sight made me freeze. Bright lights illuminated from the fence and I knew perfectly well what Hikaru wanted from him now. I clench my fist tightly, not happy on what was happening.

I had to do something.


	35. Chapter 35

"Are you all ready to see the fight we've all been waiting for!?" A man yelled at the large crowd.

Hearing the familiar voice made me grind my teeth. This was a place I never wanted to return too. I don't have a choice though if I want to see what Takashi is up too. Why did he have this agreement with Hikaru? What could he have done to make Takashi come to something as dangerous as this? One part of me said to return to the hotel and forget this event. The other, screamed for to go in there and drag the tall man out.

I have to stop this once and for all.

I peeked through the wooden fence and saw the crowd was even larger than the last time I was here. It made me want to turn around and run but I had to do this. I wanted to know what Takashi was up too. I snuck up the entrance and squeezed past the group who blocked it. Once I was able to get away from most the people. I tried looking for Takashi. With him being so tall, I thought he would stick out like a sore thumb but he was nowhere to be seen. Where could he have gone? What did stick out to me was a head of hair.

It was white as snow.

My body froze as I wanted to deny what I saw. It couldn't have been him. That wasn't him I just saw. Before, I could get a better look the white-haired person disappeared into the crowd of people. I cursed myself for not getting a closer look. My curiosity was poking at me again to go investigate. However, I was here to find Takashi. My mind continued to spin as I couldn't get the image of white out of my head. I couldn't get the image of Tomo to go away. That couldn't have been him.

We made a promise.

He said he wouldn't fight anymore. He _promised me_ that he would stop. He couldn't have lied. He would _never lie to me_. I pulled at my hair like I always do when I couldn't make up my mind. The stress was coming and it made me uncomfortable. I needed to find Takashi and get out of here. I went the opposite way, hoping to never see the white hair again.

I had to push through more people as a circle was forming. The fight was going to happen soon and I didn't want to be here to see it. The man in the center continued to pump up the crowd but gave no detail on who was going to fight. I didn't see the foot in front of me and tripped. I tripped, landing on my palms, thankfully. My eyes shot up to see who had done it but the culprit was already gone. I scrapped myself up, wiping the dirt away. That's when I saw him.

Bright orange hair and piercing golden eyes.

Anger boiling inside me from just looking at him. I had to collect myself or I was going to run at him. Hikaru was talking to some guy, a big smile plastered on his face. He was enjoying his time here, whatever he was up too. I bit my bottom lip, feeling it break. No blood seeped through as I walked towards him. I made sure I was blending into the crowd, I didn't want him seeing me. Maybe, I could get some information from him.

Why did he come here? What promise did he and Takashi make? He was a rich kid who went to a good school. He had amazing friends and I imagine his home life is good as well. What reason could he have to come to this fighting ring? What was the point in dragging Takashi into this as well? There were so many questions I wanted answers too but nothing would come to mind. All of this made me want to press harder. I wanted to know more even if it involved Hikaru.

I was close enough to hear them, despite the raging students and teens around me. I was hidden behind a trashcan that wasn't even three feet away from them. Luckily, it was dark and the only light around was the fire from the torches. I could hear his voice and it made my ears cringe. I didn't know who he was talking too but I could care less about that. I pressed myself as close to the trashcan as I could. I wanted to hear every detail.

"You sure your guy is going to win?" The other man asked.

Hikaru smirked, "Of course he is. I wouldn't bring him here if he couldn't."

I knew they were talking about Takashi. It didn't settle well with me and I wanted to jump out and tackle the twin. I knew better though, keeping myself hidden. I wasn't going to let my anger ruin my chance.

"What if last time happens?" The young man asked with concern, "I bet quite a bit on your friend."

I had a strong feeling they were talking about me.

"Do you mean her? Don't worry about it. I have people keeping a close eye out for her." The way his smile looked just then made me want to crawl out of my own skin.

I better be careful. This could be serious. With that said, I looked around but no one looked out of place. I was surrounded by teens who were itching for violence. Besides that, you could see others under the Influence. This place was a breeding ground for trouble.

The other kids scratched his chin, " I'll believe you for now. You better make sure I make some money tonight."

"Of course!"

I would have continued to listen in on the conversation, but I saw my main target not too far away from me. His dark raven hair stood out despite the darkness around us. If it wasn't for the torches, I would have surely missed him. His statue like demeanor made him stick out like a sore thumb. It was Takashi, I needed to talk to him. I had to make sure I could get him out of this place before the fight started.

I had a strong feeling it involved him.

I silently left my position and squeezed through the crowd once again. I kept my eyes locked on him, afraid that if I even blinked he would disappear. I'm almost there. Just a little more and we can get out of here. I didn't want to stay here longer than I had to, especially if people were looking out for me. Takashi was talking to a group of girls and for some reason, this made me unsettled.

This wasn't the time and place to be thinking about certain thoughts.

I was merely inches away from grabbing his hand. I could almost feel his big rough palms against mine. I just had to grab them and I could take us away from this hell. It wasn't meant to be though. I felt someone grab the back of my clothes, yanking me away.

No! I was so close.

"Look who we have here."

"Funny seeing you, thinking you were going to break up the fight again?"

I looked over my shoulders to see my captors. They were two tall boys, at least a foot taller than me. They both look like high school dropouts. They smelled of mildew and old cigarettes. It made my nose crinkle. I wiggled to escape his grasp but his hands were tight against my clothing.

I growled, "Let me go!"

They ignored my protesting, dragging me away from the crowd of people. No matter how much I struggled against their strength, I just wasn't strong enough. Why couldn't it be one of those situations to were since I was dead I would have some kind of inhuman strength? Nothing ever went the way I wanted it. Once we were safely away from the crowd, they threw me in the dirt.

"Now, what can we do with you?"

One of the guys steps forward, placing his hand on his front shoulder. "Didn't Hikaru just say to make sure she was kicked out?"

His friend shook his hand away, "What would be the fun in that? I say we have a little bit of entertainment of Our Own."

Fear was growing inside me. I couldn't control my shaking hands as I try to find anything to keep them still. Here it was again. I was showing my weak side. Why did I have to be this way? This is the exact reason why everything goes bad for me. If I could just stick up for myself like I should, none of this would be happening!

I didn't even get to call for help as one of the boys threw himself on top of me. I was defenseless. I was too weak to fight against him. I could smell the scent of alcohol on his breath. It made my face scrunch up. He was under the influence of something else as well. I could see it in his eyes. This made me even more afraid. He wouldn't listen to reason.

"You have really pretty eyes, such a shame I'm about to ruin them." I was confused until I saw him pull out a pocket knife from his coat. Why was he doing this? I glanced at his friend, silently hoping he would help me. This was insane. They were going to hurt me! My prayers were unanswered as his friend looks just as amused. He too was enjoying the pain they were going to inflict upon me.

I went to Scream but he put his hand over my mouth. This was exactly what I wanted. I open as wide as I could and crunched his fingers between my teeth. He shot back and pain, yelling and cursing. I took this as my chance to push him away. Scraping myself to my feet, I ran as fast as I could.

Perhaps, I wasn't that weak.

As I was getting away from my tormentors, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. I was met with a back as hard as bricks. I landed on my butt, I shook my head. Trying to get myself situated. Looking up, my heart skipped a beat. It was none other than the white hair I was trying to avoid.

It was Tomo.

He wasn't happy.

His cold eyes met mine. It was like the first time I met him at the festival. He didn't want to see me. Quite frankly, I didn't want to see him either. This wasn't the time nor the place for me to ask for his forgiveness. I scrambled to stand up. He only continues to stare at me. It made me nervous. I didn't like the way he was treating me. This wasn't the Tomo I was used to. Taking in his features, I noticed he looked rough. His face had a bruise on his left cheek. It was fresh and purple. What did he do? I wanted to reach out and caress it, to give him some kind of comfort. I knew better though.

What I was most concerned about, was the question. Why was he here? Then he promised me that he wouldn't do this anymore. I know that I made him unhappy with what I did with mother. I thought that we had a better connection. I would never have thought that he would have broken our promise. I wanted to yell at him, I wanted to scream, I wanted to yank the beautiful white hair out of his head. I wanted to demand answers on why he was here, but this wasn't the time. I needed to find Takashi and leave.

"You look pathetic." His icy tone cuts through me.

I shook it off like it didn't affect me, "I don't have time for this"

"Then you better run home, little girl."

My mind tried to block out his attitude. The last thing I wanted was to hear him beat me down. I tried to walk past him but he blocked my way. I bit my bottom lip, trying my best not to fight back. That's what he wanted. I knew him. He was trying to get a reaction from me. This was the old Tomo that I despise.

"Get out of my way," I demanded with as much courage as I can muster.

It was hard sticking up to him.

It always was.

"Look who's barking now." His eyes drifted away from me as he saw the two boys running in our direction. I gasped, instinctively getting behind Tomo. I cursed myself silently. I wasted too much time being here. If they catch me now, I may not get away again!

He senses the fear in me and even though he was still giving me a cold glare, he didn't move. He remained still like a shield. They were getting closer but they haven't spotted me yet. This is my chance to get away. I didn't like the idea of leaving Tomo alone. It's not like he wanted me to stay.

"Go." He spoke flatly.

I didn't question him as I took off. I could hear a smack as one of the boys cried out. I dared not look back. Afraid that if I did, I would regret it. I never wanted to see Tomo fighting ever again. Something inside me still wanted to believe that even though he was here, he would never fight another human being again. That there was a small hope.

That he kept our promise.


	36. Chapter 36

The upcoming fight was approaching fast. The crowd was growing restless, the drunken/high teens were growing less patient by the minute. This means I was running out of time. This, in turn, made me even more nervous. I was surrounded by people who were not in their right minds and I had two weird guys chasing me. Tomo was here and the last thing he wanted was to see me. Which, I returned the same feelings. This wasn't the place to be asking for forgiveness.

I was tugging on my hair, beginning to lose hope on ever finding Takaski. After I had been yanked away from him, Takaski was nowhere to be found. I even returned to his previous spot but he was gone. Why am I trying so hard to find him? My thoughts from the pits of my mind arouse. You're putting yourself in danger for a guy who probably doesn't even care for you? Even if you find him, will he leave by your side? What has he ever done for you?

Then I realized.

He's done a lot.

I lowered my head, staring at my old and dirty slip-on shoes. What person would I be if I abandoned him- I knew. I would be like every other poor excuse that went to Ouran High. I would be like every kid that was around me. I didn't want to be like them. I _refused_ to be like everyone else. Strengthing my resolve, I clinched my first. Looking around with determination, I knew I had to get him out of here. I needed to save him like he had done to me so many times.

Pushing past people, I found myself in front of the circle that was forming. The fight was going to start any minute. Seeing this familiar sight made my body flinch. I didn't want to have to run out in the middle like last time. Even though I didn't feel pain, I didn't want to get punched again. Gazing around, I saw him, my statue-like-man. He was talking with Hikaru and the sight made me bite my tongue.

I need to keep calm.

I was putting the pieces together in my head, like a simple puzzle but I was missing a piece. How was I going to get over there without Hikaru seeing me? I couldn't run across because of the circular clearing. The man in the middle who was shouting nonsense would surely call me out. Going through was out of the question. What about going around? There were too many students huddled together. It would take forever to push through and Takashi would surely be gone by the time I got there. What can I do?

Then I saw my missing puzzle piece.

Tomo.

He wasn't too far from here and he was talking with some random guy. He had one hand in his varsity jacket and the other was holding a half-smoked cigarette. When did Tomo start smoking? The entire time I've been with him, I've never seen him smoking. I tried to let it not bother me. Tomo was always good at standing out and it wasn't because he had striking white hair. If he could cause a distraction, or at least, get Hikaru's attention. I can get us out of here. The question, would he help me? He was in no mood to see me. He wanted nothing to do with me. I knew from his earlier stare.

I was out of options. Time was running out and if I don't act soon, I'm going to see another bloody brawl. This time, I doubt I can break it up. Something about this wasn't right. Suddenly, I remembered the knife. The knife that was stabbed into my back the night I broke Tomo and Takashi's fight. What if that was the reason? The reason this uneasy feeling refused to fade. What if that person was here and waiting? Waiting, to finish what they didn't last time.

My eyes wondered, now looking for anyone suspicious. Nothing stuck out. Everyone looked the same; Drunk and drugged up. There's no telling what the person would even look like. I didn't get to see last time. Hell, I didn't even feel the knife go into my back thanks to my condition. Even though I was paranoid, I had to let the thought of some knife-wielding maniac leave my mind. I needed to focus on one step at a time.

First, I needed Tomo's attention.

How am I going to achieve that? He was a couple feet away and busy talking. He was finishing his cigarette and the closer he got to the filter, the more he looked annoyed. Whoever he was talking to, he wasn't interested. I needed to act fast. What could I do to get him to look my way? Scanning the area around me, I saw what could possibly work. It was a crazy idea and if it was up to me, I wouldn't do it on normal terms. But, I was desperate. I approached one of the torches that helped form the circle. Looking into the flame, I knew this was nuts.

Everyone was to busy shouting for the fight to start that they were not paying any attention to me. Grabbing the long stick that helps keep the torch up, I shook it out of the ground. Here we go! I tossed it into a group of people before I talked myself out of it. Luckily, everyone got out of the way and nobody was hurt. There was shouting and curse words loud enough to cause everyone around to look over. This was enough for Tomo to look this way and I jumped at the chance.

I cuffed my hands around my lips, hoping it would help my voice travel across the crowd. "Tomo!"

My voice was heard.

His hard but curious eyes landed on me. This time they weren't as cold. See him not so angry made me smile, but only a little bit. He must have read how desperate I was because he blew his buddy off and stomped his cigarette out. Maybe, this was the start of him forgiving me. If he was truly mad, if he was reverting back to his old self, he would have ignored me entirely. Right when I felt some sort of hope.

It was crushed.

It was blown away by the announcer's voice, "The fight is beginning!" Everyone erupted into cheers. Ignoring the stunt I just pulled. No one bothered to pick up the torch, letting it burn on the ground. I too was not paying attention.

Walking to the center was Hikaru. He wore a proud smug smile as he took his time. Once, he was standing next to the teen, he cleared his throat, "I want to apologize for last time. Someone here wasn't to keen on our little fights we pull here." I knew he was talking about me. "But it won't happen again. In fact, the problem will be taken care of. So we are free to enjoy the fight!" He shouted the last words.

I'm too late.

My attention went to the side Takashi was on. He was taking off his winter coat, stretching his arms. He was popping his knuckles and getting loose for the fight. His expression was blank as usual. You could see he wasn't threatened and had confidence. He went to the center calmly, standing there, ready to throw some fist. My eyes then went to Tomo, who was no longer walking my way. He threw his coat to the side; He was only wearing a white tank top underneath. He ruffled his hair, trying to clear whatever was on his mind. Once he was in the center, he sent a glare my way. He was sending a message.

He was telling me not to intervene.

I was frozen in place. Not knowing what to do at this point, I could only watch as the two fighters got in position. Takashi shuffled his feet, making sure he was ready. Tomo twirled his neck, ready to get this over with. The announcer raised his hand, sending the crowd into a frenzy. Out of everyone here, I was the only one who looked frightened. The atmosphere was tense. The crowd was waiting for the signal. I covered my ears, not wanting to hear any more. I didn't want to see the fight. I wanted to crawl into a corner and pretend none of this was happening. However, I couldn't abandon them.

What was I suppose to do?

"Get ready!"

My eyes closed shut.

"Here we go!"

My body was shaking.

"Fight!"

Despite my hands covering my ears. I heard the loud smack of fist against bone. I refused to watch. I didn't want to see them getting hurt. The sounds didn't cease as the crowd continued to cheer. I was afraid. I was afraid that if I opened eyes the scene in front of me would be forever scarred into my mind. I heard a grunt echo out from Tomo. That's all it took for me to snap. I opened my eyes and saw blood coming from both the boys. Tomo was breathing heavily and Takashi was wiping the blood away from his mouth.

They both were not backing down. The tense aurora around us was suffocating. I tried to step forward but my arms were held behind my back. I tried to struggle free but I couldn't. Looking over my shoulder, I saw it was the two boys who were after me. How did they find me so soon? I can't get to Tomo and Takashi like this!

I was helpless, and there was nothing I could do about it. I could only watch as they continued to throw fists at one another. Takashi gave a left hook right at Tomo. This sent him to the ground and he coughed violently. He didn't give up though. He got right back up and kicked Takashi, he thankfully dodged it. Tomo didn't stop though and use the opportunity to punch Takashi's cheek. The sound shook me to my core.

I cried out.

I was begging for them to stop. However, my voice was lost in the crowd. No matter how loud I tried, no matter how much I screamed, no matter how much I begged for this to stop. No one listened to my pleas. I could only stand there, limp in my captor's arms. This was pure torture and I would give anything for it to stop.

I wish I could take back those words.

The first thing I noticed was the smell. It was something you couldn't ignore, it was the smell a fire. It burned my nostrils and I looked around desperately trying to find the cause. I saw it. It was from the torch that I had thrown. The flames had spread, catching some of the tables around the area on fire. Teenagers began screaming as the flames continue to grow. My captors held firm though.

The crowd began to disperse. Some of the students and teenagers were fleeing from the area. Some of them didn't see the fire and continued to watch the fight. I tried to scream for Tomo and Takashi to stop.

"Please, you need to stop this!" I screamed.

Finally, the two boys who were holding me back notice the flames. They both let me go, not caring about their objective. "Dude, we have to get out of here!"

"I'm out of here!"

They both fled from the fighting ring. I was finally free and I used the opportunity to try and squeeze past the panicking crowd. Teenagers were running left and right and eventually, everyone else saw the cause. The fire was spreading quickly, destroying everything in its path. I couldn't feel the heat from the flames. For once, I was thankful I couldn't feel anything. I lost sight of Tomo and Takashi. Where did they go?

Someone shoved past me roughly, making me fall to my knees. I could see past the legs of everyone around me. There's Tomo! He was trying to tend to his ankle. Did he twist it!? He wore a worried but also stern expression. He was trying his best to keep his composure. If he let the situation get to him, he wouldn't be able to think.

"Tomo!" I tried again to call for him.

He couldn't hear me over everyone screams. I heard an explosion. Looking over to where the sound came from, one of the vehicles that were parked in the area exploded. Parts flew everywhere, some ended up hitting people. I couldn't control my body as I was shaking violently. I tried to get back to my feet but every time I ended up falling. My legs were like jelly. Even though I couldn't feel the heat and I knew I couldn't get hurt from the flames.

I was still scared.

I felt big hands wrapped around my shoulders. I shot my gaze up, seeing Takashi looking down at me. He hooked his hands under my arms, helping me up from the ground. He was sweaty, bleeding and bruised but yet he still had energy. We both were a mess.

"Are you alright?" He asked with concern.

Even with everything going on around us, his attention was on me. His eyes looked over me carefully, trying to find anything abnormal. When he saw that I was all right, he finally let out a sigh of relief.

Then his eyes harden, "We have to get out of here."

He grabbed my hand firmly, trying to drag me away. I had to yank myself free, "Not without Tomo!" My eyes scanning the area, trying to find him. I could see his white hair through the flames. He tried to get up even though his ankle was twisted. Each time, he ended up falling back down.

"It's too dangerous!" Again, he reached for my hand.

I stepped back, shaking my head. "If I leave him, I'll never forgive myself. I have to save him! I'm sorry!"

With that said I ran into the flames. I had to push people out of my way just so I could get close enough to see him. He was surrounded by fire and he was sweating profusely. His strong demeanor was gone and all I could see was that he was scared. The flames licked at his clothes. The end of his pants caught flame and he had to pat it out; ignoring that his hands were burned.

Before I could get to him, there was another explosion. I didn't care to see where it came from and when I took a step forward a part of the car landed in front of me. I was shocked back and landed on the ground. I couldn't move my legs as my body refuse to listen to me. Come on, I have to get it together! This isn't the time to be scared! If I don't save him, he could die!

Scraping myself off the dirt, I knew what I had to do. To get to Tomo I had to go through the flames. I was worried that even though I couldn't get hurt, would I be able to recover from this? I couldn't give it more thought as the fire got closer to Tomo. I got rid of all reason and rushed in. I couldn't feel the heat from the fire but my clothes caught flame. I tried to shake it away but to no avail. Deciding that there was nothing I could do, I ignored everything else.

I didn't care as my clothes were falling off from the fire. I could see my skin melt off my body and it became harder to move. I pushed forward, the only thing that mattered to me was saving him. Once I finally pushed past the flames, I fell to my knees in front of him. He could only stare at me with pure horror. He couldn't stop coughing and his eyes were glazed over. He was losing it.

"Come on!" I yelled. At first, he was hesitant. I couldn't tell if it from the sight of me or he wasn't ready for my help. "We don't have time for this!"

I had to take my top off so the heat wouldn't hurt him. Despite his reluctance, I put his arm around my shoulder, ignoring my burnt flesh. I made him get off the ground with strength I didn't know I had. I looked around, trying to find an opening that we could slip through. The fire around us was like a cage. We seemed to be surrounded and I felt like this was hell on earth. However, I manage to find an opening and we went towards it quickly. He was heavier than I thought but that was the furthest thing from my mind. There was barely anybody left and the only company was the fire. I could hear the sirens from fire trucks as we got close to the entrance. I could see Takashi rushing towards us.

He took Tomo away from me, easily being able to carry his weight. "Hara, you're hurt!" He then was speechless at the sight of me. He didn't know what to say. I finally looked at my hands and legs.

Black.

I was nothing but burnt skin and muscle.

I was beyond hurt. Even though I couldn't feel it, my body was weighed down. Whatever flesh I still had on me was burnt and whatever clothing I had was gone. I look like a monster. I certainly felt like one. I didn't care, I saved Tomo. That's all I wanted. I didn't care what I looked like.

Then I realized something.

No one in my condition would be able to still function. If the firefighters saw me, it would be a huge problem. I needed to get away. I needed to get away fast.

"Takashi, listen to me. I can't stay here. Not with the way I am. Please, take care of Tomo."

He tried to grab me with his free hand but I avoided him, "You can't leave, you're seriously hurt!"

Tomo was unconscious. The fire was too much and the smoke had knocked him out. I knew he would be safe with Takashi. There was nothing I could do anymore. I did what I had to do and now I needed to flee. The last thing I needed was to be questioned by authorities on why I was still alive. I was a walking corpse and I looked like one right now. The only way out was to go back into the flames. We were surrounded by firetrucks and police cars.

"I'll be fine, trust me." Those were my final words as I rushed back into the flames.


	37. Chapter 37

How long have I been walking? It had gotten to the point that my legs were moving on my own, I couldn't feel them. My heavy eyes gazed around, the streets were dark but my mind was darker. My entire body felt heavy and all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and sleep forever. I don't remember the last time I felt tired. I've long gone forgotten the feeling and I didn't miss it.

At least I wasn't in pain.

After walking for some time, I propped myself against one of the buildings. My breath was rugged and dry. My legs were shaking and I couldn't focus on anything. My vision was blurred. No one was around me due to it being so late at night but I knew better.

I needed to hide.

I wasn't too far from an alleyway and I knew it wasn't the safest place but I needed to rest. I felt like I was going to pass out at any second. I slid down next to a trash can, letting my head rest against the metal. I looked at my hands through the darkness, they were not healing. Did I push myself too far? Will I not return to normal? The thought frightened me.

I felt the night breeze touch my burnt flesh. I didn't feel the cold but it left me feeling bare. I gazed around, noticing a tattered old cloth. Reaching for it, I wrapped it around my small frame. It offered little coverage but it was better than nothing. I must look awful. If anyone was to see me, they would surely run in terror.

I tried to not think of anything. The only thoughts in my head were leaving me feeling worse. I felt my eyes grow even heavier. I was silently praying that when I woke up in the morning, I would return to normal. That all of this was a dream. I wanted nothing more than to wake up on Tomo's tattered couch. To see his fat cat glaring at me. I wanted to see Takashi's smile again. More than anything, I wish that I could go back to the time where Mother loved me. Perhaps, this was all a terrible dream and I was five years old, sleeping in my comfortable bed.

I heard the sound of a heavy metal door opening. Don't tell me this alleyway is being used? A bright light shines next to me and I tried to disappear into the darkness. I hugged my body as close to the wall as I could. I was too weak to move.

Please, don't see me.

"I'll see you tomorrow!" A cheery deep voice said.

Oh god, let this all be a nightmare. My eyes continued to grow heavy and I tried my best to keep them open. If I was caught unconscious, it would be the end for me. I peeked from the side of the trash can, seeing a tall figure heading this way. They were holding onto a large trash bag. I held my breath, hiding to the best of my ability. I heard them opening the lid and throwing the bag in. With a loud thunk, I heard the figure walking away.

My mind was so hazy I couldn't tell what was happening to me anymore. I tried to lay my head back but I was to dizzy. Instead, I ended up falling forward. My body landed with the thump, causing the person to look my way. I silently cursed in my head. Through my blurred vision, I saw bright blonde hair. It couldn't be...

Tamaki?

That's all I can remember as my surroundings became black.

* * *

 _"Mommy!" I cried desperately, trying to wipe my warm tears with my sleeve._

 _I was young and sitting at my desk in my room. I was dressed in a pink gown with my hair pulled back with a bow the same color. Mother was standing before me, her left arm holding onto Seika, who was a newborn. I could only see her brown hair poking out of her blanket. Mother's cold eyes glared down at me, wanting nothing more but for me to stop crying. She looked tired and irritated._

 _"I told you, Mommy wants you to be smart. People don't appreciate dumb children." She snapped._

 _This caused my tears to flow even harder. Why was mommy acting like this? Why was she yelling at me so much and she looks so mad. Why doesn't daddy say anything?! I began pulling on my hair, not knowing what to do. My tears were making mommy even angrier but I was so confused._

 _"But I don't want to study! I don't like it!" I choked through tears. I tried to approach her, my arms wide open. I was begging for comfort. I wanted mommy to hold me like she would whenever I would get upset. I wanted her to whisper loving words into my ear and tell me that everything was going to be alright._

 _With her free hand, she pushed me back by my forehead, "Don't make me repeat myself, child." She walked around me, pointing at my desk. "Now, you are going to sit down and read. You are going to read until dinner and from now on, you have to make A's in school."_

 _I was a B student._

 _"But... I don't wanna read. I wanna watch Crayon Shin-chan."_

 _She chuckled, "That reminds me, no more TV. That just makes children unintelligent."_

 _That's all it took for me to snap. I fell to the floor kicking and screaming. I looked like someone had stolen all my toys or if I was being grounded for a month. either way, I looked like a mess. I didn't like that mommy took my TV away. I didn't want to read. I wanted to sit in front of the TV with daddy and watch Crayon Shin-chan. Then, mommy would call on us for dinner and we would all sit around the table. I would tell them a story of what happened that day at school and they would tell me a tale of their own._

 _This was something I wasn't used to._

 _Why was mommy acting so mean? She's never talked to me this way before. For being so young, the only thing I could do was cry and scream. I didn't know what to do and I didn't like how mommy was acting. It left me confused and upset._

 _"Sit up right now!" She yelled at me._

 _This was the first time I've heard her yell._

 _I sat up like she demanded, trying to stop crying but it only made it worse. I looked at her through blurry eyes and tilted my head as she raised her hand. What was she doing?_

 _SLAP!_

* * *

I shot up instantly. I gasped for air as I desperately tried to breathe. What was that dream? I tried to brush it off as I wiped my eyes. That dream... That was the first time Mother hit me. From then on, it only got worse. I tried to forget my nightmare, not wanting to worry about it anymore. Then I realized something. Where was I? I tried looking around but it was pitch black. Not even a star was shining.

I tried to get up but only fell back down. My body was still trying to recover. I wanted to call out for help but I couldn't see what the state of my body was in. I couldn't tell if I had recovered. That's when I heard a noise not far from me. I began to grow nervous but kept quiet.

"Let us see here..." I heard a mumble. Wait... I know that voice.

"Nekozawa!" I called out.

"What?!" Then I heard something shatter on the ground.

Then, all the lights in the room shot up together. I was surrounded by candles that burned brightly, it left the small room feeling ominous. It took me a bit to realize I was in Nekozawa's club room. I wasn't a fan of this place and right now, this was the last place I wanted to be. I didn't feel or look good at the moment. I didn't want to be looked down on as some kind of test subject.

At the end of the room, in front of a large black bookshelf was Nekozawa. I was left shocked. Was that Nekozawa? The man before me had striking blonde hair. If I hadn't have heard his voice, I would have mistaken him for Tamaki. The thought left my chest feeling heavy. He wasn't wearing his usual robe and was dressed in a fast food uniform. He had dropped some kind of small vile, to which he cursed under his breath for having slippery fingers.

I didn't know what to do or even say to him. I was worried that this person wasn't Nekozawa and I had imagined I heard his voice. However, I was in his club room and it made me feel more confident it was him. The man sighed as he tried picking up the glass before he looked at me. I was met with bright blue eyes. I could only sit there as he approached me.

"I'm glad you're awake." He smiled.

"Yea..." Was the only words I could muster. He then realized I was blown back by his appearance.

He chuckled, a slight hue painting his cheeks. "I...Don't usually look like this. I would like it if you didn't tell anyone."

I nodded, "Of course..."

"Thank you." He then returned to pick up the glass, "I was going to apply more of my potion to your skin. What happened? When I found you, you looked like a burnt corpse."

He couldn't have been more right.

I took this chance to look at my condition. I had bandages wrapped all around my body, minus a few parts were I saw my skin had healed back. This left me feeling relieved as I sighed. I had a big blanket around me as well, which left me feeling embarrassed... Nekozawa saw everything... Even if my body was burned. I tightened the blanket around me, no longer wanting to see my condition.

He came back to m side with a new vile, it was filled with a white liquid. He reached for my hand but I shot back. "Come on, I won't hurt you." I was reluctant but I gave him my hand that was still burned. "It's gonna be okay." His words gave me little comfort but it was nice of him to try. He lifted some of the bandages, putting the slimy substance on my tender skin.

"Thank you." I breathed.

He cocked his head, "What for?"

I hated talking sometimes.

"For helping me. I don't know what would have happened if I was left in that alleyway." I managed to say. It was true. I ended up blacking out and anyone could have found me. My gaze lowered as my mind turned dark. I felt it. That small but annoying idea. Deep inside me, I felt like I wanted to be left behind. Like, if I was found by the wrong people. Maybe, I would have never woken up again.

Nekozawa noticed me pondering, "May I say something?"

I simply nodded, "Yes?"

He got up after fixing my hand. He went to the left side of the room where there was a cabinet, opening it, there was the dark cloak he always wore and a black wig next to it. He grabbed the cloak, handling it like it was fragile. "I've noticed some things when I decided to change myself." He brought the cloak over to me, "I didn't like who I was. I didn't like the people I was around and I didn't like the world I was living in."

His words were similar to mine.

When I was alive.

"I wanted to run away from it all." He sat down, crossing his legs. "But how could I? What could someone like me do? I was a spoiled rich kid, living in a world where I always got what I wanted. Yet, I wasn't satisfied."

"Why were you unhappy?" I found myself asking. I didn't know much about him, nor what his home life was like. I did know however, it wasn't like mine. He seemed more stable. He seemed much stronger than I was.

"Even to this day, I couldn't tell you why. I don't even know myself." He placed his thumb under his chin, "Perhaps, I was unhappy with how I wasn't living like I wanted too. I was playing a role my family wanted me too."

His words were so similar that it was starting to worry me.

"You didn't... you know?" I barely spoke above a whisper.

"No, I didn't kill myself." He reassured me.

I lowered my head, relieved but also feeling even more alone. What if there was a chance he was like me? If he was, I wouldn't be so isolated. Nekozawa grabbed both of my bandaged hands through the blanket, "I changed myself, Hara. However, I've learned that not everyone can." He was referring to me.

It made me feel worse.

Silence took over the room until he spoke, leaving me speechless. "You're the most _amazing_ person I have ever met."

I was shocked at his statement. Did he really mean that? I haven't been the best person to him, I've even yelled at him before. How could I be the most amazing person he has ever met? I was the most _average_ person on the planet. Maybe, even the most uninteresting. Nothing about me stuck out. I could easily blend into a crowd, starting from my looks to the core of my personality.

He continued, "I've never met anyone like you."

"Well... I don't think there's anyone who's in the same situation I'm in." I replied.

His blue eyes shined brightly, "I meant that you're amazing because of how strong you are!" Again, I didn't know what to say. "No one could handle what you're going through. I'm so blessed to be able to meet someone like you. Even if the world shuns you, I'll always think that you are a miracle." He was using his weird Nekozawa language, but I think I knew what he was saying.

I must be strong. Who could handle this? I killed myself but here I am, going day by day the best I can. Even though it may be rough, but I'm still here! My face brightened up and he smiled in return.

"You're right." I said, "I wasn't able to change back then, but now, I've never felt more like a person. I've become someone who can smile and I managed to stick up to Mother!"

"That's great!" He wrapped his cloak around me, putting the hood over my head. I could only smile as I pushed some of my growing hair out of my face. It had burnt off from the fire but it was growing back at a rapid rate. He noticed my body healing quickly, "Looks like you're turning back to normal." He was fascinated by how fast I healed.

"Honestly, this is the first time I've ever felt _normal_."


	38. Chapter 38

Nekozawa was unwrapping the bandages around my arms, underneath the soiled binding was fresh, untouched skin. It looked like I was never in a fire too begin with. My hair had fully grown back and I no longer looked like some kind of monster. I was my plain old self again. Since my clothes were burned away in the fire, Nekozawa managed to find some worn out gym uniform someone left behind. It was a bit too large for me but it was better than nothing.

We were currently sitting outside, watching the sunrise. Even though, Nekozawa kept a safe distance from the actual razes from the sun. He said he wasn't a big fan of the light and that's why he was always in the shadows. We stayed up all night talking about our past. Even though he was never abused growing up, he had it rough as well. His family wanted him to excel in life, but not in his own way. They wanted him to follow their footsteps and go into the family business. However, Nekozawa didn't want that. He wanted to live life the way he wanted. When he got transferred into Ouran High, he created a double life. When he's at school, he can be who he wants to be.

I wish I could have done the same.

Looking at him, he was still wearing his fry cook uniform and his blonde hair was equally greasy. He was currently working at a fast food place because his parents refused to buy him anything that had to do with his club. He received some funding from the school but they were not a big fan of the black magic idea either. So he took matters into his own hands and tries to provide for his club. He kept it a secret for a while until I showed up.

"Even though I hate the sun," He spoke. "I do enjoy sunrises."

I nodded, "I agree."

Before, when I was still alive. I hated sunrises. They reminded me that I was still living in a cruel world. They reminded me that I was forced to wake up to another day. were Mother was in control. It was different now. I saw them as a reminder that I was here, on this earth. That I was blessed to wake up and still be able to talk to everyone. I didn't know how much time I had left so every sunrise was a joy to see.

Last night, the topic came up. On how much time I had left. Nekozawa said he could feel it. That the aura around me was fading and that it wouldn't be long before it would disappear. What would happen at that point, we both didn't know. I knew it wouldn't be good. Before, I would have done anything if it meant I could vanish. Now, I would give anything if it meant I could have another day.

If I was going to disappear soon, then I needed to quickly settle some things. I didn't want to leave anything unfinished. I want to go without any regrets. Maybe, that's why I'm still here. Perhaps, I was given another chance to fix my problems. Being dead gave me the courage to step out of my shell. I managed to make some friends and stand up to Mother. I've loved and have gotten my heart broken as well. I've been able to feel so many emotions and experience situations that I would have never been able to if I was still alive.

I fumbled with my fingers, "May I ask you a question?"

"Go ahead," He smiled

If I wanted to make sure that I would leave no regrets, I needed to do it now. My time was running out, "Last night... Before you found me, I was in a fighting ring."

"What?!" He gasped, "Why?"

"I wasn't literally fighting, " I reassured him. "I went after a friend. I tried to break up the fight... I only made it worse." I struggled to keep my voice steady. I was still coming to terms that I was the reason the fire broke out. "I started a fire, it broke out and engulfed everything." The images of red and orange filled my vision. I remembered the screams and students trying to get away. Being pushed into the dirt and seeing Tomo defenseless. "I didn't mean to start it, it was an accident!"

Nekozawa placed a hand on my trembling shoulders, "It's okay."

All I could see was Tomo struggling to breathe, trying to get up but failing due to his ankle. To see him so weak was heartbreaking and I was the cause of it. The way the fire was roaring around him and any minute he would drown in its flames made me want to scream in agony. If it wasn't for me, he would have never been in that fire. Nobody would have gotten hurt! Tomo wouldn't have been hurt...

"Listen, Hara." Nekozawa shook me gently, forcing me out of my trance. "I don't know what fully happened but it's not your fault. It's gonna be okay." I could only nod as he tried to give me a reassuring smile, "Why don't you ask me your question?"

Oh, that's right. I was going to ask him something. I shook the memory of the fire away, I needed to focus on other things. I couldn't change what I had done, I could only make up for it. I can only hope that Tomo will let me.

I took a deep breath, trying whatever I could to make me feel better. I needed the strength to forget. "I need to use your phone for a minute." I had to find out what happened to Tomo last night. He didn't have a phone and neither did I. The only person who I could call was Takashi. He would know what happened to him. A big part of me hoped Tomo was okay and recovering at home. I tried pushing the nagging feeling that he was in much worse condition.

"Of course," He went to the cabinet and pulled out his phone. "Are you wanting to call your father? I can just take you home." He offered.

Taking the phone from him, I chuckled, "I wish I could return to him but not yet. I need to make things right." I went to the dialing screen on his phone and realized, I didn't know Takashi's number. "Do you know Takashi's number? He's from the Host Club."

His eyes lit up, the blue shine making me not want to ask questions. "I have Haninozuka's number. Usually, you can reach him from there." He took the phone and punched in the numbers. How did he know it by memory? Some other time, I'll have to ask. I needed to concentrate on my task.

He handed the phone back, I placed it against my ear, listening to the dialing tone. Each passing second made me want to think the worse. What if no one answers? What if Tomo was seriously hurt? Stop thinking! Just breathe and take one step at a time. Eventually, someone picked up the phone.

"Haniozuka residence, may I ask who is calling?" On the other end was the voice of a middle-aged man. I was taken back a bit, not suspecting a stranger to answer. I shouldn't be surprised. Honey and Takashi are from a rich family, it would only make sense for a butler or maid to answer the home phone.

"My name is Figumitsu Hara." Giving my full name seemed like a good idea.

He cleared his throat, his tone not changing in the slightest. "How may I help you?"

"I would like to speak with Takashi, please?"

I heard what sounded like papers shuffling and an uninterested sigh. The man made me feel worse about calling. I would have loved to hang up and never call again but I had to know what happened to Tomo. While the man was doing something on the other end, my eyes glanced at the rising sun. It was still early and I hoped Takashi was awake.

He finally answered, "I'm afraid you can't speak to him at the moment."

My heart sank.

"Please, it's very important." I pressed on, "It will only be for a second."

He sounded even more uninterested, "The young master is-" While he was talking I heard a door open loudly in the background. The man then paused and talked away from the phone, "Good morning, breakfast is in the dining room-" Then there was some silence. "Just a young lady, sir."

I could hear footsteps and someone finally answered me, "Hara?" It was Takashi's voice! To hear him was like taking the weight off my shoulders. The relief washed over me like a wave and if he was here in front of me, I would surely run into his arms. "Are you alright?" Was the first thing he asked, worry lacing his tone.

"I'm okay," I responded, not being able to wipe my grin away.

He didn't sound convinced, "I couldn't find you last night. Where are you?"

Glancing at Nekozawa, I answered, "First, I need to ask you something." He didn't say anything, waiting for my reply. "Where is Tomo? Is he okay? I need to see him."

"He's in the hospital."

I almost choked, not wanting to hear the answer. Tomo must be seriously hurt. It's all my fault! He's in the hospital from my stupid mistake. The world felt like it was spinning around me and that I would slip into some kind of dark pit. Words refused to leave my mouth as I tried to compose myself. Nekozawa tried to place his hand on mine but I shot away.

I didn't deserve to be comforted.

Eventually, I barely managed to squeeze my words out. "Can you take me to him?"

"Hara-" He tried to avoid my request.

I butted in, "Please... Takashi, I need your help."

That's all it took for him to sigh, "Where are you?"

"I'm at the high school, I'll be waiting at the front." I bit my finger, trying my best to not shake. I was so grateful to have Takashi in my life. He didn't press for an answer even though I knew he wanted to desperately know. He never pressed me. He didn't beg for me to tell him everything. He knew something was going on but couldn't bring himself to ask. Even if he did, I don't know if I could tell him.

"I'll be right there." With that said, he hung up.

My body felt heavier then relieved. I didn't know if I should be happy or more upset. I managed to get ahold of Takashi but now I knew that Tomo was in the hospital. I didn't know his condition and I was the reason why he was there. It was all my fault. He wouldn't be hurt if I never showed up. I had to let my curiosity get the better of me. Why couldn't I just return to the hotel? I bet Father is worried sick about me. Even Seika must be concerned.

Why must I only cause _problems_!

"Hara!"

Nekozawa's cry made me jumped. Then I felt it, looking down I saw that my hands were disappearing again. I gasped, shoving them under my armpits, not wanting to see myself getting worse. I choked back my tears. Emotions were swimming like a frenzy in my mind. My body felt extremely light like I was a feather about to be blown away. I couldn't think straight as my arms began to vanish.

"Not yet!" I sobbed. I didn't get to apologize to Tomo yet. I still have so many things to do and so many things left I need to say. I can't go away! I need to stay here! Again, I couldn't calm myself down. I began gasping for air as I felt like I was suffocating. It was like I was drowning, deeper and deeper. No matter how much air went into my lungs, it felt like it was filled with sand. My mouth was open, gasping, and saliva dripped from my lips. I was having a panic attack. Too many things were going on and I couldn't handle it.

Nekozawa grabbed my cheeks, forcing me to look into his eyes. I went to push him away but my arms went through his body. This caused me to panic more but he refused to let me go. My eyes were filled with panic and he knew this. He hands then traveled to my ears, covering them completely, his fingers tangling themselves in my dark hair.

"Can you feel my hands?" He asked sternly.

His voice was muffled since his hands were tight around me. I couldn't concentrate on him. My body was trying hard to struggle against whatever force I was under. Everything felt like it was coming to an end and I was dying all over again. I was pleading silently that whatever was happening to me would finally stop. It felt like my entire being was crumbling into a million pieces. I couldn't collect them, I was being crushed.

"Can you feel them!" He almost yelled. His voice grabbed me like a hook. I grasped onto it, using it as a lifeline.

I closed my eyes tightly, trying to focus on his hands. They were cupped around my head and his fingers tangled in my messy strands. His palms blocked out any outside noise, his fingers were like a safety net. I tried to grab them but my hands were gone. This made me want to cry but I could only breathe.

He loosened his grip, one hand was cupping my cheek while the other smoothed my hair. "You need to calm down." He spoke quietly, "You're going to be okay."

A part of my mind was screaming that he was wrong. I was not going to be okay and that I was going to disappear right now. I would never get to apologize to Tomo, I would never get to see Fathe or Seika again. I would leave things undone. I crushed these thoughts the best I could, trying to only pay attention to his soft touch.

"Look."

I did what he said and glanced down at my hands. They were slowly coming back! When they fully returned, I touched Nekozawa's hand, afraid if he removed it from my cheek, I would disappear again. My body was still shaking and my mind was still a mess. Words refused to escape as I could only continue to heave. After several minutes, I let him go.

"I..." Licking my lips, I finally spoke, "I'm running out of time."


	39. Chapter 39

Nekozawa had managed to calm me down and he couldn't stress enough on the fact that my time was running short. I knew this. I never thought it would come so soon. I've felt like I've missed so much but this was my fault. I couldn't turn back the clock.

Before I knew it, I was in a small black car with Takashi. He was currently driving me to the hospital Tomo was in. He hasn't heard anything other than he was currently being kept there. I felt so guilty of the ordeal, I didn't want to speak. I couldn't think of anything I could say. My mouth felt like the dessert from regret. I should have never followed Takashi there. The atmosphere was heavy and being in a confined space didn't help. It was suffocating and I couldn't prevent myself from tugging on my hair.

Takashi kept his eyes forward, his famous expressionless face avoiding my direction. He wanted to ask questions, I knew he did. However, he was holding himself back. After everything that had happened, I'm surprised he hasn't drowned me for answers. I didn't know what to say. Should I even try? I couldn't take the thick air anymore and rolled the window down a bit. The morning air hitting my face made me feel a tad bit better.

Eventually, that didn't help and I had to say something.

"I didn't know you could drive?" I spoke up, trying my best to sound normal.

He didn't look at me, "Honey likes it when it's just us sometimes." His tone was flat and dry. It tried my best to not let it get to me.

"I see," I tried shrugging his voice out of my head. "I wish I could have gotten to drive." He didn't notice my past tense. Thankful, he ignored my slip up; not like he would understand. Even if I was still alive, I could never afford a car. That was more like a dream I would never have come true.

"Maybe-" He stopped himself. His eyebrows scrunched up a bit as he was thinking, "I'll take you to try sometime." His words were smoother and less tense. This made me feel more relaxed. I let my hair go and that's when he glanced at me. "You pull on your hair a lot."

My hands went back up but I stopped. Since he was asking me a question, it made me think he would ask more. "I tend to get nervous a lot."

I was like a small mouse. If anyone was to talk to me, I would run and hide. Everybody was like a cat, they were constantly out to get me. However, I'm different. I'm not a mouse anymore. I wanted to be a cat like everyone else but that too was long gone. I was something different entirely. No matter what I was now or what I would end up being.

I'm tired of running away and hiding.

"Takashi," I decided to address the issue. "I know you must have a lot of questions and I would tell you everything if I could." If everything was simpler, I would read him off my life story but it wasn't. Life wasn't a book. He decided to be silent was the best thing and just listen. Looking out the window, I saw the people pass by. They looked so carefree, full of life and happiness; it was nice. Before, I would silently curse at them and wish for their misfortune. It wasn't fair that their lives were better than mine.

I continued, "I want to say thank you. You don't press me for answers and you don't force me to do anything. You've always been kind to me and you listen. I'm thankful for everything you've done." His eyes kept shifting from me to the road when we got to a stop light, he sighed. He was conflicted and didn't know what to say. I kept talking, "You're...Precious to me in a way."

It was small, barely a touch but I felt his fingers brush against mine. I didn't move my hand, "Thank you, Takashi. Thank you for everything."

The rest of the drive was quiet, he kept his hand close against mine but he didn't progress further. We pulled up to the front of the hospital, all the lights from the windows gave me an eery feeling. I never liked hospitals. One time when I was younger, I hurt myself at the park and wouldn't stop crying. Mother rushed me over here saying 'boys don't like girls with scars.' All I did was scrape my knees. The entire time, all I could hear were children crying and people coughing.

It made me uncomfortable.

This is different though. I didn't scrape my knee and Mother wasn't lecturing me on how girls shouldn't run or play in the dirt. I was here for him. Tomo was in there. He was hurt because of me and I have to set things right. I have to see him no matter what happens. Seeing the nurses walking outside made this feel all too real. I could hear the children crying in my mind and the never-ending coughing. I could almost hear Mother yelling and degrading me.

"I'll follow you after I park the car," Takashi spoke.

I shook away the past, I had to face the future.

I nodded, "Alright."

I got out of the car and he waited till I reached the front door. I watched him drive to the side of the parking lot. Taking a deep breath, I walked inside with lead feet. It was hard to walk up to the desk. Being looked at from people with dark eyes. They were sick and didn't want to be here just as much as me. The place smelled heavily of cleaner and death. The bright white walls and lights could give someone a headache. If I was my old self, I surely would have gripped my head in pain. When I finally got to the desk, a tired nurse gazed up at me from her computer.

"How may I help you?" She spoke quietly.

I was fumbling with my fingers, trying to pick at my long nails. I didn't want to be here. I could almost vividly see my younger self, crying and begging to go home. The sick patients all around me just reminded me that death was all too real. The exhausted doctors who's feet shuffled around from long cruel hours of work made me feel even more unwelcome. The nurse waited for my answer, too tired to care.

"I'm here to see Tomo."

She answered back immediately, "The last name?" She was already typing things into her small computer, her eyes glazed over like she was a zombie.

I didn't know his last name, I didn't even know if Tomo was his full name. Even though we were friends and he knew so much about me, I barely knew anything about him. I knew little of his parents, he told me why he left home and a few other things. However, who really was Tomo? I don't know about his childhood, why did he start fighting? Hell, I didn't even know he smoked cigarettes and I've lived with him.

Tomo was a mystery.

Sadly, I don't have the time to fully know him. I wished I could be with him again before Mother showed up. That was in the past now and I had to fix things for the future. Even though, I didn't have one.

"I... Don't know." I eventually said.

She looked annoyed for me making her job a little harder and putting more stress into her already tiresome day. She typed into her black keyboard, her long bright pink nails clacking against the plastic. Several minutes went by and she sighed, "Can you give me a description?"

This was taking to long! I just want to see him.

"He's tall, maybe around six feet? He has bright white hair-"

She then stopped me with her finger raised, "Yamauchi Tomohiro is in room 319."

Hearing his full name made me feel like he was a whole new person; it was weird. It left me with another question, why did he go by Tomo? Was it just a nickname that stuck? This new information made him feel even more of a stranger. I thanked the nurse and went up the stairs. I passed by several patients and each one looked more unpleasant than the last. I felt bad for them. They just wanted to go home and feel better.

I stopped when I heard some nurses talking.

"I'm surprised she survived the fall."

"You're telling me! Why would she even jump is my question."

I stepped back, peeking around the corner. The two nurses were gossiping rather loudly, not caring who could hear. I knew I had something better to do. I needed to be by Tomo's side but something told me to stop. Their words pulled me like a mouse smelling some cheese. They said someone jumped and barely survived. What if... No, that possibility can't involve me.

The nurse with brown curls sighed "Her school life must have been terrible."

"You know bullying is getting worse." The other blonde nurse pouted.

"But jumping off a roof is a little much."

I caught myself walking towards them, my curiosity was becoming too much. It all sounded too similar and it frightened me. What if something happened and there was that small chance it was me?

What if I survived?

I got as close as I could without being noticed and listened as best as I could. I needed to see them. I had to see the person they were talking about.

"I checked her last so it should be your turn next." The nurse with curls said, checking her clipboard.

The other groaned, "But they haven't woken up in days."

"You still have to check." With that said, the nurses went on their way. I followed the blonde, but not to close. Luckily, we were heading towards the 3rd floor. My mind was racing, my hands were shaking and every step I took felt like I was stepping into the unknown. I wanted to know so badly. What if it was me? There was a small chance that I could be saved.

We stopped at a room the furthest away from the stairs, everyone was so busy no stopped me to ask questions. I stayed behind a bush by the corner, waiting for the nurse to go in. She opened the door and smiled, "You're awake! And you're here doctor. How is she feeling?" She walked in, closing the door behind her. I couldn't hear anything else as I decided to sit on the bench. I would pretend to be a visitor, like a friend or something.

After several minutes, the doctor and nurse stepped out. The first to notice me was the doctor, "You here to visit?"

I nodded, "Yes."

The nurse turned around, peeking into the room. "A visitor is here." They then dismissed me, walking away while like laughing to themselves.

Getting up felt like it took every last ounce of energy I had, I reached for the handle, not knowing if I wanted to truly enter or not. When I opened the door, the white sheet was opened and laying in the bed was a girl, she was looking out the window.

It wasn't me.

My heart didn't know if it should sink or rise. My feelings were all over the place. I thought that I could have a chance or maybe, this was all a terrible dream. I wanted to live. I wanted a second chance but not every story gets one. I should have never come into this room, now I didn't know what to do. Deciding it was the best to just leave, I turned around.

"Excuse me, who are you?" She called out with a delicate voice.

Freezing up, I couldn't speak. Peeking over my shoulder, she wasn't much different from me. She had short black straight hair that hugged her face and brown eyes. She looked so tired. Her eyes were dark and had bags like she had never slept a day in her life. Her skin was pale like a white flower and the way she looked at me was devoided of all hope.

I didn't know her situation or her as a person. I had no reason to stick my nose in her business but the reason for her being here was all too familiar. Maybe, talking to her would be better than running. I had no one to turn to in my time of need. In the end, due to my loneliness and failure to cope, I jumped as well. I took a seat at the end of her bed and she smiled slightly at my gesture.

"You look familiar, " she said. "perhaps I know you from somewhere."

I cleared my throat, "Maybe."

She seemed satisfied with that and went to look out the window once more, "It's nice to have a visitor. Even if we are strangers."

I want to ask why she did it. What could have driven her to end her life? Could she be like me? Was everything was becoming too much. School and home were both places of torture and the thought of dying was the only peaceful thing she had. Why did she jump and not a different method? I wanted to ask so many personal questions but I didn't have the right to ask her. I shouldn't even be here in the first place.

"I hope you feel better," I spoke up, trying to sound polite.

There was a tense silence before she looked at me with a dead expression, "The doctor told me I'll never walk again." I almost gasped but caught myself. "I landed on my legs wrong and ruined them. He said that even though I can't use them anymore, they saved my life from the fall." I didn't know what to say. What could I say? This girl was now in a position to where she will always have to work harder.

Something dawned on me.

The girl in front of me could have been _me._

She jumped off a building, possibly bullied in school and even though she tried to kill herself, she failed. Because she failed, she got to live. However, she can never walk again. What if I survived the fall? Would I have been injured to this extent? I could see Mother screaming because of my attempt to die. This made me shiver, a visible frown moving across my lips.

"Don't be sad," She showed me a smile. "I'm happy I'm alive."

This caught me off guard.

Didn't she want to die? Shouldn't she be upset that she is still here? How could she be happy with her condition?

She noticed my questioning eyes and gladly continued, "When I was unconscious, I kept seeing my little siblings. I have two younger sisters." She seemed comfortable talking to me, it seemed to make her feel better. "Who would take care of them when I'm gone? My parents work all the time and often take their frustrations out on us so I take care of my sisters. If not for me, what would happened to them?"

I was conflicted. If I had truly died, what would have happened to Seika? When I found out she was only pretending to satisfy Mother, would she have truly missed me. We didn't get along only because of our roles to please our mother. If I was gone, would she have become the new victim?

"I'm happy I lived, I may be injured from now on but I can still support them." With this said, we heard the door open. Standing there were two girls with black hair. The didn't look older than 10. When they saw her awake, they screamed and ran to her side. I watched as the two kids practically jumped onto her.

"You're awake!" One cried, tears starting to pour down her chubby face.

The other couldn't control her sobs, "We thought you were going away!"

The girl hugged her sisters but her eyes grew large when she looked towards the door. Standing there were two middle-aged adults. They both had black hair and tired brown eyes but they were filled with regret. They slowly walked to her, "Rin..." They both sounded tired.

"Yes..."

I felt like my time here was done and I went to leave quietly, looking back I saw them hug Rin while crying. I knew at that moment that she would be okay. That life was only going to look up from there. I was happy for her and seeing this gave me more courage to face Tomo.

Surely, he would forgive me.


	40. Chapter 40

All the coughing, the nurses, and doctors whispering among themselves and the constant smell of cleaner. It was all becoming too much for me but here I was in front of Tomo's door. He was on the other side but felt so far away. I wonder what he was thinking right now? Would he even want to see me? After everything that has happened, maybe walking away would be best. However, I kept thinking of his injuries. I got a few all glances from people wondering why I was just standing outside the door and not going in.

I was trying to gather up the courage.

I didn't know what to say to him nor did I know how to apologize properly. I wanted us to go back to the old days so bad but that was long gone. There was nothing I could do to bring that back. Any day now I could disappear forever but he would still be here. He was alive and he had a future. Even though I couldn't be there physically, I wanted to be remembered by him.

Taking a deep breath, I raise my hand towards the handle. I needed to be brave and face him. Pushing the door to the side, my eyes were fixed on the floor. I was scared to look at him. I entered the room and shut the door quietly behind me. There was nothing but silence for what felt like forever. I could only hear his breathing along with people walking down the hallway.

"What are you doing here?" His voice was emotionless. There wasn't a hint of anger like I thought there would be. Slowly raising my gaze I saw him sitting up in the hospital bed. His hair was a wild white mess, it kind of reminded me of whipped cream. His smooth grey eyes watched me closely, curious about what I was going to say.

I wondered to the end of his bed, to nervous to sit close, "I wanted to see you..."

Looking him over, I saw he had bandages on his arms and one on his cheek. He was pale and tired, his breathing was rather hard. I tried not to look too much at him but I couldn't help it. He was my friend and I couldn't bear to see him injured. The blanket was pulled to the side a bit and I could see his ankle was rapped. He must have twisted it badly. I wanted to get on my knees and beg for forgiveness. I was the reason he was hurt.

"I'm fine so stop staring," His words whipped my eyes away.

I was now looking out the window, watching the snow beginning to fall. The air was grey and cold, just like Tomo's eyes. It made me shiver and he saw this, he didn't say anything and continued to watch me.

I spoke up, not looking at him, "How are you feeling?"

"You tell me," He immediately shot back.

I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to ignore the acid like tone. I needed to stay strong. He had a reason to be so cold to me. I should have stuck up to Mother that day and if I did, I would have gotten to stay by his side. I would have never gone home and he wouldn't be stuck in a rough hospital bed. He looked so exhausted and sick. I wondered if he got any sleep last night?

I tried again, "Is there anything I can do-"

"You can leave."

I couldn't take it anymore.

I didn't like how cold he was being towards me, I knew I deserved it but I couldn't stand it. I only have so much time left and seeing someone close to me being so cold was too much to handle. The way his words ripped into my mind was deafening. I rose to my feet, tears threatening to spill. "Stop it!" I wanted to scream but kept my voice low. "I know I mess up but please, stop treating me like this!" I was covering my ears, not wanting to hear any more of his venom like words.

He was shocked by my sudden outburst, his eyes wide. I covered my mouth, not wanting to yell anymore. I didn't mean to do that. He had all right to be angry with me. I should just leave and never come back. Maybe, it would be better if he was angry with me. It would make it easier on him when I'm no longer here. He could move on and forget that I ever existed. He could find a better friend, someone who wouldn't harm him with fire or drag him along in their pathetic little life.

But, I didn't want that.

I wanted him to remember me. I wanted our good times to be remembered forever. The last thing I wanted was for him to hate me for the rest of his life. The very thought chilled my bones and made me want to vomit. He was someone who stuck by my side and who would I be if I just ran away. He was the one hurt now and it was my turn to care for him.

Taking a couple deep breaths, I managed to say, "I know you hate me, I don't blame you. I should have stuck up for myself that day but I didn't. I was a coward and left you behind."

"Hara-"

"Let me finish," I interrupted. "I know I'm not the brightest girl. I know I should be braver and have never left you. I hurt you so badly and all I can do is try to fix it." I went to the side of his bed, not being able to look at him in the eyes, afraid his icy gaze would freeze my words. "The fire last night was my fault. I should have never been there in the first place and because I was, you were really hurt."

He finally spoke up, "You started the fire?" he sounded more confused than asking a question. His expression showed that he didn't believe me. More like, he _didn't_ want to believe me. Taking a seat next to him, I looked at my hands. I could almost vividly see the burns that affected them not too long ago. What if he had been burned as bad as I was? I could never forgive myself.

"I wanted to stop the fight," I choked. "I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt. I only wanted Takashi and you to stop fighting."

Then I remembered how Tomo promised me he wouldn't fight anymore. Why was he there? Why did he go back on his promise and end up back at that fighting ring? I had so many questions but I was so upset and conflicted that it was hard to spit out the words I needed to say. Eventually, I calmed down and looked at him, face to face. I needed to ask him. I had to know the answer.

"Why did you fight last night?"

His expression looked pained but only for a second, he was trying his best not to looked fazed. "I can do what I want."

"Why did you _break our promise!"_ I cried. "You said you wouldn't fight anymore. I told you, that you could have been hurt and even though it was my fault for the fire, why didn't you listen to me! Why were you there last night?!"

His eyes pierced me like a sword, leaving me even more broken. "I was fighting because you left me!"

My chest tightened and all I wanted to do was pound my fist into his chest. So what if I left him? I didn't have a choice! Me leaving should have never made him want to break our promise. It was there to protect him and now look, he was in the hospital covered in burns!

"I'm sorry that I left you but you should have kept our promise anyway! I was going to come back, I was going to apologize for everything." I was choking back sobs, not wanting to appear any weaker, "But Tomo, even though I left, you didn't wait for me."

"I-" He took a minute to calm his nerves, not wanting to shout. This small fight was draining the energy out of him. "Look, I was angry. I never think well when I am upset. I thought letting some steam off would help me. I never thought you would have been there."

We were both calmer and this was a good time to ask him questions that plagued my mind. "Why were you going to fight Takashi again?"

This was the biggest question I had and I wanted to get it out of the way. Why didn't Takashi tell me he was going there that night? Why was Hikaru involved and wanting Takashi to fight for him? None of this made sense to me and I wanted answers. Being in the dark was driving me mad and I would do anything at this moment to touch the light, even if it was just a little bit.

"The tall kid? I got a call from one of my boys and was told he was coming back for a round two. I was angry and accepted into the heat of the moment."

So Tomo just wanted to fight because he was angry. He didn't care who he was fighting as long as it was someone. This didn't answer my question and it left me feeling even needier. I decided to let it go, this wasn't the time to be acting like a detective. Even though I was starving for answers.

I slapped on a smile, giving the impression I was satisfied. "Alright."

"Hara," Tomo couldn't look at my eyes. "Thank you for coming to see me and I'm sorry I broke our promise." His voice was almost a whisper. He acted like apologizing wasn't something he was used too. His cheeks were tinted pink and he was fumbling with his thumbs.

His body language showed how nervous he was.

"I'll forgive you just this once, " I winked playfully.

He chuckled, "You know you'll always forgive me for anything."

He wasn't wrong. I wasn't the kind of person to hold a grudge for long. I mean, look at Seika and me. We didn't along for most of our lives but now we were closer than ever. The never-ending thought crept back into my mind, making me remember that even though I was getting close to people. I was dead and time was something I was getting further away from.

Tomo's gaze grew gentle when he saw my changing expression; I wasn't hiding my troubles very well. He looked like the Tomo I grew to know and it made me feel a bit better. Behind all the bandages and burned skin, he was the same boy who saved me from so many things. It pained me to know that I would soon have to say...

 _Goodbye_.

He reached his hand towards a strand of my hair, he caressed it, letting it fall through his wrapped fingers. "I couldn't sleep last night. I was worried that you were hurt too."

"You know I can't get hurt." I lied, laughing through my teeth.

I might not be able to feel pain but last night, my body was beyond damaged. My body was injured but not my condition. Something told me that if that was to happen again, I wouldn't heal back a second time. The constant fear of the unknown was hurting me more than the flames from the fire.

I grabbed his hand, being careful not to hurt his burns, "Tomo, I wanted to tell you before it was too late. I'm going to disappear soon. I wanted your forgiveness and now that I have it. I want you to know that wherever I go, I will never forget you."

His expression flashed fear but he tried to hide it, "How do you know that it will be soon?" His words trembled and he looked even paler than before. If I had more time, I would have waited for him to feel better before delivering such crushing news.

"You know when you feel something, something deep in your core that you can no longer ignore it? Well, my body is screaming at me and my mind is starting to accept it. I know that my time is almost up, I can't deny it any longer."

He suddenly pulled me closer, I had to catch myself on the edge of the bed. He winced from his actions but didn't show regret. He spoke softly, his words laced with longing, "then I need to do this before it's too late." He leaned into me, inches from my face.

Before I could even react or think of what was happening, the door slid open. Tomo's eyes shot to the side before letting me go. He was annoyed and becoming angry. What was he trying to do? My head was spinning when a nurse coughed awkwardly.

"I hate to interrupt but you have another guest." She spoke, stepping to the side.

Takashi walked in, looking at emotionless as normal. He didn't ask questions, like how did I know Tomo? Why did I want to see him so badly? He simply walked to my side, ignoring Tomo's harsh glares. I couldn't read what he was thinking, nor Tomo.

"Who are you?" Tomo finally spat.

He didn't look at him, only keeping his dark eyes on me. "Honey called, we need to leave."

Tomo went to ask something but bit his tongue, not wanting to get me any more upset. Anyone could tell I didn't want to leave his side. However, Takashi was my ride home. I got up, my body felt like lead. It was telling me to stay. It was telling that I would forever regret this

"Okay," I tried not to frown. I gave Tomo an apologetic look, trying to convey my feelings through my gaze.

Tomo finally spoke up, "I will be waiting for you. I'll be waiting at the park. I have something to tell you no matter what." His words were filled with something I couldn't put my finger on. It was a last request. Like he was begging me to listen.

I nodded, a painful feeling grew in my chest as we closed the door behind us.


	41. Chapter 41

Once we were out of the hospital, I could finally breathe; the stench of illness finally leaving my surroundings. This brought me little comfort since Takashi refused to look in my direction. He looked the same, his stone cold eyes gazing forward. But he didn't _feel_ the same. Something was off about him.

"Thank you for bringing me here," I managed to slice some of the tension away. "You're really kind to me."

He shifted, fixing his hands in his pockets, "Of course." He faced me, showing some emotion. "I'll go get the car. Wait right here."

"Okay."

Takashi walked off towards his vehicle, leaving me by the entrance. I glanced up towards the sun, it was already mid-day. Time was going by to fast and I would give anything if it would make the sun stop. Any day now could be my last, I could be down to my last few minutes and I wouldn't know it. The unknown was destroying my mind but I kept myself composed. I needed to be rational and use my remaining time wisely.

"I'll take care of the papers."

That voice... Looking to the right, I saw him. My body froze, my breathing hitched in my throat. He was walking into the side entrance of the hospital, talking into his phone casually. He was dressed in a white coat and I bit my tongue, not wanting to curse. The man was the always composed and cool devil, Kyoya Ootori.

What was he doing here? Why was he wearing a doctors coat? More importantly, why am I so angry from just hearing his voice. My hands balled up, my knuckles almost white. Then my mind flashed back to that day.

 _You're going to regret this._

Forgetting about Takashi, I rushed to the side entrance. I didn't know what I was doing but anger filled me and gave my legs a will of their own. I pushed open the door, the clean air hitting my nose once again. I scanned around, looking past the patients and nurses. I saw him about to turn a corner and I dashed forward, ignoring a nurse telling me not to run.

When I turned the corner, I saw him go into a room no longer talking on his cell phone. I tried to be quiet but my bare feet patted against the tiles. That's when I realized I wasn't wearing shoes and left dirty footprints behind me. No wonder I was getting weird looks earlier. Why didn't anybody say anything? Pushing that matter aside, I opened the door Kyoya went into.

"Huh?" Meeting my gaze was cold black eyes, ones you could mistake for a demon's. He was staring right at me and then I realized he was in a janitors closet. He grabbed the front of my shirt, yanking me into the closet with him. With a swift motion, he was in front of the door, locking it with one hand.

I was trapped.

He didn't look fazed, in fact, he knew I was following him. I could tell from a small smirk he let slip from his cold mask-like expression. "May I ask why you were running after me?"

"Can I ask why you're trapping me in a closet?" I shot back.

He lazily shrugged, "This time you can't run when I ask questions."

He was right. This time I couldn't ignore him and run away like I've always done. However, I still wouldn't let him have the satisfaction of having the upper hand. Even though he made my skin crawl and made me want to crawl into a corner, I was going to be stronger this time. Being trapped and no way out reminded me of her. I could almost see Mother before me, looking down like I was some kind of scared kitten. I could see her smiling, ready to bring me even more sorrow.

Not this time.

I went to hit Kyoya, but just as fast, he grabbed my wrist, pinning it above my head. I heard something pop and I was thankful I couldn't feel it. He was so close to me it was sickening, I could feel his breath on my face and it smelled just like the cleaner they use here. Reading his expression, he looked like he was enjoying this. The more I struggled, the more he wanted to smile. His eyes danced as mine was filled with exasperation.

His grip was like iron and nothing I did made him loose. I went to hit him with my other hand but he grabs that one, pinning it at my side. I was so helpless and that made me even angrier. Never again did I want to be powerless. This made me want to scream but I refused to let him see me so weak.

"Tell me what's wrong with you. I've dug around for _information_ and found nothing," He said smoothly.

My eyes widened, "What do you mean? Information?"

He liked my reaction.

"Well, I know that you have a sister named Seika. You live with your mother and father in a small apartment. The reason you got into Ouran High was due to scholarships." He was saying basic things that didn't bother me but the next thing he said made me want to disappear.

"I also know that your sister was here not too long ago for a baby appointment. Now, why would she be here for that?" He wanted to get a rise out of me and it worked. I could no longer keep control as I rushed forward, almost biting his nose. He easily moved his head back, loving my expression of anger and dread.

How did he find that out? We didn't tell anyone about her condition. Why is he doing this to me? Why does he want to know so much about me? He should just leave me alone! "How did you find out?!" I growled.

"This is one of my father's hospitals. I know everything that goes on here."

My knees were becoming weak, I was afraid to hear anything more. If he knew about that, what else could he know? Surely, he didn't find out who the father was. He couldn't have. Hikaru didn't even know himself and I would never tell a soul. Seika wanted to keep it a secret, she wanted to forget about it the most.

He openly smirked, "The father couldn't possibly be Hikaru could it?" I gasped, not knowing what to say. "The way you acted towards him at the cafe was out of normal, especially for a person like yourself."

How did he know that? All that happened was me becoming angry, defending my sister like any normal sibling would do. How could he get this idea from such a small act on my part? Kyoya was smart, he was far more intelligent than any other man I've met. It wouldn't take much for him to put two and two together. I hated that about him. Either way, he knew not only from that incident but also from my current reaction.

It was all my fault.

I almost lost my balance, but his hands kept me standing. The closet was already small but I felt it shrinking around me. My breath was rugged and I tried to keep the tears in. He was saying something but his voice was fading like he was far away. Oh god, it's happening again. I couldn't control myself as I fell forward onto his chest. He didn't move, studying my reaction.

It was so dark, I couldn't even see anymore. The bottles of cleaner and mops faded into black as I was struggling not slip away into unconsciousness. I tried to stand up but failed as Kyoya supported me. This made me even more upset because I wanted to run away from him, to never see his devil-like face again. I struggled to keep my vision and hearing.

"Care to explain this?" I barely heard him say, lifting up my wrist.

My hand was gone.

This gave me the strength to push him away, I hit the cabinet with a smack; all the supplies fell down with me. Cleaner poured onto the floor, brushes, and brooms littered everywhere and some kind of liquid drenched my hair and clothes. I smelled just like the hospital.

I doubled over, wanting to vomit.

Nothing was in my stomach so I could only dry heave. My arms wrapped around me protectively, wanting this to all go away. I was supposed to be stronger than this. I should stick up for Seika, I need to protect her! I looked up at him and all he did was stare back. This made me so angry that a tear dripped from my cheek.

"You really should calm down, panic attacks can turn rather messy," He motioned to the mess I made, making sure not to get any on his shoes. I couldn't respond as he carefully got on one knee, forcing one of my arms away. He looked over my missing hand, going touch my wrist just to make sure my hand was really gone.

He left me feeling embarrassed.

My cheeks were pink and my eyes struggled to stay open. they felt so heavy and tired. I tried yanking my arm away and succeeded but not because of strength. My arm was starting to disappear too. I choked back a cry, still not wanting Kyoya to see me so frail. My image was all I had at this moment and I wouldn't let him take that away from me too. I could only stare at my arms, as they disappeared more, slowly rising up.

My time was almost up.

"Please..." I said, barely loud enough for him to hear, "Tell me why you are doing this?"

I had to know. What made him so interested in me? To go as far and meddle in my sister's life as well. I was scared he knew everything, what if he knew about that night? That night on _December 3rd._ This man before me was powerful and he had ways of getting what he wanted. I was dumb to have followed him, I should have just went home.

Father and Seika must be worried...

"I don't really know myself, "He answered. "Something about you was interesting. When I see something interesting I can't help but follow."

I didn't like his answer and I wanted to press for more details but refrained. My time was precious, I needed to leave. But first, I had to make sure Seika was safe. That was the least I could do before I disappeared. I could feel my feet starting to vanish and I tried to keep calm.

"Don't tell anyone." I begged, "Seika doesn't want anyone to know. Please, you can do whatever with me but leave her out of this."

He tilted his head, "I have no interest in prying into someone else's business." He then stood up, " Don't you think it's a little unfair for Hikaru not to know"

"Please!" I screamed.

"Then tell me everything."

I could only choke back sobs, wanting nothing more than to disappear. However, I was stuck in this cramp, dirty closet with a man who might as well be Satan's son. He looked at me like I was some kind of toy and he was getting annoyed that I wasn't playing with him the way he wanted. He fixed his glasses, his dark orbs were as black as my surroundings. He tapped his slender finger against one of the shelves, making me feel even more under pressure. I have to confess everything if I want Seika to be safe and her secret kept under wraps.

"It all started on December 3rd-"

Knock.

Someone lightly knocked on the door after trying to open it.

Knock...

They tried again, this time a little harder.

 **Knock! Knock! Knock!**

They banged their first against the door and Kyoya didn't like it. Someone wanted in really bad. surely it was just the janitor wanting his supplies. Kyoya sighed, opening the door to were it was only cracked, he didn't want the other person seeing me. The light that flooded in from the cracked door made me want to crawl to it. However, I was stuck on my knees. My arms were almost completely gone and my feet, this left me defenseless.

"Why are you in the closet?" I heard a deep voice.

That voice could only come from one man, the very man who has saved me so many times. His voice sounded like an angel's and he was close to being one. The statue-like man was so close but was blocked by a devil.

Kyoya responded cooly like nothing was out of the ordinary. "I'm looking for some cleaner, there was a mess with one of the patients."

"I see..." I could hear the suspicion in Takashi's voice.

I went to cry out but Kyoya's eyes glared at me, daring me to go against him. What was I going to do? If I scream, he will tell Hikaru everything. Seika will have to live a life knowing the father of her unborn child knows and more than likely wants nothing to do with them. She made a mistake, one that she wants to forget badly. She can forget the father, but she strives to better herself and her child. That could be crushed if Hikaru finds out.

"Who are you talking to?" Takashi questioned him again.

Kyoya was clearing getting annoyed but kept it hidden, I could only tell by his fist slightly twitching behind the door. "I was talking on my phone," He simply stated.

My feet finally disappeared and I could no longer hold myself up, this caused me to fall face first into the puddle of cleaner. The smell invaded my nose and it made me even sicker. Oh god, I can't take this anymore. The smell, the darkness and the presence of Kyoya was all too much. I could no longer handle it. I couldn't even lift myself off the floor and had to lay in the disgusting liquid. My mind was a mess, making it hard to breathe. My body was shaking and my mouth opened, I could no longer hold it in. There was only one way for me to escape this. I tried with all my might to stay quiet but my body refused to listen.

With one quick breath, I screamed for my knight.

"Takashi!"


	42. Chapter 42

Everything was a blur. Takashi pushed past Kyoya and looked at me with a mix of confusion and fear. I couldn't tell if he was afraid of seeing my condition or how I was laying in a puddle of cleaner. Kyoya tried to protest behind him but it fell on deaf ears as Takashi scooped me into his arms. Despite my disoriented mind, his arms felt like a shield, like nothing in the world would hurt me. I wanted to grab onto his shirt but couldn't. I felt terrible as his shirt was becoming soaked from holding me.

My eyes are so heavy...

I strained to keep my eyes open as we left the closet. I didn't want anyone to see me so I tucked my hands under whatever I had left of my arms. Takashi saw this and hugged me closer, ignoring Kyoya calling his name. I couldn't hear the rest as I tucked my head closer into Takashi's chest. Wanting nothing more than to go to sleep. I felt safe and the thought of disappearing right here, in his arms, didn't sound so bad.

We were outside in a matter of seconds since Takashi was walking at a fast pace. We arrived at his car and he gently put me into the back of it so I could lay down. He slipped into the front seat but didn't start the car, he leaned his head on the steering wheel, letting out a long-awaited breathe. He must have been really shaken up, even I could see his hands slightly shaking in the darkness. He then sat back, running a hand through his dark hair, trying not to look like he was stressed.

I struggled to speak, "Takashi..." He looked back at me, his stone-like expression fading. It pained me to see him this way and it was all because of me. He must be so confused right now. Why would his friend do this to me? It hurt me even worse to see him question his friend. Kyoya and I may not get along but they were friends. They were in the same club together and got along great. Who was I to get in-between them? I had no right to break them apart.

"I'm sorry.." I choked out.

It was all I could do at the moment. All I could do was apologize for making him go through this. I could make him hate Kyoya forever, what if they don't talk to each other ever again? The thought left me feeling worse, worse than disappearing. I didn't want them to split! I'm going to disappear forever but friendships stay past a lifetime.

Why did I call out to him? I should have just laid there in that puddle of filth and deal with whatever Kyoya wanted to do next. It would have been better than seeing Takashi's face, seeing him so broken and torn. I never wanted to hurt somebody and that's all I've ever done. I hurt Tomo by trying to wedge into his business and caused a fire. I wanted to do good by breaking it up but all I did was cause him to be in the hospital.

Now, I'm hurting Takashi. His dark eyes were filled with so many questions and I can't answer a single one. I should have never gotten close to him and made him feel this way. I wanted to reach out and tough his smooth skin, to help him feel some kind of comfort but, I couldn't even do that.

I started crying.

"I'm so sorry.." I sobbed. All I ever did was cause this man pain and it made me feel like the worse person on the planet. Here I was, in the back seat of his car, crying like a baby. I was helpless, I couldn't even offer some kind of support for Takashi. He was taking care of me and it made me feel sick. I wanted to help him more than anything.

He didn't know what to say. He never did. Even with me crying and looking like some kind of monster, he didn't ask questions. I knew it was tearing him up inside but he didn't ask for my sake. I was already vulnerable and broken, he didn't want to crack me further. He slowly touched my cheek with his knuckles, wiping some tears away. "It's going to be okay," He managed to say.

Takashi then put the car in reverse and we drove away from the hospital. We returned to silence, all you could hear was my sobs. I tried to stop but couldn't. All I could do right now was cry and wait for my body to disappear. I didn't want it to happen with Takashi around. I wanted him to think I was a good person until the very end. Now, he will have the image of me being some kind of freak for the rest of his life. I never wanted him to know, I wanted at least one person to think I was normal.

I didn't even know where we were going but I didn't care. It wouldn't matter anyway, I was going to disappear, right here in the back of his care. Out of all the places where I thought it would happen, this wasn't one of them. I wanted to disappear somewhere special, even if it was a selfish request of mine. Couldn't I have one thing? One final say so? I wanted to at least go in a peaceful manner, not crying in a car.

We drove for sometime before the car stopped and Takashi spoke, "I don't know where to go."

He had a girl who was a mess in his car, where could he go with someone like that? The most obvious place would be the hospital but he ran out there because of Kyoya. Takashi must think he is the cause of my condition but I didn't want him to think that. Kyoya had nothing to do with it. My time was up anyway, Kyoya just happened to be there. I had to clear up the misunderstanding.

"It's not his fault," My voice was becoming clearer, "Please, don't blame Kyoya."

Takashi didn't look like he believed me, he was a mess just like me. What was he suppose to think? One of his friends tried keeping a girl in the closet and she looked close to death. I would be confused too if I was in his shoes. Why would Kyoya keep me in the closet? What motive would he have to try and drive his friend away from the scene? We both had the same questions and we both didn't have answers. I probably will never know why Kyoya was so interested in me? Perhaps, this was all a game to him. To see me at my lowest but I rather not think that.

Suddenly, Takashi's phone went off. He slightly jumped when it ringed in his pocket. At least, it cut through some of the silence. I could hear Honey's voice on the other end. He sounded happy and bit inpatient. "Where are you? I thought we were going to see Tamaki tonight?"

Tamaki... What I wouldn't give to see him one last time. He was the first person to reach out and show me what it was like to have a friend. Even though he was with Haruhi, he made me feel what it was like to fall in love. His angelic smile and looks side, he was so kind. Even though I was lonely and everyone saw me as an outcast, he reached his hand out for me to take. He lit up my world in a way I'll never forget.

"I..." He paused. He didn't know what to say. He didn't want to say he was with me or Honey would surely wonder why. Takashi was at a standstill and again, it was my fault.

Why do I have to cause problems?! Please, just this once, allow me to help him. All Takashi has ever done was help me and now, it's my turn. I swallowed my tears and reached out to the phone. By some miracle I could see my hand, it was faded but still there. I managed to grab the phone out of his hand and spoke, slapping a happy tone over my voice, "Honey!"

"Hara?" He questioned.

I faked laughed, "I'm sorry for taking Takashi's time away from you. He's going to take me home and he'll head that way."

"It's okay, just take your time! Tell Takashi to have fun!"

"Of course."

I hung up the phone and no longer had the strength to hold it. It fell through my fingers onto the floor. Takashi pulled his car into a parking lot, putting it in park and quickly grabbed my hand, afraid if he let go, it would disappear again. I loved how big his hands were compared to mine, the way he squeezed around my fingers made me feel safe. Like all of this was simply a dream and I was going to wake up like everything was normal.

Our eyes locked and I swore it looked like Takashi's eyes were watery. It must be a trick, it was dark and he was just as tired as I am. After what seemed like hours, he gently pulled his hand away, leaving me feeling empty. He glanced out the window and spoke, his voice seemed so far away. "It's snowing again."

I noticed my legs and feet returned to me, seeing this, I dragged myself to where I was sitting up. Leaning against the side of the window, I watched the small snowflakes fall. It was a calm and cold night, I didn't notice the time fly so fast. Tonight reminded me of that night that seemed so long ago. The way the snow was drifting and the homes around us seemed so cozy. The lights were on and the families inside were surely comfortable and content. The only difference was that tonight I wasn't alone.

I had Takashi.

I wasn't running in the snow, the only thing keeping me warm was a thin blanket and the heart-crushing decision that lead me to my death. Tonight, I wasn't cold and I wasn't climbing onto the Highschool roof. I was in the backseat of Takashi's car, both of us sitting in some kind silence that we both didn't know how to break. I kind of didn't want to break it, afraid what would happen. It felt like an eternity, sitting here in the darkness. Perhaps, we could be like this forever and I wouldn't disappear.

Someone inside me made me speak, "I wanted to say thank you for never asking questions." He looked back at me once again, "I know it must be hard, keeping silent all the time. I know you want to know what is happening to me and why my body is acting this way. Why Kyoya was keeping me in that closet."

"I-"

I stopped him, knowing he was going to keep me from talking. "The reason why I never told you anything was because I wanted you to see me as a normal girl. I didn't want you feeling like you had to be near me like I was some fragile being that needed protecting. But you did just that anyway, you've always been next to me and no matter what happened, you never asked why." I went to rest my head on the back of his seat, not wanting to look him in the eyes, "I didn't want you seeing me as a monster. I wanted to keep this a secret so you didn't have to worry. Now, you've seen everything and there's nothing I can do about it now. You see, Takashi..."

"I'm going to leave this world tonight, I can feel it."

My energy was fading fast and my body was feeling faint. I lifted myself up over the chair and wrapped my arms around Takashi's shoulders, he was staring up at the sky through the window. His hair smelled like soap, making me relax a little bit. My heart swelled knowing I wasn't alone, that he was here for me until the very end. Since tonight was my last, I wanted to be somewhere special. I wanted to go in peace.

"Takashi," My breath brushed past his ears, making him sigh. "Take me to our secret spot."


End file.
